I'm thinking of making this a regular comic format for me. Please let me know what you think.

Crime and Punishment - #1 by Enderandrew 10-10-04

There is concern regarding terrorism in Russia these days. I heard someone was suspiciously snooping around the Red Square. The Red Square? Isn't that where they have tombs for famous Russian leaders? I heard that Stalin's grave is just another communist plot. Another pun like that, and I fly the coop. I also read that someone stole a toilet from the police precinct. The cops have nothing to go on.

Crime and Punishment #2 by Enderandrew 10-10-04

There was another news story of a cheap eye surgeon who was cutting corneas. I'm beginning to understand why some chickens peck themselves to death. People should have known the doctor was a quack when they saw his large bill. "Not another one," the doctor said. "I'm running out of patience!" Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication. Did you know that when punsters age they become groan-ups?

Crime and Punishment #3 by Enderandrew 10-10-04

As a pacifist, Ghandi ate very little. He didn't want plants or animals to die for his sustenance. Is that so? And living in Western India, he probably was dehydrated all the time. He probably had wicked cotton-mouth. God lord, I think I know where this is going. Some say that he was a super fragile mystic with chronic halitosis. If I had opposable thumbs, you'd be a dead man.

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"Nihilism makes me smile."

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

ORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was what happened when I read your comics. My brain fucking exploded (because they were so shitty.)

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possible savior probable SEX MACHINE

Every looks down on puns, but they are an age-old art form. Either way, you shouldn't inccourge me. I'm an incouragable punster!

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"Nihilism makes me smile."

Kaufman is the punster you are a Poseter

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possible savior probable SEX MACHINE

While I dig Kaufman's comics, no one person claims domain over all that is punny. Lord knows I had an unholy fascination for puns years before I found this website.

Note my article on puns in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

[url=http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A592643][/url]

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"Nihilism makes me smile."

It matters not how long you have known of the Pun.

Kaufman is the High Priest of Punnery. He has achieved Punirvana and may appreciate your stab at it.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, please! Take it easy. The Punic Wars were supposed to have been settled 2150 years ago.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

But everyone just got bored with them so they were never officially stopped.

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possible savior probable SEX MACHINE

Puntastic!

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Get Your War On

Crime and Punishment #4 by Enderandrew 10-12-04

"I've set the rear of the attic aflame," Tom fired back loftily. You should be cowful what you say about udders. "I just got back from China," said Tom disorientedly. Chew cud offend someone. "Is this sodomy? Tom asked, half in Ernest. I could milk this routine forever.

Crime and Punishment #5 by Enderandrew 10-12-04

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. I don't want to hear any of the entries. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. I know it's comming... Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. My brain is oozing out my ears right now.

Crime and Punishment #6 by Enderandrew 10-12-04

Dangling by a thread, some questioned whether or not the tattered and frayed prosecution could patch up their case so close to clothesing arguments. He had just had to iron it out. When pressed, the material witness in the suit came apart at the seams. 'Do not pull the wool over my eyes! Sew, it was you!' The tailor's lawyer had cotton on to her tapesty... ...woven together by lies, coated in tails. Some of us were on pins and needles, and one loony onlooker was in stitches. Leather or not the jury was suede was left to be steamed. I need a cranial enema.

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"Nihilism makes me smile."

Crime and Punishment #7 by Enderandrew 10-12-04

The Punster's Dictionary Alarms: what an octopus is. Mercy. Crick: the sound that a Japanese camera makes. Please stop. Dockyard: a physician's garden. Have you considered smoking dynamite? It will blow your mind.

Crime and Punishment #8 by Enderandrew 10-12-04

More of the punster's dictionary. Incongruous: where bills are passed. What have I done to deserve this? Khakis: what you need to start the car in Boston. I want something really bad to happen to you. Oboe: an English tramp. One of us is laying eggs up here on stage.

Crime and Punishment #9 by Enderandrew 10-12-04

More of the punster's dictionary. Pasteurise: too fast to see. Mommy, make it stop. Propaganda: a gentlemanly goose. I've had enough. Toboggan: why we go to an auction. Im debating on whether I really want to burn this dictionary of yours of shove it up your ass.

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"Nihilism makes me smile."

I recommend you find a copy of the "Daft Dictionary" by Gyles Brandreth..... you'll love it, I've had a copy for 20 odd years and still flick through it occasionally....

examples

intense : a camping holiday.
scrapbook : a boxers diary.
diplomat : someone who thinks twice before saying nothing. etc etc

Never heard of it, but I will try to find it.

I enjoyed the Deeper Meaning of Liff with Douglas Adams, though some of the humor seemed topical and localized for an English audience.

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"Nihilism makes me smile."

I invented that pun. I don't appreciate someone named "Gyles Brandreth" stealing it from me.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.