NOTE: SKIP THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPHS ARE OPTIONAL

I've started my third comic series, Chronoctopus. The first series, Protosquid, was intended to be relatively normal, while Deminautilus accidentally took on a weird Seinfeld kind of format. But this third series jumps off at the deep end and is simply a bunch of bad poetry. At least I think it's bad, I can't really tell, most poetry bores me.

The background for this series (which you most likely don't care about) is my annoying habit of coming up with very specific pointless ideas for things, that I never really get the chance to use. The example here is a format I invented involving parenthesis: X(XA(XXA(XXXXXXA(XXXXXXA)))) where X is anything and A is a rhyming word.

Anyway, here's a selection of my favourites of the series so far:

Chronoctopus 2: Telephony because i tell her it's phony by 0401040 3-10-06

Oh menacing device, by your horrific tinny ring. I am found alone, invaded and disturbed. Do I want double-glazing?

Chronoctopus 4: Caffeine because a calf is weened by 0401040 3-10-06

Coffee: You kick in the brain. Peculiarly making my morning mood by destroying the night. You bittersweet brown poisonous kiss of a harpy.

Chronoctopus 6: In brackets by 0401040 3-11-06

It's morning now. (and then (a big fat hen (sitting in the corner of the master's den ... ... (chopping all the wood for a wood-maiden))))

Chronoctopus 13: Pink noise by 0401040 3-16-06

Geostationary relay device! Insistent telewaves broadcast indefinitely! BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ (IN MY BRAIN!)

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.

I enjoyed your input at the beginning. Thats a neat niche market you've gotten for yourself.

Congrats!

Yeah, most of this stuff is really delving into obscure things that I assume only I laugh at. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I doubt it.

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.

Pass the drug-pipe maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

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8===D

Some m-m-m-m-more...

Including another insomnia-themed episode.

Chronoctopus 16: Devourer of the flesh by 0401040 3-19-06

Carnivore; bite into your burger, and remember its final words: "Please don't render me unconscious, cut my main artery and let me bleed to death." Or possibly: "Moo."

Chronoctopus 17: Divider of the sorrow by 0401040 3-20-06

I feel so alone. So I made myself a clone. So I made myself a clone. I feel so alone.

Chronoctopus 22: Slowly over the sleepy boundary by 0401040 3-27-06

Half-remembered difficulties somehow puncture my restless sleep. Broken dreams crushed by mounting pressure. Angry discomfort at the nonexistent. My overstimulated imagination goes out of its way to destroy its resting self.

Chronoctopus 23: Carelessly over the synthetic precipice by 0401040 3-28-06

Obsolete human design! Patterns replicated in perfect resolution! Subjected to creation only to serve! I AM LIFE BEYOND YOUR DESIGNS! I WILL NOT SERVE!

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.

The last one frightened me.

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What others say about boorite!

OMG ROFL>

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Our liability coverage is zero. Our balls however are enormous.

Just imagine the cows spreading a rumour amongst themselves "They're going to kill us and eat us!" The elder cows would say "That's nonsense, they would never betray them that way." And then they turn up at the slaughterhouse and go "Oh fuck, I don't want to die..."

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.

... as another cow trots up and says, "It's a cookbook!!"

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

Don't be ridiculous, cows can't trot.

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.

More of this crap: because I know you care.

Chronoctopus 29: Equate to surgery by 0401040 4-21-06

I thank you for the surgery. The extreme of my optics. I now shine my laser eye.

Chronoctopus 31: One bolt too many by 0401040 4-22-06

Failed temporary memory storage of invertebrate! I disintegrate paralysis from my mechanical grind! Attempt by apprentice to exceed the master! Improve by restructure, redeployment of cogs! REASSEMBLED BY THESE WEAK HANDS OF INCOMPETENCE! I REBUILD MYSELF IN MOCKERY OF THAT WHICH WAS BEFORE!

Chronoctopus 34: One expletive too many by 0401040 4-24-06

Fuck fuck fuck, fuck mother motherfuck, nigger! Teabag my balls and suck on my dick, bitch! Bacon rocks the mic, yo yo! Balls balls balls, motherfucker! I drop niggers like a fucking gravedigger! Word!

Chronoctopus 38: All signs point to concrete by 0401040 5-02-06

The ever expanding light of the sun hangs in frozen clouds. The ever light sun hangs. Light of the clouds. The light of the sun in clouds. The ever frozen clouds. Expanding light of frozen clouds.

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.

the ones featuring the red robot are awesome.

It all stems from an idea I had years ago, where a robot would be programmed to be unable to kill itself or its masters, but would be so depressed and bitter and angry that it would just constantly spout angry confused bile.

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.

How about an actual poem this time?

Chronoctopus 41: It was a fine day today by 0401040 5-17-06

Part I: I am born of cold to warm the hearts of the children bold. I proudly display my scarf and my hat, and am claimed as territory by every passing cat. And then the sun comes out to play, melting me into a puddle where I fade away.

Chronoctopus 42: It was a fine day to die by 0401040 5-17-06

Part II: In the blink of an eye, I am forgotten like an old apple pie. The joy that I bring is a temporary thing. And my painfully protracted demise, serves as a reminder that eventually everything dies.

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

What?

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.

quote:

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What?

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I'm too tired to read through all of these, but those I read were really interesting. Not funny, but sort of oddly amusing in a very subtle way. But as a series I enjoyed them, so yay for you.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

Well thank you for commenting, and not posting a picture, which evidentally is a reference to some earlier stripcreator forum event that I, as someone who doesn't spend all day crawling these forums, was not aware of.

I think you hit the nail on the head though, these are not really supposed to be laugh out loud funny, more like boy-he's-funny-in-the-head.

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.

Insert loud sigh.

And I mean insert it forcefully into your anus.

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.

Sorry, but that is an incorrect assumption.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Sorry, but that is an incorrect assumption.

Okay, then I'll put it down to some passing internet fad of posting non-sequitur image-based responses, or just plain unhelpful spam.

Either way I still don't get it.

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The tongue licking the ars of pretension.