1: You shall have no other gods before Me. Goddesses, on the other hand, rock. Have a bunch of them.
2: You shall not make for yourself a carved image--any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. So that leaves land animals ON TOP OF the earth and stuff that is in the water NEXT to earth. Unless you get all surreal, then anything is cool.
3: You shall not take the name of the lord your God in vain. I mean, there are a fucking ripped ass load of good swear words out there. Why you always gotta throw God into the mix?
4: Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Tell your boss you don't work weekends. Look around - both those days are the Sabbath to someone. Hey! I invented the fucking weekend! Who's your messiah now, baby?
5: Honor your father and your mother. And if you find you like groveling, honor your wife or girlfriend too.
6: YOU SHALL NOT MURDER. I don't know how to make that any more plain. Why don't you jamokes get it?
7: You shall not commit adultery. Play nice.
8: You shall not steal. And that goes for hogging more than you need. It's the same thing.
9: You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. That fucking lying shit grates on my nerves. And only one login to Stripcreator from now on! I get confused.
10: You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's. Go ahead and look at your neighbor's wife's ass, but don't touch. See #7.
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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet
