...nude skydiving, which led to parachutes being classified as "clothing" and banned, much to the chagrin of...

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

... John Ashcroft, who loves the feeling of the wind rushing over his bare ...

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

...arms, which U.S. citizens have a right to, as it clearly states in the...

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text inscribed on the very sheets of toilet paper in the ladies' room at the NRA headquarters (come to think of it, it's also on the men's room toilet paper, but that is partially obscured by Charlton Heston's

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

...stone tablets, which are inscribed with...

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

...the formula for eternal flintyness, which of course allows Mr. Heston to maintain his powerful flinty persona; a secret he once shared with Donald Rumsfeld in exchange for...

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

money for liquor, which of course has become a familiar phrase in this time of...

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... homoerotic debauchery, as well as the phrase "tongue and groove" and ...

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

..."eating out," which is the perfect solution for munchies after a night of homoerotic debauchery or...

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

... enjoying a nice, warm cup of salt goodness before bedtime, when, unluckily...

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My nuts look disturbingly like cooking apples. Should I see a doctor about it?

...you die of heart failure due to high salt intake), where you can go to see...

...by the dawn's early light...

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

...twelve lizards leaping, eleven gizzards seeping, ten wizards weeping, nine...

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

...discontinued Christmas song parodies, and a fine sampling of the world's fuzziest lintballs, generously donated by...

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

...Vinnie Jones' granny...

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My nuts look disturbingly like cooking apples. Should I see a doctor about it?

... who happens to be related to Andy Dougan's Maw and shares ...

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

...a toothbrush with Lyle Lovett, exposing her to the perils of...

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

...Lyle Lovett's mouth, which is indeed quite perilous because of the simple fact that...

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...becoming impregnated with little Lyle, Lyle crocodiles, which would injure her...

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

... sense of honor and duty to follow the President, no matter what, into the oncoming ...

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

... clusterfuck, that....

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

... will involve using a fiber-optic proctoscope, liberally lubricated with K-Y jelly, and inserting it in ...

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

...a can of Diet Cherry Coke, which tastes remarkably like...

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

...regular Cherry Coke minus the...

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

... square root of pi, divided by the remainder to the tenth power, will show conclusively once and for all that not_Sycess is in fact...

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.