I got let go by my company due to poor sales and poorer management. Here's some strips inspired by the whole "not having a job and looking for a new one" experience.

Dusting off the P45. (1) by jes_lawson 7-20-05

What's this? A memo from the CTO. He's postponing the meeting until 9:30am tomorrow. Ha ha! Maybe we're all getting fired! Ha ha ha! Or maybe we're all getting holidays to Bermuda Because of poor sales, we're going to have to outsource some jobs. So...I'll be writing software while I'm in Bermuda now? Is that what you're saying?

Dusting off the P45. (2) by jes_lawson 7-20-05

Jes is really taking this threat of redundancy thing hard. How so? He doesn't shave, he's been drinking a LOT of absinth, and he's been saying some really off the wall things! Your point being what again? Never mind.

Dusting off the P45 (3) by jes_lawson 7-22-05

Good evening, and welcome to "Who Wants To Be Unemployed?" Tonight's top prize, for between 2 and 20 lucky winners, is a week's pay and a boot up the arse! Plus, an all expenses unpaid trip to the local job centre! So let's meet our suck..er..contestants

Dusting off the P45. (4) by jes_lawson 7-24-05

Our first contestant is the technical sales director whose department failed to forecast accurate sales figures! I still maintain we can sell our target quota of sand to the Arabs in the second half of the year. Contestant number two is the only technical author in the department, and is therefore irreplaceable! Chances of me losing are about as much as me proof reading the next release of documentation! Our third contestant is a junior engineer working on a low priority project. Your comments? I'm as Shafted as Richard Roundtree with a pointy stick up his arse, aren't I?

Dusting off the P45. (5) by jes_lawson 7-24-05

Question number one. What is LIFO? Ah, a computer science question, easy! LIFO stands for "Last In First Out" It is analogous to the stack in a program's memory where... I'm sorry, the correct answer is "Last In, First Out is the redundancy policy of your firm!" And as the last engineer to be hired...NOOOO!

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Dusting off the P45 (6) - True Story (1/3) by jes_lawson 7-28-05

Hello, this is Bob Racecar from RecruitCo. We've got a job here we think you might be intersted in. Bring it on! I've been so unable to afford beer, my liver's throwing a street party! Can I ask you your A-level grades please? This firm usually ask for them. That always makes me suspicious, but yeah, I'll tell you. That's great. I'm sending you the incredibly long list of firms I'm also putting you forward to, and I'll get back to you later. You're not a spammer are you? If I find out this firm makes generic Viagra or something I'll rips your tits off.

Dusting off the P45 (7) True Story (2/3) by jes_lawson 7-28-05

Later that day... Hi this is Betty Racecar from RecruitCo. I'd like to put you forward for a position. Uh, great, but... Has anyone asked you your A-level grades today? Well, I've only told one firm today my grades. Great, I'll be putting you forward for a vacancy I've found on our database. Y'know, your surname is familiar...

Dusting off the P45 (8) (3/3) Let not thy right hand know... by jes_lawson 7-28-05

Next Day... Hi, Betty Racecar, RecruitCo here. There's been some terrible screw-up regarding that company I was trying to put you forward to! What? They've already seen your CV! They know your grades and everything! Are you sure you didn't tell anyone else? Some unscrupulous bastards have got in before me! OK, well according to this e-mail, the last guy who put me to that firm was...Bob Racecar. I'm guessing you know him. Vwoop! Vwoop! Vwoop! That, readers, if you're interested, is the sound effect for "Impending divorce proceedings"

I freaking hate recruitment consultants.

No word of a lie, it must be dog-eat-dog in those firms, or at least dog-not-tell-wife-he-already-dealing-with-a-Mr-jes_lawson-so-don't-put-him-forward-twice-to-same-customers-and-make-us-all-look-dumb-to-clients-k?

How the bell-end does a professional firm not know which clients they're dealing with and which their colleagues have already seen?

Rant over. I expect I'll have more to come as long as I'm enjoying unemployment as much as I currently am.

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Dusting off the P45 (9) by jes_lawson 7-28-05

Volunteering to switch departments right before the job cuts was really bad timing. I know. I practically made the CTO's decision for him. In retrospect, do you think anyone could have made a worse decision than you? Hrm... Ye 17th Century, New England So it's agreed then, this "Thanksgiving" feast thing can only be good for us all! My vote makes it unanimous! I shall inform Mr Bernard Matthews at once!

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<3 at least you knew you hated your job before you got canned. It would really suck if you loved your job.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

some see unemployment as a setback. i see it as an opportunity for you to make more hilarious stoned star trek cartoons

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what if nigger meant kite

I think Jes should stay unemployed forever and just make comics.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

Update:

Dusting off the P45: Examples of tests I've had. by jes_lawson 9-02-05

The "Straightforward" Test. "In 45 words or less, write a program to end Third World debt, while solving Fermat's Last Theorem in binary. You may not use the letter 'e' " The "Challenging" Test. "Tick the box next to the integer that corresponds to the number 7" Okay. Two choices, 7 or a picture of the Crazy Frog. My idea of a test. I've written a Su Doku solver that can also mix the most rocking martini you've ever had! Here's a bottle of absinth and the key to my hotel room. Leave some for me and you get to lick it off.

I should also explain a P45 is the form you get from your old employer when you finish working for them. You then give it to your new employer if/when you get a job.

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