BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN

Henry Frankenstein -- Adam Sandler
Elizabeth -- Winona Ryder
The Monster -- Gary Busey
Dr. Praetorius -- Scott Thompson
Karl -- Jack Black
Percy Shelley -- Seth Green
Lord Byron -- Kid Rock
Mary Shelley/Monster's Mate -- Amanda Bynes

THE GODFATHER

Don Corleone -- Gary Coleman
Michael -- Charles Nelson Reilly
Sonny -- Chris Cattan
Tom Hagen -- Chris Elliott
Fredo -- Anne Heche
Kay -- Hulk Hogan
Luca Brazzi -- Haley Joel Osment
Moe Green -- Rosie O'Donnell

ALIEN

Ripley -- Andy Dick
Captain Dallas -- Jeff Probst
Kane -- Wink Martindale
Parker -- Matt Kennedy Gould
Brett -- Rod Steiger
Lambert -- Vince MacMahon

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

ELL OH ELL!!

Pulp Fiction-

Pumpkin- Danny Aiello
Honey Bunny- Quentin Tarantino
Vincent Vega- Martha Stewart
Jules Winnfield- Charles Laughton
Marsellus Wallace- Joe Pesci
Mia Wallace- A Badger
Butch- Eddie Izzard
Fabienne- Steven Wright
Captain Koons- Lee Ermey
Winston Wolf- Alfred Hitchcock
Jimmie- The Swedish Chef

quote:

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Jimmie- The Swedish Chef

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LOTR - The Fellowship of the Ring

Bilbo Baggins -- Marlon Brando
Frodo Baggins -- Matt Damon
Samwise Gamgee -- Ben Affleck
Merry -- Mary Kate Olsen
Pippin -- Ashley Olsen
Aragorn -- Steven Seagal
Legolas -- Michael Clarke Duncan
Boromir -- Danny Trejo
Gimli -- Bobcat Goldthwait
Gandalf -- Jason Mewes
Saruman -- Anthony Hopkins
Elrond -- Quentin Tarantino
Arwen -- Traci Lords

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Michael Clarke Duncan would make a wonderful golden-haired elf.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Love it, love it, LOVE it!

Full Metal Jacket

Private Joker - Rod Stewart
Private Pyle - Tinky Winky
Gunnery Sgt. Hartman - Sam Kinison
Animal Mother - Pokey standing on Gumby's shoulders
Private Cowboy - Jaleel White
Private Snowball - Penelope Cruz
Eightball - Ving Rhames as Marsellus Wallace
Rafterman - A parsnip
Pogue Colonol - Tim Curry as Dr. Frank-N-Furter
Private Payback - The reanimated body of Yul Brynner
Crazy Earl - Ned Beatty
Da Nang Hooker - Richard Simmons
Donlon - Jonathan Taylor Thomas
T.H.E. Rock - Joe Piscopo

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

THE MATRIX

Neo -- Phyllis Diller
Trinity -- George Foreman
Morpheus -- Pat Sajack
Tank -- Loretta Lynn
Dozer -- Suzanne Somers
Mouse -- Walter Matthau
Cypher -- Ted Koppel
Agent Smith -- Nell Carter
The Oracle -- Jim Belushi
"Spoon" kid -- Brit Hume
Neo's boss -- Jack Osbourne
"White Rabbit" girl -- Rush Limbaugh

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

THE PRINCESS BRIDE

Westley -- Macauley Culkin
Inigo Montoya -- Lorena Bobbitt
Prince Humperdinck -- Jerry Seinfeld
Count Tyrone Rugen -- Ron Palillo
Vizzini -- William Shatner
Fezzik -- Divine
The Grandson -- Gary Coleman
Buttercup -- Madonna
The Grandfather -- George W. Bush
The Impressive Clergyman -- Barbara Walters
The Albino -- Michael Jackson
Valerie -- Kathy Bates
Miracle Max -- Jack Nicholson
The Queen -- Florence Henderson
The Ancient Booer -- Bill Murray

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Titanic

Jack Dawson - John Madden
Rose DeWitt Bukkake - John Goodman
'Cal' Hockley - Mia Farrow
'Molly' Brown - Stephen King
Brock Lovett - Slim Pickens
Old Rose - Puff Daddy
Ruth DeWitt Bukkake - Rip Taylor
Spicer Lovejoy - Patrick Stewart
Capt. Edward J. Smith - Patrick Stewart
J. Bruce Ismay - Patrick Stewart
Thomas Andrews, Fabrizio De Rossi, Lewis Bodine, etc. - Patrick Stewart

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

PINK FLAMINGOS

Babs Johnson -- Dr. Joyce Brothers
Mama Edie -- Arnold Schwarzenegger
Crackers -- Orrin Hatch
Cotton -- Maya Angelou
Raymond Marble -- Chuck Norris
Connie Marble -- Gloria Steinem
Channing Wilroy -- Paul McCartney
Cookie -- F. Murray Abraham
The Egg Man -- Warren Beatty
Anal Party Guest -- Harrison Ford
Flasher -- Phil Donahue
Girls in basement -- Andrew "Dice" Clay, Al Franken

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

quote:

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quote:

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Jimmie- The Swedish Chef

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"Und den joo put der niggér in der car, und den joo git it out of my fuuking hoose! BORK BORK BORK!"

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Raging Bull

Jake LaMotta - Larry 'Bud' Melman
Vickie LaMotta - DMX
Joey LaMotta - Kathy Griffin
Salvy - Dennis Rodman
Tommy Como - Noriyuki "Pat" Morita
Lenore LaMotta - Vic Tayback
Mario - Amanda Huggenkiss
Patsy - A stack of unsequenced 100s
Guido - Jenna Jameson
Toppy - Homestar Runner
Irma - a Chicklet

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Passion of the Christ

Jesus - Graham Chapman
Mary - Terry Jones
Magdalene - Carol Cleveland
Dismas - Eric Idle
Annas - Michael Palin
Gesmas - John Cleese
Cassius - Terry Jones
Satan - Terry Gilliam
Scornful Roman - John Cleese
Peter - John Cleese
Brutish Roman - Graham Chapman
Pilate - Michael Palin
Second Temple Officer - Eric Idle

Something seems really familiar about this...

The Fog of War

Robert McNamara- The Swedish Chef

"First yoo take-a da missols, den you take-a der gooks.... a quagmire!"

Kind Hearts And Coronets

The Duke - Swedish Chef
The Banker - Swedish Chef
The Parson - Swedish Chef
The General - Swedish Chef
The Admiral - Swedish Chef
Young Ascoyne - Swedish Chef
Young Henry - Swedish Chef
Lada Agatha - Swedish Chef
Duke Lewis Mazzini - Steve Buscemi
Edith D'Ascoyne - Liza Minelli
Sibella - Tim Robbins

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

Ass.

ANIMAL HOUSE

Otter -- Al Roker
Boone -- David Brenner
Katy -- Geraldine Ferraro
Pinto -- Tom Snyder
Flounder -- Dennis Farina
Dean Wormer -- Michael Stipe
Mrs. Wormer -- Dionne Warwicke
Hoover -- Burt Young
D-Day -- Richard Simmons
Stork -- James Woods
Carmine DiPasto -- Johnny Winter
Greg Marmalard -- Morgan Freeman
Doug Neidermeyer -- Emo Phillips
Otis Day -- Russell Crowe
Bluto -- Jeremy Irons

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

JA\/\/S

Police Chief Martin Brody - Billy Crystal
Quint - Rosie O'Donnel
Matt Hooper - Donald Sutherland
Ellen Brody - Meg Ryan
Mayor Larry Vaughn - Sinbad
Deputy Leonard 'Lenny' Hendricks - Mcauley Culkin
Michael 'Mike' Brody - Graeme Norton
Sean Brody - Ru-Paul
Mrs. Kintner - Stallone!
Alex M. Kintner - 'Clyde the Orangutang'
First Victim/Swimming Girl - Estelle Getty

Featuring the voice of Ernest Borgnine as 'The Shark who ruined Summer'

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

STAR TREK -- THE MOTION PICTURE

Captain Kirk -- Jason Alexander
Mr. Spock -- Michael Clarke Duncan
Dr. McCoy -- Tom Green
Sulu -- Edgar Winter
Chekov -- Erik Estrada
Uhura -- Randy Quaid
Scotty -- Wil Wheaton
Dr. Chapel -- Bea Arthur
Capt. Decker -- Jack Klugman
Lt. Ilia -- Vin Diesel
V'Ger -- Marlin Perkins

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

"My butt, my butt, my butt is on the transporter!"

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Schindler's list

Jerry Lewis - Oskar Schindler
Howard Stern - Itzhak Stern
Michael Jackson - Amon Goeth
Belladonna - Emilie Schindler
Ric Flair - Poldek Pfefferberg
Wanda Sykes - Helen Hirsch

Roman Holiday

Courtney Love - Princess Ann
Al Goldstein - Joe Bradley
homeless crack addicts - all other roles

Dr. Strangelove

Horatio Sanz - all Peter Sellers roles
CarrotTop - GEn. Turgidson
Vanilla Ice - Jack D. Ripper
Yoko Ono - TJ Kong
Scott Steiner - Bat Guano
Snoop Dogg - Russian Ambassador

Breakfast Club

Richard Simmons - Jock
Bob Saget - rebel
Arnold Scwartzenegger - nerd
Rosie O'Donnell - popular girl
Estelle Getty - freak
Reginald VelJohnson - principal
Donald Trump - janitor

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I think it's time I had a talk with my kids. I'll just tell 'em what my daddy told me: YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA AMOUNT TO NOTHIN'

ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST

Harmonica -- David Spade
Jill -- Nell Carter
Cheyenne -- Sean Hannity
Frank -- Rip Taylor
Morton -- Wesley Snipes

THE WIZARD OF OZ

Dorothy -- Barbara Walters
Wicked Witch -- Steven Wright
Scarecrow -- Ted Kennedy
Tin Man -- Sean Connery
Cowardly Lion -- Rutger Hauer
Wizard -- Louis Farrakahn
Auntie Em -- Anna Nicole Smith
Uncle Henry -- Steven Segall

LONESOME DOVE

Augustus McCrae -- Dick Cavett
Woodrow Call -- Jerry Lewis
Lorena Wood -- Dr. Ruth Westheimer
Jake Spoon -- Charles Grodin
Josh Deets -- Andy Dick
Clara Allen -- Rachel Dratch
Newt -- Lance Henricksen
Pea Eye -- Sir Lawrence Olivier
July Johnson -- Ron Popeil
Blue Duck -- Louie Anderson

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

quote:

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ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST

Harmonica -- David Spade

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DARK STAR

Lt. Doolittle -- Emo Phillips
Boiler -- Lawrence Olivier
Talby -- Wil Wheaton
Sgt. Pinback -- Leonardo Dicaprio
Bomb #20 -- Arnold Schwarzenneger
Alien -- Ethel Merman
Commander Powell -- Robin Williams

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

ERASERHEAD

Henry -- Robert Loggia
Mary -- Sigourney Weaver
Mary's father -- John Houseman
Mary's mother -- Bo Derek
Prostitute -- Judy Woodruff
Lady in radiator -- Reba McIntyre
Eraser machine operator -- Jack Valenti
Paul -- Jeff Goldblum
Little boy -- Dirk Bogarde
Baby -- Raymond J. Johnson, Jr.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.