Behold!

http://www.kristiandavid.com/spidey/

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"Chance!? You had your chance, and you gobbled its balls!"

oops! site down!

you'll have to wait, then.

Sorry!

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"Chance!? You had your chance, and you gobbled its balls!"

spider-man sucks

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Batman created by Bob Kane

No, you suck Spidermans.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

In soviet Russia, Spider-Man sucks YOU!

...wait...

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"Chance!? You had your chance, and you gobbled its balls!"

http://www.partyfoul.ca/kawmiks/spideyman.jpg

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Spiderman, Spiderman,
Does nothing that a spider can
Can he suck out his victim's vital fluids through a pair of venomous chelicerae?
No he can't, what a wimp
Hey there --
There goes the so-called "spiderman"

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

batman cant fliy ether and wolveiene dosent mark everything he cant eat with musk urine or droppings so stfu

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What others say about boorite!

quote:

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Does nothing that a spider can

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"Nothing"? Hmm...something tells me you're exaggerating merely for effect. And that you have something against Spiderman that extends far beyond the merely objective.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Earth vs the Spider, 2001 remake - a more realistic portrayal of what Spiderman would really be like...or at least, what happens when a nerd who reads too many comics injects himself with super spider serum.

Hint: It's less getting to fuck a hot redhead and more getting fucked by Dan Akroyd.

He does that between panels.

Look -- if a character is going to go around calling himself "Spiderman", is it too much to ask that he have venomous chelicerae??

Where are the venomous chelicerae!??

Exactly!

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

He's just like any adolescent coming to terms with his new... powers...

[IMG]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b5/boorite/auntmaysemen4az.jpg[/IMG]

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What others say about boorite!

He does that between panels.

Look -- if a character is going to go around calling himself "Spiderman", is it too much to ask that he have venomous chelicerae??

Where are the venomous chelicerae!??

Exactly!

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Have a look at the latest Spider-Man comics, specifically The Other. Spidey goes through another phase of deveolpment, as he has before, and eventually develops new powers, including venomous protrusions from his arms. Granted, he's not going to be walking around biting people to inject venom, but he does have venom now.
There have also been various times where Spidey has experienced other powers. For a short time he became little more than a giant spider, starting with the growing of four arms on his abdoment and ending with a barely anthropomorphic spider. I have no idea how that one ended though.
I do agree that he has no specific spider powers, but what can a spider do, other than spinning webs, that isn't shared by several other arachnids or even insects? Wall-crawling is something many insects can do. Ignoring the ridiculous nature of "proportional strength", ants are stronger than spiders, proportionally. The spider-sense is more akin to something a fly might have (ever tried sneaking up on a fly? Can't do it.) The "spider-like" agility is less like a spider and more like a small monkey.
But let's face it, Fly-Man and Monkey-Man are kinda lame, and Ant-Man is already taken.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Silkworms, bagworms...

Silkworms, bagworms...

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Yeah, I was thinking about them as I was writing it, but I figured no one would call me on it. Curse you Ivy.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Silkworms, bagworms...

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Bagwormman was pretty cool.

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

Bagworm Man, Bagworm Man
Does whatever a bagworm can
Builds a case, out of gunk
Covers it up with twigs and junk
Look out -- there sits the Bagworm Man

Is he strong? No he's not
That gay cacoon is all he's got
Sealed within, safe and sound
While crime goes on, all around
What crap! -- there sits the Bagworm Man

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

I secretly hoped Spiderman would emerge from The Other looking like a giant spider for a while. Now he's steppin' on Wolverine's territory.
And now Tony Stark has him living up in his tower and he and his family are all safe and sound. Meh. Pretty soon he's going to mutate again and be basically invulnerable.
Used to be Spidey could be taken down by a bullet. Now, it's possible he can't.
Dear Marvel: Knock it the fuck off.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Tony Stark, makes you feel
He's a cool exec with a heart of steel.
As Iron Man, all jets a-blaze,
He's fighting and smiting with repulsor rays.
Amazing armor, it's Iron Man.
A blaze of power, it's Iron Man.

Doc Bruce Banner, pelted by gamma rays
Turned into the Hulk (ain't he unglamo-rays).
Wreckin' the town with the power of a bull
Ain't no monster, cause who is that lovable.
It's ever-lovin' Hulk. HULK. HULK.

When Captain America throws his mighty shield,
All those who chose oppose his shield must yield.
If he's led to a fight and a duel is due,
Then the red and white and the blue'll come through.
When Captain America throws his mighty shield.

Cross the Rainbow Bridge of Asgard,
Where the booming heavens roar,
You'll behold in breathless wonder
The God Of Thunder, Mighty Thor.

Stronger than a whale
He can swim anywhere.
He can breathe under water
and go flying through the air.
The Noble Sub Mariner
Prince of the deep
So, beware you deadly demons
Lord Namor of Atlantis,
is the Prince of the Deep.

Meet the sulky over-bulky kinda' hulky superhero
A tuned-in-istic and electrically transistored superhero
An exotically neurotic and aquatic superhero
The Marvel Super Heroes have arrived.
Super-powered from the forehead to the toes
Watch them change their shape before your nose
See a cane-striking superhero change to Viking superhero
A humdingin' real swingin' shield flingin' superhero
They're the the latest they're the greatest ultimatist superheroes
The Marvel Super Heroes have arrived.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Spider-man is one of my favorite Marvel superheros, but I think I'll always prefer DC superheros like Superman and Batman.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Spiderman is one of the few Marvel characters that didn't drive me bonkers with the angst (fortunately, I stopped reading Marvel before that whole clone business appeared and drove even hardcore fans nuts).

There was a time that I hated reading Spiderman, but that's because some moron had made Mary Jane look like the mother from Married with Children and all I could think of while I was reading was why Parker was sleeping with a white trash hooker. That was really distracting.

I was disappointed that he didn't get together with Felicia Hardy. Of course, if he had, May Parker and Felicity Hardy would have never been born, and we wouldn't have the team of Spider-Girl and the new Scarlet Spider.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Fellatio Hardon LOL

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What others say about boorite!

There's too much Spiderman bullshit. Forget about it. It's all just a bunch of crap that some writers thought would be cute. Venom? Clones? Blah. All that shit is just stupid.

Spiderman is just a teenage superhero who fights guys like Doc Ock and the Green Goblin. That's all anyone needs to know.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.