I'm going to use this thread to post some freestyles when I'm feeling bored. Feel free to join in.

I'm pumpin' up yo airwaves with my rapping abilities
And I'm stinkin' up yo household in the bathroom facilities.
My rhymes are fresh, my rhymes are real
You are a baby so I'll eat you up like veal.
Your lady be leavin' you for me because I know how to rock
Your lady be comin' back to you in 2 days because of my small cock
But I'm still fresher than thou, don't have a cow.
You're not hip enough, gotta live in the now.
Got to bring it around town, gonna give you a crown for being the king of the cunts
You think you're so cool, but you're nothing but a runt.
My rhymes be tight, but not as tight as my ass
take a grasp. it be so smooth.
Break out the lube!

Yeah, I know I'm a loser.

I was cruisin down the street in my impala
they ask me who the girl in the car its jus my baby momma
I don't give a fuck about the hoe!
I sock that bitch in the jaw by surprise and pull the nails out ya toes
cus im to slick, gimme the hebbijebbies,
break in all the houses, steal all the TVs
Kick you daddy in the peepee, ya so u can see see
I run the corner n laughing hee hee, hee hee
get ur momma in a head lock oh a full nelson
then I rip yor nipple out like chinese dude named wilson
then I rape his momma cus im too sexy
ish son take da dull shit!
Then I'm back in my impala, sickest ass '82
saw my friend young, his first name is eggfoo
alotta people don't like him, but i don't give a fuck
cus I stole you tv It's in my bubblegum bunker.

---
...and pain joined his urge to percieve...

Yo yo, y'all

Boinky's my bitch 'cause I fuck him up the ass
But I don't use butter fo' lube 'cause I got real class
So when his momma come the other day
Her vaseline all gone she don't know what to say
She just go out and buy some Colt 45
Drinkin' that cheap-ass liquor made her jive
Dancin round the table in middle of da funk
She never noticed the big pool of spunk
Slippin' on my wet stuff, bangin' her head on the sink
After that, she really needed a drink

Word, y'all

---
Jesus saves, but everyone else in a 10 foot radius takes full damage from the fireball.

You've turned my happy-go-lucky freestyle thread into one big joke!

Yo, my nigga,
I jus figga
We gotta work
so we earn money for pork
and beer and chicken and rice
we might get head lice
I ain't no nigga
these rymes are true to bone
i am in the dark zone
anticipateable, stimulateable
it's time to erase
the only one trace!
so peace out
without a doubt....

---
...and pain joined his urge to percieve...

bringing back the beat to everyone i meet.
i rock ya so hard you'll be at the edge of your seat.
i hope you'll be my date, i hope you'll be my mate.
my favorite Flinstones character is Mr. Slate.
Cuz he'll bring that shit!
cuz he'll make it fit!
I wanna ride dat cock to Timbuktu.
I wanna ride dat cock till i poo.
a doodly-doo.
size 10 shoe.
little lu lu.
dont fuck with the fat kid or he'll kick your ass.
he'll break you like glass.
he'll eat you cat.
So you better not front, you cunt!

When I rap I bleed in my ass
I do it in Latin, just like Mass
When at home I read history
I want Shannon Tweed just like an erotic thriller mystery
But when I go out I wear my cowboy boots
Robbin' banks I loves my loots
I take it all home to my assbitch Boinky
Then the bedsprings go doinky-doinky
Last week he gave me HIV
So when I piss there's blood in my pee
I slapped his ass right down for that
But he bounced right back he so fat
Now I can't get rid of the little fucker
Stuck on my dick what a little sucker

---
Jesus saves, but everyone else in a 10 foot radius takes full damage from the fireball.

No one can front the fat boy
out rhyming all my enimies is my ploy
So spread the word and spread your cheeks
So i can rap right into your gaping asshole
impail ya on a flag pole
i rock da mic like nobody else can
if you think you can, you are wrong
and probably stupid
and gay
but hey, that's okay
you cant front, like all others
like all my brothers
like all my sisters
i rap so much, my lips have blisters
so dont try to front me, slick. or i punch you in the dick.

Do these lip blisters mean you can't suck any more?

---
Jesus saves, but everyone else in a 10 foot radius takes full damage from the fireball.

No.

Ima busta move
Like mah slick groove
your ryhmes are's hot as rasins
it hurts from all the tazings
but yet i'm still blazing
and hellraising
form the master apocalypse
and put it on the metroplolis
A'ight nigga, I win,
cause' yo ryhmes as thin
as tin
peace

---
...and pain joined his urge to percieve...

Mad prizzops to all the SC MC's...

You know when I flow I never get lazy,
My rhymes is so tight they make you go crazy,
Who the fuck do you think you are?
Go up against me and you'll never get far,
I'll get up in your face,
Make you look like a disgrace,
Get down on your knees,
You better say please,
Start to suck deez,
Nuts on your chin,
You know it's a sin
You'll never win,
Goodbye ho,
Cause you know,
I be hip hopin', crip-walking, to the top cause you know I can't stop,
Lyrically, physically, mentally, you just can't handle me.

=D

Yo, Yo,

Matchbook has got some problems
because I can beat all of thems
You've still got some shizzit
on yo back fo dat its a clizzit
I do Freestyle anytime
Anywhere, I will ryhme
With my homie JD Fresh
And if yo dont like dat go cut yo own flesh

Peace Out, Brothas!

---
...and pain joined his urge to percieve...

god is great
god is good
let us thank him for this food
by his hands
we are fed
give us lord our daily bread.

amen

oh, and fo shizzle.

---
It's grime time.

Salutatus stercio boinkior
Meus phallus exantate maior
Solomus rathumizo anus
Jercio exus in suus penis
In boinkius anus meus cum
Exultare "Cogito ergo sum!"
Portantus emittus ex
Pacus beerus imbibere sex
Macus sentate coronus
Widior licus goatsemus

Pacus ex, omnes.

---
Jesus saves, but everyone else in a 10 foot radius takes full damage from the fireball.

Yo, yo, yo
I'm a fat fuck
You're a little duck
Let's go watch uncle Buck
Chickens go cluck cluck
but anyway, I'm not gay
But my dad is
and he touches me while i sleep
he touches my deek
he puts it in deep
into his butt
that fucking slut
He be bustin' a nut
into his son
i hope he has fun
burning in hell
my favorite simpson character is sideshow mel
dont judge me
cuz you aint a judge
dont judge me
i eat alot of fudge
you think you're so cool just because you have a bigger cock?
......
Well, I guess you are
but you still cant spread rhymes like me
and you cant spread thighs like me
so shut up and watch me perform
no, not a song, but oral sex on your mom
your cookie's gonna crumble
your goose is cooked
i am good at the sunday jumble
because i looked
at the answer sheet on the next page
oh, im so ashamed
i will now kill myself in the name of fat cunts everywhere.

You can busta groove, busta move,
but ya'll can't compare to these rhmyes
yo behind the times, yo taste like limes
because I am the next r.kelly
i am the numba one (Fo' rill)
and if yo sizzlin' steaks on yo grill
then I will be awaitin' til
the caps get busted (yeah)
In the hood

---
...and pain joined his urge to percieve...

Dive stroke stroke breathe stroke stroke breathe stroke swallow spit stroke cough stroke stroke breathe stroke stroke pant kick stroke stroke breathe stroke touch wall climb out pant ...

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Boinky ate a kid today
And chased it with some Chardonnay

Kaufman made a coupla puns
And cornholed TOBOR in his buns

Kajun downed shots, drank a coupla beers
Passed out, got raped by Britney Spears

Brad fixed some stuff and made some tunes
Then he banned a coupla trolling goons

Dcom hates stuff all the time
Listens to some Esham rhymes

Chicka worked the dollar store
attitude to the very core

mmyers pushed some files around
Then made funny comics abound

Jes_Lawson had meetings from Hell
Then rang the 'funny comix' bell

Umfum did his daily thing
Which is so good, he is the king

kitty talked about her boobs
And flashed them to a coupla n00bs

DragonXero cracked the whip
on Drexle's candy-coated nips

MaKK just said some stupid shit
And made us see that he's a git

Andydougan talked some sense
refused to sit upon the fence

KKP made some wicked funny stuff
I can't wait to see him in the buff.

Rabid said WANGS a lot then got annoyed
after Dcom humped him he was overjoyed

Sorry to anyone I missed
Perhaps I'll reference you tomorra'
I'm off for some Asian massage
And maybe sucky sucky five dorra.

---
The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.