CC 350: Narcissism by gabe_billings 3-21-07

Did you think up any rules for the next comic contest? I sure did. We're kickin' it old school. This isn't going to be another 'Wirthling Sucks' contest, is it? Every contest is a 'Wirthling Sucks' contest. But seriously, here are the rules I came up with. This is a naked picture of you with a traffic cone up your ass. My bad. I must have sent the rules to Ricky Martin by mistake.

Your objective is to make a comic that makes me think it was made by me. If you'd like to study the style you'll be modeling look at these sets.

The basic rules are these:

1) Use the diesel1 or bluefade background.

2) Only use characters hammer2, itoldyou1, letter1 and thinking1 in any combination thereof.

That's it. I think I probably get this comic style from Max Cannon who does Red Meat. Go take a peek if you've never seen his stuff.

Judging will commence in about a week, give or take a few days depending upon number of entries. Your entry should be so funny it makes me keel over laughing, and then think about tracking you down and killing you for making something I should have thought of.

Good luck.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

CC 350: Baby Maybe by biped 3-21-07

Did you wife have her baby yet? I don't know. I haven't asked her about it lately. Is her stomach still really big? Well...it's bigger than my hamster. But it's smaller than my goat. Is there an itty bitty baby around your house? Maybe...man, I sure wish I had a really big dick.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 350: Gabe's Contest by boloboffin 3-21-07

Now did I lock the kid in the closet or down in the basement last night? Oh, behave. "Have"? What do I "have"? No, Austin Powers. What's he got that I don't got? Jokes that don't suck like Wirthling.

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

Replacement Killers by gabe_billings 3-22-07

So? You in any danger of being replaced yet? Nope. These guys couldn't comic their way out of a wet sack. A wet sack that was weighted with a cinder block, tied shut with baling wire and tossed into the bay. Hey, I've got an idea!

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Ode to Gabe by HCRoyall 3-22-07

According to these polls, gorilla felching has lost popularity to orangutan rimjobs. And I already signed the little guy up for classes, too. Dang! What?

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Ode to Gabe by HCRoyall 3-22-07

So far this contest hasn't been very productive. According to my research, it's all because of Wirthling. I'm inclined to believe you, but what sort of research did you do? These pictures and graphs contain all the data I've collected. This is a picture of a Hoover and a crayon drawing of a monkey sucking a tennis ball through a garden hose. It's a quantitative ratio of Wirthling and suck.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

You know Gabe, Senator, and I'm no Gabe. by UnknownEric 3-22-07

My girlfriend dumped me. Did you take a shit on her chest? Yes, just like you told me to! But did you do it with love?

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I has a flavor!

No one else has noticed the mysterious absence of CC349, I guess.

CC350: Complexity by Scyess 3-22-07

How's the kid? He's a little shit, and I hate him. Too bad you're stuck with him. I know. I tried to put him back, but no dice. You tried to put him back... in the womb? Yeah. Now besides being a little shit, he has an Oedipus complex.

CC350: I Like Onions by Scyess 3-22-07

I love the new bathroom decor. There's no new bathr- ...wait... Did you smear one of your volumnous onion turds all over my bathroom again? Define "all over." First I'll define "castra-defenistration".

I tried to be you, but I think they came out more me.

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"Old" is the old new.

Ode to Gabe by HCRoyall 3-22-07

So how's the little bundle of joy? It's not so bad now that I've gotten used to him. I told you he'd grow on you. Yeah, I like him so much I told my wife I wanted another ASAP. But she said to put at least two years between kids. That reminds me of a news story I saw; China has an issue with their citizens selling unwanted children. Way ahead of you. Did you know UPS can deliver overnight from Asia?

Ode to Gabe by HCRoyall 3-22-07

Did you know the newest thing in art nowadays is using fecal matter for your medium? And on a related note, I'd advise you keep an open mind when I show you my new pieces. What did you smear your stinking feces over this time? It started out innocently, I swear.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Faster than a speeding bullet

Hmmm is it 8? I'm sorry the ACTUAL number of times Worthling has sucked in the past three nano-seconds is 42.

by El_Phen, 3-22-07

CC 350: The Revenge by El_Phen 3-22-07

Hmmm, interesting. What is? The lab results are finally back and I finally know what that itching is. Turns out I've got herpes all along my urethra. Does that mean...? Yes, Wirthling not only sucks but blows as well. I can't help but think 'Too much set up, not enough joke.'

Please fogive my unintended use of the letter 'o' in the first one. That and 'i' are too close together for my liking.

Scyess

I noticed the mysterious presence of two CC 348s. I was just getting us back on track.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Those Are Some Cross Words by gabe_billings 3-22-07

You really did the New York Times Sunday crossword in five minutes? Yep. I told you I was good. You just filled all the blanks with swear words and wrote 'Will Shortz is a cunt' in the margin. What's a crossword?

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Preaching to the Choir by choadwarrior 3-22-07

I'm a substance abuse counselor. It says here you're a notorious, hardcore drug user. There's a difference?

Ode to Gabe by HCRoyall 3-23-07

Anything more on that Chinese baby you ordered off eBay? The new little shit got here yesterday. So far the wife hasn't noticed, thanks to the tranquilizers I put in her food. How're the two wee ones getting along? Like oil and water really. You can't leave them alone together for any amount of time. Well, you know how well communists and capitalists get along anyway. I figure they'll both calm down after they're neutered.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Someday, I'll be funny again.

CC 350: Stick it to the man by NeoVid 3-23-07

What's with the letter? It's a complaint about how bigoted it is that black people aren't allowed to appear in these comics. That's just about the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Yeah... I mean seriously... What kind of retarded-ass nigger would think I was bigoted?

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

I liked these entries so much I decided to unapologetically plagerize them:

CC350: Preaching to the Choir (based on comic 387221) by Scyess 3-23-07

I'm a substance abuse counselor. It says here you're a notorious, hardcore drug user. Look closer. That document is dated ten minutes ago. Oh! Sorry!

CC 350: Stick It to the Man (based on comic 387282) by Scyess 3-23-07

What's with the letter? It's a complaint about how bigoted it is that black people aren't allowed to appear in these comics. But... I'm black! The same guy who does the art does the coloring. Ah.

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"Old" is the old new.

CC350: Wirthling Sucks Again by lima 3-23-07

So, this week, you actually aren't going to attempt to humiliate Wirthling in your usual imaginitive and scatological manner? I've taken the formal route and transcribed my hatred to paper ....all it says is 'Three lemons, an envelope'... its a shopping list.... A yellow shopping list ...that smells of lemon You ever tried jabbing dry paper in someone's eye?

Good job I immersed myself in your comic sets the other day or I'd have no idea why everyone was making comics about murdering Wirthling.

CC350: Wirthling Sucks Again ('less pure, more chore' mix) by lima 3-23-07

So, this week, you actually aren't going to attempt to humiliate Wirthling in your usual imaginitive and scatological manner? I've taken the formal route and transcribed my hatred to paper ...its a shopping list... for 'three lemons, an envelope, and a paper-shredder'... and it smells of lemon Well, have you ever tried jabbing dry paper in someone's eye? ...and the shredder? He's not keeping my fucking envelope!

Because theres more than one way to skin a cat (and bleed it dry...)

CC 350: Woot? by 80_Million_Fleas 3-23-07

I have some tragic news. ... ... ... What is it? You remember my 'Caterpiece Theatre' show? What about it? I have no other way to put this other then your cat... didn't make a very good Jesus. Infact, he wouldn't stop sexing the other male cats. Oh dear God, was Wirthling sucking again?!

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Shame on Us for All We Have Done. May God Have Mercy on Our Dirty Little Hearts.

The Passion of the Cat by gabe_billings 3-23-07

Mittens is ruining my 'Caterpiece Theater' production of The Passion of the Christ. How exactly is he doing that? He won't sit still while I nail him to the cross. YOU'RE NAILING MY CAT TO THE CROSS? Well, duh. I couldn't very well lift your dog up there.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Awesome! Does this mean I win by default?

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Shame on Us for All We Have Done. May God Have Mercy on Our Dirty Little Hearts.

Ode to Gabe by HCRoyall 3-24-07

So I hear the little tyke has learned how to walk. Yeah, then he started running. They grow up so fast, eh? At least I found a way to get some use out of all his energy. I shackled the little shit to a treadmill powering my house. How's that working out for you? I have to stop what I'm doing and crack the whip whenever the lights start dimming, but so far pretty good.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

80_Million_Fleas

No, it just means I'm stealing your ideas.

How Many Licks Does It Take? by gabe_billings 3-24-07

I tried to find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. What did you come up with? Well, I couldn't find a Tootsie Pop. So I used Wirthling. And instead of my tongue I used a hammer. And? 267. It's slow going until you break through the ribcage.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

CC 350: 45 seconds of fame by lukket 3-24-07

So. Where've you been for the last two years? I've been busy writing the script for a new Steven Spielberg movie. It's due on Monday. Cool. Can I read it? Why not? It's an Oscar acceptance speech? I got carried away.

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troelsea at gmail dot com

Groovy! - Me, me, me, me... by edoggydog 3-24-07

I was gone for a while but now I'm back... Groovy! I'm such a narcissus, that I think everyone missed me, so I'm making this contest all about me... Ow! Ow! Ow! Any questions? Yeah... Who ARE you?