As the trend goes these days, I hardly had any comics last month.  But here are some highlights:

 

The Gift by Scyess 11-06-06

I'm going to volunteer for the Get Out the Vote campaign. Want to come? Oh, absolutely! I think it's a great idea to encourage people too ignorant to form their own opinion to go out on election day and pull random levers that help determine my future. How do you always manage to make doing nothing seem like a noble cause? It's a gift.

Random Comic! Home for the Haughtydays by Scyess 11-06-06

Listen, Santa, the other holidays asked me to come talk to you... And just who the hell are you? What do you mean, who am I? You know I'm the Thanksgiving turkey! You mean you were the Thanksgiving turkey! Now they're marketing Christmas even before Halloween! It's only a matter of time before Christmas is the ONLY holiday! So suck it, bitch! Ho ho ho! Thanks for that. If the world is spared even one singing animatronic, it was worth it.

Random Comic! Shoot Me Before I Make More by Scyess 11-09-06

And now, with weather, here's a slab of bacon. Partially cloudy tomorrow. And remember: to maintain proper urniary tract health, you should drink at least eight glasses of water a day. Damn, Glen. Where did you find this guy? What? You said, "We need someone on weather. Go hire a meaty urologist."

Mind Your Head by Scyess 11-12-06

What're you reading? It's a letter from the Brain Injury Association. I think they want me to send them money. You think? What does it say? It says, "Ow hed hurtz send barn injerk some barney flat ran come sir larz." I wonder if they should be writing their own correspondence. If I could put a brain injury into an envlope, I'd send it to them.

More of the Same by Scyess 11-21-06

Our top story today... an actor screamed racial epithets at people in a night club. We'll spend the remainder of the week reporting nothing but this. Expect it in all your newspapers and magazines, too. Congress was replaced by narcoleptic harp seals today, too, but first... a three-hour exposé on a pop-star's divorce.

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"Old" is the old new.

  Nothing like old comics to celebrate a new year.  Dec '02 wasn't my best month ever.  But here are some comics, anyway.

A Pun Time Was Had by All by Scyess 12-12-02

Wow! I'm glad you came, Tataki, but I'm surprised you accepted my invitation to a Pun Party. I thought you hated puns. I do, but I was intrigued when you said they'd be giving out door prizes. Attention, everyone! Tonight's door prize goes to... THE FRONT DOOR, for the highest throughput of the evening Me? Gosh! I'm going to get a beating for this, aren't I? Later. Right now I just want to get out of here before some fool at the bar orders a kamikaze.

Status Quo by Scyess 12-14-02

I've got an extra ticket to that play tonight. Really? It's a shame you wasted all that money. ...so anyway, I ended up with an extra ticket. That's too bad. I sure hope you find someone dumb enough to go with you! I don't know how you find the chutzpah to even ask anymore. Actually, I find the consistency rather comforting.

Meow-wow-wow by Scyess 12-17-02

Hi. I'd like to put some affection in my life. Since humans aren't interested, I'd like to get a cat. Uh, sure. You can look around. Hi there! You're cute! Would you like to come home with me? Cute? I'll show you "cute," you bastard. The Human Society propoganda machine never mentions this part of pet ownership. Sorry, Jon, your insurance just doesn't cover being mauled by any mammals under 20 lbs.

Still No Help by Scyess 12-17-02

Hi! Jon said you were acting a bit naughty, so I've come over to ask you about what you think happens to your soul after you die. Hm... I never really thought about it... Well, then -- ...and I'm not about to start now. Well, Earl, thanks for trying anyway. Shu up and hep me fin my tongue.

CC 160: We All Know Someone like This by Scyess 12-18-02

Ah, my brand-new Sony CLIÉ™ NX70V Palmtop. It has a built in camera and DVD player. It comes with 16 MB of RAM, and a Memory Stick Expansion port. It has a voice recorder, MP3 audio player, and the optional wireless LAN card. It's running Palm OS 5.0.1 and even has a QWERTY keyboard. Holy hell, but I am the shit. Hey, Barry, have you seen my CLIÉ™ NX80V? It's like the NX70V, but it has a built-in bagel slicer. CIRCUIT CITY Holy hell, but I am such a tool. One Sony NX80V; That'll be $900.

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"Old" is the old new.

For the first time in God knows how long, I actually managed to make (more than!) one comic a day for a month.  Hopefully, some of them are worth reading... 'cause that's what you're doing.

Honesty by Scyess 12-09-06

Samantha, should I feel guilty for not working for a living? No. Should I feel guilty for tortuing souls unrelentingly for thousands of years on end? Um... yes? Asshole. I'm going to change my answer. Too late!

You Know Someone Like This by Scyess 12-11-06

Okay, Earl. I'm outta here. _______________ You too, bye. _______________ Yep. Later, man. _______________ Bye. Okay. Take care. _______________ Yeah, catch ya later. _______________ Bye now. _______________ Good bye. Oh, Jon! I forgot to ask you how you think taoist philosophy can be applied to 21st century values, and the contrasts between that and applications to the 20th century! You asshole. I almost exited this conversation gracefully. I'm afraid I can't let that happen.

Thanks to crabby's contest for this one:

Wait Gain by Scyess 12-14-06

Have you seen the movie Waiting for Godot? No. I think my credit card will recieve my payment today so I can use it again. Once that happens I'll sign up for NetFlix, and when they get the movie in stock I can put it in my queue. So you're waiting to wait to wait for Waiting for Godot? Yes. No, wait, I mean no. No, wait a minute...

No, Really by Scyess 12-20-06

My love for you could fill every ocean in all the world. You're so full of shit. This just in. A substance known only as "Jon's love" has seeped into seas worldwide, contaminating local water supplies and killing millions. I hope you're satisfied now, unbeliever. You can be such a dick sometimes.

Opportunity by Scyess 12-23-06

The person under that tarp was the most gorgeous supermodel in the world! There's no one around, and she can't tell anyone, so I think I can finally live out my ultimate fantasy! Holy crap! Is that the new Nintendo Wii? Where did you get it?! I stole it from a dead supermodel.

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"Old" is the old new.

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**chirp chirp**

I rated all of them.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Not many from January '03... and almost no good ones amongst those few.

Fun Ways to Spend Your Money by Scyess 1-08-03

But... it's what I've always wanted to do! If I take enough classes, and get good grades. I'll work really hard! I'm not saying you couldn't do it, I'm just saying that it's probably a tough job market to break into... I can do it if I just believe in myself! You'll see. Okay. It's your money. 4 years later... ...and you'll see from my resume I am more than qualified for the position. Are you SURE you're not retiring soon? When I find out who made up the "Santa Claus" major I'm going to leave him a stocking full of reindeer poop.

Hindsight is 20/20 by Scyess 1-09-03

Well, I've decided going back to college isn't for me. But I am going to take this seminar on "How to Invest Your Money Wisely." ...if you don't have a big enough sock, panty hose will work. Wad up the bills real tight so they'll all fit, and then tie off the end and hide it under your bed. Any questions? How was the seminar? I wish I'd taken it last year.

Political Comic! Sorry Again. by Scyess 1-09-03

Harvard, 1975 ...so in times of economic recession, a tax cut can help stimulate the economy. Yes... a question from Mr. Bush? Call me George, Ma'am. My question is, how can you cut taxes without also cutting spending or running a deficit? *BRI~~~~ING* Sorry, there's the bell. I'll answer your question in the next class. But this is the last class! Yesterday ...our stimulus package will cut taxes by $1.2 trillion over the next 10 years, but we must increase our military budget by $600 billion. Any questions? Oh, sorry, I think that was the bell. He must know what he's doing... I mean he did go to Harvard and all...

I Have No Excuse.I Just Had to Get This One out of My System by Scyess 1-11-03

Wow! I can't believe you got advanced copies of the whole trilogy! Hey, anything for my favorite Tolkien fan. Let's watch in the den. "Well, if it isn't my old friend, Dildo Drippins!" "Why, hello, Dongsquirt Cumchew! Care to come into my 'hobbit hole'?" . . . ! DAMMIT, JIM, THIS TAPE SAYS "LORD OF THE REEMS!" I know! You can tell how good an author is by how well his novels translate into gay porn.

'Cause Cow Hips are Bigger by Scyess 1-14-03

Damn, Jon, it sounds like you've really got the hang of this whole bovine insemination process. MOO!! MOOOOOOO!! MOOooooooooOOOO!!! Hey, you're not Jon. Jon went home. Now let me show you how bovine insemination is REALLY done. That's not very high tech. Besides, I kept getting thrown when I tried that. It's all in the hips.

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"Old" is the old new.

'07 was a much better January, I'm sure you'll agree:

Let's Get Physical by Scyess 1-03-07

Turn your head and cough. **cough*cough** Now sing the national anthem in pig latin. Uh... why? The coughing thing is getting old. I wanted to spice it up a bit. How about you let go of my balls before we spice anything up a bit?

Stupid Aphorisms V][ by Scyess 1-05-07

I came here to kick ass and chew gum... and I'm all out of gum. I'm also out of ass. Whatever happened to "See ya later?"

Stupid Aphorisms |X: In the Style of Cyanide & Happiness by Scyess 1-06-07

Life is like a box of chocolates: you never know what you're going to get. I got AIDS. What was in it? Nougat!

Questions by Scyess 1-10-07

Is it too much to ask for me to find a sweet girl who can look past my nerdy looks and iffy hygene habits and impecuniosity and love me for who I am inside? And is it too much to ask for her to be a smokin' hot nymphomaniac? Yes to both.

Almost by Scyess 1-29-07

Hi, Jon... you lazy, worthless, fat, pathetic loser. Hey, I'm not fat! Oh, crap! By throwing in one more obviously fallacious jibe in contrast, you've gotten me to inadvertently imply the remainder hold veracity! Well... that kind of sucked the fun out of the whole thing. Never forget who is the master and who is the student.

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"Old" is the old new.

Feb. 03.  Four years ago.  Oh, to be young and foolish again.

Think about It by Scyess 2-04-03

What are all these wierd comic books? Oh, I've started reading this neat series about a guy who reads comics. What's so neat about that? Well, the comic he reads is also about a guy who reads a comic. And that guy's comic is about a guy who reads a comic, etc. So it just goes on forever in both directions? Well, obviously not in BOTH directions, because then I'd also have to be in a comic about a guy who reads comics...

Scarbrows by Scyess 2-06-03

Hey, how did you get those scars above your eyes? What? Oh, those. It's a long story. The short version is there was this helpless young girl lost in a dark alley one rainy night. I noticed some suspicious characters following her, so I... Oh, wait. My bad. Those're just your eyebrows. Anyway, you were saying...? ...so I bought some tweezers and plucked my eyebrows. The end.

Ha!  You'll have to read the rest of the series to understand THIS one!

Cowdjinn Slips In V by Scyess 2-11-03

Cows don't wear hats. For some reason, it just occured to me that someone coming in in the middle of this conversation wouldn't know what the hell was going on. Then it's a good thing your life doesn't take place inside a randomly searchable three-panel comic. Let me just go get my mittens.

Ultimate -- Yet Monotonous and Repetative -- Evil by Scyess 2-18-03

The ancient tome said I could unleash the Ultimate Evil on the world by saying "ducky" backwards into a mirror 700 times. Here goes... "ykcud ,ykcud ,ykcud ,ykcud ,ykcud ,ykcud..." ah, screw this. This is boring. And thus, the world is saved from destruction. Again. I told you you should've made it just 2 or 3 times. Oh, shut up.

Cowdjinn Slips In XV][ by Scyess 2-26-03

Any ideas on how I can gracefully break up with Tataki? No, but I told Hal about it and he said he had some ideas. Wow, thanks Hal! What have -- YOU BOVINE BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU DATE THE WOMAN I LOVE! I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR NOSTRILS FOR BREAKFAST!!! You know, it was kind of an odd threat. Not as odd as having prosthetic nostrils will be.