I call on..... Newt Gingrich!

Newt Gingrich, same as the old gingrich by CHUBBY 2-09-05

America's decline in economic supremacy will undermine, if not eliminate this country. And to what do you attribute this decline? Poor science and math education. Do you advocate marrying one's high school math teacher, as you did? Uh-- And then serving her with divorce papers while she is in the hospital for breast cancer surgery?

How Newt Gingrich Stole Xmas by CHUBBY 2-09-05

Another threat is a loss of patriotism and a sense of American history. Here's a fun American history fact. After hounding an opposition party president for years-- the greatest period of peace and prosperity in the history of this nation, by the way-- --you had to resign as Speaker of the House because come to find out you cheated on your second wife. And your Republican successor resigned for cheating on his wife.

I got better by CHUBBY 2-09-05

You say in your book another threat is these rogue dictatorships with nuclear and biological weapons. Yes. Fanatically religious leaders, not elected by the people, who invade sovereign nations without provocation. Yes. Like Dubya. Yes-- uh, no-- uh--

Did somebody say third degree burns on the vagina? by CHUBBY 2-09-05

We've got to overhaul the civil justice system to reduce the burden of lawsuits. Like that lady who spilled hot coffee on her lap in the car and sued McDonald's for $30 million, ha ha. Seventy-nine year old Stella Liebeck was a passenger, not a driver, and the car was stationary, not moving. She suffered third degree burns on her private parts and other areas. McDonald's refused to settle for $20,000 for Liebeck's medical bills, forcing the case to go to court. There were at least 700 previous cases of scalding coffee incidents at McDonald's before. Lawyers found that McDonald's served its coffee at 190 degrees f, 30-50 degrees hotter than other restaurants. The Shriner Burn Institute had warned them not to serve their coffee above 130. Continued...... The jury awarded Liebeck $160K compensatory damages and because McDonald's was guilty of "willful, reckless, malicious, or wanton conduct, applied punitive damages of $2.7 million. The judge reduced this to less than half a million, and in the final settlement, Liebeck received much less.

Did somebody say third degree burns on the vagina? 2 by CHUBBY 2-09-05

And why would McDonald's serve its coffee at 190 F, you may well ask? Well, I'll tell you. Liquids expand when heated, and this enabled McDonald's to squeeze a little bit more coffee out of every pot. And when you're selling millions of pots of coffee a year, that's a lot of coffee. McDonald's was aware of the hazard it was posing, not only to the coffee drinkers, but also kids, pets, handicapped, but the bean counters at corporate did the math and they found it was cheaper to settle the cases that came through than it would be to make more coffee. So they kept doing it, and they'd likely be doing it still if Stella hadn't made them stop. And that is the dictionary definition of criminal negligence. You GOPigs want to take away our right to sue, and you can't even come up with one single example of a successful frivolous lawsuit. You'd know about liquids expanding if you'd paid attention in science class instead of banging your math teacher.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

Now go back under your rock, you slimy bottom feeder by CHUBBY 2-10-05

I'd like to thank my guest today..... what's the name again? Lizard? Salamander? Amphiuma? It's Newt. Yeah, whatever. And your new book is "Contract on America"? That's "Contract With America". Again, who cares. And you're running for president in 2008? Not any more.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

I call on...... Governor Whats-his-name!

First, remove the plank from your brother's eye by CHUBBY 10-16-04

I'm here with the Governor of Florida, uh, which brother are you again? Jethro? Fredo? Zeppo? It's Jeb. Whatever. What is your administration's policy on drugs? My administration's goal is to reduce drug use in Florida by 50%. You can't even reduce drug use in your HOUSE by 50%. Daddy? I need some money!

The Tampan Hillbillies by CHUBBY 11-26-04

"Come and listen to a story 'bout a Bush named Jeb....." Gov. Jethro-- Fredo-- Zeppo-- whatever-- I'm your worst nightmare: a reporter from the liberal media who actually asks tough questions. Why do Republicans always criticize lawsuits-- --and try to take away peoples' rights to sue, yet when things don't go your way, the first thing you do is go crying to a judge, even when you don't have standing to sue, as in Dubya v. Gore? ".....poor governor wants to keep the brain-dead fed....." And why does the GOP always try to undermine the checks and balances in the Constitution by trying to pass laws that Congress can vote to overturn a court decision, ..... .....and laws that say that the laws themselves can't be overturned by the courts? And why do you yourself order that a brain-dead woman's feeding tube be replaced after a court ordered it removed? "So just like his brother W, decided he would shred the Bill of Rights, too. Constitution, that is. Set a spell. Kick your shoes off. Y'all come back in 2008, ya hear?" Well, this is a very personal issue. My brother's brain-dead, and I'd hate to see them stop feeding him. I'd like to feed him. I'd like to feed him pretzel nuggets.

Bring out your dead by CHUBBY 2-03-05

Guv, you've been fighting like hell-- on our nickel, I might add-- for Terri Schiavo's life. What do you care? You don't have a dog in this fight. Well, I'm runnin' for president in 2008, and I've learned nothing if not that every last vote counts.

Flatliners by CHUBBY 1-24-05

Governor, today the Supreme Court, which was stacked by your own Poppy, ruled against you and said the brain dead have a right to die. Your thoughts, please. Gov?

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

Wow, I totally can't get enough of this fantastic political humor.

Either

A.) You are reading stuff that you know full well you won't like, as you've already made your mind up not to, which makes you a dumbass, or

B.) You're not reading them, you're just posting your dumbass comments, which makes you a dumbass.

So, which one are you, dumbass?

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx

Can't a guy admire your range? Dumbass.

I call on..... John Ashcroft!

Mission accomplished by CHUBBY 11-10-04

The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved. Huh? Didn't you move terrorism to the back burner when you first took office and then blame 9/11 on Clinton? Didn't you leave local police foundering while FBI agents spent their time watching porno-- --and prosecuting Tommy Chong and Martha Stewart? Aren't our ports and airplane cargo holds vulnerable as they were in 2001? By your shredding the Constitution, haven't the terrorists already won? Haven't we squandered our resources on the war against terror and the international capital we collected after 9/11 by invading Iraq? Hasn't it now been turned into a giant terrorist training camp? You haven't caught Osama or the anthrax killer. The status of 500 Gitmo detainees is in doubt. After eight years of peace and prosperity, aren't we mired in war and depression? So what was achieved? I meant we beat Kerry and Edwards.

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"We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx