I was wondering why none of my comics seemed to have been rated, and then choadwarrior pointed out that I don't promote any of them. In an attempt to change this, behold: A Guide To British Etiquette

A Guide To British Etiquette: Do you mind if...? by Chi_The_Cynic 8-21-04

Ah, hello, I'll be right with you, but do you mind if I just nip out for a cigarette first? Would it make any difference if I said I did mind? Even if you do mind, you can't possibly say so! That's just not right! So then why phrase it as a question? Why not just say that you're going out for a cigarette instead of asking me if I mind or not? To keep up the pretence that I actually care about what you think, of course Oh yes, silly me...

A Guide To British Etiquette: The Extraneous Apology by Chi_The_Cynic 8-21-04

Ouch! Sorry! But I trod on your foot, you didn't tread on mine - it should be me apologising to you Well, you should apologise for treading on my foot, but I should also apologise Why? For getting in the way of your foot No wonder we never had a revolution, the peasants were too busy apologising for being oppressed

A Guide To British Etiquette: The Unthinking Tip by Chi_The_Cynic 8-21-04

That'll be twenty pounds, sir Here you go Um, sir, you've given me twenty five pounds Yes, that includes the tip But sir, this is a self-service buffet restaurant Well, I can hardly tip myself, can I?

A Guide To British Etiquette: The Silent Complaint by Chi_The_Cynic 8-21-04

At any restaurant anywhere Eurgh, the food tastes horrible! And the juice smells off Yeah, mine doesn't taste much better I'm going to complain! Good idea Did you enjoy your meal, ma'am? Oh yes, it was very nice, thank you!

A Guide To British Etiquette: The Rain by Chi_The_Cynic 8-22-04

Well, would you just look at that rain! Why? It rains here virtually every day, what's the big surprise?

A Guide To British Etiquette: Beer by Chi_The_Cynic 8-22-04

What'll it be? Hello my good man, could you tell me what beers you have on sale? Well, we've got Carlsberg, Fosters, Stella, Kronenburg and Carling No, you misunderstand me, I asked you what BEERS you had on sale Um.. we've got Budweiser too? Goodbye.

A Guide To British Etiquette: The Self-Answered Question by Chi_The_Cynic 8-22-04

I appear to be lost, I'll ask that man over there for directions Hello, I was just wondering if you might be able to... ...no, I suppose you wouldn't, would you? Sorry to trouble you!

A Guide To British Etiquette: The Feigned Affirmation by Chi_The_Cynic 8-24-04

I could really scream sometimes, it makes me so mad! There's just so much work on top of me right now, and I can't cope with it! How do they expect me to work more hours than there are in a day? It's impossible! I cannot wait for the weekend, really I can't! Everything going to plan, people? Yes, sir! Everything is a-OK!

A Guide To British Etiquette: The Catch-All Condolence by Chi_The_Cynic 8-24-04

She walked out on me, there and then! I turn up to work the next day and get given my cards, and before I know it I'm on the dole! Then my mother passed away on the same day that the dog got run over, and I broke my arm trying to change a light bulb! And if that wasn't bad enough, the bank told me I've gone beyond my overdraft limit and they'll be sending the bailiffs round! Still, not to worry, eh?

Well observed. Good stuff.

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.

I loved that series when you first wrote it, and created my own homage. I also related this story in the U.K. Terrorism thread.

British Etiquette: Extraneous Apology: My Experience c. 1989 by choadwarrior 8-22-04

Hello, London Police? A man followed me home from the underground and now he's trying to break into my building. Wow--nine constables showed up in two minutes and started beating and kicking the shit out of that guy. Right. We've nicked the burglar. Sorry to bother you.

But this isn't about me...Vote for Chi!

i liked the first couple, but after that it just seemed like the same joke repeated

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what if nigger meant kite