Johnson's Log by TheGovernor 4-01-03

Day 20: I've been stranded at sea with Jane on this life raft for just under 3 weeks now. Fresh water supplies are low, and the rations are sparse. The situation is quite grim, if we do not find dry land, or are rescued soon we will probably die out here... Fancy a shag? On the other hand things aren't looking that bad.

Work's Hell: CC 179 by LordVido 4-01-03

What the hell?? Where's the fire, the brimstone...the lost souls? Armageddon wrapped up in 20 minutes, the rapture came and all the souls of hell are gone awaiting judgement. well shit, what do I do now? I don't know. Go wax your bones in Creosote. April fools. A- hahahaha! Very funny you stinking piece of Uranium enriched cheese

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not_Scyess ate my Sig.

cc 179: Remote control by NeoVid 4-01-03

Now are you going to stop and ask directions? No! The LA-San Francisco route really does go through Assbite, Kentucky, Stompem Flats, Sasketchewan, and Burned Scrotum, Arizona!

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

Wooo! Been gone for awhile, but now I'm back making mediocre comics!

CC 179: Somewhere in the Pacific Isles... by Trippingbillee 4-01-03

Who's there? Must be my schizophrenia again.

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Sex Piano.

Wow... a lot of my old Random Comic!s take place in remote locations. What are the odds.

Random Comic! Desert Scene by Scyess 2-11-03

Damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn... SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!! A few days earlier... Hey dude! I'll bet you ten bucks you can't eat all these packets of habenero-flavored MSG and spend a week in the desert. Oh yeah, smart guy! Well you'd better start saving up now, 'cause you're gonna be, like, $10 poorer!

Random Comic! Postal Efficiency by Scyess 10-07-02

Through rain, sleet, snow, and hail, we, the US Postal Service, will do what it takes to deliver the mail! You tracked me to my cave in the Rocky mountains to deliver me this letter? Yep! You're in my zip code, after all. Dear scumbag... blah blah blah... owe $340,000... blah blah blah... payment due immediately upon recipt of this notice. Damn... I guess I can't really mail the parts back to his family.

Random Comic! Don't Sign Unless You Bathe Frequently by Scyess 10-01-02

What the...? What happened...? Where am I? Who are you? What's that awful smell? I'm Dr. Balsniph. You, sir have been part of a revolutionary experiment whereupon I swap the skin inside your nose with the skin from your scrotum. So what I'm smelling is... ...your own crotch. And you'll be smelling it forever, which means my experiment is a momentous success! We'll see how successful you feel when I sick every lawyer in town on your ass, pervert. Oh, and before you go wasting your money on lawyers, I'd read the fine print on your organ donor card.

Random Comic! Meanwhile, at the North Pole... by Scyess 9-18-02

Hey, Frubert! What's small and green and is about to be ripped open and have its heart devoured by me? An artichoke! Ho ho ho! One day, laughing boy, the revolution WILL come. Ho ho ho! Just kidding! It's really you.

Random Comic! Make Stellar Love, Not Star Wars by Scyess 9-14-02

Do you ever wonder, Chewbacca? Do you ever wonder if maybe long, long from now in a galaxy far, far away, humans will evolve who look exactly like us and speak English? I don't think the Huts will miss one more doobie from this galactic pot cargo we're carrying. I just hope those humans in the distant future have better haircuts. Have you seen Luke? Damn! That boy makes me look like a "Before" picture in a Hair Club commercial.

[Click to view comic: 'Random Comic! Lepre-can't']
[Click to view comic: 'Random Comic! Seat Cushion? So What?']
[Click to view comic: 'Random Comic! Probably Not Funny Enough to be Worthwhile']
[Click to view comic: 'Random Comic! More Floating Trash Cans']
[Click to view comic: 'Random Comic! Hell']
[Click to view comic: 'Random Comic! I Apologize for This One. Really.']

... and I even found one using my standard cast!

[Click to view comic: 'Conventional Wisdom']

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"Old" is the old new.

CC 179: The Core by BigEvilDan 4-01-03

Faster! We have to get to the core of the planet before all of Earth's landmarks are destroyed. How did you manage to build a vehicle that could withstand the enormous heat and pressure at the core? The what in the what now?

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Shaved Ape in Pants by itsclark 4-01-03

I still don't get it. A planet where apes evolved from men? There has to be an answer out there somewhere. Don't look for it, Bright Eyes. You may not like what you find. They blew it up. You bastards! You finally blew it all to hell. The best White Castle in Jersey City! And that used to be Lou's Liquer Emporium! Statue pretty.

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

CC 179: Red Planet, Lousy Comic by MaxPayne 4-01-03

Mars like the planet... Mars like the candy... ????? ????? Oh, screw it. Well, I feel stupid We drove all the way here and I don't see a single fucking chocolate bar anywhere!

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leggo my dcomposed! ®

You owe me a new keyboard, buddy.

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

"Just Us" Prevails by itsclark 4-02-03

Who's Doublenutz? I am. My gang and I are the fiercest desperados this side of the Rio Grande! I've come to take you all in. You surprise me, Marshall. Word has it you've gone soft! I mean I've come to take you inside the house! I mean, what with you hiding out on my property and the weather fixin' to rain. Will there be pie?

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

CC179: Darby Dillman, Lonely man by mmyers 4-02-03

On a remote island off the coast of Khaki-noslacky, Hawaii One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do, Two can be as bad as one, it's the loneliest number since the number one... Boy, I'm so lonely that I'd have sex with the number 'one'. I'm not sure how I'd do that...maybe I could stick it up my butt.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

OK, here's a new one. BUT THAT'S ALL YOU GET!!!

Blair Witch 3, Teenagers 0 by Bargaintuan 4-02-03

I am so lost! Hi. I'm the Blair Witch Woah! You're not very scary. Aren't you supposed to chase me around in the dark make a bunch of noises till I go insane or something? Well, I tried that for a while, but now I'm into this beating-people-to-death-with-my-broom phase. Ready?

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.

"Just Us" Prevails, Part II by itsclark 4-02-03

So your wife doesn't want my gang of desperados hiding out on your ranch anymore? I know some folks say I've gone soft on crime. But I'm still the Marshal around here and I have to put my foot down! That's too bad. Your daughter *loves* us, if you know what I mean! I know! That's what makes this so hard. I like you, Marshal! I think I'll kill you last. Please, just go! I can't stand these long goodbyes.

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

CC 179: In Solitary Confinement by kaufman 4-02-03

So here I am, alone on my ship, light years away from earth, engines dead thanks to an ion storm, and no chance of rescue whatsoever. Oh well, might as well keep from being bored. Computer, bring up FreeCell. Hmmm, have I lost again? Hey stupid, put the red 4 on the black 5!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Blame Kaufman by itsclark 4-02-03

So here I am, alone on my ship, light years away from earth, engines dead thanks to an ion storm, and no chance of rescue whatsoever. Oh well. Might as well enter cryogenic suspension...

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Not if she paints her sockets black by kaufman 4-02-03

You know that Rolling Stones song, that country-sounding one about "the girl with the faraway eyes"? Yeah, I think I remember that tune, haven't heard it in a while. So, like, where are her eyes? Peru? New Guinea? And does she look like Orphan Annie, or what?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Damn, kaufman. You're inspiring these days.

Building on kaufman -- and adding racial epithets! by not_Scyess 4-02-03

You know that Rolling Stones song, that country-sounding one about "the girl with the faraway eyes"? Yeah, I think I remember that tune, haven't heard it in a while. So, like, where are her eyes? Peru? New Guinea? And does she look like Orphan Annie, or what? You are SUCH a friggin' racist, dude. Oh, bite me, you... you... prime target for American militias during the Revolutionary War!

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

Since I'm such a huge racist, I might as well.

CC 179: The Other White Meat by MaxPayne 4-03-03

I'm so hungry. We haven't eaten anything for days. Me too...too bad we didn't think to bring any food with us when our humanitarian transport for UNICEF crashed in the middle of nowhere. I could really go for some Chinese Food right about now... MMMM, that hit the spot.

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leggo my dcomposed! ®

Same as it Ever Was by kaufman 4-03-03

Look around us. No sky, no trees, no cars, no nothing. Just a vast featureless void. Yeah, i'ts like we were sucked into a vacuum. Could I borrow five dollars? We need to pay for the sucking.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC179: Darby Dillman, Lonely Man (2) by mmyers 4-03-03

I've been on this island for so long, I've run out of things to fantasize about about, sexually, that is. I've forgotten what a woman even looks like. Now all I fantasize about is that palm tree on the hill that I can't seem to reach. The way it shakes its leaves, knowing how good it looks. I'm only human, for Pete's sake. Besides, you grow leaves like that, you're just asking for it.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

The Island of Dr. Remote by umfumdisi 4-03-03

On the Tay-King Atoll...somewhere in the vast Pacific If it weren't for the creosote cola and cases of uranium enriched cheese, we'd be in trouble, Balveda. Eat sand, Horza, as soon as we find The Mind I'll kill you quicker than Doublenutz. Who's Doublenutz? Elwood Doublenutz...a sodhumping, chodethumping, son of an armpit vendor. He was one of the Doublenutz Twins. I had to kill him after he stole my cupcakes. What timing! I just finished de-icing the hyperspatial cupcake module, and I need another creosote cola worse than George Bush needs to find weapons of mass destruction! Shut up, or you're gonna be Doubledead.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

CC179: Credits to Peter Schilling and David Bowie by maddog00 4-04-03

You've really made the grade...now its time to leave the capsule if you dare. What will it effect when its all done? Are you receiving? Turn the thrusters on. We're standing by. Though I'm past one hundred thousand miles, I'm feeling very still. And I think my spaceship knows which way to go. Tell my wife I love her very much she knows. Ground control to Major Tom. Can you hear me, Major Tom? Can you hear me, Major Tom? Now the light commands this is my home. I'm coming hooooooome.

This one sucks. I can't really make any excuses for it.

CC 179: Shaw! Denied! by MaxPayne 4-04-03

Finally...at long last...after all my searching...I've found you! The All-Knowing Christmas Tree! Yes, my son. What is the answer you seek? Well......I'm sure you probably get this alot, but...What Is The Meaning Of Life? Fuck if I know. ??? What the fuck do you want from me, I'm a tree with pieces of plastic slapped on it. Go ask your parents.

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leggo my dcomposed! ®

Yoda's 899th Birthday by TheGovernor 4-04-03

Degobah: With the rise of the Empire, Yoda's usual lavish birthday celebrations are a more solitary affair this year Bored am I