Egg MacGuffin by CHUBBY 1-28-05

TRUE FACT: Ronald is McDonald's Chief Happiness Officer and Ambassador for an active, balanced lifestyle. Hey, slow down! Where do you think you're going, Bozo? I'm not Bozo! I'm Ronald McDonald! Yeah, whatever. This is a school. You can't go in there. But I'm the company's newly dubbed Chief Happiness Officer. I'm fighting childhood obesity as their ambassador for an active, balanced lifestyle. That's right, laugh! Laughter is good for you!

Double MacGuffin by CHUBBY 1-28-05

Well, sadly, your story checks out. I guess you can go on in. Thank you, Ossifer! Name? Ziggy Butz. I was sent here by the Philip Morris company to tell the young'uns about the dangers of smoking. Yeah, whatever. I don't give a damn anymore. Whole world's gone to hell. G'wan in. Could somebody help me with my sample case? I like to give the kiddies each a free pack so they can experience the horrors of smoking firsthand.

Egg MacGuffin w/Cheese by CHUBBY 1-28-05

Who the hell are you? I'm Ronald, McDonald's ambassador for a balanced lifestyle. What's that? Some kind of code? What? You're not shacking up with Mayor McCheese, are you? Oh, no, I'm a eunuch.

Supersize this by CHUBBY 1-28-05

OK, siddown and shaddup, you little bastards. One of the biggest problems today is childhood obesity. Some of you kids are so fat we had to replace the trailers outside with double wides. I'm not going to mention any names, Rose O'Malley from Mrs. Slutsky's class. You sit around and eat all day and don't get any activity except stacking cups in gym class. And that leaves you winded. You know, Principal, it wouldn't kill you to have a salad. Blow me, clown.

I'm lovin' it by CHUBBY 1-28-05

Let's give a warm William Howard Taft Elementary School welcome to our guest, Ronald MacDonald. Did somebody say MacDonald's? My work here is done.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

Milkshake by CHUBBY 1-28-05

Look at these fatties. It's disgusting. I know. Look at that one. Ten years old. Already has big tits. Man. And so does his younger sister.

Special sauce by CHUBBY 1-28-05

Look at that. I see. Eight years old, already busting out of her top. I hear dat. I tell ya, it's a great time to be a child molestor. Atswhatimtalkinbout.

Two all-beef patties by CHUBBY 1-28-05

Ok, does anyone know the answer? Meeee! Yes, you in the front. Would you stand up, please? Not both of you. Just the one. There is only one of me.

You want fries with that? by CHUBBY 1-28-05

Ok, you know what? We only have an hour here, so instead of struggling to try and stand up, why don't you just answer from there? OK. The question was, what constitutes a balanced meal? A double quarter pounder with cheese in one hand and a large triple-thick shake in the other? Correct.

Five a day by CHUBBY 1-28-05

Burgers and shakes sure are yummy, but you need more. You need vegetables. Who can name a veggie? French fries? Ketchup? These are all good answers.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

Happy Meal by CHUBBY 1-28-05

You can still enjoy all of our delicious menu items at McDonald's. You just have to make exercise a part of your daily routine. You there. Tell me what you would normally eat as a snack at McDonald's, and I'll tell you how far you'd have to walk briskly to work off those calories. A double quarter pounder with cheese, a large triple-thick chocolate-banana shake, super-sized fries, a large order of McNuggets, a hot-fudge sundae, and chocolatey chip cookies. Nine hundred-sixty five miles.

Salad days by CHUBBY 1-28-05

Or, you could have a salad. Oh, I know. You're saying, "But Ronald, salads are yucky." Well we've got some new salads coming out at Mickey D's and there's something for everyone to enjoy. Chicken salad, ham salad, shrimp salad, pasta salad, jello salad.....

Salad daze by CHUBBY 1-28-05

So let's say you had to have a green salad. "But Ronald, I don't like green salad." Hey, do what Ronald does. I sprinkle a little bit of parmesan cheese on it. Then just a few bacon bits. Then some strips of turkey. And ham. And croutons. And what would a salad be without salad dressing? And-- Oops. Forgot the greens.

Billions and billions served by CHUBBY 1-28-05

So, what's the deal with you McDonald's guys? Why are you fattening up America's youth? Ever seen "Soylent Green"?

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

I think the series was a little boring, actually. As I mentioned in the previous thread, this comic

I'm lovin' it by CHUBBY 1-28-05

Let's give a warm William Howard Taft Elementary School welcome to our guest, Ronald MacDonald. Did somebody say MacDonald's? My work here is done.

is awesome, and the whole series could maybe have been left at that.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002