A Necklace Made of Flowers by attitudechicka 12-08-06

What kind of gift can I find in a trashcan... that doesn't scream "I found this in a trashcan?" Uh... THIS ONE! Merry Christmas!

 Post em if you've got em.

The Chicka That Saved Christmas (1) by attitudechicka 6-23-05

Hey, Santa, what are you doing here? It's July. Well, I was making my pre holiday run, for timing purposes of course, when something happened. What happened? My OnRudolphTM GPS Navigational System shut down. Well, let me take a look at it and see what the problem may be.

The Chicka That Saved Christmas (2) by attitudechicka 6-23-05

I see the problem. Your OnRudolphTM bulb has burned out. Ho ho dear. Don't worry Santa, I know where we can get one. Where's that? At Dollar Tree! How much will it cost?

The Chicka That Saved Christmas (3) by attitudechicka 6-23-05

Everything's $1 Santa, you are now witnessing the wonder that is Dollar Tree. This is where my elves' toys go to die. Everything's $1 Everything's $1 Okay... let me just find that bulb.

The Chicka That Saved Christmas (4) by attitudechicka 6-23-05

Everything's $1 Okay, Santa, I've got the bulb. Great! How much is it? Everything's $1 Uh... is this a joke? No really, how much? Everything's $1 It's a buck. Well, I guess I'll have to give up Prancer, then. He always was a bit cocky.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

The Chicka That Saved Christmas (5) by attitudechicka 6-23-05

Now we just have to make sure it works. Oh yeah, it works. Think you could turn that thing off while you're inside Rudolph? Great. This OnRudolphTM GPS Navagational System is now fully functional.

The Chicka That Saved Christmas (6) by attitudechicka 6-23-05

Thank you, Gia, I won't forget this. In three days, you'll be visted by a strange character. He will reveal my gift of gratitude. I look forward to it... I think. I'll be going now. Remember what I said.

The Chicka That Saved Christmas (7) by attitudechicka 6-23-05

Three Days Later Knock Knock! Who are you? I'm one of Santa's helpers. And this is Santa's gift of gratitude. What is it? It's a talking box that says "Thank You" every time you open it.

The Chicka That Saved Christmas (8) by attitudechicka 6-23-05

Thank You! Great, I helped saved Christmas and all I got was a talking box... Thank You! Thank You! Which has a broken sensor mechanism, so it won't stop talking. Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! That's it, I'm getting a hammer.

The Chicka That Saved Christmas (9) - Kaufman's Epilogue

Do you mind if I borrow that when you're done?

by attitudechicka, 6-23-05

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Mediocrity at its most average.

The "buck" pun was delightfully horrid. Good series!

Since no one else is posting, I'll post one of the longest (and one of my favorites):

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 1 by KajunFirefly 11-28-01

I'm sorry boys, but this year, what with the high demand of kids wanting an X-box, Microsoft have bought us over! but they can't buy over Santa, your the spirit of Christmas, surely no amount of money can take the joy away from you! hey man, you think I LIKE riding around all night on a sledge? I'm basically a magic postman, think of all the other jobs I could've had, Angel of Death, Easter Bunny! uh... you think it's EASY to bulk up 300lbs every year? My sex life has been ruined, I used to be a fucking stud you know, Venus, Aphrodite, they were all MY bitches! oh fuck, Santa's gone insane

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 2 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

heard any news? well, Mr Gates says that when he bought the Grotto he expected the delivery service aswell, he says we'd better just figure it out ourselves! but we need Santa to guid us, we cant just go randomly galloping around, only he knows who's been naughty and nice! I know, but remember a while back, Santa trained some replacement, we could use one of them. don't say another word, you know there's only one of them still alive and there is no way, NO WAY in hell he's getting hold of my reigns! look Rudolph, I don't see how we have much choice in the matter, I'll go ring him just now!

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 3 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

...yes, I know, but you have to understand, we can't promise you anything right now, we need to save Christmas, we'll talk deal later! *muffled phone voice* hmm, that sound like an idea actually, you know, I think even Rudolph would agree to that, ok, your on, just be here early Christmas Eve, I'll try to find Santa's good children list! *muffled phone voice* 3, I think, I don't know, I think sitting in the warm water loosened it a bit though! *muffled phone laughter*

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 4 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

this is... that fucker Gates, I'm not even employed by Santa, and he's got me clearing his driveway by rolling around on the ground, fucking tosser! ...just to build character! oh shit! WHAT DID YOU SAY INSOLENT SNOWMAN!? oh, he's a horrible man isn't he? hey, is that your kid? no, I stole this one from the Lesbian Baby Emporium, I'm gonna make it wrestle!

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 5 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

hey Spankling, not often we see you in this part of the world, could you not wait for your sonic ass ring? well, I'm actually saving the world from destruction, I just thought I'd pop over and see Santa! actually, Santa's gone, Bill Gates bought us over and Santa retired, no-one's seen him since! Bill Gates? That slimey bastard, he's hated in both Heaven and Hell, Satan would pay a pretty penny to see him in chains! boo....hisss.....booo! a-ha, if it isn't Mr Bluescreen himself! ah, Mr Spankling, I've been expecting you!

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Mediocrity at its most average.

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 6 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

Bill old boy, I'm taking you in, your coming to Hell with me, I'm gonna watch you burn! 'fraid not Spankers, you see, your my Tobor cornholing droid, I created you to cornhole me day and night, we were so happy together Spankers! its....its.....not true! oh I'm afraid it is, you can't do me any harm, it's encoded into your brain, just like that "easter egg" I programmed into your nipple ring, it's like a grenade! booo.... hisss.... booo!! aaaaaaarrrrrgggghhh! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 7 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

I'm afraid it's true Rudolph, Gates killed Spankling, looks like we're doomed! I...I can't believe it, that BASTARD!! I'm gonna make him pay!! I know, I know, but we have more important things to deal with just now, we need a replacement Santa for tomorrow! yes, I think that's been taken care of, although I'm a little worried! the, uh, the.... the.... uh.... the "replacement" has just arrived! really? then why are you so nervous?

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 8 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

Christmas Eve. you....you.....YOU'RE THE REPLACEMENT?? MMM, HMM! dear god, what was Rudolph thinking? there was no-one else in the whole world, I promise! just promise me you'll not let him out of your site?

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 9 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

Christmas Eve Night. so, do you think it's going to work? I hope so, I really do, otherwise Gates will kill us all! I'll be amazed if they even take off, does he have the naughty or nice list? that's the worrying thing, he brought his own! oh, there they go, they've taken off! shit, this present should be on the Sleigh, oh well, I guess Tiny Tim can do without roller-blades this year!

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 10 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

is it a bird? is it a plane? is it SANTA? hey....what the hell IS that??

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Mediocrity at its most average.

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 11 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

HO HO HO, HELLO LITTLE GIRL!!!!!!

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 12 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

HO HO HO!! MERRY CHRISTMAS HELMUT!! hey, wait a minute, aren't you that ass-rapin' robot? stay back ye hear, I got a gun!! NO, TOBOR STAND IN FOR SANTA, TOBOR SPREAD LOVE AND JOY! HE BRING PRESENT, LOOK BEHIND YOU!! I know what's going on here rust bucket, I turn round, you cornhole me, right? MERRY CHRISTMAS HELMUT! oh my!

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 13 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

HO HO HO!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS, TOBOR BRING PRESENT!!! hmmm, I'm not sure if I can trust you Tobor, you've always been a right bastard to me in the past! NO, TOBOR GOOD NOW, LOOK! I promise you, no assraping for a month! aww Tobor you big lug, come here and give me a hug!

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 14 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

HAR HAR, TOBOR LIKE CHRISTMAS NOW!! thank God I'm at the front!

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 15 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

well Tobor, thanks for all your help, you saved Christmas! NO PROBLEM, TOBOR GO NOW AND CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS WITH SPANKLING! uh, Tobor, I'm afraid I have some bad news, Bill Gates, he, well, he killed Spankling! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I'm sorry dude! RRRRAAAAARRRRRR BILL GATES!!! RRRAAARRRR!!!

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Mediocrity at its most average.

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 16 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

this'll be sweet, lesbian baby wrestling rocks! pssst, Bill, down here Hello? who's there? oh God no, NO, NOOOO!!! AAAAAHHHH AAARRRGGGHH AAAAHHH AAIAIIIIIIAAAEEEE!!! HAR HAR HAR!!!! TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU GOOD!!!!

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 17 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

WHAT HAPPEN? YOU WERE CORNHOLED TO DEATH BY TOBOR THE GREAT, SIR! what?? that's impossible, I'm Bill motherfuckin' Gates!! YES, THE MASTER'S BEEN WAITING FOR YOU FOR SOME TIME!! oh fuck! SODOMISE!!! SODOMISE!!! SODOMISE!!!

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 18 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

WELL, THAT TIE UP ALL LOOSE ENDS!! um...not exactly, look! *sniff* spankling, my dear boy! TOBOR VERY UNHAPPY NOW!! *sniff*

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 19 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

Just then, as the spirit of Christmas filled Tobor's iron chest, a miracle began to happen, all around them there was light and a strange swirling sound, they all stood in awe! AAARRRGGHHH, WHAT HAPPENING??? ???????

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 20 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

Hey, what happened??? SPANKLING, YOU ALIVE!! why yes, yes I am, good to see you Tobor, I've missed you these winter months! TOBOR STILL HAVE WARM PLACE FOR SPANKLING!! ooh goody!

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Mediocrity at its most average.

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 21 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

look Rudolph, I'm sorry that we used to laugh and call you names! we never let poor Rudolph join in any raindeer games! it's ok man, all is forgiven! I love you Rudolph! I love you Prancer!

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 22 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

hey man, look, I'm sorry that I used to masturbate on you when you were sleeping just to watch your face melt! it's ok, I'm sorry I used to sit on your testicles at night so that you were sterile! it's alright, I was going to get the snip anyway, you saved me money, I get away with it scot free!! um, not exactly! what do you mean? I'm pregnant!

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 23 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

any jobs going for a very sorry Saint Nick? aww come here ya big cuddly bear! I'm sorry Rudolph, I should never have sold out and shat in your toaster! THAT WAS YOU??? hey man, you think you got it bad, I didn't know there were Pop Tarts already in the damn thing, I've been shitting a hot Strawberry filling for weeks! ho ho ho!

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 24 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

Hey Bill, look, I'm sorry for all the ass-forkin', it is Christmas after all yeah, I'm sorry for Windows 98! No No, don't be, we were cursed with 3.1, Heaven got 98, their database crashed and half the new-guys got sent down here! Mother Theresa is still burning in the pit! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

T'was a Very Merry Christmas Indeed, part 25 by KajunFirefly 11-29-01

and so our Christmas tale comes to an end... there's only one thing left to say... God bless us, every-one!