I'm going to assume Artemis wasn't kidding when he made me the winner of CC 273, so here's the next one.

This contest is pretty easy. I want to see how many comics you can make. Just make as many as you possibly can and post them here. There's no rule as to what the comic has to consist of, it just has to be a comic, that you made, between now and the end of the contest.

OH, WAIT! There is actually one rule.

YOUR COMIC HAS TO BE FUNNY.

Here's how I will score your comics:

[list]
[*]One funny comic: one point
[*]One not funny comic: zero points
[*]One funny or not funny Photoshopped comic: zero points
[*]Every comic after the fifth in one post, so I have to click on it to read it: zero points
[*]One comic that's incredibly stupid or contains a site in-joke: negative one point
[*]One comic that intentionally annoys me for any unforseen reason: negative forty points and a kick in the ass
[/list]

At the end of the contest, I will tally everyone's score and post it. The person with the highest score wins. In case of a tie, I will declare a comic-off.

This contest will end on Feb 9th, or when this thread reaches page 6 (barring any stupid flooding), whichever happens first.

As of my posting this, the latest comic on the site was comic #268613, so all entries have to be higher numbered comics than that.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

CC 274: Are we in luck! by kaufman 2-02-05

********** ASS PADS: 30% OFF One set, please.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Solutions by Scyess 2-01-05

Dammit. I'm missing my favorite radio show. Why? Where's your radio? I took it to work so I could listen there, but now I can't listen at home. Well, shit. That problem's easy enough to fix. I quit. About time! By the way, company policy says we get to keep everything still in your cubicle.

Home by Scyess 2-02-05

I'm home! I'M HOME!!!! Whadda ya want? A medal? I wonder if this is what they mean by a "non-supportive" relationship? Don't you have somewhere to be or something?

True Friends Don't Mince Words by Scyess 2-02-05

I'm home! Ya. Aren't you glad to see me? I'm celebrating on the inside. You're not going to ask me about my day? I'm afraid you might take that as an invitation to tell me.

Character Motivation by Scyess 2-02-05

I'm home! Yes. I heard the first seven thousand times you caterwalled that fact through the house. Doesn't anyone want to greet me? Why would we suddenly start wanting to do that? Well, for example, I could get pissed and raise your rent. So, how was your day?

Jon's Calling by Scyess 2-02-05

I'm home! HAAAIIIIIYA! Doc! The Lord! The Lord is calling me home! Just don't fucking announce it when you get there.

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"Old" is the old new.

What a time for boinky to be banned.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

Youre Decorated! by kaufman 2-03-05

We at NBC are proud to announce a new spinnoff to our highly successful Apprentice series. As you know, in the original Apprentice, 16 contestants compete for the opportunity to work under Donald Trump for a year. The format of the new series will be similar, but it will star Martha Stewart. For the next 13 weeks, we will determine who has what it takes to be my bitch for a year.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

People must really think this contest sucks... all they have to do is post comics they make anyway, and no one's done it except kaufman and Scyess.

(You should post your Cinderella comics here, kaufman.)

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

You mean like this one?

Life at the Bridge Club by kaufman 2-03-05

DIRECTOR, PLEASE! Yes, how may I help you, your highness? Take a look. Why am I playing against Sister Boom-Boom? This tournament is supposed to be for Royals only. Well, see for yourself. He IS, after all, a drag QUEEN. Now why did you call me over? Look what he did. He ran the hearts and I had to guard the clubs, and Cinderella had to guard the spades, so he got the 3 of diamonds at trick 13. This wasn't supposed to be a cutthroat game. *sigh* Mr. Wimple, please don't squeeze the Charmings.

Probably not. This is the funniest of them all, but it relies on a few pieces of esoteric knowledge to give the full effect. Very well, you can have these too.

The Further Adventures of Cinderella by kaufman 2-03-05

Cinderella, my love, why are you so unhappy? When I was shopping today, I bought this beautiful dolphin figurine. But now I can't find it. I must have dropped it. Don't worry, my dear. I'll set up a search throughout the kingdom for it. Oh, thank you, honey. Hear ye, hear ye! Has anyone seen Cinderella's glass Flipper?

The Further Adventures of Cinderella by kaufman 2-03-05

Cinderella, my love, why are you so unhappy? I've looked all over for my sod fastener, but I can't find it anywhere. Don't worry, my dear. I'll set up a search throughout the kingdom for it. Oh, thank you, honey. Hear ye, hear ye! Has anyone seen Cinderella's grass zipper?

The Further Adventures of Cinderella by kaufman 2-03-05

Honey, have you seen the banana peel that I used in school for practical jokes? JESUS CHRIST, If you're about to tell me you've lost your class tripper, I swear I'm going to tear you a new a... WAAAAAAHHHHH!! Now I've lost my ass ripper!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Fleas, you might want to stop your posting and read the rules again...

Anyways...

The Great Outdoors by niteowl 2-02-05

Back from fishing already? Yeah. I'm really depressed too. Aww, you must not have caught anything... No, I did. It's just that I now realize I blew 5000 bucks on a boat to catch a tiny fucking fish that couldn't feed Ally McBeal.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

.... .... .... Goddamnit.

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Shame on Us for All We Have Done. May God Have Mercy on Our Dirty Little Hearts.

Comics for ... Me: Ooops. by 80_Million_Fleas 2-04-05

Oh, Snap! If I'm to get at least third place, I must post every mediocre comic I've EVER MADE. The Average Fleasan Comic. POLITICS POLITICS POLITICS. SOCIOLOGY! TYPOS TYPOS TYPOS. HIPPOCRASY! "As of my posting this, the latest comic on the site was comic #268613, so all entries have to be higher numbered comics than that." .... Just shoot me now. That can be arranged, Floody McFloodPants.

If anyone can delete those previous posts, you're more than welcome to.

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Shame on Us for All We Have Done. May God Have Mercy on Our Dirty Little Hearts.

Done.

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"Old" is the old new.

Blackouts by MikeyG 2-04-05

I was so wasted I don't even remember if you fucked that chick in my bed or not. That was you, mate. You must have been the one that pissed all over the living room, then. Nah, ye did that too. Well, then I must also be the one that puked on my dick trying to blow myself. Meant to apologize for that...

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Done.

I love you.

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Shame on Us for All We Have Done. May God Have Mercy on Our Dirty Little Hearts.

Rantin' and Ravin': Does this make me a Bigot? by 80_Million_Fleas 2-04-05

Alright! If we run around naked, wear sunglasses and not smile, the enemy wouldn't see us in the dark! ... I don't think that works so well with us.

Rantin' and Ravin': In Russia, Strips Create You! by 80_Million_Fleas 2-04-05

Alright! If we get naked, put our white undies on our head and not smile, they won't find us against this cold, snowy backdrop! You go on without me. I'm pretty sure the Soviets aren't as bad as pneumonia.

Rantin' and Ravin': Iran Iran Iran Iran, then Iraq. by 80_Million_Fleas 2-04-05

Alright! If we get naked, huddle together and not smile... We can hide in that large vat of cappichino! .. Abu Ghraib as really changed you. First human Jenga, now this?! C'mon. Admit it. The Americans turned you gay.

Rantin' and Ravin': The World of Warcraft betrays me! by 80_Million_Fleas 2-04-05

Maybe it we get na.. No. Maybe if we not smile? Not that... Or.. turn off the lights? No.. Rub ourselves in butter? No. Admit it, T'Gar! We're screwed! The Orcs are gonna find us!

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Shame on Us for All We Have Done. May God Have Mercy on Our Dirty Little Hearts.

Er, no autobiography here. Honest.

Exit by andydougan 2-02-05

I want to die, but I lack the physical courage to commit suicide. I wish I had cancer or something. If you pay me I can arrange for someone to kill you. I'm too shy to meet new people.

Trick or treat by andydougan 2-02-05

Excuse me, ma'am. I'm looking to spend some money. Are you by any chance a prostitute? Er...no. But I just saw you fellate a limbless tramp for 20p. Well, yes, all right. But I have to draw a line somewhere. I have my reputation to think about, after all. It's remarks like that that make me want to hang myself. Your whining isn't making you any prettier.

Chin up old boy by andydougan 2-05-05

Well, every cloud has a silver lining. I may be unemployable, ugly, untalented, unfit and crippled by bladder infections... ...but at least I have a sympathetic friend like you to tell my troubles to! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Kill me. Sorry, what? I wasn't listening to your prattle.

Debrief by andydougan 2-05-05

Oh, by the way, how'd it go the other night? Uh, great! Yeah! I "banged" that "ho" and she loved it! Yes sir! So you got turned down because you're repulsive. Yep. Maybe you're aiming too high. Was she good-looking? It was hard to concentrate over the smell of her latest abortion.

Circling the drain by andydougan 2-05-05

Anyway, I've got to run. I'm meeting your mother to fuck her cunt, arse and face. Okay doke. Good luck with your love life and everything. Thanks. That means a lot, man. That means a lot.

Pr0n therapy by andydougan 2-05-05

Still, no need to be glum! A Saturday night spent with a litre of Scotch, a quarter of grass and some rape mpegs will soon turn my frown upside-down! Wait! Get away from me with that thing! Nooo! Seconds later Maybe I could jump out the window? No: if I landed wrong I might just end up a spastic or something. And paracetamol is unreliable for the same reason... Ah! Ah! Please stop! Stop! Ah! Ah! God, no one has a life as bad as mine. Daddy! Daddy! How can you do this to me?

Porcelain God by niteowl 2-05-05

*BURP* I think I'm gonna throw up... I am your Porcelain God. You haven't prayed to me yet tonight. Also, Mr. Sink does not wish to converse with you any longer. You have made him angry with your last vomitous episode. I, on the other hand, am one chatty motherfucker. So get on your knees and talk to me, bitch.

The Greatest Series Ever (prologue) by niteowl 2-05-05

Have you ever woke up in the morning and had a feeling it's gonna be a really bad day? Nope, can't say I have. Well, I just can't shake this feeling. The feeling of impending doom? Yes, exactly. You worry too much. I'm sure it's nothing.

The Greatest Series Ever (epilogue) by niteowl 2-05-05

Thank God that's over with. Yep. Saving the world is exhausting. It was quite an adventure though. Gunfights, intergalatic space travel, sex, drugs, rock and roll... But the most important thing is that we're home and everyone is ok. ...except for that poor robot and the Asian Girls. Right. May they rest in peace.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

The parable of the doughnuts: cinnamon roll, please! by quodlibet 2-05-05

When God created the dessert pastries, he asked each, 'What would you like to be?' He made some sweet, and he made others rich. But only the humble doughnut begged the Lord, 'Please, Lord, let me be holy.' Amen! Amen! Amen!

The Last Meal of the Kamikaze by quodlibet 2-05-05

Tora! Tora! Tora! Chocolate glazed! Honey maple! Tora! Actually the plural of 'torus' should be 'tori'.

Doughnuts come in all shapes and sizes by quodlibet 2-05-05

I like sucking out the creamy fillings from the long chocolatey ones. A dozen for fi dollah!