FTC 87 template by HCRoyall 5-31-06

1. The comic can be any number of panels, so long as the first (or in the case of one-panels, only) panel contains these characters and the background.

2. Obviously the theme is about neighbors, good or bad, so that has to be evident in your comics.

3. If nobody comes up with a good comic, God will kill a box of puppies.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Fences Make Good Neighbors by crabby 5-31-06

You're the new neighbor huh? Sure am. I will be eating you.

there goes the neighborhood.... by AngryAmerican 5-31-06

Greetings! I am your new neighbor, Dr. Tiki, the world's first Hawiian superhero. Anyone's better than Tim Allen.... I would like to invite to my luau tonight. There'll be poi, suckling pig, fire and hula dancers. Oh yeah, and lots of boozy fruit punch! At what point should i rty to tell him I'm a deaf mute? Hmmmm, not much of a talker huh? Well you definitely got the whole 'deranged stare' thing down pat. Come on over anyway. I'm a superhero, if you go all bat-fuck, I can stop you before you hurt someone Dear God what is he saying! I'm not sure whether to smile or get the shotgun...

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Kill Whitey.

FTC 87: Somewhere Deep in the Amazon... by Scyess 5-31-06

ooga booga Is that creepy peeping tom still ogling us, Dad? Yes, our nice new neighbor from National Geographic is still scientifically observing us. Now go act native-y or no PS3 for a week! Um, ooga booga? Pulitzer prize, here I come.

FTC 87: The Hole Story by Scyess 5-31-06

Listen, Ralph. You're at my fence all the time. Enough is enough. Sorry, Tom. I mean, how long have we been neighbors now? Around four years. I think that's a little too long to have your dick stuck in a knothole, don't you? I almost regret signing up for the trail of extra-strength Viagra.

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"Old" is the old new.

FTC: Adonis by crabby 6-01-06

I added R Kelly to my friend's list. I like R Kelly. On MySpace. I added R Kelly to my friend's list on Myspace. I like R Kelly.

FTC: Adonis by crabby 6-01-06

I totally won an XBOX360 by winning a Halo 2 tournament. I totally practiced for like 50 hours a day. I remember I used to work at a soda fountain.... I fucking won an XBOX360, 14,000 dollars and a fucking handshake commercial deal. First thing I'm gonna get with my money is a tattoo of a naked bitch on my inner thigh and then I'm gonna get another XBOX360. Actually, it was a pharmacy.

FTC: Adonis by crabby 6-01-06

How old are you anyways? Why? I want to see you face to face. OMG STFU N00B!!!!111!111

I made this comic before I read Scyess's entry that bears a strong resemblance to it. Sorry bout that.

there goes the neighborhood 2 by AngryAmerican 6-02-06

So you're deaf and dumb huh? How's that workin out for ya? Jesus dear fuck! Why do all the fucking lunatics always move in next to me? Well its your lucky day neighbor! As a doctor AND a superhero, i can heal you. Eh, at least he doesn't have kids... Poi Boy! Surgical bag! Now! OK he has a small brown skinned boy in a grass skirt. Fuck it. I'm movin...

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Kill Whitey.

FTC87: Neighbors by fpd 6-03-06

Hello Neighba. I haf a toofache. Would you poke yur hed in and take a look? Do you think I'm stupid? You want to eat me! No, neffah. I is veggie-tarian fruity-versalist. Me no eat you. But I saw you eating the Wilsons last night. It was a frenetic cannibalistic feast, and it scared the heebie jeebies out of me. Oh dat. Dey wanted us to eat dem. Me sed relly? Dey sed yes, eat us. So me be good neighba. Won't you be good neighba two? How about if I give you the number of my dentist?

This strip is a tribute to one of my favorite comic strips, Pearls Before Swine.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Rumble Rumble by LuckyGuess 6-02-06

I like your eyebrows. They're defunct PS3 prototype controllers. Awesome. Wanna come over and play games? *rumble rumble* I'll take that as a head shot or a critical hit.

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

FTC 87: Elmer Fudd's Neighbor

Be vewy qwiet, I'm hunting cannibaws.

by Matt_wolfe, 6-05-06

Quoting Kipling by boloboffin 6-05-06

"Pussy can sit by the fire and sing, Pussy can climb a tree, or play with a silly old cork and string to 'muse herself, not me." "Pussy will rub my knee with her head, pretending she loves me hard. But the very minute I go to my bed, Pussy runs out in the yard." Ever heard of that? I think so, but I thought it involved Ping Pong balls.

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

I'm going to judge this contest on Friday, and God's going to kill a box of puppies. I hope you're happy.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Let The Puppies Live! by boloboffin 6-07-06

You're my new neighbor for like, what? Twenty minutes? And you've got this wall thing happening. Yeah, so? Are you hiding something, or are you afraid of me? Oh, that's rich, coming from the guy in a big scary mask. What are you trying to hide? Mask? ....I was thinking of getting a puppy.

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

FTC87: For the Puppies by fpd 6-09-06

Why did the cannibal cross the road? This had better be a good one, neighbor, or that box of puppies is going to die. He saw a tasty dish, and he wanted to ask her to dinner. Don't you mean he wanted to have her for dinner? Okay, mister, I've had enough of your "I'm not a cannibal and I'm so perfect" attitude. Cannibals like to go on dates too, you know. We like women just as much as the next guy. Think about the puppies, man, the puppies! This is no time to lose control! Go on, now, say something funny before it's too late!

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Okay, this was a hard contest to judge.

On the one hand I have this comic:

Quoting Kipling by boloboffin 6-05-06

"Pussy can sit by the fire and sing, Pussy can climb a tree, or play with a silly old cork and string to 'muse herself, not me." "Pussy will rub my knee with her head, pretending she loves me hard. But the very minute I go to my bed, Pussy runs out in the yard." Ever heard of that? I think so, but I thought it involved Ping Pong balls.

But then I also have this comic:

Rumble Rumble by LuckyGuess 6-02-06

I like your eyebrows. They're defunct PS3 prototype controllers. Awesome. Wanna come over and play games? *rumble rumble* I'll take that as a head shot or a critical hit.

And THEN there's THIS comic:

Fences Make Good Neighbors by crabby 5-31-06

You're the new neighbor huh? Sure am. I will be eating you.

So I decided to throw the comics into a pit and let them fight to the death to decide the winner.

Crabby's comic won.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.