At work, my email is used primarily for getting lunch orders and sending annoying forwards. Today I recieved two from my boss. One was about a new kind of huffing that makes me very sad. The other is the Darwin Awards, which some of you who have forwarding friends/coworkers might recognize from last year. I thought I'd share the Darwin Awards with you today.
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the
least evolved among us.
Here then, are the glorious winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long
Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He
peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked ... And now, the
honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little
hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent
out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef 's
claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago
returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental
patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to
admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a
free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the
patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an
oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply
trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change.
When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the
register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer ... $15. (If
someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder
block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and
heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief
on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole
event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The
clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the
snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove
back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive
ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti,
Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said
he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the
clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. A 5-STAR
STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got
much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up
next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The
owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends and family ... unless
of course one of these 10 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that
case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.
(By the way, if you want the sad forward, just pm me, especially if you have children between 9 and 15).
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Mediocrity at its most average.
