That bitch!

---
Poop.

[b]My Dearest Barrister Franz Onuora,

I walked into town today and sent the required money to you by Western Union. I've attached a copy of the reciept so you will know the control number.

How soon may I expect a deposit of the $6.5 million in my savings account? Will it all be deposited at once or in smaller payments over time?

I pray that you receive the money quickly, and that the Evil One will not darken your doorstep this day.

Yours by the blood of our Lord,

Sister Lillian Gans
[/b]

Note: This is photo-edited, of course. The real money transfer is for $2.50.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

[b]My Dearest Solomon,

Praise God Almighty! I have sent the payment of $2500 to the good Barrister. Oh, how I hope the rest of this transaction goes quickly! I can almost taste the wonderful good things my fellow Sisters and I will be able to do with $6.5 million. It is a blessed, blessed day!

Still I must not let avarice get the best of me, for it is written in 1 Corinthians 6, "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God."

Solomon, I need the benefit of your good and holy wisdom. I would appreciate any suggestions you might have on what charities the money should go to. Obviously we don't want the money to go any Atheist, Muslim, Buddhist, Unitarian, Jewish, or Polish charities. And, of course, we must avoid sending money to those so-called Christian organizations that aren't really Christian (the ones that refuse to follow the holy tradition and example of blood sacrifice).

Also, would it be wrong to use some of the money to get my nose fixed? Any maybe a little botox treatment for my wrinkles? If I am going to be using these funds for the good of humanity, I think that I should look my best. It is written in Psalm 96:9, "O worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness: fear before him, all the earth."

Stay blessed by the blood of the Lord,

Sister Lillian
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

haw! Holy shit, you funny fucker.

Side note: When were you in the Ansonia Stop & Shop?

I was around there the other day. Right now I live in West Haven.

---
The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Yeah. I have been getting those things too. I think I'll make a comic about it.

quote:

---

haw! Holy shit, you funny fucker.

Side note: When were you in the Ansonia Stop & Shop?

I was around there the other day. Right now I live in West Haven.

---

Okay, I have a frustrated Nigerian here. Four e-mails received this morning...

[i]From: Franz Onuora
To: Lillian Gans
CC:
Subject: URGENT URGENT PLEASE.
Date: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 04:27:21 -0700 (PDT)

Attention. Sister Lillian Gans.
I received the sent western union document but to my surprise the amount and the infomation there are not correct please cross check your document. As a matter of urgency try and see if the problem comes from your bank, Also forward all the information through mail not by attachement. This has coursed me a lot of embrassment this morning in my bank and I am not happy about such acts compare to my position in the soicety here. I wait for your urgent response as I surpose to be in the court today for the remaining documents.
Best Regards.
Franz Onuora.
[/i]

and another...

[i]From: "solomon madu"
To: "Lillian Gans"
CC:
Subject: Re: It is Done!
Date: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 19:38:23 +0800
Dear Beloved,
Thanks for your effort so far.I called my Lawyer to pass the
information to my surprising he told me that he was messed up in the
Bank this morning.As the money you sent did not indicate over here in
the Bank.Please my Beloved sister Lillian i advice you henceup this
so that the Lawyer can get the remaining document to enable the Bank
transfer the funds to your nominated account.I love you with all my
heart and I know that God will see us through.
Remain Bless,
Brother Solomon.
[/i]

and another...

[i]From: Franz Onuora
To: Lillian Gans
CC:
Subject: VERY VERY URGENT PLEASE.
Date: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 05:38:19 -0700 (PDT)
Attention. Sister Lillian
Please cross check with the western union office in your area to find out if the $2500.00 (two thousand five hundred dollars) you sent actually reflects in their office. Because what I find in bank according to the banks staff was that you sent only $2.50cent(two dollar and fifty cents) So please cross check very well from your side and get back to me imediatly.
Best Regards.
Franz Onuora.
[/i]

[b]
Dearest Barrister Onuora,

I apologize for taking so long to get back to you. I have been emailing back and forth with Western Union all day! Satan himself must be working to foil the good deeds we intend to do. I pray that the money is not lost! The customer service office here says that I did indeed send $2,500, as the reciept I sent to you confirms. I can tell you that I certainly handed the teller that much cash!

They said that the problem must be a problem with the computers in the Lagos office, but that they have no authority over them. In order to fix this, they said the recipient must speak with the manager there and refer to case #JNY8675309. The manager's is Jayed Garhoover and his phone number is 234-1-261-0097.

Please do know if there is anything I can do to help. In the meantime, I will pray mightily and sacrifice some possums to keep the Evil One away.

Yours by the Cup of His Blood,

Sister Lillian
[/b]

The number is for the FBI office at the U.S. Embassy in Nigeria. Before I sent that response, I also got this...

[i]From: "solomon madu"
To: "Lillian Gans"
CC:
Subject: i wait for your good information.be bless.
Date: Wed, 23 Jun 2004 21:04:23 +0800
Dear Beloved Lillian .
Please try to cross check from the western union office if the
mistake was from there or by you because i call the Lawyer to inform
him that i have sent a mail to you as regards to that mistake he
then told me that the amount indicated in his copy is not the same
with the one with the bank.so please my dear cross check and get back
to him so that he canget all the necessary documents fo rthe fund to
move within couples of days.
Remain BlESS.
Brother Solomon.
[/i]

[b]
Dearest Darling Solomon,

Oh, what a frustrating day! I do not know what could have caused such a problem. I know I gave them the money, it must be in their system somewhere. I did not have much success with Western Union today, but they did provide a contact in Lagos who might be able to resolve this problem.

Oh, I was right... computers are the tools of Satan. But then, we never would have been in contact. Sister Mary-Kate insists that it is not computers that are evil, but Windows, and that if I only ran Linux that I wouldn't have these problems. Pray as I might, I cannot reconcile this with my faith. That open source concept sounds so Communist, and we all know that communist states have an atheistic philosophy. Ah, if Sister Mary-Kate is right, I fear the only way to rid myself of computing demons is to purchase a Macintosh.

Would it be ethical to use some of the money to purchase a Macintosh for the convent? I'm thinking a G5 with a 23" Cinema HD display. Please let me know what you think. I trust your judgement implicitly.

Please pray with me to the Lord Jesus and his holy blood that the good Barrister has more success with Western Union than I and that those responsible will be sacrificed to God Almighty. In Isaiah 9:19-20 it is wrtitten, "Through the wrath of the LORD of hosts is the land darkened, and the people shall be as the fuel of the fire: no man shall spare his brother. And he shall snatch on the right hand, and be hungry; and he shall eat on the left hand, and they shall not be satisfied: they shall eat every man the flesh of his own arm."

Yours by blood of sacrifice,

Sister Lillian
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

[i]
From: Franz Onuora
To: Lillian Gans
CC:
Subject: URGENT URGENT.
Date: Thu, 24 Jun 2004 02:30:31 -0700 (PDT)
ATTN.
Sister Lillian Gans.
This is to state as amatter of facts thatI am very upset in the whole set up. Just as I received your todays mail I went to the Bank and the story still remain the same.Even Mr Solomon Madu came to my office and I also told him the out come from my bank. I also tried the number you gave me and no response, can you really tells me what is going on. My dear, I advise you to call the money back from your deposited bank and resend it again since no one has ever claim the money, this was an advise from my bank manager. I wait to hear from you soon.
Best Regards.
Franz Onuora.
[/i]

[b]
Dearest Franz,

May I call you Franz? It seems so familiar to call someone of your stature by their first name, but I am blessed to know you so well at this point.

I do not understand why the Western Union office in Lagos does not answer. Is it a holiday there? Anyway, I convinced customer service to give me Mr. Jayed Garhoover's mobile phone number. It is 01/44970962. They said if he does not answer then you can try his personal assistant, Gee Mann at 01/4975327. I do not understand your phone numbers and I cannot call because I am deaf, so I hope this makes sense.

Please stay blessed by the blood,

Sister Lillian
[/b]

Those are numbrs for the Nigerian police force.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

[i]From: "solomon madu"
To: "Lillian Gans"
CC:
Subject: MY DEAR THIS IS VERY URGENT
Date: Thu, 24 Jun 2004 17:35:38 +0800
Dearest Lillian.
I received your mail,but i can not understand what is happing as the
lawyer told me this morning that he tried the number given to him no
response, he then drove to the bank to see the manager of the bank
with the new ifomation you sent that to his greatest surprise the
problem still there.so my beloveth lillian i advise that you try your
best to call the money back since no one has collected it then make a
fresh payment then forward the information to the lawyer.Please this
is very important that you do it today as soon as you wakeup for the
new day so that he can complete his assignment.i wait to hear from
you my beloved Lillian for i know that devil is a lier.
Remain Bless.
Brother Solomon Madu.
[/i]

[b]
My Darling Dearest Solomon,

Blessings upon you this new day! I sent the good Barrister the mobile phone numbers of Jayed Garhoover and his assistant Gee Mann at Western Union. Hopefully, they will be able to resolve this problem and thwart the works of Satan. I forgot to mention that they said if Mr. Onuora gets no help from Mr. Garhoover, he should call Mr. Haz Iwendi, Assistant Commissioner - Nigeria at the central Abuja office at 09/2340868.

Oh Solomon, I don't know what to do! If the money is lost then we are ruined. Could you pay the Barrister and I will pay you back when the funds have been transferred?

I have lead the morning sacrifice now, so I must go. Please please tell the lawyer that he must call these people and work with them to fix this problem. There is nothing I can do from here.

Stay blessed by the blood,

Sister Lillian
[/b]

Haz Iwendi is the Assistant Commissioner of police in Nigeria.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

That's great, fuzzy. Hook, line, and sinker. SCROE!!!

---
The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

The thrilling conclusion...?

[i]From: Franz Onuora
To: Lillian Gans
CC:
Subject: WHAT A BIG JOKE.
Date: Thu, 24 Jun 2004 04:31:44 -0700 (PDT)
ATTN.

Sister Lillian.

I received your recent mail in dismay. I belive that I has really informed you that you are the right person to do whatever suite you in other to get your money back if you are very sure you made this payment, but surprisingly you still do not understand, my dear this is your responsibility so dont try to play hide and seek game, I do not work on that way period. And if by tomorrow all this mess are not corrected just know that my business with both of you are cancled hope I am well understood. You should go and cancle the payment and retrive your money back from your deposited bank, Beside the information you gave as per where the money is coming from still find funny therefore cross check your self.

Best Regard.

Franz Onuora.

From: "solomon madu"
To: "Lillian Gans"
CC:
Subject: SEARCH YOUR MIND.
Date: Thu, 24 Jun 2004 19:52:03 +0800

Dear Sister Lillian Gans.
I am very surprise that you could not simply understand what I
earlier told you on my mail. This money still belong to you fine, go
and collect its back simple, stop boardering me or the lawyer. From
your mail I can now see that you did not make any payment of $2500.00
because you are now trying to find a way out by telling me to pay the
bill for you. My dear I thought You are really a true beliver of God
but with this your altitude now I hardly can't understand, therefore
if you know that your playing with the name of God better stop it
because my bible tells me that it is only a fool that says there is
no God and who ever take the name of God for nothing must surely be
punished. Search your mind and please if all this is a game or what
better stop wasting my time.
Remain Bless.
Solomon Madu.

[/i]

[b]
Dear Stupid Solomon-Franz,

Well, I guess our little game is over. Did you think we really believed in your little 419 scam, or that you and "Franz" were two different people? Here's a clue: You and your "lawyer" shouldn't e-mail from the same computer.

As for the $2.50, go ahead and collect it. Buy yourself a happy meal. You have given us at least $2.50 worth of entertainment. Please, collect the money. But don't be surpised if the police are waiting for you when you do.

You are truly pathetic. Not only did you try to use the cloak of religion to justify your scam, you tried to cheat a nun. A NUN! Have you no shame? And when she talked about animal sacrifice and bloody communion, did you balk? No! You ate it right up and wanted to "mingle blood."

You are greedy and stupid, and if you had any morals you would turn yourself in to the police right now. But you won't because you are disgusting lowlife snake. In Genesis 3:14 it is written, "So the Lord God said to the serpent, 'Because you have done this, cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life.'" Yes, you ARE a snake.

We are pleased to have wasted your time. It's less time you had to cheat someone for real.

Goodbye and Good Riddance,

Not Sister Lillian Gans
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

AWESOME!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha!!! I love how you have all the information at hand to play with these fucks.

Fuzzy, you may have saved some innocent people from making a stupid mistake. Then again, maybe you haven't because these dirtbags are probably going to shrug it off. I love how you made them go to the bank and angrily question the bank manager, though.

Fuzzy is my hero.

---
The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

They probably killed the bank manager.

Now hurry up and start a new one!

---
Poop.

Bravo Fuzzy! That was great.

Now in a new, nicely-formatted edition at http://www.dumbentia.com. Or, jump directly to http://www.dumbentia.com/gallery_scammers.html.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Pure brilliance.

---
"AthiestDiary, you rock." - MikeyG (I'm LOVED! HOORAH!)

And now that I've finished that, time to move on to the next victim...

[i]-----Original Message-----
From: rebeccapage4u@ritmes.net [mailto:rebeccapage4u@ritmes.net]
Sent: Wednesday, June 30, 2004 5:58 PM
To: rebeccapage4u@ritmes.net
Subject: I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE

Dear Friend,

Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you. I got your contact from a reliable source and I prayed over it and selected your name among other names due to its esteeming nature and the recommendations given to me as a reputable and trust-worthy person that I can do business with as per the recommendations.I must not hesitate to confine in you for his simple and sincere business.

I am Miss. Rebecca Page, the only survival Daughter to late elstwhile chief security officer Major Johnny Page, My Father was the former head of the presidential guard to Mr Charles Taylor the liberia president. Before the death of my father, on may 15th,2003 during an attempt by the rebels on the life of president C.Taylor, where he was brutally injured and subsiquently rushed to the presidential hospital in monrovia where he later died.Before his death,he secretly called me to his bedside and told me that he has the sum of US$8.5Million dollars (Eight Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars)which he used my name as his legal daughter as the beneficiary and next of kin in depositing the fund in a clearing house in Europe country.The major reason is that the fund was deposited in a Security Company in Europe it was because of the ways the president was ruling the country,that he foresee things might go wrong with him in due course.Right now, the rebels are at war with the president and the America government has asked the president to step down.My mother and my younger ones was killed by the rebels immediately my father died i decide to run for my dear life I am now in cotonou-Republic of Benin as a refugee because i am being sought after by the rebels since my father was seen as one of Taylor's strong men as they want to wipe out our family.

In this respect,i am honourably seeking your assistance in theFollowing ways : 1.To present yourselve as my beneficiary and next of kin to the fund,since i am hiding my identity from the authority to avoid them confisicating the fund or sending it back to Liberia. 2.To serve as a trustee to the fund. 3.To make arrangement for me to come over to your country as an investor and to secure Residence permit in your country and further my education.Moreover, I will like us to agree on what might be your compensation for your effort input after the successful claiming of this fund.You can get in contact with me after establishing cordial relationship.You can also reach me on my alternative email:rebeccapage4@ritmes.net

Anticipating to hear from you soon.
Thanks and God bless you.
Miss.Rebecca Page
[/i]

[b]
From: "Jean-Luc Picard"
To: rebeccapage4u@ritmes.net, rebeccapage4@ritmes.net
CC:
Subject: RE: I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE
Date: Tue, 06 Jul 2004 12:28:41 -0500
Dear Miss Page,

Greetings and Felicitations! I apologize for taking so long to get
back to you. I was on an extended mission in the Gamma Quadrant, and
of course I could recieve no e-mail on the other side of the
wormhole. Now that I am back in our own territory, I admit that I am
intrigued by your offer.

My people gave up the acqusition of wealth long ago, building instead
a society in which we all strive to improve ourselves. However, my
financial advisor, Mr. Quark, insists that I should aquire some
amount of latinum to supplement my Starfleet pension. Granted, a
peaceful retirement is unlikely for me (I am more likely to be
fatally bitten by a Mugatu) but I agree that careful planning is
prudent.

I am not well versed in matters of money, but I trust that your
expertise will see me through. I hope that this correspondence will
help to establish a cordial relationship between us, and we can move
forward with this enterprise.

Yours,

Jean-Luc Picard
United Federation of Planets
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

hahahaha...

Kudos on the Star Trek, man.

---
Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

No reply on this last one, but the Trek one is too good to waste, so I am going to keep trying it until I get someone hooked. Bear with me.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Okay, I someone gave me a scammer e-mail with the subject URGENT MASSAGE from a MR. JAMES BROWN...

[i]
From: JAMES BROWN
To:
Subject: URGENT MASSAGE

JAMES BROWN
Atten,
We want to transfer to overseas ($20,000.000.00 USD) twenty million
United States Dollars) from a Captec Bank in South Africa, I want to
ask you to quietly look for a reliable and honest person who will be
capable and fit to provide either an existing bank account or to set
up a new Bank a/c immediate to receive this money, even an empty
a/ccan serve to receive this money, as long as you will remain honest
to me till the end for this important business trusting in you and
believing in God that you will never let me down either now or in
future.

I am MR JAMES BROWN , the Auditor General of Captec banks in Africa,
during the course of our auditing I discovered a floating fund in an
account opened in the bank in 1990 and since 1993 nobody has operated
on this account again, after going through some oldfiles in the
records I discovered that the owner of the account died without
a(heir) hence the money is floating and if I do not remit this money
out urgent it will be forfeited for nothing. The owner of this
account is Mr. Allan P.Seaman, a foreigner, and an industrialist, and
he died, since 1993.
And no other person knows about this account or any thing concerning
it, the account has no other beneficiary and my investigation proved
to me as well that Allan P. Seaman until his death was the
managerDiamond Safari (PTY) SA. The amount involved is (USD 20M)
twenty million United
States Dollars, only I want to first transfer $20,000.000 (twenty
Million United States Dollars) from this money into a safe foreigners
account, I am only contacting you as a local person here, without
valid international foreign passport, but can only be approved to any
license and foreign a/c because of the a/c Mr. Allan P.Seaman is a
foreigner too, (and the money can only be approved into a
foreigna/c.a However, we will sign a binding agreement, to bind us
together .
I am revealing this to you with believe in GOD that you will never
let me down in this business, you are the first and the only person
that I am contacting for this business, so please reply urgently so
that I will inform you the next step to take urgently. Send also your
private telephone and fax number including the full details of the
account to be used for the deposit. I want us to meet face to face to
build confidenceand investments. I need your full co-operation to
make this work fine because the management is ready to approve this
payment to any foreigner who has correct information of this account,
which I will give to you upon your positive response and once I am
convinced that you are capable and will meet up with the instruction
of a key bank official who is deeply involved with me in this
business.
I need your strong assurance that you will never, never let me down.
With my influence and the position of the bank we can transfer this
money to any foreigner's reliable account which you can be provide
with
assurance that this money will be intact pending our physical arrival
in your country for sharing. The bank official will destroy all
ocuments of transaction immediately we receive this money leaving no
trace to any place and to build confidence you can come immediately
to discuss with me fact to face after which I will make this
remittance in your presence and three of us will fly to your country
at least two days ahead of the money going into the account.
I will apply for annual leave to get visa immediately I hear from you
that you are ready to act and receive this fund in your account. I
will use my positionand influence to obtain all legal approvals
foronward transfer of this money to your account withappropriate
clearance from the relevant ministries and foreign exchange
epartments. At the conclusion of this business, you will begiven 35%
of the total amount, 60% will be for me,while 5% will be for expenses
both parties might have incurred during the process of
transferring.You can vist our web www.captec.com
I look forward to your earliest reply through my private
e-mail(princegab_pr@yahoo.com.hk)
regards.
MR JAMES BROWN
[/i]

[b]
Mr Brown,

Your offer comes at a most opportune time. I have almost exhausted my
investors funding for my greatest invention, the PleasureSuit(tm),
the automatic massaging suit. Only a few million dollars more and I
will have it working perfectly.

I am glad that you recognize the urgency of massage to world peace.
I feel that if our world leaders were only more happy and relaxed,
there would be no more war and opression. As I said, my invention is
still in the testing phase, and I admit there have been obstacles. I
still walk a bit funny after my first test run with the
PleasurePants(tm). No matter. We have most of the bugs worked out.
Really. I can almost guarantee no more testing fatalities.

Let me also say that I have always been the biggest fan of your
music. I have been told that I play a mean recorder. Perhaps we could
jam when all this is over?

Anyway, please let me know what our next step is.

Yours truly,

Jack Picard
[/b]

To: Jean-Luc Picard
CC:
Subject: MORE DETAILS
Date: Fri, 16 Jul 2004 05:45:39 +0800 (CST)
Show Full Headers Back To [INBOX]

[i]
Dear Picard,
How are you doing today, hope fine. i have received your mail and the contents well noted and understood. i was so happy to hear from you and i must let you know the sequence needed for the successful conclusion of this transaction.
I will be employing the services of an attorney who will be solicting on behalf of you in this transaction and he will help in the swearing of affidavite of fact and other vital documents needed for this transaction which i will send the copies to you and aslo to the bank before the funds can be approved in your name and i will be taking care of his charges, you should note that this transaction must require some supports financially and this transaction aslo requires transperency and trust with sencerity.
I have arrange this transaction a few ways for the smooth conclusion.
(1) Once the funds have been approved in your name, you will be contact through our payment centre to signout the final release form with an offshore duty charge, before the funds will be given to you as payment
(2) The funds can be arranged in a way that once it has been approved in your name as the rigthful beneficary to the late Mr. Allan P.Seaman, the funds in question will be transferred in your name into the escrow account of a corresponding bank in caymen island which is the dextra bank and trust caymen island,it is an afflilated bank to our bank and there will be transferring the funds to your bank account which you wished for the funds to be transferred as you will have to state to them.
Then you will have to open/ activate the account with. before the bank can transfer the funds to your nominated bank account of your choice.
I wish to let you know my arrangments for a successful conclusion of this transaction, once you decide on any of these two i will have to proceed immediately ,the attorney will have to prepare an agreement bond that will be binding both of us in this transaction. you should scan and send to me a copy of your international passport for identification and aslo your private mobile number for oral discuss,i will be sending mine on my next mail .
you can always get me on my private mobile number on [27] 017-709-76077. you should call me immedaitley after reading this mail for further discussion. i speak english.

Thanks as i await to hear from you.
Best Regards
James
[/i]

[b]
James! I feel good!

How good to hear from you again. I apologize for taking so long to get back to you. One of my assistants an accident with the PleasureUnderwear(tm) today. We still haven't gotten the hang of that "water resistant" thing. I assure you, we'll work it out.

I'm not what you'd call a financial wizard, but the first method sounds simler. How much do those duty charges run? We have some cash on had, but we were hoping to use it for development of the PleasureYarlmulka(tm). The Jewish market is supposed to be very big.

You can leave me voicemail or send me faxes at 206-666-4919. I'm afraid that I'm under doctor's orders not to speak for the next few weeks due to an unfortunate accident I had with an electric shaver last week. Don't ask.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Jean-Luc (Jack) Picard
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Pleasure Yarmulka? HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!

---
The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

[i]
From: james brown
To: Jean-Luc Picard
Subject: Am so sorry( REPLY UNGENT)
Date: Sat, 17 Jul 2004 05:38:38 +0800 (CST)

Dear Picard,
Am so sorry what happen to you in person but believe with GOD you will fine soonest,Thanks for your co-opration i assure for urgent and smooth transfer of this money into your account after you mighty send your full information for the changering of your name as the beneficiary which will not take us less than four working days.

The duty charges $7, 640,which after the payment the bank will now order there offshore payment city in holland to transfer the money with the usefull information gien to them as the beneficiary of the money.Our bank will be forwarding your contact information to them for propare confamation to aviode mistake before paying in this money to you as the rigth person to cliam the fund.

I will be trying to give call but before then i hope you are ok concern this transaction which i hope to hear from your possitive response.
you can now forward those information for preparation of the documents with your name as the next of kin to late Mr Allan P Seaman.

I wait your urgent response so that we start immediately.
I still say sorry for your illness God will protect you and sef your live.

James
[/i]
[b]From: "Jean-Luc Picard"
To: "james brown"
Subject: Re: Am so sorry( REPLY UNGENT)
Date: Sat, 17 Jul 2004 08:31:34 -0500

James!

Thank you for your concern. My injury is merely inconvenient, not
life-theatening. It is hard to do research when one can't talk.
Still, inury is part of the inventor's life, especially when one uses
himself as a test subject. I have supreme confidence in my work,
though perhaps accidents like yesterdays make me doubt myself a bit.

I was working on an ajunct to the line, the PleasureLuggage(tm). My
idea is that your luggage can help you to relax while waiting in long
airport lines (or riding on the night train). Well, I was using my
father-in-law's suitcase as a test subject, when the robotic arms
started flailing and it literally tore itself apart! I though my
father-in-law would be furious, but when he came home he had
coincidentally just bought some new luggage. "Papa's got a brand
new bag!" he said, proudly. I think it was Samsonite. Lovely,
really.

The duty charge of $7,640 seems acceptable, especially considering
how much I stand to gain. Will your lawyer be able to break that down
for me? I may be able to write it off for tax purposes.

I look forward to your reply.

Jean-Luc (Jack) Picard
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Jeen-Luck Pickerd?

This is already pretty goddamn funny. Can you get him to re-send you a document when he finally does? Maybe you can claim that you "Worf"ed all over the previous one by accident.

---
The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

I haven't had time to post much of the correspondence to this one yet, but here is the passport.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

You need to blend that picture into the image a little better. Right now it looks a little obviously Photochopped.

---
Poop.