Don't you love those old whodunits set in the twenties and thirties where the rich old titled nobleman is found dead in a locked room and Scotland Yard is called in and turns out everyone had a motive to kill him?

Me neither. Buncha inbred, jug-eared, horse-toothed twits dithering around for two and a half hours talking shite. Even Robert Altman couldn't make it interesting. And the identity of the murderer is always either a.) painfully obvious to anyone with a vestigial cerebral cortex or b.) some character introduced on the penultimate page. And why is it that no matter where M. Poirot or Miss Marple go, dead bodies turn up and yet no one ever suspects THEM? And who would invite either of these fat pantloads to his house for the weekend, knowing that doing so is a sure way to end up as a box of Purina Worm Chowâ„¢?

Here's the template. Finish it as you wish. All entries must be time-stamped by 11:59 PM Wednesday, 1/19/05 Stripcreator Time.

Previously, on "Stripcreator"..... by CHUBBY 1-12-05

I know! I'll open my presidential liberry! No you won't. I ate all the books. I'm Porter Goss-- International Man of Mystery. Yeah? I'm Offisa Pup, from "Krazy Kat". Can I date your daughter? The tubby one? Don't push it, Jewboy.

Purina Worm Chowâ„¢ is a registered trademark of the Purina Corporation. All rights reserved.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

FTC 52: A Mighty Wind by Zaster 1-12-05

You're probably wondering why I called you here. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is right in this room. Is it his wastrel son, Lord Bunbury, Jr., who needed his inheritance to pay off debts? Is it his upstairs maid, with whom he shared one night of love thirty years ago that resulted in issue? Is it that issue, who arrived here just last night on a boat from Inja? Is it Lady Marbury? Is it her brother, the Duke of Earl, or one of the rent boys he regularly hires? Is it Rickets, the chauffeur with the shady past? Is it Pierre LeCirque, international art forger and blackmailer? Or was it, mayhaps, someone else? I think the answer will surprise most of you just as much as it surprised me when I realized it. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is-- GREAT SCOTT! THE LIGHTS! AAHH!! ...and that's why I had to kill him. He just wouldn't shut up! We'll argue justifiable homicide!

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

FTC 52: Humour-less by thochaos 1-12-05

You're probably wondering why I called you here. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is right in this room. Is it his wastrel son, Lord Bunbury, Jr., who needed his inheritance to pay off debts? Is it his upstairs maid, with whom he shared one night of love thirty years ago that resulted in issue? Is it that issue, who arrived here just last night on a boat from Inja? Is it Lady Marbury? Is it her brother, the Duke of Earl, or one of the rent boys he regularly hires? Is it Rickets, the chauffeur with the shady past? Is it Pierre LeCirque, international art forger and blackmailer? Or was it, mayhaps, someone else? I think the answer will surprise most of you just as much as it surprised me when I realized it. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is-- GREAT SCOTT! THE LIGHTS! AAHH!! 12:00 AM Thursday, 1/20/05 Stripcreator Time What happened? I thought you were a sure bet to win this one? ...still...reading...template...

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"If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in your family"

ftc 52 by dcomposed 1-12-05

You're probably wondering why I called you here. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is right in this room. Is it his wastrel son, Lord Bunbury, Jr., who needed his inheritance to pay off debts? Is it his upstairs maid, with whom he shared one night of love thirty years ago that resulted in issue? Is it that issue, who arrived here just last night on a boat from Inja? Is it Lady Marbury? Is it her brother, the Duke of Earl, or one of the rent boys he regularly hires? Is it Rickets, the chauffeur with the shady past? Is it Pierre LeCirque, international art forger and blackmailer? Or was it, mayhaps, someone else? I think the answer will surprise most of you just as much as it surprised me when I realized it. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is-- GREAT SCOTT! THE LIGHTS! AAHH!! All the evidence points to you.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

I hear ya, thochaos.

FTC 52: HOLY FUCK by not_Scyess 1-12-05

You're probably wondering why I called you here. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is right in this room. Is it his wastrel son, Lord Bunbury, Jr., who needed his inheritance to pay off debts? Is it his upstairs maid, with whom he shared one night of love thirty years ago that resulted in issue? Is it that issue, who arrived here just last night on a boat from Inja? Is it Lady Marbury? Is it her brother, the Duke of Earl, or one of the rent boys he regularly hires? Is it Rickets, the chauffeur with the shady past? Is it Pierre LeCirque, international art forger and blackmailer? Or was it, mayhaps, someone else? I think the answer will surprise most of you just as much as it surprised me when I realized it. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is-- GREAT SCOTT! THE LIGHTS! AAHH!! Holy FUCK that was a lot of dialogue. Hey, man. Your tail's off.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

FTC 52: Great Scott by fpd 1-12-05

You're probably wondering why I called you here. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is right in this room. Is it his wastrel son, Lord Bunbury, Jr., who needed his inheritance to pay off debts? Is it his upstairs maid, with whom he shared one night of love thirty years ago that resulted in issue? Is it that issue, who arrived here just last night on a boat from Inja? Is it Lady Marbury? Is it her brother, the Duke of Earl, or one of the rent boys he regularly hires? Is it Rickets, the chauffeur with the shady past? Is it Pierre LeCirque, international art forger and blackmailer? Or was it, mayhaps, someone else? I think the answer will surprise most of you just as much as it surprised me when I realized it. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is-- GREAT SCOTT! THE LIGHTS! AAHH!! It makes me sick how you highlanders think you can get away with killing good English folk. But we got you dead to rights. The detective spilled your name before he croaked, Scott.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

It's amazing how many I can make without bothering to read the actual text.

FTC 52: The Non-Sequitur Donkey Returns by not_Scyess 1-12-05

You're probably wondering why I called you here. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is right in this room. Is it his wastrel son, Lord Bunbury, Jr., who needed his inheritance to pay off debts? Is it his upstairs maid, with whom he shared one night of love thirty years ago that resulted in issue? Is it that issue, who arrived here just last night on a boat from Inja? Is it Lady Marbury Is it her brother, the Duke of Earl, or one of the rent boys he regularly hires? Is it Rickets, the chauffeur with the shady past? Is it Pierre LeCirque, international art forger and blackmailer? Or was it, mayhaps, someone else? I think the answer will surprise most of you just as much as it surprised me when I realized it. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is-- GREAT SCOTT! THE LIGHTS! AAHH!! Tofu isn't really a type of meat. True.

FTC 52: Short Attention Span Version by not_Scyess 1-12-05

You're probably wondering why I called you here. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is right in this room. Is it his wastrel son, Lord Bunbury, Jr., who needed his inheritance to pay off debts? Is it his upstairs maid, with whom he shared one night of love thirty years ago that resulted in issue? Is it that issue, who arrived here just last night on a boat from Inja? Is it Lady Marbury? Is it her brother, the Duke of Earl, or one of the rent boys he regularly hires? Is it Rickets, the chauffeur with the shady past? Is it Pierre LeCirque, international art forger and blackmailer? Or was it, mayhaps, someone else? I think the answer will surprise most of you just as much as it surprised me when I realized it. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is-- GREAT SCOTT! THE LIGHTS! AAHH!! Sorry, I got distracted. Can you start over? *sigh* Okay... You're probably wondering why I...

FTC 52: Boom Cloud by not_Scyess 1-12-05

You're probably wondering why I called you here. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is right in this room. Is it his wastrel son, Lord Bunbury, Jr., who needed his inheritance to pay off debts? Is it his upstairs maid, with whom he shared one night of love thirty years ago that resulted in issue? Is it that issue, who arrived here just last night on a boat from Inja? Is it Lady Marbury? Is it her brother, the Duke of Earl, or one of the rent boys he regularly hires? Is it Rickets, the chauffeur with the shady past? Is it Pierre LeCirque, international art forger and blackmailer? Or was it, mayhaps, someone else? I think the answer will surprise most of you just as much as it surprised me when I realized it. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is-- GREAT SCOTT! THE LIGHTS! AAHH!! Hey. Why did you just become a big "Boom!" cloud? Shit... I don't think the desert was non-dairy.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

Shit. That first title is supposed to be The Non-Sequitur Donkey Returns. Of course. (damn) Guess I'll have to donate now...

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

FTC 52: The Inspector's Secret by biped 1-12-05

You're probably wondering why I called you here. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is right in this room. Is it his wastrel son, Lord Bunbury, Jr., who needed his inheritance to pay off debts? Is it his upstairs maid, with whom he shared one night of love thirty years ago that resulted in issue? Is it that issue, who arrived here just last night on a boat from Inja? Is it Lady Marbury? Is it her brother, the Duke of Earl, or one of the rent boys he regularly hires? Is it Rickets, the chauffeur with the shady past? Is it Pierre LeCirque, international art forger and blackmailer? Or was it, mayhaps, someone else? I think the answer will surprise most of you just as much as it surprised me when I realized it. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is-- GREAT SCOTT! THE LIGHTS! AAHH!! See, I told ya! Underneath that disguise, the "inspector" was really just a coyote all along! You BASTARD!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

FTC 52: Self-Absorbed by Scyess 1-12-05

You're probably wondering why I called you here. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is right in this room. Is it his wastrel son, Lord Bunbury, Jr., who needed his inheritance to pay off debts? Is it his upstairs maid, with whom he shared one night of love thirty years ago that resulted in issue? Is it that issue, who arrived here just last night on a boat from Inja? Is it Lady Marbury? Is it her brother, the Duke of Earl, or one of the rent boys he regularly hires? Is it Rickets, the chauffeur with the shady past? Is it Pierre LeCirque, international art forger and blackmailer? Or was it, mayhaps, someone else? I think the answer will surprise most of you just as much as it surprised me when I realized it. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is-- GREAT SCOTT! THE LIGHTS! AAHH!! Just kidding. It was me all along. *cough* Next... time... just... fucking... kill... me...

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"Old" is the old new.

I was away on a cross-country interview jaunt. Unfortunate but unavoidable. Back now for several weeks, hopefully.

FTC 52: Heady stuff by quodlibet 1-13-05

You're probably wondering why I called you here. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is right in this room. Is it his wastrel son, Lord Bunbury, Jr., who needed his inheritance to pay off debts? Is it his upstairs maid, with whom he shared one night of love thirty years ago that resulted in issue? Is it that issue, who arrived here just last night on a boat from Inja? Is it Lady Marbury? Is it her brother, the Duke of Earl, or one of the rent boys he regularly hires? Is it Rickets, the chauffeur with the shady past? Is it Pierre LeCirque, international art forger and blackmailer? Or was it, mayhaps, someone else? I think the answer will surprise most of you just as much as it surprised me when I realized it. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is-- GREAT SCOTT! THE LIGHTS! AAHH!! What happened? Ego exploded his head. Lots of blood and shit. Not many brains on the wall, all considered.

FTC 52: The butler did it by quodlibet 1-13-05

You're probably wondering why I called you here. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is right in this room. Is it his wastrel son, Lord Bunbury, Jr., who needed his inheritance to pay off debts? Is it his upstairs maid, with whom he shared one night of love thirty years ago that resulted in issue? Is it that issue, who arrived here just last night on a boat from Inja? Is it Lady Marbury? Is it her brother, the Duke of Earl, or one of the rent boys he regularly hires? Is it Rickets, the chauffeur with the shady past? Is it Pierre LeCirque, international art forger and blackmailer? Or was it, mayhaps, someone else? I think the answer will surprise most of you just as much as it surprised me when I realized it. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is-- GREAT SCOTT! THE LIGHTS! AAHH!! Can I hack him up now? Please and thank you, Jeeves.

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

Goes to:
The Template

I'd like to thank all the little people.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

"You're welcome."

FTC 52: Banana Boat Bobby by biped 1-14-05

You're probably wondering why I called you here. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is right in this room. Is it his wastrel son, Lord Bunbury, Jr., who needed his inheritance to pay off debts? Is it his upstairs maid, with whom he shared one night of love thirty years ago that resulted in issue? Is it that issue, who arrived here just last night on a boat from Inja? Is it Lady Bunbury? Is it her brother, the Duke of Earl, or one of the rent boys he regularly hires? Is it Rickets, the chauffeur with the shady past? Is it Pierre LeCirque, international art forger and blackmailer? Or was it, mayhaps, someone else? I think the answer will surprise most of you just as much as it surprised me when I realized it. The murderer of Lord Bunbury is-- GREAT SCOTT! THE LIGHTS! AAHH!! I keel inspectors for fun. But for a green card, I blow him up reeeal nice.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Just a reminder that this contest, which started some time in the late fifties, will grind to a screeching halt tomorrow night, Wednesday, at 11:59 SCT. So if you've been holding back because you're anal retentive, this is your last chance.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

The time has come, the walrus said, to judge FTC 52-- a toughie, because honestly, everybody had a good entry or two. But a hare's breath separated one from two from three from honorable mention from the rest. Nevertheless.....

HONORABLE MENTION (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER):

Zaster, "A Mighty Wind"
Scyess, "Self-Absorbed"
fpd, "Great Scott"
quodlibet, "Heady Stuff" and "The Butler Did It"

THIRD: Not_Scyess, "Short Attention Span Version"

RUNNER-UP: In the event the winner fails to claim his or her prize in 24 hours, gains too much weight, or has his or her naked pictures published in PENTHOUSE or POPULAR MECHANICS, the Runner-Up will serve.

thochaos, "Humour-less"

And the winner, I mean FTC 52 goes to...... (the suspense is killing you, isn't it? Great Scott, the lights! BANG!)

dcomposed, for his use of incongruity, irony, and just a soupçon of social commentary.

Thanks to all.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

That's fucking nuts!

Is it too late?

OF COURSE IT'S TOO LATE!

aww more work.

thanks chubby.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

Aww nuts.

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"If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in your family"