This is an old one with four parts that i took my two favorites in the interest of being compliant.

Great moments in the history of Seltzer water (1) by mmyers 5-09-03

October 14, 1796 in Weisbaden, Germany Hey, holy crap, what's up with the stream? Bubbles. The water is bubbling. Drink it. OK, I will. *SPIT* Oh man, that tastes like shit. Let's try to sell it to people.

Great Moments in the history of Seltzer Water (3) by mmyers 5-09-03

May 8, 1886 in Atlanta, Georgia Hello, lovely daughter. I just realized that when you combine Seltzer, melted sugar, syrup, and cocaine...well, try it. OK. *sip* May 8, 1886 in Atlanta, Georgia I call it Coca-Cola. What do you think? It tastes like shit. May 8, 1886 in Atlanta, Georgia I know, but wait for the after effects. I can't feel my face. Oooh, my head hurts...and I can't get all my thoughts out at one time...and I want to fight someone.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

The National Anthem was written by a black man! by KungChiFu 5-29-03

The white man's history says that Francis Scott Key composed the National Anthem in 1804... uh how how how ... ziz you zee... uh huh... ...but like everything else musical in honky culture, it was stolen from a black man... dawn's erlight... caman... what so... PROUDLY... wave... ...meet the real composer of the National Anthem... John Lee Hooker Wallace Washington... tonight, on the Biography Channel. th' rockets rehglare... bomb burstin' n shit...

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Your mickey mouse kung fu is no match for my superior fighting style.

A Brief History of Napster by CrunchyCheese 5-29-03

January 1999 - The Fanning home Sean, its such a nice day. Why don't you go outside for a while? Can't mom. I just figured out a way for everyone to get FREE MUSIC! June 1999 Sean, why don't you stay for dinner? I made meatloaf. Can't mom. The limo is waiting. Last Weekend Sean! It's so wonderful to see you. How's your new job? Any meatloaf left?

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There's a fine line between visionary and wacko ~ greinhart

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Kajun Kreation Theory by umfumdisi 5-29-03

Let there be dark... ale!

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

Evolution Explained? by umfumdisi 5-29-03

I wish I could walk I wish I could fly I wish I could run I wish I could talk I wish I could ride that horse I wish I could swim

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

Great Struggles in History... by Ewwwww 5-30-03

1400's Damn Americans. Gave my whole tribe small pox... Bastards.....Lets go get mohawks... 1960's Back off white boy! Daddy, he trying to kill me! 2002 My child, tell me where he touched you. No one touched me, Im not even catholic....

CC 189: Get Off The Bus! by Ewwwww 5-30-03

Past... Sir, im going to have to ask you to get off the bus... Present... Sir, im going to have to ask you to get off the bus... Future... Sir, im going to have to ask you to get off the bus...

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"No obscene images." I guess I'll just have to settle for saying cocksucker a lot.

This one is crappy but its worth a shot.

Peace! by Ewwwww 5-30-03

The 60's Fuck The War! Yea, and Fuck Donna Summers! Shut your fucking mouth, shes cool! 2 Weeks Later... Dude That was so unhippy

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"No obscene images." I guess I'll just have to settle for saying cocksucker a lot.

Okay, it's winner time!

There were some funny entries in this contest, so here are the honourable mentions:

Kaufman for "The Assassination of Caesar"
Attitudechicka for the Jesse James one
Crunchycheese for "A brief history of Napster"

Dishonourable Mention goes to Maxpayne, for saying "WTF" and "OMFG". Seriously, nobody actually SAYS these things. (I liked the Abe Lincoln one, though)

But there can only be one winner, and in this case it's this:

CC 189: I have a dream! by Ewwwww 5-27-03

1935, Atlanta Georgia... Whats the matter son? Sniff sniff... Did you wet your bed again? I had a dream.

Good work fella!

Thank you, Thank you. I always knew I was destined for greatness.

OK Seriously, I never expected to win. I thought I might have had a chance when the contest first started but man I thought there was no chance in hell after yesterday. I thought Kaufman had it in the bag. I thought most of the comics were pretty funny and salute you all for your Nobel efforts.

CC:190 will begin in 2 or 3 days so I have time to think of some good rules. I hope to see you all there!

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"No obscene images." I guess I'll just have to settle for saying cocksucker a lot.

woohoo! dishonourable mention! yessssssss!

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leggo my dcomposed! ®

quote:

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CC:190 will begin in 2 or 3 days so I have time to think of some good rules.

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DISQUALIFIED!

Obviously some people still say them, there's no need to poopoo on my comics just because YOU personally don't use those phrases, but whatever.

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leggo my dcomposed! ®

Obviously some people still say them, there's no need to poopoo on my comics just because YOU personally don't use those phrases, but whatever.

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Well, it's true. In my four-plus decades of listening, I don't think I've ever heard anyone saying "Aaaahmfk" or however it would be pronounced. I strongly doubt I've heard anyone say "Lahl" either. I may have uttered a few "Whuutffff"s, though. YMMV :-)

Oh, and Ewwwww, the veterans here will tell you I'm quite happy to share my toys with others. Have fun with 190.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I once said "roxor" in a sentence and was immediately berated for the rest of the day.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

I say "fux0r" and "sux0r" and "r0x0r" all the time. Mostly to myself, because I can't get anybody to talk to me.

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Your mickey mouse kung fu is no match for my superior fighting style.

You misspelled talx0r.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

My mom is much hipper to those things than I am. She puts them in emails to me like "My boss just said something stOOpid, OMFG!" and I'm like, "What are you talking about?" and she's like ";)" and I'm like "A semicolon and half a parenthesis? Are you having a seizure?" She spends a lot of time online.

I *heart* my mom.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

I seem to have opened up a whole can full of hornets nests here. So here's an idea, a little challenge while we're waiting 2-3 days for Ewwwwww to think up some rules.

What I'd like is for people to record a short audio clip of somebody saying "OMFG" or "WTF" or something like that.

Without sounding stupid.

No.

It might take me a few days to come up with that, because the person who I know who does that lives 250 miles away from me, but seriously, he spends too much time online. We had a class together my junior year (2 years ago to date), and I was pretty much his goddess, because I knew some crazy people and I told him crazy stories about my life with them. His natural response to some of the things I said was, actually, "Dubbleyou Tee Eff?" and sometimes he would throw an "El Oh El" in there just to throw me off. I thought he was stupid and nerdy, but hey, he listened to everything I said.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Not even a menti0nz0r. :-(

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.

Fuck you! Now I'm going to hate for life.

Who makes the awards around here? That one would replace the Magnificent Bastard plaque I got ages ago on the mantel should I ever win one.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

How would you go about winning a mantel?

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leggo my dcomposed! ®

MOHH OMLOMOHLMOHLOMUHUHUHO.