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boinky33
I'm with stupid ^

Member Rated:

As many of you already know, I am a rap sensation. I call myself JD Fresh, and so does my mom. I'm going to post some raps I wrote. They may not seem too good because they each have a specific sound, but i'm going to record them soon, so then you can hear them.
Anyway, enjoy. I'll be sippin' on gin n juice and gettin' mad bitches one day.

Don't Stop It
A JD Fresh rap

It's me - JD - oh, can't you see?
It's that fat mother fucka from Napanee.
Just let it be and groove with me.
I rock when I rap and it burns when I pee.
Now...all the fellas hate cuz the ladies wanna date me
and if I get lucky, they just may wanna mate me.
I've been rappin' since I was in the womb
And I'll be rappin' till I am in a tomb.
There may be better rap stars, and they may drive good cars. And their rhymes may not be as dumb, and most of them probabaly still don't live with their mom
Cept Ton Lok. Ha! That was a joke!That mofo showed me all the ropes.
50 cent may have his bling bling
so i wont see himwhile I'm dining at burger king king
and you might find him at the club
and you'll rarely find me in the tub
I don't have time to bathe, but I got time to shave.
I like to stay smooth, it gets me in the mood
When I perform in the nude. Cuz I don't wanna scare you with my hairy derrriar. It looks like a cat is livin' down there.
I'm JD Fresh. Better than the rest. Double the fun with half the mess.

If you got a beat then drop it
If you made a mess then mop it
If you got a field of wheat then crop it
But never stop it. Never ever stop it.
If you got a beat then drop it
If you made a mess then mop it
If you got a zit then pop it
But never stop it. Never ever stop it.

My last girlfriend. I knew it wouldn't last. Our love died faster than Sega Dreamcast.
But that ok. She's not who I need. I still got my rhymes and some hand cream.
Busting out rhymes is where I get my kicks
I'd have my head up my ass if it wasn't full of dicks.
Now yo dad thinks I'm crazy
Yo mama thinks I'm lazy
Yo crazy uncle Lou thinks a dingo ate his baby
But I still love you. Yeah, I love you.
I love when you sing. I love the joy toy bring.
But I specially love it when you buy me things.
I hope one day I make a cd. I hope one day they cure my vd. Cuz it's hard to get ladies with herpes....Growin' all over my WINKY!!!!!!
I don't got diamonds or a gold tooth - and I was born and conceived in a phone booth. Before the sugery my name was Ruth. Now I'm just chillin' drinkin' gin and juice.

If you got a beat then drop it
If you made a mess then mop it
If you got a loogie than hawk it
But never stop it. Never ever stop it.
If you got a beat then drop it
If you made a mess then mop it
If you got a gun then cock it
But never stop it. Never ever stop it.

Well, I smoke the chronic and het hooked on phonics.
My favorite video game in Sonic....3D BLAST! HE'S MOVIN' TOO FAST! BETTER RUN NOW, GOT ROBOTNIK ON YO ASS!
All my raps come from my heart. And that stench you just smell came from my fart.
You'll be exiting this room without a care. Leaving more tracks than in my underwear. I don't care. My rap is almost done. Afterwards I'll get me a sticky bun.

If you got a beat then drop it
If you made a mess then mop it
If you got a field of wheat then crop it
If you got a zit then pop it
If you got a loogie then hawk it
If you got a gun then cock it
If you got a door then lock it
If there is a fence then hop it
My grandma says I'm fresh

That's all for now. I might put my two others up later, but I'm tired. And thanks dcom for that last part. Remember: This is a joke. I really don't want to be a rap sensation.
I also might perform this at the school coffee house in four days.

12-06-03 11:36pm (new)
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dcomposed
C3H5N3O9

Member Rated:

Damn, that was fucking awesome.

---
Batman created by Bob Kane

12-06-03 11:48pm (new)
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ObiJo
Eamus Catuli

Member Rated:

I like pie
Pie Pie Pie
Pie Pie Pie Pie
Pie Pie Pie
Pie?
Pie!
Pie??
Pie!!

Don't ask why, I like pie
I like pie, that is why
I will die, with no pie
With no pie, I will die
Die Die Die
Die Die Die
Die Die Die Die
Die Die Die
Die?
Die!
Die??
Die!!
Die Die Die Die
Die Die Die!!

Piece out.

---
I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

12-07-03 12:45am (new)
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boinky33
I'm with stupid ^

Member Rated:

....That's....BRILLIANT!....

12-07-03 12:52am (new)
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ObiJo
Eamus Catuli

Member Rated:

Thanks. I would have kept going but I couldn't think of any other words to rhyme with pie and die.

I like yours too. Maybe we can do a collaboration album sometime and call it "Who REALLY killed Humpty?"

---
I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

12-07-03 1:03am (new)
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boinky33
I'm with stupid ^

Member Rated:

No.

12-07-03 1:04am (new)
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ObiJo
Eamus Catuli

Member Rated:

Your being intimidated by my superior skill is quite understandable.

mandible

handable

---
I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

12-07-03 1:18am (new)
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KajunFirefly
chooby digital (in stereo)

Member Rated:

Allow me to boost your album sales by 800%...

*kills Obi and Boinky in a drive-by shooting*

---
Dad was flammable

12-07-03 5:57am (new)
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Ewwwww
Dickmouth.

Member Rated:

Boinky........FUCKING BRILLIANT......

---
"No obscene images." I guess I'll just have to settle for saying cocksucker a lot.

12-07-03 8:38am (new)
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wirthling
supercalifragilisticexpialadosucks

Member Rated:

quote:

I'd have my head up my ass if it wasn't full of dicks.

Somebody call Bartlett's!

---
"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

12-07-03 10:47am (new)
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boinky33
I'm with stupid ^

Member Rated:

I don't understand.

12-07-03 1:31pm (new)
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Rabid_Weasle
Professional style cramper

Member Rated:

Boinky doesn't understand, old school!

---
Poop.

12-07-03 1:45pm (new)
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boinky33
I'm with stupid ^

Member Rated:

I still don't understand.

12-07-03 1:50pm (new)
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attitudechicka
is never bored.

Member Rated:

Too Eminem like
Especially the pie one

---
Mediocrity at its most average.

12-07-03 3:23pm (new)
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Inflatable_Man
Heart stopper. Hip hopper. Pill popper.

Member Rated:

Here is an one about our favorite new stripper:

And here's a rap I made up on the spot...

Check mic,
Check mic,
*clears throat*
....

Don't front to this bitch,
I'll burn you like a salem witch,
What I want I take,
I'm so bad I comb my hair with a rake,
Smoke an entire bag of shake,
Drive a forklift through your homie's wake,
And drop off his body in the lake,
You don't realize what's at stake,
Because I get inside of you,
I infect you,
With a lyrical flu,
Your pupils dilute as if you were pikachu,
I'm an Iraqi man hitting you with a shoe,
You deserve a crown,
For being king of the clowns,
After you hear me on the mic,
That smirk will turn in to a frown,

....

Well, I gotta go, but that's a small sampling.

---
Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

12-07-03 5:01pm (new)
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boinky33
I'm with stupid ^

Member Rated:

That shit is wack!

12-08-03 7:52am (new)
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Inflatable_Man
Heart stopper. Hip hopper. Pill popper.

Member Rated:

You're wack.

Don't come up to Vegas or I'll pull a Pac on you.

What, what!

---
Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

12-08-03 9:10am (new)
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boinky33
I'm with stupid ^

Member Rated:

I mean it's wiggity wack!

12-08-03 10:25am (new)
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Inflatable_Man
Heart stopper. Hip hopper. Pill popper.

Member Rated:

---
Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

12-08-03 10:41am (new)
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boinky33
I'm with stupid ^

Member Rated:

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12-08-03 10:45am (new)
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bunnerabb
Some bloke.

Member Rated:

Ah, there ya go,
everybody know,
it's a start of the show
where the whole world see's you aint got no flow,
or rhyme, or the time, apparently,
to get within swingin of somebody good as me,
I'm so full of the rage and the flava,
you better sit your ass down, sign this fucking waiver,
cause when I throw down on a bitch like you,
aint but one thing to do,
just let your head explode, while I strike gold,
you been rode, your shit is old, it's all been told, wrapped and sold
for bargain bin motherfuckers just like you, no clue, no class, with they pants down around they ass,
rollin in mama's van, trying to hit up money for gas, to the mall, that's the scene, and that's all,
no taste for the style,
just stackin up shit cause they know how to rip the file,
are you still here? Can you smell the fear?
Cause you know you're up next and my crew is wreckin', that feeling you feelin' is 32 feet per second,
punk, landin' on your ass, I think you better pass, cause this aint ya mama's house,
bitch, and you wont last,
your knees are shakin' while my bass is quakin',
and you know my rhymes aint fakin',
so start steppin back to the cheap seats, bitch, while I fuck this mic up,
no two rhymes alike, s'up?
You trying to keep up with me? Be all you can be? Well fuck that shit, I'm a one man army of righteous rage and rhyme, and you aint got the skills or the time
to get to where I've already been, let alone where I'm goin, while the rhyme is flowin'
this it it, this aint the B-show, so you ready to go? Or are you just ready to punk out now,
that I showed you how, and you know you can't compete? Just step, bitch, it's that way to the street.

Word

---
I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

12-08-03 11:05am (new)
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Inflatable_Man
Heart stopper. Hip hopper. Pill popper.

Member Rated:

AHHHHH!! It's Eminem as a 50 year old!!

---
Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

12-08-03 12:13pm (new)
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bunnerabb
Some bloke.

Member Rated:

1): I aint 50.
2): Fuck Eminem.
3): Could you hand me my cane, please?

---
I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

12-08-03 12:32pm (new)
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Rabid_Weasle
Professional style cramper

Member Rated:

AHHHHHH! It's Eminem as a 60 year old!

---
Poop.

12-08-03 3:35pm (new)
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jes_lawson
I don't know what I'm doing either

Member Rated:

Boinky, bunner, you bust some fecking nice rhymes.

BTW - Bunner's only late forties. I say "only" because I'm 26 tomorrow. You oughta be taking the piss out of me for having lost "it". Fucking 26. Enjoy being 16 while you can. Because then, before you realise it, someone will send you a card with "Happy Fucking 26th " on it. Seriously - the word "Fucking" is obligatory.

Example:

On Sunday I had lunch with the gf and some friends. Instead of going for a burger and buying new PC games like I did when I was 15, or go for a pizza and a pint like I did when I was 20, we talked about politics, tuition fees, house prices and office politics over a bottle of wine and roast beef with garlic roast potatoes, parsnip mash and a red wine jus. And I thought:

"My God. I've lost it. I'm a twenty-something urban professional, with a mortgage who can't stay up all night and party any more. I watch what I eat, I watch what I drink, and I'm working late every day so I can get a pay rise. What the fuck has happene to my life?"

The answer was "I got older"

I've become everything I ever hated.

---
Please replace the handset, and try again.

12-08-03 6:14pm (new)
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