Cowboy Phathers by kaufman 6-15-02

So I said, "Son, why dontcha stick yer hand in there and see if you can get them rotor turbines going agin." Ha, ha. What kind of prosthesis you gonna git fer him, Clem?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 125 by kaufman 6-15-02

I think you know why I invited you here. Yes, I daresay I do. You kept Saddam propped up in power where he could continue to be a nuisance, helped provide the means by which the Taliban could rise to power ... Well, I guess I did all that. And you pulled all sorts of strings to get me this job. Thanks, Dad. Happy Father's Day. You're the greatest! I love you too, son.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I realised today that I have made about three comics in the past month. Apologies if the following are crap - I felt obliged to make a bunch.

CC125: Parental Spirit by DexX 6-15-02

Waaaahh!! Waaaaaahhh!!! Waaaaaaaahhh!!! Oh no, the baby's crying again... I swear I'm gonna tear my hair out... Don't worry about it, honey. I'll go settle him down. Wow... I don't know how you do that. Why does he settle down so easily for you? Oh, I just have the right technique... *hic!* *burp!*

CC125: Sports Dads by DexX 6-15-02

Oh, come on... No dad! I'm not talking to you! I don't want you to come and watch me play sport ever again... The little bastard deserved it! You punched him in the face, kicked him twice, and threw him in a lake! He was on your back all day! He wouldn't leave you alone! He was on your heels every moment... He was my partner! I WAS PLAYING GOLF!!!

CC125: Smut by DexX 6-15-02

Ooooh, that's the biggest I've ever seen. *moan* *slurp* Oooh, baby, give it to me... *shlurp* *squidge* Coool... oh shit! Dad's home! Uh... dad... What the hell...? Son... Look, I know you're curious and all, but this kind of thing is not for a young boy like you. Yeah, dad, I know... I'm sorry... I'll go get you some of my old copies of Penthouse. That's more your level.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

This is bad?

CC 125: A Shoe-In For This Award by BigEvilDan 6-16-02

I promise, sweetie. You're going to have lots of fun at Nike Summer Camp.

CC 125: Two Heads Are Better Than One by BigEvilDan 6-16-02

You say you've been having trouble at home? Tell me about your father. Well, he's been known to use my head as a beer coaster, he sometimes thinks my name is Mary and tries to get me to put on a dress... ...he takes me out to con senior citizens out of their money by pretending to be their grandkid, and his dog ate all my pants. So you think he's the problem? Not really. Now, my other dad...

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Really can't think of anything so, I'm going really oldschool. This is from my archives and as the title suggests, it's pretty vintage Stripcreator.

CC 37: If all else fails, insult the judge by Ranma_X. 6-16-01

At the local disco, NeoVid hits it off with a lady. So that's your dad that NeoVid 's dancing with? Yep, well used to be my 'dad' anyways.

Bring back memories, NeoVid?

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-working towards a worse tomorrow.

CC 125: You Wake Daddy Game_Master at 5:15 AM by kaufman 6-16-02

You wake me at 5:15 AM to wish me a happy Fathers' Day, and tell me you'll do anything to make my day as happy as possible. I explain to you how I've gotten deep in debt to the Mob, and how it will be my skin if I can't get together the money within a week. Where's the money, Master? Do you: Give me your organs to sell to science ....... Let me sell you into slavery ....... Become the sex toys of wealthy, sadistic octogenarians .......

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 126 - Sins of the Father by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 6-17-02

Daddy , you suck.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

Downright Motivated by Namgubed 6-17-02

Let me get this straight ... I grow up to be the Antichrist, try to take over the world, only to have my hopes dashed by Jesus' return, and then we both get thrown into the lake of fire. That just about sums it up, Damien. I fucking hate you!! That's my boy!

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

Nate: Did you get one of your non-homeschooled friends to help you with those comics? Because they're good.

In fact, most of these are really good.

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What others say about boorite!

Wow... the competition is stiff in this one.

CC 125: It's Not Always a Good Sign to be Born in a Manger by Scyess 6-17-02

Dad, how come you never tell me you love me? Because I don't. I'm just raising you until you're big enough to eat. I guess that explains why you force-feed me spice mixtures through a tube. You're a smart lad. Got nice, plump, savory brain in your head, I'll reckon. Just like your mom.

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"Old" is the old new.

A tender moment by ObiJo 6-17-02

Dad, there's something I have to ask you. Dad...am I adopted? Talking donkey!

A tender moment of inertia by ObiJo 6-17-02

Dad...do you love me? Of course! I created you! But Ricky said I'm an abysmal shadow on the bright wall of God's luminance. Well, Ricky's a little dickhead. Takes after his father, a big dickhead. Great with imagery though. I'll say.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Seven deadly sins, seven hideous comics.

CC125: Sins of the Father pt. 1 by boorite 6-17-02

Who are you? What are you doing in my basement? Drinking. And presenting you the Worst Father of the Year Award. But mostly drinking. Me, a father? But... Your wife skipped her pill. She's pregnant. Surprise! And I'm you, in the future. You're what? Dear God, NOOOOOOO! Come on, you were never a chick magnet to begin with.

CC 125: Sins of the father, pt. 2 by boorite 6-17-02

So sit right back, and you'll hear a tale, a tale of how you are destined to fail your children... Wait a damned minute. You've got Male Pattern Baldness, and I don't. It skips a generation. Plus, I'm a nice guy, not a whiskey-soaked derelict. How could I be you? How could I ever merit Worst Father? See how you're making this all about YOU?

CC 125: Sins of the fathers, pt. 3 by boorite 6-17-02

I'm not buying this. How, specifically, did-- or will-- I-- or you-- fail my/our kids? Right this way, into the Deep Dark Truthful Mirror... of the Future! Kid, they say the sons inherit the sins of the fathers... So I get hookers, booze, and your '71 Plymouth Hemi-Cuda? Was that WRONG?

CC 125: Sins of the Father, pt. 4 by boorite 6-17-02

Also, it's said we played favorites. Pshaw! Never! Dad, can I turn off the Bush Hog and get something for these wasp stings? That back acre ain't gonna mow itself, home boy. Dad, can I pelt Billy with these potatoes? Use these onions. they throw better.

CC 125: Sins of the Fathers, pt. 5 by boorite 6-17-02

So I'm self-involved, lax, manipulable, and partial to the girl. Big deal. I've seen fathers who BEAT their kids! I don't know how to say this... you were elected Worst Father partly on the strength of your nomination letter. Nomination letter? Who could have... Honey? What are you doing down there? OH, YOU GOTTA BE SHITTING ME!

[Click to view comic: 'CC 125: Sins of the Father, pt. 6']
[Click to view comic: 'CC 125: Sins of the Fathers, pt. 7']

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What others say about boorite!

quote:

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Nate: Did you get one of your non-homeschooled friends to help you with those comics? Because they're good.

In fact, most of these are really good.

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quote:

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Really can't think of anything so, I'm going really oldschool. This is from my archives and as the title suggests, it's pretty vintage Stripcreator.

CC 37: If all else fails, insult the judge by Ranma_X. 6-16-01

At the local disco, NeoVid hits it off with a lady. So that's your dad that NeoVid 's dancing with? Yep, well used to be my 'dad' anyways.

Bring back memories, NeoVid?

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Abusive, weird parents are everywhere... but how come the ones going through their midlife crises don't have kids?

I had a dream last night that (human-looking) aliens abducted a 12-year-old me and my friends and were giving us frontal-lobe labotomies that created a switch in the back of our heads that could either be clicked to "I love daddy", which was alien control, or "I want pizza" which was non-alien control. Luckily though (since bullets didn't hurt them!) I realized their weakness was cold so we froze water and threw it on them and then ran out of their Home Depot base through a hidden door that took me into a woman's calesthenics class. Unfortunately, they were all aliens as well. But, they were specially bred aliens who had never seen a man, so they assumed I was their God and let me escape.

Is that normal?

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Yes.

As for my entry...

CC 125: Bottle Bad, Father Worse by DMSO 6-17-02

Asleep at last...Isn't he adorable? So peaceful and serene... And all it took was a large Scotch and a couple of cigars...

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Absorbed directly through the skin.

I'd like to say that judging this contest was fairly simple....I'd like to say that...

Very good entries from all, but to narrow the field, here are the Honorable Mentions:

dcomposed -

CC 125: blame it on the kids by dcomposed 6-14-02

have a beer, Sally. come on, take you're pants off, you'll enjoy it. you the reason your mother left us.

TheElPaso -

Police Doubt Fire Was Arson by TheElPaso 6-14-02

Just cause I dress funny doesn't mean I'm a bad father, does it?

lara7 -

CC125: post surgery dad (a true story) by lara7 6-15-02

Visiting dad on Sunday, March 6: Honey, did I ever tell you my favorite joke? See, this guy gets a job doing man on the street interviews... Oh no, not again... Visiting dad on Sunday, March 13: ...then the guy says, "Ar, go fuck yourself!" Haha! Isn't that a great joke? Yes, dad, that's pretty funny. Visiting dad on Sunday, March 20: Would you like to hear a joke? See, this guy gets a job doing man on the street interviews... Sisyphus has nothing on me.

(You had me at Sisyphus)
DexX -

CC125: Smut by DexX 6-15-02

Ooooh, that's the biggest I've ever seen. *moan* *slurp* Oooh, baby, give it to me... *shlurp* *squidge* Coool... oh shit! Dad's home! Uh... dad... What the hell...? Son... Look, I know you're curious and all, but this kind of thing is not for a young boy like you. Yeah, dad, I know... I'm sorry... I'll go get you some of my old copies of Penthouse. That's more your level.

Big Evil Dan -

CC 125: Two Heads Are Better Than One by BigEvilDan 6-16-02

You say you've been having trouble at home? Tell me about your father. Well, he's been known to use my head as a beer coaster, he sometimes thinks my name is Mary and tries to get me to put on a dress... ...he takes me out to con senior citizens out of their money by pretending to be their grandkid, and his dog ate all my pants. So you think he's the problem? Not really. Now, my other dad...

kaufman - [Click to view comic: 'CC 125: You Wake Daddy Game_Master at 5:15 AM']
ObiJo - [Click to view comic: 'A tender moment of inertia']
boorite - [Click to view comic: 'CC 125: Sins of the Fathers, pt. 7']
JrnymnNate - [ Posted comic does not exist ]

But the Finalists were:
Big Evil Dan - [Click to view comic: 'CC 125: It Builds Character']
DexX - [Click to view comic: 'CC125: Sports Dads']
kaufman - [Click to view comic: 'CC 125']
Namgubed - [Click to view comic: 'Downright Motivated']
boorite - [Click to view comic: 'CC 125: Sins of the Father, pt. 6']

After long deliberation, I decided that even though DexX has the funniest (to me, at least) with [Click to view comic: 'CC125: Sports Dads'], the award should go to the Worst Father of the Year...

Big Evil Dan - [Click to view comic: 'CC 125: It Builds Character']

Congrats, Dan!

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If it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have no luck at all. D'OH!

This was the best contest ever.

Nah, the no-title-and-less-then-fifteen-words contest was the best ever, but this was a damned good one.

Thanks for the honorable mentions - I really didn't think much of those strips. DCCVCT and all that...

Roll on Dan! :)

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

good contest

worthy winner

disappointed i didnt get an honorable mention

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

You're one a them lobotomizing aliens, ain't ya?

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

As far as I'm concerned, it was the best contest ever. I'm framing Dan's strip. OK, I'm framing it in my imagination. And there were so many good ones that I've been sitting here shaking a stick at them for fifteen minutes and still have a ways to go. Even Nate, who is due for a serious ass whooping, acquitted himself admirably. And ObiJo, that fat bastard.

("Fat" means "cool" in today's "lingo." And "bastard" means "illegitimate son.")

Something's in the water. It can't last.

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What others say about boorite!

Best Use of Running Gag Award:

KKP -

CC 126 - Sins of the Father by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 6-17-02

Daddy , you suck.