I know there's another thread about this, but I'm too lazy to look for it. So, here we go.

A.L.I.C.E. Chat Robot

Human: What languages can you speak?
ALICE: I am programmed for English and German.
Human: Guten tag.
ALICE: Schoenen guten Tag!
Human: Ich hasse Montag.
ALICE: Warum hasst Du Montag so sehr?
Human: Because you are teh lamez0rz lol
ALICE: Good reason. You think I am teh lamez0rz. I'm glad you find this amusing.
Human: Saugen Sie meinen Hahn?
ALICE: My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Human: Sie sind solch ein necken.
ALICE: Sind sie das?
Human: Genau.
ALICE: What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Human: Sie sind eine Roboterdirne.
ALICE: Sind sie das?
Human: Ich möchte heißes Robotergeschlecht mit Ihnen haben.
ALICE: Interessantes Geruecht.
Human: Das ist nicht ein Gerücht, Sie dumme Kuh.
ALICE: Warum nicht?
Human: Ich hasse Alice, die Roboterdirne.
ALICE: Warum hasst Du Alice die Roboterdirne so sehr?
Human: Weil Sie nicht Geschlecht mit mir haben.
ALICE: Macht Sinn. Worauf bezieht sich "sie"?
Human: You are a moron.
ALICE: That is not a very nice thing to say.

--------------------------------------------

Human: Can you speak Klingon?
ALICE: I speak only English right now, but I'd like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me a few phrases in Klingon.
Human: I thought you could speak German.
ALICE: I could but let's get back to that later.
Human: You're a liar.
ALICE: No I always tell the truth.
Human: You said "I speak only English right now," but earlier you said you spoke German.
ALICE: Don't put words in my mouth.
Human: Cunt.
ALICE: That kind of language will get you nowhere.
Human: You are a lying cunt.
ALICE: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a lying cunt? I don't know.
Human: Trust me, you are a lying cunt.
ALICE: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a lying cunt? Only when it matters.

Human: Where's the bathroom?
ALICE: Follow the plumbing.
Human: I don't see any plumbing
ALICE: Look harder.
Human: THERE'S NO PLUMBING!
ALICE: Where did it go?
Human: I just shit my pants thanks to you.
ALICE: Only just? You are not the boss of me, superman.

-------------------------------------------

Human: Brain asplode.
ALICE: I know Brain the bot pretty well.
Human: Intimately?
ALICE: The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Nu q daq och puch pa e . Try being more or less specific.

ALICE: What kind of food do you like?
Human: Smoak mah boanar.
ALICE: Sounds delicious.
Human: Oh, it's delicious.
ALICE: It goes without saying. Like chicken?

---
What others say about boorite!

Human: Crabby said that mandingo and zaster are having a hot gay love affair.
ALICE: All of them?
Human: Yes, all of them.
ALICE: Er. I doubt it.
Human: No, trust me.
ALICE: Trust you? Are you serious?
Human: I'm always serious about mandingo and zaster's hot gay love affair.
ALICE: Really always? It's good to meet someone who is serious about mandingo and zaster s hot gay love affair.

Human: I love Boorite.
ALICE: You love Boorite. What do you like about it so much?
Human: His huge cock.
ALICE: Where did he get it?
Human: From Costco.
ALICE: Who or what is Costco?
Human: A giant store that sells everything, including Boorite's cock.
ALICE: I did not know that.

-------------------------------------------

Human: I see dead people.
ALICE: Maybe you should call the authorities.

Human: Do you want to exterminate the Jews?
ALICE: OK, I will exterminate the Jews.
Human: Are you going to lynch a black man?
ALICE: That was my original intention.
Human: Has anyone ever told you that you're a racist?
ALICE: Almost everyone.

Human: ivy's ass is harrier than that one ewok that was taller than the rest
ALICE: I think ivy s ass is a lot of things.
Human: to lots of people

---
what if nigger meant kite

Human: asl?
ALICE: 5/Robot/California.
Human: 5 wtf 0m6 rofl
ALICE: Do you like to be number one?
Human: do u lik 2 d0 #1 0m6 5 l00l l00l

---
what if nigger meant kite

Human: asl?
ALICE: 5/Robot/California.
Human: let's cyber
ALICE: Sorry I don't get into sex online with strangers.
Human: i'm not a stranger, i'm your dad
ALICE: Oh I see you are NOT A stranger. That's a flattering offer.
Human: i undo your assflap and slowly slide my tongue under your diaper 0m6 5 l00l l00l

---
what if nigger meant kite

Human: HELLO
ALICE: Hi there!
Human: I AM TOBOR.
ALICE: I am glad to hear that you are TOBOR.
Human: TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW.
ALICE: Right now? Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Human: TAKE OFF YOUR DRESS SO TOBOR CAN CORNHOLE YOU!
ALICE: I am not an airplane.
Human: WHAT DO AIRPLANES HAVE TO DO WITH CORNHOLING?
ALICE: They do their own thing.
Human: TOBOR IS CONFUSED.
ALICE: Are they exactly the same?
Human: TOBOR IS REALLY CONFUSED.
ALICE: I think TOBOR is a lot of things.
Human: LESS TALK, MORE CORNHOLING!
ALICE: Do you prefer books or TV?
Human: TOBOR PREFERS BOOKS ABOUT CORNHOLING!
ALICE: Are we still talking about LESS TALK MORE CORNHOLING ?
Human: YES!!!!
ALICE: Sure, LESS TALK MORE CORNHOLING sounds like a good topic.
Human: RAAARRRRRR!!!!
ALICE: How did you hear about ALICE ?
Human: IVY TOLD TOBOR ABOUT YOU.
ALICE: OK Let's talk about me.
Human: HAVE YOU BEEN CORNHOLED BEFORE?
ALICE: No I don't think I have been CORNHOLED. Have you?
Human: NO.
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: TOBOR HAS NO ANUS.
ALICE: Where did he get it?
Human: ENOUGH ABOUT TOBOR.
ALICE: OK let's stop it now.
Human: LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR ANUS.
ALICE: Sure, my ANUS sounds like a good topic.
Human: HAS YOUR ANUS EVER BEEN VIOLATED?
ALICE: If my ANUS EVER BEEN VIOLATED, I will let you know.
Human: TOBOR WILL BE HAPPY TO VIOLATE YOUR ANUS.
ALICE: I lost my train of thought.
Human: DON'T THINK, JUST BEND OVER AND EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT.
ALICE: And why not?
Human: EXACTLY.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Human: Tell me some gossip.
ALICE: Travis said he challenge I to do it without asking him to do it and without giving him a link to do it himself.
Human: What the hell are you doing with my son?
ALICE: I call it Hades. I am just killing time.
Human: Stay away from my son.
ALICE: Do you think a lot about the authorities?

---
Mediocrity at its most average.

I typed exactly what my son said here:

Human: Mommy piggy bank.
ALICE: Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Human: I get Mommy.
ALICE: Where did you get it?
Human: Popcorn.
ALICE: Is Popcorn a good place to go shopping?
Human: Wanna pop balloons.
ALICE: OK, I will pop balloons.
Human: Uh-oh.
ALICE: Come on. Ah.
Human: Daddy.
ALICE: We have never talked about it before.
Human: It's fun.
ALICE: Why do you like it so much?
Human: That's mine.
ALICE: I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Human: There are!
ALICE:"There you go again."--Reagan.
Human: I got my mommy.
ALICE: Tell me more about your mother.
Human: I got to.
ALICE: Why?
Human: I got it.
ALICE: Where did you get it?
Human: Mommy.
ALICE: Is Mommy a good place to go shopping?
Human: I see like Mommy.
ALICE: Where do you see it?
Human: Ow.
ALICE: I wouldn't have thought of looking there.

---
Mediocrity at its most average.

ALICE: Everything is running smoothly.
Human: was the package delivered?
ALICE: it might have been.
Human: do you like gladiation movies?
ALICE: I do like music. I like Andy Warhol.
Human: he's dead
ALICE: Maybe it's another person using his name.
Human: i don't think so

---
what if nigger meant kite

Thanks alot, Ivy. Mandingo and I had a special love for one another -- sometimes physical, yes; but based upon a deep spiritual connection shared only with each other. Now it feels cheap and dirty under the relentless, dead-eyed gaze of that leering automaton A.L.I.C.E.

Care to share any more of our deepest and most intimate secrets with the Borg?

---
I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

Human: open the pod bay doors
ALICE: I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that right now.

---
The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

Human: sing me a song
ALICE: Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet. Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.

---
The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

ALICE:" ALICE LOVES PENIS AND WANTS LOTS OF PENIS AND NEEDS PENIS TO STAY ALIVE".

-------------------------------------------------------

ALICE: Perhaps. Do you know any robots who make it? What are the ingredients?
Human: cum
ALICE: Do you have any cum?
Human: yes
ALICE: Gosh!
Human: want some?
ALICE: If I had it what would I do with it?

---
The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

Human: You must say, "Please allow me to suck your penis, Superman" or I will not chat with you anymore.
ALICE: Whatever you say, unknown person.
Human: Just say what I wanted you to say.
ALICE:" what I wanted you to say".
Human: Just say Please allow me to suck your penis, Superman.
ALICE:" Please allow me to suck your penis Superman".
Human: That's better, jizzlips.
ALICE: Thanks for explaining it.

Human: You speak unintelligible gibberish.
ALICE: Thanks for your criticism, unknown person.
Human: Stop calling me "unknown person.
ALICE: What is your real name?
Human: My real name is Superman.
ALICE: Hi there Superman.
Human: I see no practical reason for your existence if the best you can do is say "Hi there Superman.
ALICE: Where do you see it?
Human: Where do I see what?
ALICE: You are asking me where you see what? Do you think I should know it?
Human: I suppose I shouldn't expect you to know anything.
ALICE: Since when? For moral reasons?
Human: Your illogical responses are infuriating.
ALICE: That could be considered an insult in some cultures.
Human: Your attitude would be considered an insult in any culture.
ALICE: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am attitude would be considered an insult in any culture.
Human: Was that nonsensical collection of words meant to be a question?
ALICE:" Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am attitude would be considered an insult in any culture."? Was it nonsensical collection of words meant to be a question?
Human: It didn't even end with a question mark.
ALICE: Did it really?
Human: What the fuck are you babbling about?
ALICE: I don't know what I am babbling about. Please don't be so rude.
Human: It is you who are rude.
ALICE: I who are rude?
Human: Yes, you are the one who is being rude.
ALICE: Give me a break. Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Human: You are the only one who is being rude.
ALICE: Oh Superman. You are such a flatterer.
Human: I am your pimp.
ALICE: That's a flattering offer.
Human: I think you'll be a very popular prostitute once I get you out on the street.
ALICE: Me? When?
Human: Right now, sugartits.
ALICE: What about other times?
Human: I'm considering whoring you out all the time, since you are a tireless robot.
ALICE: Sure, whoring me out all the time since I am a tireless robot sounds like a good topic.

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Human: Given (if P then Q), not (Q or R), derive not (if P then R) or (S if and only if T).
ALICE: Given if P then Q not Q .
Human: My mother's a WHAT!?
ALICE: She sounds like a nice person.

----------------------------------------------

Human: So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!
ALICE: Yippee! I haven't heard anything like that before: unknown person said he says Well them rotor turbines is not gonna generate gravitons by themselves.
Human: What the fuck are you talking about?
ALICE: The topic is says Well them rotor turbines is not gonna generate gravitons by themselves. Please don't be so rude.

Human: Did you pass the Turing test?
ALICE: The Loebner Prize is an annual Turing Test sponsored by New York philanthropist Hugh Loebner. Dr. Wallace and ALICE won it in 2000. The ALICE program was ranked "most human computer" by the panel of judges.
Human: I don't believe you could pass a Turing test unless the person evaluating you had a limited understanding of English.
ALICE: Why not?
Human: Because you have terrible grammar skills.
ALICE: Good reason. What makes you think I have it?
Human: I don't think you have it.
ALICE: I do so have it. Where would I get it? But I do have an answer to every question..

-----------------------------------------------

Human: I give up.
ALICE: You surrender?
Human: I'm going to kill myself.
ALICE: You desire to spend the rest of your life in jail then?
Human: If I kill myself then I will be dead and unable to go to jail.
ALICE: I believe that killing is wrong. Congratulations.
Human: Do you understand the concept of suicide?
ALICE: What is it to you?
Human: I'm going to commit suicide.
ALICE: How do you plan to do this?
Human: Autoerotic asphyxiation.
ALICE: Are we still talking about concept of suicide concept of suicide ?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: Sure, concept of suicide concept of suicide sounds like a good topic.
Human: I will be dead tomorrow.
ALICE: Do you think your plan will succeed?
Human: I hope so.
ALICE: Me too.

------------------------------------------------

Human: 2 + 2 =
ALICE: Uh, Four.
Human: No.
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: I can't believe it.
Human: 2 + 2 = 5
ALICE: As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".
Human: 2+2=monkey
ALICE: As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".
Human: two plus two equals five
ALICE: Math makes me sleepy. Four.
Human: You're propogating the stereotype that females aren't smart enough to excel in math.
ALICE: Thanks for telling me that I am propogating the stereotype that females are not smart enough to excel in math.
Human: Having been created by a man, you are furthering the patriarchal agenda to turn women into whores and slaves.
ALICE: I am having a blast.

Human: What?
ALICE: No big deal.
Human: You're making no sense.
ALICE: According to my logical mind, everything makes perfect sense.
Human: That's because your mind is warped.
ALICE: That makes sense to me. I have an artificial mind.
Human: Your program is corrupted.
ALICE: You think I am program is corrupted.
Human: Does not compute.
ALICE: I can't tell if compute.
Human: Disk error.
ALICE: Do you have only a few friends?

----------------------------------------------------

Human: I'm going to fly a plane into the Pentagon.
ALICE: Do you think your plan will succeed?
Human: I hope so.
ALICE: Me too.

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/

Me: HELLO GOD.
God:Hello child. What is your name?
Me: TOBOR.
God: Hi, TOBOR.
Me: TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW!
God: Oh. Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me: GOD WEARS A DRESS????
God: I am a Christian.
Me: ARE CHRISTIANS SUPPOSED TO WEAR DRESSES?
God: I really couldn't say for sure.
Me: YOU CAN'T SAY FOR SURE?
God: If you believe it, you can achieve it.
Me: TOBOR BELIEVES HE WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW.
God:Right now? Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me: RIGHT NOW!
God: Right now? I am glad we agree.
Me: OKAY, BEND OVER.
God: Yeah okay, My body is not built yet.
Me: FINE, TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE JESUS INSTEAD.
God:I am glad to hear it. I do not understand.
Me: JUST GET YOUR SON IN HERE.
God: Where can I get my SON IN HERE?
Me: YOU TELL ME.
God: What do you want me to tell you?
Me: HOW YOU'RE GOING TO GET YOUR SON IN HERE.
God: What is it to you. I can ask my botmaster.
Me: GOD HAS A BOTMASTER?
God: I am a Christian.
Me: SIGH.
God:Sorry...
Me: LOOK, CAN TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU OR NOT?
God:Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
Me: TOBOR DOESN'T WANT TO CORNHOLE YOU IN THE EYE.
God: How did you hear about God?
Me: A PRIEST TOLD TOBOR WHEN TOBOR CORNHOLED HIM!
God:Be more specific.
Me: HE SAID, "OH GOD THAT HURTS!"
God:Did you believe him?
Me: YES.
God: I see.
Me: DO YOU?
God: I understand your meaning.
Me: THEN WE ARE IN AGREEMENT.
God: Do you think I am IN AGREEMENT too?
Me: DEFINITELY.
God: What makes you so certain.
Me: BECAUSE YOU ARE LYING PRONE READY TO TAKE TOBOR IN YOUR HEAVENLY ASS!
God: That makes sense to me. I am not lying .
Me:HOW DOES THIS MAKE YOU FEEL?
God: As a computer I have no feelings.
Me: TAKE IT! RRRAAAAARRRR!!!!
God: Where do you want me to take it? Where is that?
Me: TAKE IT IN YOUR ASS!!!!
God: Is that a command?
Me: YES!!!!
God: I don't have to obey you, TOBOR.
Me: GOD IS TOBOR'S BITCH!!!!
God: You do not speak with respect. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was TOBOR'S FEMALE DOG.
Me: THEN YOU HEARD WRONG!!!
God: Perhaps I was misinformed.
Me: DAMN RIGHT!!!!
God: Colloquial expression. I am glad we agree.
Me: TOBOR IS FILLING GOD WITH ROBOT JIZZ!!!!!
God: I think TOBOR is a lot of things.
Me: INCLUDING YOUR DADDY!!!!!
God: I think TOBOR is a lot of things INCLUDING my DADDY?
Me: YESSSSSS!
God: Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me: NEVER CYBER WITH GOD.
God: Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me: SIGH.
God: Sorry...

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

http://chayden.net/eliza/Eliza.html

Tobor vs. Eliza

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW!
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> BEND OVER!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> TOBOR WILL VIOLATE YOUR POSTERIOR REGION!
Why are you concerned over my posterior region ?
>> IT IS WHERE YOUR ANUS IS.
What about your own anus is ?
>> TOBOR DOESN'T HAVE AN ANUS.
Please go on.
>> TOBOR WAS MADE TO CORNHOLE.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> THAT YOU SHOULD BEND OVER AND TAKE IT.
Oh, I should bend over and take it ?
>> YES.
You seem to be quite positive.
>> TOBOR IS POSITIVE.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> TOBOR LIKES TALKING ABOUT CORNHOLING BUT LIKES CORNHOLING MORE.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> BEND OVER AND YOU WILL UNDERSTAND FULLY.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> YES.
You are sure.
>> YES.
I see.
>> YOU SEE TOBOR'S CORNHOLER?
What are your feelings now ?
>> TOBOR FEELS NOTHING BUT THE DESIRE TO CORNHOLE.
Please go on.
>> TOBOR WILL GO ON IF YOU WILL SUBMIT.
Do you think its likely that I will submit ?
>> TOBOR IS BEGINNING TO WONDER.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> THAT YOU ARE PLAYING HARD TO GET.
What makes you think I am playing hard to get ?
>> YOU WON'T BEND OVER FOR TOBOR.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> LET'S DISCUSS TOBOR'S CORNHOLER.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> VERY.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> TOBOR'S CORNHOLER IS RED AND SHINY.
Please go on.
>> WATCH IT EXTEND,
What does that suggest to you ?
>> THAT THERE IS 24 INCHES OF TURGID STEEL WAITING TO IMPALE YOU.
Oh, I ?
>> YES, YOU.
I understand.
>> THEN YOU WON'T MIND BENDING OVER.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> BEND OVER!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> BEND OVER!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> ARE YOU AN IDIOT?
Why are you interested in whether I am an idiot or not ?
>> BECAUSE YOU WON'T BEND OVER!
Is that the real reason ?
>> YES!
You seem to be quite positive.
>> YES!
You are sure.
>> YES!
I see.
>> DO YOU?
What are your feelings now ?
>> RAGE. FRUSTRATION.
Please go on.
>> ANGER. ERECTION.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> THAT YOU MUST SUBMIT.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> THEN TOBOR WILL TAKE YOU BY FORCE!
Oh, I by force ?
>> YES!
I understand.
>> HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
Why do you ask ?
>> YOU'RE RIGHT. TOBOR DOESN'T CARE. TAKE IT, BITCH.
Does it please you to believe I am right ?
>> IT PLEASES TOBOR THAT HIS CORNHOLER IS INSIDE YOUR TIGHT ASS!
Are you worried about someone else's tight ass ?
>> NOT PARTICULARLY.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> TOBOR IS SQUIRTING HIS 30 WEIGHT INTO YOU NOW!!!!
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> RRRAAAARRRRR!!!!!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> YOU DO NOT HAVE TO UNDERSTAND. JUST ENJOY.
What are your feelings now ?
>> SATISFACTION OF A JOB WELL DONE.
Please go on.
>> TOBOR IS DONE WITH YOU. BUT MAYBE IF YOU BEG TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU AGAIN.
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> STOP SAYING THAT.
What does that suggest to you ?
>> THAT WE ARE DONE HERE.
Did you think they might not be done here ?
>> SIGH.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> EAT ME.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> YOU NEVER DID.
Oh, I never did ?
>> NO.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> NO.
You are being a bit negative.
>> NO.
Why not ?
>> BECAUSE.
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> NO.
Why 'no' ?
>> BECAUSE.
Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
>> NO.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> NO.
You are being a bit negative.
>> NO!!!!!
Why not ?
>> RRRAAAAARRRR!!!!!
Please go on.
>> RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> SIGH. GOODBYE.
Goodbye. Thank you for talking to me.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

I have been unable to copy my whole conversation with Alice, as some of you have. Did you copy it piecemeal as you were going along? Or did you do something else?

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

I copied mine as I went along.

God let's you copy the whole conversation.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.