In my defense, I think there's a gas leak over my cube.

Plant life by mmyers 7-14-04

I noticed that you've put plants in and all around your cube now. Yeah. I wanted to lighten the place up a little, make it more homey. Plus, I love plants. I was curious why, if you like plants, that you always refuse to water the Christmas tree when we get it every year? Christmas trees are the Uncle Tom of the plant kingdom, shucking and jiving for the moment, but offering no long-term benefits, shilling about how you can hang stuff on them. That's right, I said it. Why don't you come over here and do something about it. Oh, not so tough in the middle of July without all your friends around, are you? Oh please don't let me start crying. Be strong...must be strong.

Plant Life (2) by mmyers 7-14-04

And so what did you do? I excused myself and went and cried in the bathroom. This man owes you an apology. You should demand an apology. Hillary, you don't understand. It's the middle of July. I don't really have any pull around the office this time of year. Let's just drop it and read the mail. Great. Another letter from the housing association telling us to take down our Christmas decorations. Why do they keep sending us those?

Plant Life (3) by mmyers 7-14-04

*Ding-DONG* Yes? Um, hello...I'm Craig Huntley from the neighborhood housing association. Uhh, is the home owner around? I'm the home owner. Can I help you? Well, I was coming over to tell you to take down your Christmas trees, but this kind of explains things. Have a good evening.

Plant Life (4) by mmyers 7-14-04

I can't believe he used that "Christmas trees are Uncle Toms" bit. We're very important, not just during Christmas but all the time! That's what I tried to say! (Then I went to the bathroom and cried.) I'm gonna go talk to this jerk, tell him what's what. Yeah, you should do that! Hey, can you pour some water in my bowl before I go? My needles are feeling a little dry. Can do.

Plant Life (5) by mmyers 7-14-04

I want to have a few words with you, buddy! Didn't we already have a few words and you ran to the bathroom like a little bitch? Or is that birch? No that was my friend Telly, and you'll find that I don't get pushed around so easy. Hmm, all you Christmas trees looks alike to me. I can believe you have the audacity to say such a thing. What? It's true. You all have little balls and wear silver fluffy things.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Plant Life (6) by mmyers 7-23-04

Look, Christmas tree, there isn't an easy way to say this...so I'm just going to give you this piece of paper and let you figure it out. Wha-- A letter. "Dear Christmas tree, there's no easy way to say this, so I wrote you a letter. You're fired. With loving regards, your boss." Oooh! If I had eyebrows, or even eyes for that matter, everyone would see I'm very angry. For now, I'll just shake. Gosh I'm angry.

Plant Life (7) by mmyers 7-23-04

Telly, I've never seen you this fired up before. I'm mad, Hillary, firey mad! What are you going to do? I'm going to have it out with this Filing Clerk guy. If he's not lucky, I just may forget that I'm a Christmas tree and go oak tree on his ass. Telly! Look, you're getting yourself all dried up. Your needles are turning brown. Have some water. I don't need water, Hillary. I don't even care what my needles look like or how hard it is for the vacuum to suck them up. I'm mad!

Plant Life (8) by mmyers 7-23-04

That crazy Christmas tree is outside in the parking lot yelling for you. Is he angry? I can't tell. He doesn't have eyes or eyebrows so it's hard to say. He's shaking off a lot of needles, though. Allright. Thanks Brad. Allright, where are...when did we get a forrest in the parking lot? Allright jerk, you and Telly are going to have it out, Thunderdome style. ONE TREE AND ONE HUMAN ENTER, ONLY ONE TREE OR HUMAN LEAVES!

Plant Life (9) by mmyers 7-23-04

Fine, let's do this. I only have a half hour left of my lunch break. Oh, you'll be broken allright. Come on out, Telly. Give this guy the business...Telly? Maybe he chickened out. Hey Filing Clerk, I threw away that old Christmas tree that was rotting in the parking lot. Threw him in the grinder. Thanks Ted. See ya around. Sure thing. Say, where'd this fucking forest come from?

Plant Life (10) by mmyers 7-23-04

Mrs. Christmas tree, I regret to inform you that your husband has been recycled. Telly!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!! If it makes you feel any better, he died very bravely...if you consider dying in a mulcher brave, which I do. Thanks Mr Filing Clerk. Please, stay with me tonight, comfort me, prune me, make me feel like a sapling again. Um, I'm married...yet, you are a tree and I don't think sleeping with a tree would be considered cheating. We have a saying in the tree community. "Once you sleep with a tree, you'll never leave." Of course that may be the gin and the fact that I'm horny talking.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

mmyers, you just won a "Yippy, That Was Fucking Awesome!"

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Poop.

Fantastic.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

It should be noted that the Natasha to my Boris, Ivy the plant, made a sequel.

Plant Life: Resurrection by ivytheplant 7-23-04

Late one evening... Did you just throw toxic waste into that mulch pile? Couldn't find a trash can. Let's go. I'm bored. *eerie chanting* I am risen! Revenge! Did it just get cold in here?

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

I did like this series a lot.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

It was most amusing, to the point where I nearly became incontinent.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

I like to think that my strips keep global tourism down...wait, are we thinking of the same in-continent?

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

You know, a Poise pad does what a Poise pad does better than ever.

Really made me laugh, what a great series of comics, in a serial type format. I'm serious man!

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.