200th post, oh yeah!

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Dad was flammable

Spankling's Excellent Adventure (Part 1) by kaufman 11-30-01

Spankling goes back in time to kill Jesus before he can destroy the world. Hand over that baby! But little does he realize that his time machine is miscalibrated by 12 centuries and a few hundred miles. Mission accomplished! Fool! You killed the wrong baby! Now go back and get it right! This sequence, repeated over and over, becomes known in Egypt as the Plague of the First-Born. Hand over that baby!

Spankling's Excellent Adventure (part 2) by kaufman 11-30-01

Spankling, I like your style. How'd you like to work for the Forces of Good? I'm listening to your offer ... Suer enough, he's now on God's team. Angel of Death. A big promotion, and I get these cool duds! * urp! * And what does Evil get out of this? I'll give you Pat Robertson and 45,000 lawyers to be named later. You've got a deal.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I Hope I win, but first, I need to make a lot of comics so I'm no longer a newbie.

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My life totally and completely REEKS.

kramer_vs_kramer's very first post was a comic contest entry. He won with that very first post.

CC 82: The Father and the Son Feel Sick by Drexle 11-28-01

Father, I have returned from my evaluation of the conditions on earth. I see... walking amongst them all, what did you discover. Look out at that city. Looks nice enough from here, but get close enough and all the horrors of daily life hit you in the face... A closer look at what's wrong might scare the shit out of you. *Sigh...* And it's so pretty when you're looking down on it.

CC 82: Down with the Upside by Drexle 11-30-01

So father, what are we to do about the world? I've been giving this some thought... That tone in your voice... you don't mean? The Final Judgement. Time to lay 'da smack down on dat sunsabitch! Drop some plates, son.

CC 82: Breaking News by Drexle 11-30-01

This just in, it seems that the Lord GOD in heaven has declared the final judgement. In_a_statement_issued by the Heavenly Associated Press, he said "LET NO CREATURE GREAT OR SMALL STAND IN DEFIANCE OF MY WILL." In financial news, the glut of new souls heading to their final fate is expected to seriously lower their value on the open market. Well, Shit!

CC 82: Called to duty by Drexle 11-30-01

As I'm sure you've all heard, the big guy in the sky has declared Final Judgement... we can't let that happen! So I'm sending my best man to take care of things on Earth... SPANKLING! *Grrrrr...* Eep! *Snarl!* *Snort!*

CC 82: Bombs away! by Drexle 11-30-01

Interview with the President of the US Sir, what do you have to say to the claims made by the Taliban that Allah has finally decided to destroy our evil nation? We've decided to enact our new anti-terrorism legislation against God. He will not stand befor... Above you, Mr. President, look out!!! *Whoosh!!!* *SLAM!!!!!* Score!!!

ARGH! What happened to the "Splat!" graphic?! >_< I'll finish this later.

I'm not a newbie anymore, so I now have some extra points. Finally. So Kajun, you think I can win??????

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My life totally and completely REEKS.

Do I think you can win? or do I think you will win?

which question would you rather I answered?

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Dad was flammable

Drexle! Hurry up and finish your series, I'll annouce the winner within the next 12 hours!

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Dad was flammable

Do you think I can I win?

Do I think you can you win?

short answer: NO

long answer: NOT A CHANCE IN HELL!!

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Dad was flammable

That's not what your maw said to me last night.

Yeah, she told me "Mr Winkie" was round last night,

can you please just bring your own cookies? I'm fed up finding mine all soiled and covered in tiny pin-sized holes!

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Dad was flammable

spankling physics by TheElPaso 12-01-01

So I said to him "You can't degenerate Earth without first fusing nuclear bombs to mass launchers!" ha ha ha What the fuck are you talking about?

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My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. -Weird Al Yankovic

CC 82: More powerful than you can possibly imagine by BigEvilDan 12-01-01

You can never hope to defeat me. You are a mere mortal, while I have divine powers. I know your weakness, Jesus. Many Bothans died to get me this information. What the...? What the hell is a Bothan? Give up now. Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a blaster by your side. What the...wait. Using Star Wars quotes to confuse me? The force is strong in this one. Hmm...maybe I should switch to the Monty Python...

CC 82: Life experience by BigEvilDan 12-01-01

I have lived a life free of sin, and have the powers of God behind me. What do you have to show for yourself? Ow! I went cow tipping once.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

CC 82: In memory of George by kaufman 12-01-01

Sometime in 1966 Did you hear what those long-haired pinko-fag English Beatle hippies said? No, what? That Lenin guy said the Beatles were bigger than Jesus! Jesus? Whew! What are you so relieved about? I thought you were gonna say he said they were bigger than Spankling!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Do I have a chance Kajun?? As in can I win? Do I have a chance in hell?

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My life totally and completely REEKS.

CC 82: Our hero arrives on Earth... in a Gay Bar. by Drexle 12-02-01

Excuse me, but could you tell me... I DO NOT SUCK DICK!!!

CC 82: Spankling looks to recruit an army... by Drexle 12-02-01

(*Wank_wank_wank*) Hey_there,_sweet_cheeks! (*Wink*) Umm, excuse me... but I couldn't help notice that you're masturbating in front of a mirror. I'm the hottest thing in town, bud. I can't get off unless I can feast my eyes on the best. Ah... you do know that the world is going to end soon, right? Final Judgement, and all... look outside. Outside? Why? I'm already looking at the best thing on the planet right now. (*Wink*) Hmmm... Vanity: Check!

CC 82: The recruitment continues... by Drexle 12-02-01

...So you see, that's why the world is shit and should burn. That's nice, Mr. Wrath... but I'm afraid that's not what I'm after. Besides, Jesus is already full of nails. NEXT! The end of the world? Please... let me go back to the couch and watch the rest of the game... hey, you got any more beer? Mmmm... Maybe a bit too slothful... Hey there, tall dark and deadly, wanna have one last fling before the end of the world? Lust? Ooooh yeah!!!

I'm working on it!!! I'm almost done!!!

CC 82: Not as funny as the others before. by Drexle 12-02-01

Okay Mr... Spankling? What can I do for you on such short notice? Look, I'm in a bit of a bind and I don't know who to turn to right now... I figured that if anyone were evil enough to help me it would be a lawyer. Ahah... Okay, then what do you need? Well, Satan picked me out of all the demons in hell to stand up to Jesus Christ and save the world from the Final Judgement... but how can I beat him? He's Jesus! ... Hmmm... Oooookay. Assuming you're for real on this one, have you ever heard of a thing called "Public Opinion?" ... Tell me more of this "Public Opinion."

CC 82: The Plan... by Drexle 12-02-01

So you're telling me that you were sent by Satan to save the earth from Jesus? And you want our station to not only broadcast the battle, but publicize it as well? Think of the ratings... You know you want to. And you want us to spin the events to make you look good? What the hell do you take us for? This is a battle of Good and Evil here! He is good, you are EVIL! You work in the television industry... you already sold your soul to us to get where you are... shall we collect now, or later? ...So... How does prime time sound?

CC 82: Metapolitical Advertisement by Drexle 12-02-01

Jesus Spankling Both preach that only through suffering can a man enter Heaven. But ask yourself... which suffering do *you* prefer?

I'm hurrying, I'm hurrying!!!

Now I know thou art truly big and evil.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

CC 82: Metasmear Ad by Drexle 12-02-01

What Jesus Preaches... Thou Shalt Not Kill!!! What Jesus Does... Above you, Mr. President, look out!!! (*Whooosh!*) **SLAM!!** Score!

CC 82: Spank for the people! by Drexle 12-02-01

Hi, folks... I'm your neighborhood submissive and my Master wanted me to share a few words with you all. Masters_in_a_position_of power over you have a responsibility to treat you well, and to respect your saftey. Like Domina here, who mercifuly gave me 90 lashes instead of 100 when I gave the safeword. Do_you_think_that_your lord God is looking out for your safety in his Final Judgement game? If not, send him your safeword in your prayers. If he doesn't stop, then that what kind of Dom is he?

CC 82: The Challenge. by Drexle 12-02-01

Confound it all! Why have my miraculous powers fallen wan these past few hours? Spankling?! Purveyor of sin! Why do you profane my presence with your existence? I'm here to stop you, Jeeves. Just you and me, mano a mano. Massochist vs Massochist. Why do you have that camera crew with you? C'mon, chump change! You a pussy or somethin'? You gonna dissapoint the viewers at home who want a fight?

Just a couple more...

CC 82: At the Arena... by Drexle 12-02-01

And just how do you propose to defeat me? I have the power of God behind me. Oh yeah? Well I have the Deciples of Destruction! Gluttony!!! I'll sit on you! Hey there, you losers... Love can't be bought, but a night of lust is yours for $50 an hour. No way, bitch! By the power of Greed, I haggle you down to $5 and this lump of moth ball impersonating a crack rock. I DO NOT SUCK DICK!!!

CC 82: Jesus Strikes!!! by Drexle 12-02-01

Heretic, you shall Burn!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! Everyone, use your safeword!!! MILKDUDS!!! PORK CHOPS!!! CRACK ROCK!!! MONEY SHOT!!! I DO NOT SUCK DICK!!!

CC 82: Victoly! by Drexle 12-02-01

H-h-h-h-h-how!?!?!?!? Through_the_power_of_the contract of consent, your powers are null and void. Now bugger off back home, and don't come back until you learn how to play nice!

CC 82: Spankling Returns to Hell by Drexle 12-02-01

I can't believe it, you actually stopped the Final Judgement! You didn't think I could do it? Not really, I just wanted to see you get kicked around by the holy army. I was resigned to lose the whole Soul Market. Ah... umm... so now that I've done your bidding, can I have some... I know what you're going to ask for... MORE TORTURE!!! Eep!

CC 82: Fini by Drexle 12-02-01

I'm sorry father, I have failed you... Jesus Christ, can't you do anything right? Bu-but-but... Their hedonistic laws overcame the power you ordained me. What was I supposed to do? You're grounded! But Dad!!! No_"buts,"_young_man! I'm afraid you've cost the world its salvation. I_hope_you're_happy.

I'm going to be sick. *Passes out.*

Well, it's been a great contest, and may there be many more Firefly events.

I wasn't sure how to do this, so I'll just give a run down of my favourites, with comments.

Spankling - great, at first I thought you were Satan, then a surprise LadyJ appearnce.

Israphael - the cleverest use of the non-cornholing rule. You made a Spankling/Bill Gates reference which is weird, because I later used it in my Christmas special.

Fuzzyman - I liked the character relations, this might sound weird, but Spankling and Jesus seemed to have a chemistry, I could quite believe they were good friends at some point. I might steal that for a mini-series.

Kaufman - Septic hand was excellently clever and the plague of the first born, superb.

Drexle - you had me masturbating in front of a mirror, thank you.

anyway, now to the point you probably read first:

the winner is.....

Drexle, it was a cohesive plot that made sense and it had an ending. Your lucky though, up until 2 minutes ago I had Fuzzyman as the winner, I had it all typed out and everything, but I just read your entry in time. Having me hang out in a gay-bar? nice way to not suck up! I also liked the Crabby appearances, that was Crabby wasn't it?

So there you go, I hope no-one's dissapointed (especially Fuzzyman), some good entries from the Newbies, I had fun doing this, hope you guys did too.

take it away Drexle...

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Dad was flammable

Curses! Foiled again! :-)

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Fuck you

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My life totally and completely REEKS.

No, fuck me!

By the way, Kajun that was indeed crabby screaming "I DO NOT SUCK DICK!" I haven't used him like that in so long, it just felt right.

What surprised me is that I had it in my to keep that going for 19 strips. o_O I'll have a new contest up when I'm acutally... you know, awake.