After winning CC72, I let the experience go to my head. I hereby declare myself Emperor and declare war on Old Dime Box, Texas.

The following competition will relatively simple:

[list=1]
[1] Use one of the characters from the forumusers category.
[2] Use as a plot point some form of dysfunctional behavior, the type that could get you on Jerry Springer.
[3] In at least one place in the dialogue, slip in the title of a song. The more seamless the better. And the more often the better as well.
[/list]

Have fun. I'll close the competition on thursday midnight.

By Imperial decree, it is so.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

Song of my Life by NastyPope 10-16-01

Where you been all my life? Riding through the desert on a horse with no name. Then I stayed at the Hotel California so I could Beat It. Hi, My Name is Luca, I usually Fly By Night to Get Around. I Touch Myself too. You sure seem like a Smooth Criminal. I like the YMCA but I got Great Balls of Fire so I called out for the Doctor Doctor to Help Me cure my Wild Youth. Ouch, nothing worse than the Invisible Touch. Better Be Careful or you may be catching the Stairway to Heaven. Wow, She's Blinded me with Science. I'd Lover Her Allnight, but She's Only Seventeen

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At least im still funny .....looking. http://www.carrionfields.com

CC73: The Night The Lights Went Out In Funkytown, Georgia by fuzzyman 10-16-01

One night at the Funkytown rest stop... Welcome to Funkytown. I'll be your father figure. Walk this way. Mama told me not to come, but I have this constant craving. I guess this is the end of the innocence. Turn out the light. This is the stuff that dreams are made of! That's the way I like it. I am so into you. I'll be your back door man. I can't go for that. Oooh, baby, baby. Feels like the first time. I wanna be sedated... The Morning After... You give love a bad name. Time for me to fly...

I feel proud, yet somehow dirty.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

'BELOXI BLUES' IS A NAZI PROPAGANDA PIECE!

Hey look -- it's the Non Sequitur Donkey in disguise!

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This is not my empire.

Can we keep him dad? huh huh? can we keep him?

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

Stop stealing my schtick, guy! I didn't irradiate Cher inside your suitcase, did I?

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I'm not illogical - I'm big-boned.

CC73: Pick The Line That Isn't a Jerry Lee Lewis Song by fuzzyman 10-16-01

Jerry Lee Lewis is folding his clothes at the laundromat, when... Jerry Lee? Jerry Lee Lewis? Great balls of fire, woman! Are you middle age crazy? Your crazy arms done startled me! I'm not middle-aged, I'm 39 and holding! Jerry Lee, you leave me breathless! Will you hold me in your crazy arms? There'll be a whole lot of shakin' goin' on! I'll be your wild one! I'm sorry ma'am, but I only date fetuses. Please don't talk about me when I'm gone. What'd I say?

Yeah, baby.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

The Fab 60 by kaufman 10-16-01

Hey Jude, help! Michelle, she's a woman -- I saw her standing there, and I love her. But I'm a loser. She loves you. What's the word? Tell me why or I'll cry instead. Do you want to know a secret? I've got a feeling it's because of my long, long, long penis. When I'm 64 inches long, she's leaving home for no one else. Wait! I want to tell you it won't be long after all my loving. I want you. All I've got to do is make us come together or something. Why don't we do it in the road? The two of us? I should have known better. Oh darling, I will, any time at all, here, there, and everywhere! Hold me tight or run for your life, I wanna be your man. Good morning, little child! Dig it, this boy says it's getting better. Happiness IS a warm gun. All you need IS love! Get back and roll over, Beethoven; I AM the walrus! Don't let me down. Hey bulldog, slow down! Honey don't, not a second time. I'm down from yesterday and the night before. I'm so tired, let it be. I'll be back, tomorrow never knows. PS, I love you. The end.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC73: Cyrano de Berge-yak by ObiJo 10-16-01

A crystal ship filled with a million diamonds could not hope to glitter as bright as you, my sweet. You're one shiny bitch.

I'm just asking for the pun police, I know.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

CC 73: Hey-yay-yay, I said hey, what's going on? by Drexle 10-16-01

Hey Jude, what's going on? Not a whole lot... say, how did your date with Mack the Knife go? Oh, that boy is such a cut up... but you know, as much fun as he is... I'd just rather be "down in a hole." Why can't I meet a nice girl who is handy witha blade? I would love to help you out, but I was just at the epicurean gynecologist... I'm all eaten out. You mean Dr. Kaufman? I've heard he's really sprung on the cat. Well, he *did* try to bring that orange and white tabby into the office.

Frank Sinatra, Sir Mix-A-Lot, and Visceral Evisceration all in one comic. I think I made myself sick.

CC73 - Never Can Say Goodbye by wirthling 10-16-01

Don't leave me this way! There ain't no mountain high enough to keep us apart! This just isn't going to work out, Jon. Face it--you're gay! Hey, just because I like the night life and like to hang out at the YMCA doesn't mean that I'm gay! OK, here's a test--what do the following 3 words mean to you: "I will survive" o|` I will survive / as long as i know how to love / I know I will stay alive / I've got all my life to live / I've got all my love to give / and I'll survive... o|` Thought so...

Also, I noticed that by using the scroll button on the mouse while making the comic, I could make Jon dance...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

my entry

atack of the evil kangeroo!! by fuck 10-16-01

helo there bich, im a virgin and hate it, so stikc youre ass in the are and preppare to have sex!! othar wise i will shoot it loosk like i have no chioisce and sign 3 blidn mice, it turns me on 3 blind mice, cut of there tales with a carveing nife. o not so hard youre dick too big thakns hoar, now dont go to the poleece ori will hunt you doun and shooot you in teh stommack life is un fare!! [thats from the malcom in middle song!!

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sex

It's really not worth anyone else entering, is it?

Kramer , you can still win it

All you have to do is work out how to get EVERY SINGLE PROCLAIMERS SONG TITLE EVER WRITTEN into one strip.

Im counting on you. As im cleary a talentless hack destined to obscurity with Andy.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

Missed opportunity there...

If only he'd said "I'm like a virgin".

Although he gets points for "Hello" by Lionel Ritchie and "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks in that one sentence alone.

I'm a bit miffed I couldn't fit "The big man and the scream team meet the barmy army uptown" in , but here's my Primal Scream themed entry.

CC 73: I'd Like to Teach the World to String by kaufman 10-17-01

At the Awards Dinner: Gabe, now that you've been named Obsessive-Compulsive of the Year for your selfless assistance in the building of Megaball, what will your next project be? I want to contribute some string I have to the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota. Gabe doesn't realize that that twine ball may no longer be America's largest, but it remains the largest built BY A SINGLE INDIVIDUAL. Can I add some twine? I'm afraid not. Minnesota has armed law enforcement and National Guard personnel ready to preserve the sanctity of that achievement. Wait a minute, Minnesota doesn't have armed kangaroos! Look, if you want DexX to draw a psychotic polar bear, you tell him!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 73: Allow me to apologize now by kaufman 10-17-01

Yo, Dave, what's up, dude? Calvin! I've just written the best computer virus. It busts into every Windows/XP system and displays nude pictures of Calista Flockhart So your stalking her amounted to something. Great, but before you do this hack, you know you ought to get it approved by Roger the 1337. Oh yeah. You think he'll like it? Absolutely. I think it's top-notch! Super, Cal. If Roger listens, XP Ally doses!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Ok, you're still my God, but I will smack you.

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

You are my god!!

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This is not my empire.

Boy, that was a lot of work to make me ill.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

CC73: A Very Special Moment With Hall and Oates by fuzzyman 10-17-01

What's the matter Daryl? You look like you've lost that loving feeling! I feel out of touch, John. You know that rich girl I was with, Sara Smile? She was a real maneater. Say it isn't so! Yes, we did it in a minute. I suppose that's the method of modern love. I'll say one thing, though... she gave me a real adult education. Well, your kiss is on *my* list. You know, John, some things are better left unsaid.

...and so it goes!

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

oops. (:

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

oops. (:

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Yeah, terrible the way "shameless" got misspelled there, isn't it.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com