The $10 K Martini by CHUBBY 12-04-04

True fact: The Algonquin serves a $10,000 martini. Welcome to the Algonquin. What'll it be, Chief? What? Oh, there you are. I'm meeting my fiancee here. Well she's not really my fiancee yet. What I mean is, I'm going to propose tonight. Two martinis, please. That'll be $20,000, Cap'n.   ?   Did you want to start a tab, Mac? Maybe just one martini, then.

The $10 K Martini ii by CHUBBY 12-04-04

What's wrong, sport? Too rich for your blood? Well, it's not so much the $20,000 tab as the $5000 tip. Yeah, I'm with ya, pal. I'm a little short this week myself.   ?  Heeheehee, I love that joke.

The $10 K Martini iii by CHUBBY 12-04-04

I guess at these prices, you don't sell too many martinis. Nope. But on the other hand, at these prices, you don't have to. Two more and I can retire.

The $10 K Martini iv by CHUBBY 12-04-04

This must be one hell of a martini. Oh, that it is, champ. Is it painfully dry? Does it come in a hogshead? Is it made from gin distilled on the space shuttle by virgins? None of that stuff, friend. It's got carats in it. Instead of olives?

The $10 K Martini v by CHUBBY 12-04-04

Not carrots like you find in the ground. Carats. Like you find in the ground. Huh? Omigosh, I just remembered! I forgot to buy a ring! How can I propose without a ring? You leave everything to me, Buddy. OK-- uh, I'm sorry, what's your name? Stretch.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

The $10 K Martini vi by CHUBBY 12-04-04

I bet you're wondering how I got the name Stretch. What? No! I mean, it's none of my-- I used to be 6'7". I was center for the Boston Celtics. My God. What happened? Well you shrink when you get older. Last night, I was shrinking so much I could hardly stay underneath the covers. Heeheehee! No, I'm just messing with you, Boss. My name's Shorty.

The $10 K Martini vii by CHUBBY 12-04-04

So people actually buy them? And what's that weird music? Sounds like a flashback. "One time a genuine celebrity was in here. She was drinking $10,000 martinis all night. I remember it like it was yesterday. Because it was....." Two martinis, my good man. That'll be $20,000, Chief. Say, we don't get many monkeys in here. And at these prices, you won't get too many more. Right, Paris? That's hot.

The $10 K Martini viii by CHUBBY 12-04-04

There you go, Ace. One $10,000 martini. Straight up. And as you can see, there's a diamond in it. Hey, that's perfect! Thanks, Shorty. Won't my fiancee be surprised! Oh, here she comes! Hi, hon! Hi, sweetie. What made you think of the Algonquin? I haven't been here in ages. This was just what I needed, though. What a day! And you have my martini waiting for me. You're the best. (*GULP) Uh-- Boy, that was good. The same again, please. (*urrp)

The $10 K Martini ix by CHUBBY 12-04-04

Uh-- You don't mind if I have another one, do you? You know what they say: Martinis are like boobies. One is not enough, and three are too many. HAW HAW HAW! Say, where is the bartender? He's around. He's hard to see because he's a little person. Gnome? We just met for the first time tonight. Oh, there you are. Hi, down there, li'l guy. The same again. Aren't you having one, honey? You look like you need a drink. Make it two.

The $10 K Martini x by CHUBBY 12-04-04

Two martoonies. Did you want those straight up or ON THE ROCKS? (*WINK WINK) STRAIGHT UP! On the rocks. What is the matter with you today? You know I like some ice in my drink. So do you, for that matter. Honestly. You know Cosmo says if a man changes his drink order he's having an affair? Hey-- Darby O'Gill! Who do I have to fuck around here to get a martini! Let's go! Say hello to my little friend-- George Washington. And his pal Abe Lincoln. Maybe you'll get lucky with them tonight. Coming right up. Two martinis. Oh, what the hell. It's been a long week. Make 'em doubles.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

The $10 K Martini xi by CHUBBY 12-04-04

Uh-- *GULP Boy, that is the best martini I ever had! You know what Winston Churchill said about making a martini? You glance at the vermouth bottle! HAW HAW HAW! Uh-- If you don't mind, I'm going to have another. Another round, Rumplestiltskin! What a day I had! Whew! I needed this! Thanks, hon. Uh-- Oh, I'm sorry. I've just been talking about me. Let's talk about you. Are you gonna finish that drink?

The $10 K Martini xii by CHUBBY 12-04-04

Uh-- Are you having another? Hey, cockney guy in a pub says to his wife, "I say, Grace, are you 'aving another?" And she says, "Oh, no, it's just the way me coat 'angs." HAW HAW HAW! Uh-- Oh, thanks, there, Tom Thumb. Meet the father of our country. You might meet the Great Emancipator, too, if you stay on your toes. Or, in your case, tiptoes. HAW HAW HAW! Uh-- Hey, remember what Honest Abe said? "A man's legs should be long enough to reach the ground." You just barely qualify. HAW HAW HAW! Honey, you don't look so good. Maybe I should have your drink.

The $10 K Martini xiii by CHUBBY 12-04-04

Uh-- *GULP* ANYway, I haven't told you about my day! You know I've been negotiating all week on behalf of a big star to get her to do a talk show! She signed today! Now I can tell you! It's Paris Hilton! Paris Hilton's doing a talk show? Yes, and it almost fell through at the last minute because her boyfriend, who's a monkey or an ape or something, didn't like his role on the show, and he walked. You know what he said? I can only imagine. "I'm not gonna be anybody's second banana!" I mean can you beat it? Banana-- monkey? Hey, Tiny! Two more. Make 'em triples. And no olives. I'm on Atkins. Girl has to watch her figure.

The $10 K Martini xiv by CHUBBY 12-04-04

Uh-- *GULP* Sweetie, will you please stop interrupting? ANYways, what do you think they're paying her? Ten million dollars! And I get 10%! Do you know what that means? We can finally get married! Uh-- You can quit that stupid brewery and be a househusband. Do you know how to change diapers? You don't mind if Mother lives with us, do you? Look, I cashed the check and got all the money in $100 bills. Uh-- This calls for a celebration. Hey, Pappy Yokum! My boyfriend and I are getting married! Drinks all around!

The $10 K Martini xv by CHUBBY 12-04-04

Uh-- Here's to us, sweetie! *GULP* I'm sure Mother will like you once she gets to know you. Hey, I gotta go powder my nose. Uh-- You don't buy martinis, you rent 'em! HAWHAWHAW! Hey, watch my bag. I don't trust Dopey when it comes to my money. Oh, sorry, sweetie-- our money. Shorty, I'd like to settle up.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

The $10 K Martini xvi by CHUBBY 12-04-04

Thank you very much, sir. Now I can retire in style. My daddy left me the deed to Neshobe Island in Vermont. I've always wanted to open a brewpub there. Now I can. Wait a minute-- your father was the owner of Neshobe Island? Alexander Woollcott of the Algonquin Round Table? Yes sir. I was his illegitimate son by Edna Ferber. But-- wasn't he gay? And wasn't she a lesbian? No wonder I've been a mite confused all my life, Doc.

The $10 K Martini xvii by CHUBBY 12-04-04

Boy, I had to piss like a racehorse! I think Aunt Flo is coming to visit for the week, if you get my drift. Hey Grumpy, two for the road! It's on the house. See? That's what I call service. Now, sweetie, let's talk rings. I've been looking at Tiffany's..... Shorty, has Michael Finn been in here today? The same thing happened last night with Paris Hilton. We gave her a $50,000 enema. That's hot.

The $10 K Martini xvii by CHUBBY 12-04-04

I did WHAT? You'll have to give me a WHAT? Calm down, it's not all that bad! Paris Hilton did it! That's hot. And now she wears them? Well, naturally you wash them first. Tinkerbelle could sprinkle them with magical pixie dust, I ain't fuckin' wearin' 'em!

The $10 K Martini xix by CHUBBY 12-04-04

Wait a minute. I get it now. You. A hotel room. A midget. Enemas. You pervert! Mother was right! Don't marry a brewer! We are so fucking thru! How about another drink? This one's on the house. You deserve it. Thanks, Shorty. I think you're gonna be OK, Son. Why? She left her money behind.

The $10 K Martini xx by CHUBBY 12-04-04

You're a brewer? Come work for me in Vermont. In the meantime, as Bob Benchley used to say, "You need a night of spectacular, mindless fucking." Thanks for the job. But where am I going to find somebody for tonight? Hey, look what the cat drug in! I'll leave you two crazy kids alone. Hey, Paris! Can I buy you a martini? That's hot.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

Long, but amusing =)

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"If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in your family"

Hey, thanks.

Except for "mmyers nightmare" and "Porter Goss, International Man of Mystery", none of my series even started out as such. I thought this story MIGHT run two strips-- the lady swallows the diamond and they have to get it out. But Shorty and Paris Hilton and Snooky (the monkey/chimp) hijacked it. I'm used to outlining a story and plotting out the whole thing from beginning to end, but with these it's like I'm just transcribing what the characters are saying. And even with "mmyers" and "Porter Goss", I only knew what the first strip was going to be-- no idea how what was going to happen after that. Weird.

Also, as is probably pretty obvious, I'm an aficianado of the Algonquin Round Table, craft brewing, and Vermont.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

I've tried to make a series or two before that last over 5 strips, but it doesn't really work for me. My material is too thin to begin with I think.

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"If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in your family"

I usually can't make anything less than five.

Nice work on the comics btw.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

Thankyewvermuch.

I'm curious to know how other people work-- do you plan out the whole story in advance, do you just start writing, how do you do it?

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

The way I do it is I'll think up some fantastical ideas while I'm at work or in the shower or something, sometimes I think up enough for dozens of strips but when I get to my computer it all seems to disappear on me so I end up making shit like this:

YEEWHORE by thochaos 10-22-03

Lets go bitch! Tiemt o go! Where are we going cowboy? BAkck! BAck in time! Sweet! Oh shit we got stuck in limbo! Fucking cowboys!

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"If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in your family"