Here's one:

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-=- You eat one lousy foot and they call you a cannibal. What a world. -=-

maternal clock by mandingo 10-10-05

My girlfriend told me her maternal clock was ticking. i assured her it wasn't then backed away from the car before she turned the ignition.

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what if nigger meant kite

Maternal Clock by cpausti 10-10-05

My girlfriend told me her maternal clock is ticking. So I said, "So is my alarm clock, but luckily it can't talk."

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all the wrong things for all the right reasons

Maternal Clock (ode to ObiJo) by TheGovernor 10-11-05

My girlfriend told me her maternal clock was ticking. How much for the cat?

Maternal Clock. by HCRoyall 10-11-05

My girlfriend told me her maternal clock was ticking. So I called the bomb squad. They didn't find it as funny as I did.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Maternal Clock by ivytheplant 10-11-05

My girlfriend told me her maternal clock was ticking. When she finds out her "appendectomy" was really a back-alley hysterectomy, my ass is toast.

Maternal Clock by ivytheplant 10-11-05

My biological clock is ticking. *choke* *convulse* I was kidding. *relief*

Maternal Clock by ivytheplant 10-11-05

My mother said my biological clock is ticking. wtf? I haven't listened to her since 7th grade, why start now? lewl

Maternal Clock by ivytheplant 10-11-05

My girlfriend said her biological clock was ticking. So I unplugged the damned thing.

Maternal Clock by ivytheplant 10-11-05

My mother said my biological clock is ticking. Yikes. So I threw it out a window. Then I nuked it from orbit, just to be sure. Good call.

Clueless 30: Maternal Clock by HCRoyall 10-12-05

My girlfriend told me her maternal clock is ticking. Oh, well there's a simple solution for that. Really? All you need is a gun, some garbage bags, and a whole lot of bleach.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

The Fuck-If-I-Know Goblin: Maternal Clock by HCRoyall 10-13-05

My maternal clock is ticking. I'm sorry?

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Maternal Clock by niteowl 10-14-05

My girlfriend told me her maternal clock was ticking. I told her to get a goddamned LiveJournal and vent about it there.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

Paging Reverend Spooner! by kaufman 10-14-05

I don't think you're good enough for Lorraine. Why don't you just go home and leave her alone. Why, you filthy little bloodsuc... POW! Lorraine, I'd like to see you tonight. Mind if I come over? Ok, but you'll need to sneak around the back. My maternal tick is clocking.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I'm surpirsed you haven't been visited by the UN inspectors yet. Those puns are weapons of mass discomfort.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.