Dubya is doing the work of four men by CHUBBY 10-27-04

I surrender! I surrender! Trentino! Unfortunately, the four men are Groucho, Harpo, Chico, and Zeppo in "Duck Soup". Trentino! That's game! Atsa good, atsa fine. *HONK HONK* Victory is ours! HAIL, HAIL FREEDONIA, LAND OF THE BRAVE AND FREE!

After the hunt, 2002 by CHUBBY 1-15-05

Ya ask yourself, what weapons does Saddam have? Weapons of destruction. What kind of destruction? Mass. So far, I'm right, eh, Dick? Well, it's hard to be wrong if you keep on answering yourself all the time. Whaddya we got? Weapons. Of what? Destruction. What kind of destruction? Mass. All we got to do is go to every house in Iraq, and ask them if they have weapons of mass destruction. You say you're going to go to every house in Iraq and ask them if they have WMD's, eh? Suppose nobody in Iraq has WMD's? Then, of course, we invade the country next door. NOW you're talking. What kind of invasion do you think we should have? My idea......

After the hunt, 2005 by CHUBBY 1-15-05

Hey, Dick, it came to me in a flash! You know what happened to the WMD's? They disappeared. You know what made them disappear? Moths. Moths ate them. Left-handed moths. That's my solution. I wish you were in it. You say left-handed moths ate the WMD's, eh? I don't know how I overlooked it. You know, we did a good day's work. How do you feel, tired? Maybe you ought to lie down for the next four years.

Tongue Wars! starring Clearchannelli & F. C. C. Firefly by CHUBBY 10-10-04

Clear Channel owed the FCC an assload of fines. Well, atsa the last time we get broadcasting licenses unless we pay our fines. How much do you owe us? They settled for pennies on the dollar. $175 million. $175 million in fines? You can get Howard Stern for $1.75 million and get your own fines. Clear Channel is a major contributor to Dubya's campaign. I tell you what I do. We owe $175 million, we pay you $1.75 million and call it square. Say, that's not a bad idea. I'll tell you, I'll consult my lawyers. And if they advise me not to do it, I'll get new lawyers. Just make the check out to the Committe to Re-up Dubya (CRUD).

All God's Chillun Got Guns by CHUBBY 11-22-04

Now lookee here, I s'pose y'all are wonderin' why I called dis here meetin'. I have heah documents concernin' Iran's nuclear program! We oughtta invade 'em! Colin, these are nothing more than the bogus documents we used to justify our Iraq invasion. They just have the Q's crossed out and N's written in crayon. But we gots to have a war! I already paid a month's rent on the battlefield!

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

The dangers of outsourcing: based on a true story! by CHUBBY 10-20-04

Punjab. Hello, you are reaching Gateway help line. How may I help you? Hi, what's your name? .... Buster. Hi, Buster, what's your last name? .... Keaton. Is Groucho Marx there? Because I'd really rather speak to him.

A good quarter cigar by CHUBBY 1-10-05

..... in addition to the dozens of other bodies uncovered on his Crawford ranch. Now the lighter side of the news: in Puerto Rico, Patricio Pena holds the record for rolling the world's longest cigar. In a related story, Pena also holds the world's record for longest "Gookie".

I take it out of my mouth once in awhile by CHUBBY 1-10-05

..... your mother. And in Puerto Rico, Patricio Pena has rolled the world's longest cigar. Our correspondent Dick Hertzberger talked with his wife. ..... eef you ask me, I theenk he's overcompensating.

Where's the seal? Where's the seal? by CHUBBY 1-07-05

True Headline: "Heidi Klum to Marry Seal" Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this woman and this, uh.....

Where's the seal? by CHUBBY 1-05-05

Dubya, isn't it true that your sealed conviction is for murdering two people? No, that's false. Is it for kidnapping a nine-year old girl and raping her for six weeks before burying her up to her neck and decapitating her? Of course not. Don't be stupid. Well, then, was it for drugs? Look, I'm not gonna discuss my criminal record with you. It's been sealed.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

Monkey Business Special by CHUBBY 11-15-04

U. S. CITIZENSHIP & IMMIGRATION "If the nightingale should sing like you....." They can't all be Maurice Chevalier, can they?

Metamorphosis by CHUBBY 10-06-04

One day, Dubya awoke to find out he had turned into a large insect. Drrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Drrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Outside of the improvements, noone ever noticed the difference. Drrrrrrrrrrrrr.

If Dick Cavett Moderated the Debates by CHUBBY 10-06-04

I'm Dick Cavett-- as if you didn't know. My guests tonight are the nominees for President, Senator John Kerry, a Democrat from Massachusetts; and Dubya. Uh, Dick-- I'm the President. Of the United States. Of America, one presumes. First question: I understand both of you went to Yale! How funny! So did I! Of course, I wasn't in Skull & Bones, I was in the Drama Society.... Ninety minutes later.... ...Groucho once told me a wonderful story about a job applicant who says he went to Yale and the interviewer asks him what his name is and he says "Yonny Yohnson"! Woody and I used to do standup... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

A Day At the Racists by CHUBBY 9-15-04

Of all the reserve units, why would the army send the 373rd Military Police Command of Cresaptown, MD-- a unit with no experience, no instruction, no real supervision-- to guard Iraqi POWS? A unit made up of Klansmen, perverts, and hillbillies.Didn't the army realize what would happen if these losers were given the power of life or death over people they considered "Sand Ni--" Oh. Duh.

Getting Rid of Habeas Corpus by CHUBBY 11-10-04

I'd like to thank John for the work he's done the last four years as Attorney-General. He is to the Constitution what Ollie North was to Iran-Contra documents. Thank you for the kind words, Dubya. I'm glad to have served. I'm glad to have been anywhere after losing an election to a dead guy. And now, I'd like to introduce your successor. The late Roy Cohn.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

Sunny Florida, by the sea by CHUBBY 10-16-04

"Welcome to Florida's new TouchScreen Polling. PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES (Choose only one) DUBYA JOHN KERRY "You have chosen JOHN KERRY. If this is correct, touch 'YES'. "Thank you for using Florida's new TouchScreen Polling."

The Palm Beach of today, the slums of tomorrow by CHUBBY 11-06-04

Goddamn, Ida Mae. I rue the day I trusted you with our retirement fund. You sank all our money into a condo in East Cleveland! It's freezing cold and windy in the winter, blazing hot and sticky in the summer! What were you thinking of? Well, dear, I read last year that Ohio was going to be the new Florida.

We bear you out! by CHUBBY 10-07-04

Wouldn't it be great if real life was like this? Oh, it was! At the Veep debates, "Dick" suggested viewers go to FactCheck.com if they didn't believe him. FactCheck.com will bear me out! Millions didn't believe him, and so they saw this. "If we re-elect him, we endorse the Bush doctrine of preemptive action and the invasion of Iraq, and we will have to live with the consequences... "a vicious circle of escalating violence with no end in sight. But if we repudiate the Bush policies at the polls, we shall have a better chance to break the vicious circle. " 9/11 led to suspension of the critical process essential to democracy. "[Dubya] silenced all criticism by calling it unpatriotic. He said 'either you are with us, "'or you are with the terrorists.' I am afraid he is leading us in a very dangerous direction. We are losing the values that have made America great. He committed a fundamental error in thinking. "What we do may also be wrong. Recognizing that we may be wrong is the foundation of an open society. [Dubya] admits no doubt and does not base his decisions on reality. "For 18 months he managed to suppress all dissent. That is how he could lead the nation so far in the wrong direction. [He] inadvertently played right into the hands of bin Laden..."

Sports Antics by CHUBBY 11-22-04

Our top story tonight on Sportscenter: Mike Tyson suspended indefinitely from boxing! The suspension came after round one in a scheduled 3-round fight Saturday night in Butte, Montana, with Butterbean, when Tyson produced a basketball and started shooting hoops.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

The Tampan Hillbillies by CHUBBY 11-26-04

"Come and listen to a story 'bout a Bush named Jeb....." Gov. Jethro-- Fredo-- Zeppo-- whatever-- I'm your worst nightmare: a reporter from the liberal media who actually asks tough questions. Why do Republicans always criticize lawsuits-- --and try to take away peoples' rights to sue, yet when things don't go your way, the first thing you do is go crying to a judge, even when you don't have standing to sue, as in Dubya v. Gore? ".....poor governor wants to keep the brain-dead fed....." And why does the GOP always try to undermine the checks and balances in the Constitution by trying to pass laws that Congress can vote to overturn a court decision, ..... .....and laws that say that the laws themselves can't be overturned by the courts? And why do you yourself order that a brain-dead woman's feeding tube be replaced after a court ordered it removed? "So just like his brother W, decided he would shred the Bill of Rights, too. Constitution, that is. Set a spell. Kick your shoes off. Y'all come back in 2008, ya hear?" Well, this is a very personal issue. My brother's brain-dead, and I'd hate to see them stop feeding him. I'd like to feed him. I'd like to feed him pretzel nuggets.

Headlines of the Year 2004 by CHUBBY 12-26-04

"Speedy Gonzales Confirmation Expected" Do you like torture? Si! "Shuffle at State Department" Mo'nin' Missah Colin. Mo'nin' Miz Condi. "Big Need For Intelligence Overhaul Seen at White House" If you think the country's bad off now, just wait'll I get through with it.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

Thank God we have no Salvation Navy (blatant AN knockoff) by CHUBBY 12-21-04

Target banned the Salvation Army from soliciting donations on their grounds. Good. Why good? They help the poor, the unemployed, the homeless.... I'm a brewer by trade. If they had their way, I'd BE poor, unemployed, and homeless.

See also:

"Dubya v. Saddam"
http://www.stripcreator.com/forums/showthread.php?postnum=152396

"The Son Also Rises"
http://www.stripcreator.com/forums/showthread.php?postnum=155934

"A Thousand Clones"
http://www.stripcreator.com/forums/showthread.php?postnum=155935

"How Dubya Saved Xmas"
http://www.stripcreator.com/forums/showthread.php?postnum=161890

"2010"
http://www.stripcreator.com/forums/showthread.php?postnum=155934

"Why is today different from all other days?"
http://www.stripcreator.com/forums/showthread.php?postnum=159347

"mmyers nightmare"
http://www.stripcreator.com/forums/showthread.php?postnum=155970&page=3

"Speedy Gonzales Gonzales"
http://www.stripcreator.com/forums/showthread.php?postnum=157933

"The Dick Who Came to Dinner" is not Marxist per se,
but it concerns a world-famous man who dines at an
Ohio home and then fakes a medical condition so he can
stay there.
http://www.stripcreator.com/forums/showthread.php?postnum=162597

"The $10,000 Martini" also references Woollcott:
http://www.stripcreator.com/forums/showthread.php?postnum=159335
The sequel is "The $3500 Scotch", which has at least
one Groucho reference:
http://www.stripcreator.com/forums/showthread.php?postnum=163436
And so does the third part of the trilogy, "The 750 Lemonade"
http://www.stripcreator.com/forums/showthread.php?postnum=165116

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx