CC 102: Murder on the Orient Express by deucepm 2-27-02

...and so, madames et m'sieurs, finding zee killer of this man will be very difficult, but I am sure my little gray cells will-- I did it. Merde.

CC 102: Romeo and Juliet by deucepm 2-27-02

Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on the dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark! Here's to my love! Wait, my love, I'm all right! Uh...you are? Yes! Now we can be married and live happily ever after! Ten years later... ...so the drama queen stands over me, doesn't even think to check for a pulse, and pulls out his bottle of poison... Dammit, does she have to tell this story at every dinner party?

*laugh*

That R&J strip is genius, deuce!

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Thanks! Glad you liked it.

(Terse, yet appreciative.)

Hell just froze over.

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I always apologize when I'm wrong. It's just that I'm so infrequently wrong.

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

But what if Shakespeare's "Othello" was performed by the SC Players?

Classical Abuse by Namgubed 2-27-02

Iago and Roderigo prepare to warn Desdaemona's father that she has eloped with Othello ... Her dad Will be mad She's been had By that cad. Burma Shave! What the fuck are you talking about?

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

Since I have lost the capacity for creativity, I'll just try to shoehorn this old one into the present rules...

Comic Contest XIX: The Incredible, Oedipal Choad... by wirthling 4-05-01

Hey, what's wrong, Oedipus? I just found out that I killed my father and married my mother. When my wife/mother found out, she hanged herself. I was so distraught that I cut off my own skin flute... Damn. That sucks. Tell me about it. I took a handful of Prozac and I'm still bummed big-time... My deepest condolences about your parents... To hell with my parents! I gotta find my tallywhacker before a hungry dog or bird finds it! Help me look, damn it!

Ya see, the fatherhood element is expressed by the ingratitude of the son towards his parents and indifference to their deaths and, uh, um, oh forget it...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

CC 102 - What if .. by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 2-27-02

Javier the Wizard played Mr White in Pulp Fiction. Mr White. You made it out ok. You killed a couple of cops , kill any real people? Oh , and im Mr Pink. Mr Pink? HA! Youre a fucking muggle faggot you fucking ass rammer. I bet you ass rammed your way out of the heist. Hey wait just a damn minute. Im trying to be a professional here. A professional turd nibbler , you fucking faggotty pink cock smoking faggot. Fuck Tarantino. Im going back to Arthouse movies and riding Nuclear Weapons like they were horses. Arthouse Gay porn movies i bet. You fucking ass rammer. I bet youll ride that horse till he shouts "NEIGH"

This isnt an Entry , as it has nothing to do with Fatherhood , but i found the concept hilarious.

Steve Buscemi Rocks!

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

CC 102: POE by djsparkydog 2-27-02

And now Mastercheese Theater Presents: Egar Allen Poe Once upon a midnight dreary, as I pondered weak an... Hi Eddie. Lenore? Yup. There was a bird outside. So I killed it and we're having barbeque raven wings for dinner. If you're wondering about the whirling noise, that's my lierature teacher spinning in his grave. Well... nothin spells lovin like your thirteen year old cousin. I'll get the absinthe. Hey what are you doing here? I came down with the pox and decided not to go to the ball.

Graveyard background was the spookiest we had... anyone get the masque of red death reference?

And yes, Poe WAS doing his thirteen year old cousin

CC: 102 Close enough to the truth by djsparkydog 2-27-02

Don't touch your sister there! Don't touch the dog there! Get that out of your nose! No we can't keep it for a pet... it's dead already! No you can't start a satanic hardcore porn heavy metal band! How do you think we got you in the first place? "Dear Dad, I stole the car. Piss off. Love, Your Son

He isn't this old yet. Thank God...

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HAH! GORILLA, right there!

CC 102: What R2 really said by Bazilla 2-28-02

You alright there R2? beep beep whiiir. Translation: No, I hate it, I have to run about everywhere, I'm cold, I'm scared of flights, and am completly fed up! Good!

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

CC102 The Terminator Revised by Jabizo 2-28-02

I've come from the future to protect you from the Terminator. If you die all humanity is screwed. Speaking of which, I want to bang you. So.. some invincible Cyborg will be here any minute to kill me? I should be fearing for me life but what the heck, let's go crazy! Must terminate Sarah Connor. Ahh! Ohh! Don't stop now! ..Did you hear something? Year 2029 Ha ha! Those Hu-Mans were so stupid. They didn't even notice when I drove thru the bedroom wall with a semi. *SOB* Now I have no purpose in life.

Entertaining Father by Jabizo 2-28-02

Diapers, Formula, Baby clothes, toys! All my money is going to support this little guy. In an effort to reach the new young target audience, MTV is looking for participants for their new show: The Real Cradle. Say, what's this? Perhaps this baby could earn his own way.. Nine new borns compete for 1 million dollars by living in a nursery together. Their every moment recordered on camera. You, my baby are sure to win this! You'll be the goofy clown baby everyone loves. Let's practice your soon to be famous squishy fart trick. Each week the viewing audience votes to kick out one baby they find ugly or especially annoying or whatever...

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Vulgarity is simply the conduct of others. -Oscar Wilde

This is my first competition in ages, so I'm a bit rusty. Observe:

CC102a: Lard of the Meringues by DexX 3-01-02

Frodo, I have terrible news. That magical ring, your uncle's old ring... it is The One Ring, forged by Sauron! We must destroy it! You're saying that it diesn't just make you invisible, but it also endows great power upon the wearer? *fzzt!* Well, yes... But it is a source of great evil, and it... Hey! To think, all this time I was just using it to spy on naked women, and I could have been conquering Middle Earth! Decades later... Master, one of your subjects refuses to eat his third helping of dessert! You know the punishment for that! Fetch... The Plunger of Enforced Gorging!

CC102b: A Shortcut to Magic Mushrooms by DexX 3-01-02

Oi! Galadriel! Since I am now the supreme ruler of Middle Earth, I can have any chick I want! Yeah, that means you! Ah Elbereth Gilthoniel! Much much later... Please, Frodo, take this baby back to The Shire with you. Having him around here makes me feel all icky. No worries. This forest was boring the shit outta the boy and me anyway. Seeya, sweet cheeks. He proved to be a popular child... Here ya go, kid - this Elven weed shits all over that Shire pipeweed. One cone of this and you'll be in the Undying Lands. I'll take five pouches full!

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

First the mentions to the rulebreakers who only completed half the biathlon.

Achievement in Art Direction goes to TheBlairZip for oustanding casting of characters in his Pulp Fiction sendoff.

And Three Laughs to deucepm for three very good twists.

In the next post: the awards for those who completed both events ...

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

In CC 84, boorite gave me a Special ESP Award for swiping the two ideas he had in mind when he drew up the contest. After 18 contests, it finally gets passed to someone else. In my first draft of the rules, I was posting several examples, one of which was "What if C3P0 had a penchant for cornholing?" Thus, Big Evil Dan, that prize is yours; cherish it well.

A Special Casting Award goes to fpd. Three words: "penguins as furies" explain everything.

And an Outdoing the Host award goes to DexX. I came upon the idea for rewriting fiction a few weeks back when I made an alternative Lord of the Rings comic. You can search for it if you want; it wasn't that good. However, the High Elf concept provided a strong punch.

Oh yeah, we still have to hand out an overall winner for this thing. If I recall, in all the CCs I've run, I've never given out First Prize to the same person twice. And I do believe that streak is about to continue. Congratulations to:

Plot Twist by fuzzyman 2-25-02

Luke... *I* am your father! No! It can't be true! That's impossible! You're right.. it's not true. I'll introduce you to your real father. The Force be praised! I can't wait! Hiya, son! Meesa Jar-Jar Binks! You and me gonna do lots of Force things, yah! Nooooooo!!!!! Darth! Daddy! Come back!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Curses! Foiled again!

Oh, wait... I won? I am stunned and amazed.

The next contest will be up as soon as I think of something. Since I had no expecation of winning this one versus the other entries, so it will take a few hours for me to think up something sufficiently evil... er.... I mean, entertaining.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.