Despite not trying very hard, I won the last FTC. Here's what you'll be working with this time:

FTC 58: Template by fzh 3-10-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened ma’am. Well...

Furthermore, I will be reviving Kaddar's original awards, so I guess I should post this:
HOSTS! Read this first.
Awards List (Paste at judging)
Judging will be in about a week, unless turn out is awful like last time. If it's bad, I'll extend the competition. If it's still bad after the extension, I will not use Kaddar's awards and will simply choose an overall winner.
Good luck, strippers!

FTC 58: Editor's Note by biped 3-12-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened ma’am. Well... SURPRISE, Lightning Lass! I'm really SKELETON MAN! Why, you DASTARDLY FIEND! I thought I killed you back in ish #237!

FTC 58: Overboard by biped 3-12-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened ma’am. Well... ...I accidentally sucked his liver out through his dick.

FTC 58: Supercops by biped 3-12-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened ma’am. Well... Whew, what a day. Let's make love all night long, darling. I thought you'd never ask, sugar titties.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

FTC 58: *garble, garble SPLORK* by possums 3-12-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened ma’am. Well... Soon... My! I had no idea an octopus could act flummoxed! I never knew a ubiquitous corndog, either!

FTC 58: Bad cops bad cops, what ya gonna do? by flipynif1 3-12-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened ma'am. Well... She tells her tale of woe.. ..so that's what happned..uh..did you even hear a word I said? Why are you signaling behind you? OK He wants the sandwich tactic this time...man my billy clubs been cravin some ass rapin' action, oh BABY!

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what is FTC anyway? Forever tired comics?

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I dumb :D

FTC 58: Late night ramblings of a frustrated mathematician by quodlibet 3-13-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened ma’am. Well... Suppose car A is travelling at 30 mph from point X to point Y, and car B is speeding along at 60 mph from point C to D, the distance from A to D is equal to E and F and car A will -- You're the driver of car A? Obviously.

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

FTC- Christian TV shows by xxausrottenxx 3-15-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened ma’am. Well... *click* gay.

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xx( o Y o. )xx

I got lazy and haven't been here since I created the contest. Judging to be held tomorrow at about this time. Get all last entries in now.

I got lazy and haven't been here since I created the contest. Judging to be held tomorrow at about this time. Get all last entries in now.

Well...whatever. :)

FTC 58: The right to remain silent by quodlibet 3-22-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened. Fucking mime. Go beat some sense into him. My pleasure, sir!

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

FTC 58: Burn, Burn! by BigFrank105 3-23-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened ma’am. Well... I'll bet I can drink more gasoline than you! Oh yeah? I'll bet you can't do that while swallowing a lighter!

Funniest Comic to Nerds

Goes to:
biped
For the Comic:

FTC 58: Editor's Note by biped 3-12-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened ma’am. Well... SURPRISE, Lightning Lass! I'm really SKELETON MAN! Why, you DASTARDLY FIEND! I thought I killed you back in ish #237!

Most Sexual

Goes to:
biped
For the Comic:

FTC 58: Overboard by biped 3-12-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened ma’am. Well... ...I accidentally sucked his liver out through his dick.

Most Ironic

Goes to:
quodlibet
For the Comic:

FTC 58: The right to remain silent by quodlibet 3-22-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened. Fucking mime. Go beat some sense into him. My pleasure, sir!

Funniest Politically Incorrect

Goes to:
possum
For the Comic:

Most Obscure

Goes to:
possums
For the Comic:

FTC 58: *garble, garble SPLORK* by possums 3-12-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened ma’am. Well... Soon... My! I had no idea an octopus could act flummoxed! I never knew a ubiquitous corndog, either!

Best Title

Goes to:
quodlibet
For the Comic:

FTC 58: The right to remain silent by quodlibet 3-22-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened. Fucking mime. Go beat some sense into him. My pleasure, sir!

Best Use of Lack of Rules

Goes to:
possum
For the Comic:

(there wasn't a rule against photoshoping, but he replaced kaddar-blonde)

Less is good! For funny short panels

Goes to:
xxausrottenxx
For the Comic:

FTC- Christian TV shows by xxausrottenxx 3-15-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened ma’am. Well... *click* gay.

More is good! For funny long panels

Goes to:
quodlibet
For the Comic:

FTC 58: Late night ramblings of a frustrated mathematician by quodlibet 3-13-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened ma’am. Well... Suppose car A is travelling at 30 mph from point X to point Y, and car B is speeding along at 60 mph from point C to D, the distance from A to D is equal to E and F and car A will -- You're the driver of car A? Obviously.

Bronze Award of Neatoness

Goes to:
biped
For the Comic:

FTC 58: Editor's Note by biped 3-12-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened ma’am. Well... SURPRISE, Lightning Lass! I'm really SKELETON MAN! Why, you DASTARDLY FIEND! I thought I killed you back in ish #237!

Silver Award of Excellence

Goes to:
xxausrottenxx
For the Comic:

FTC- Christian TV shows by xxausrottenxx 3-15-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened ma’am. Well... *click* gay.

Psychic Award

Goes to:
nobody
My comic was:

FTC 58: Would have been psychic award by fzh 3-24-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened ma’am. Well... You just said "How could something like this happen?" to yourself, then the pther cop came up to you and said "Sir! The witness is ready to speak." and then...

Creativity Award

Goes to:
xxausrottenxx
For the Comic:

FTC- Christian TV shows by xxausrottenxx 3-15-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened ma’am. Well... *click* gay.

Zinger Award (And the next host of FTC)

Goes to:
quodlibet
For the Comic:

FTC 58: The right to remain silent by quodlibet 3-22-05

How could something like this happen? Sir! The witness is ready to speak. Tell us exactly what happened. Fucking mime. Go beat some sense into him. My pleasure, sir!

Yay!

Once I think of a worthy topic, I'll put up a new FTC in the next couple of days.

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

hooray for me winning awards!

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xx( o Y o. )xx