Sure my jokes are a little dated, but what can you do?

Lord of the Office Rings (1) by mmyers 1-19-05

Running late today, Gandolf? A wizard arrives precisely when he's supposed to. And apparently 'precisely when he's supposed to' is 9:25 AM, 25 minutes after the company opens for business. I'm writing you up. Do not be so eager to deal out employment warnings. Many that deserve termination do not recieve it, and some that ar-- You're on a Personal Improvment Process until further notice. Do it again and it's grounds for termination. Hmmmm... I should have turned him into a newt.

Lord of the Office Rings (2) by mmyers 1-19-05

Um, weee were curiousss, um, if you had seen my ppprrrrecioussss pen. Someone borrows it and forgets to bring it back. Oh yeah, here it is. I must have grabbed it on accident. My bad. My pprrrecciousss pen. You borrows it and not gives it back! Jesus Christ, dude, here's your fucking pen. Don't get your panties in a wad, Smeagol. That MR. Smeagol to you. Me never forgives you for borrowing the preciousss. Fucking Golum. I'm going on a smoke break.

Lord of the Office Rings (3) by mmyers 1-19-05

Hey Gandolf. Just came in here to grab some office supplies. Don't mind me. I am a servant of the Secret Fire, Wielder of the Flame of Anor; you cannot pass. Um, I'm just grabbing some post-it notes and a notepad. It's no big-- The dark fire will not avail you, Flame of Udun! Go back to the Shadow. You cannot pass! Dude, did you just fart in here? Gandolf had the burritos for lunch. Enter at your own peril.

Lord of the Office Rings (4) by mmyers 1-19-05

I think I need to go to the restroom. Then you shall not go to the restroom alone Mister Frodo. I'll come too. And when you need it, I'll tap for you. So too shall I go and wipe your ass! And I will wash your hands, if need be! So too should all employees wash their hands...for sanitary reasons! Yes, let us all fellowship to the men's room! FELLOWSHIP! Must we go through this everytime someone takes a pee break?

Lord of the Office Rings (5) by mmyers 1-19-05

Hi Arwen. Please come in. Close the door behind you. It has come to my attention that you took an unexcused absense from this office with Frodo Baggins. Frodo's spirit was close to perishing. He was at the brink of leaving our plain and journeying to a dark world after being attacked by wraiths. You just left and took Frodo with you? Arwen, if a coworker is sick you must first contact your boss and then human resources. Forms must be filled out. Frodo's spirit was close to perishing. He was at the brink of leaving our plain and journeying to-- If you don't follow protocol, you put the company at risk. If you put the company at risk--I can tell by the look on your face that you have no clue what I'm saying. Go back to your desk. Frodo's spirit was close to--

---
Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Lord of the Office Rings (6) by mmyers 1-20-05

I would like to have a word with you sir, if I may. I would like to add Mister Frodo Baggins to my medical and dental insurance. Are you his *ahem* life partner, Samwise Gamgee? He's my friend, Mister Frodo is. My best friend. I don't think you're understanding me. Are you and he homosexuals? We're Hobbits, Mister Frodo and I are. He makes you call him 'Mister'? Sweety, you've really got to learn about liberating yourself.

Lord of the Office Rings (7) by mmyers 1-20-05

Where are we? It's a gay bar. It's for guys like you and *ahem* Mister Frodo. Hobbits? Hobbits, bears, bikers, rough riders, drag queens, wallets, lipsticks lesbians, anybody is welcome. I appreciate you bringing me here but I think I should get back to the Shire and see my girlfriend who works at the pub. I used to say that I had a girlfriend in Canada just to get people off my back. Whatever makes you feel more at ease.

Lord of the Office Rings (8) by mmyers 1-20-05

What are you doing away from your desk, Aragorn? You're supposed to be answering help desk calls. I have come to reclaim my position as rightful king. You're not king. You're a help desk clerk. B-but I was offered the position of King... --which you turned down. You can't just change your mind on a whim just because you suddenly FEEL like being King. Get back to your desk. B-b-but I put on my armor and everything.

Lord of the Office Rings (9) by mmyers 1-20-05

What are you doing in my office, Aragorn? And why are all those people with you? You have been corrupted by power, the power of your ring. We have come to take it away from you and cast it into Mt Doom. What the hell are you talking about? Your cellphone, its' ring has corrupted you....and it's annoying. Earlier... *We don't have to take our--clothes off--to have a good time--oh no. We can dance party--all night--* I need to get to my meeting...but I love my cellphone ring so much. It's so pprecciiousss. *We don't have to take our--clothes off--*

Lord of the Office Rings (fin) by mmyers 1-24-05

I know cast your phone into the fires of Mt Doom! So long accursed ring tone! I knew I should have gotten that dancing hamster instead. *We don't have to take our--clothes off--to have a good time--oh no* *Sploosh!* Hmm, a phone. I wonder if I can get it to play "Baby got back" when it rings?

---
Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Highly imaginative.

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Excellent. Better (and more contiguous) than mine, even.

Random Comic! Lord of the Rewrites by Scyess 10-02-03

We cannot use the One Ring... it must be destroyed. Well, let's just destroy it then! You can't destroy it with a mere axe, good Gimli! *CHOP!!!* Well, I'll be, you destroyed it with a mere axe. And ruined the rest of the book. Thanks a lot. Right... I can save all of known Middle Earth, but doing it in less than 200 pages is bad marketing. Sometimes you are such a git, Gandalf.

Random Comic! Lord of the... What? by Scyess 10-02-03

You are very brave Frodo to take the One into the realm of Sauron to destroy it. I will give what aid I can. Wise Gandalf, answer me one question... How the hell am I going to get that far carrying the One 1/1000th Scale Model of Detroit to Rule Them All? The path will be difficult. Sauron was wise not to make the One something easy to sneak in and destroy, like a ring. Maybe we could rent a U-Haul or something?

Random Comic! Lord vs Lord by Scyess 10-02-03

So our party will consist of 4 hobbits, 2 men, a dwarf, an elf, and... what the hell are you supposed to be again? You imputdent ass, I'm Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance! I have top billing in this film, so you'd best just shove off. Sure, I'll shove off. Right after I run 4 BILLION VOLTS OF ELECTRICITY THROUGH YOUR BODY! GGAAAHHHH!!!! Gandalf, whether we survive this or not, I want you to know you've already done this world a great service. Great, now I'll have Irish music stuck in my head all day.

---
"Old" is the old new.

Great comics dudes. My turn.

The Marquis de Rohan. by smamurai 2-01-05

Hail Eomer, my sister-son. Stop shouting Dad. Do you want the whole town to know about your unholy union? But I barely whisper son. Your powers of hearing are great indeed. Maybe It's because I have three ears you sick fuck!

---
GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Very enjoyable on both sides. I defy you both to make more (for my amusement).

---
Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

The Marquis de Rohan.. by smamurai 2-01-05

Hail Eowyn my sister-daughter. I have come to ask for your hand in marriage. Won't mom be pissed off when you tell her your plans? No, when I tell her she'll definitely be getting pissed on. I shit you not. Well thank heavens for small mercys.

---
GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

One readers competition to rule them all by TheGovernor 2-13-04

Frodo! We must take the ring to Mordor, cast it into the fires of Mount Doom. We should put together a fellowship to complete this task. Let us head to Rivendell Actually I already took care of it What! Without the aid of an Elf, a dwarf, a couple of men, some hobbits and a wizard, how on middle-earth did you manage to pull that one past the enemy? Quite Simple really, I mailed it to him. Int. Mount Doom. Master Sauron, A letter has come for you from Hobbit's Digest, It says on the envelope that you're in with a chance to win up to $200,000 but you need to reply within 6 days Bah! Bloody Junk Mail. File it with the rest of them in the fire

A day in the life.... by TheGovernor 3-05-04

Show me a Stock Report worthy of Mordor Make me a Cheeseburger worthy of Mordor Show me an Email worthy of Mordor

I like that Hobbit's Digest one.

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

I like 'em both.

I pretty much like all of 'em on this page, actually.

---
peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

mmyers = Lord of teh Funneh (and the Dance)!

---
Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years