Okay, since I have a horrible birthday coming up, I decree the 2 rules for this contest to be:

1. New comics.
2. Must refer to one or more unpleasant aspects of having a birthday.
3. No serials. Say it in three panels or less.

I'll choose by 5/24/2008.

Comic On!

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Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

Sally's Wonderful Day by biped 5-13-08

Mommy, is today my birthday? It sure is, sweetie! Happy birthday! Hooraaay! Hooray for September 11th! The most wonderfullest day ever! Hooray, hooray, HOORAAAAAAAY!!! La, la, la-- (GASP!) You EVIL, AWFUL little girl! You should be ASHAMED of yourself! ASHAAAAAMED!!! "This just in... horrible little girl becomes city-wide pariah." YAAAAAAAY!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

The Jeffrey Dahmer Birthday Surprise by deathtoradio 5-13-08

Jeff is gonna be soooo surprised when he sees all of us here for a surprise birthday party! I can't wait to see the look on his face. Shhh, I think I can hear him out in the hallway. On the count of 3, hit the lights. 1..2.. Surprise!!!! Oh, god dammit! Can't you people ever call ahead?

His Special Day by AngryAmerican 5-14-08

So my alcoholic nanny is passed out again. I hope birthdays get better as you get older... The only consolation is that I actually get to sit in my own shit for a change. Feels squishy. I like squishy.

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Kill Whitey.

I submit this on behalf of LuckyGuess, even though it breaks the new comic rule.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Crap.  Forgot to actually post the comic...

 

Cake? CAKE! by LuckyGuess 11-30-06

Happy B-day grandma. Did you make a wish? I wish I was dead. Well I bought you a cake. I hope there's death in it. You're silly, grandma.

And my entries:

CC

A pedo's perfect birthday

by HCRoyall, 5-15-08

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Bend Dover Co. by Hatrix 5-15-08

Oh hey Babs, I see you haven't paid your 'birthday fund' dues. What's up with that? Mr. Davis I'm a temp. I'm only going to be here three weeks and my birthday was three months ago. So? Why should I have to donate to a birthday fund? Besides, I'm not making enough to cover my bus pass at this gig. Fine I'll just have payroll take it out for you. Thanks. Appreciate it.

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“Life is intrinsically... boring and dangerous at the same time. At any given moment the floor may open up. Of course it almost never does; that's what makes it so boring.”--Ogdred Weary

celebrate good times by dcomposed 5-16-08

Happy birthday. Thanks, dad. Are you ready for your fucking yet?

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Batman created by Bob Kane

With Friends Like These... by Hatrix 5-16-08

I fucking hate birthdays. Oh boo hoo! You not get what you want last year? What's your big birthday trauma? What? People have such unrealistic expectations about birthdays. I was going to say that I hate the fact that I can never afford to buy my sister something nice but never mind. Yeah. Well.. I'm just going to go stick my head in the urinal now.

With Friends Like These...2 by Hatrix 5-16-08

I did it again. I insulted a friend while she was trying to talk to me. What is wrong with me? Do I lack empathy? Hey man...ist hokay. I'll git ya sum fer yer birfday. Fuck you man. She's right yer a asshole.

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“Life is intrinsically... boring and dangerous at the same time. At any given moment the floor may open up. Of course it almost never does; that's what makes it so boring.”--Ogdred Weary

so much for "no series"...  :-D

CC #389: Hey, Bungalow Bill? What did you kill? by themushroom 5-16-08

You say it's you're birthday... It's my birthday too, yeah... Will you still need me... Will you still feed me... When I'm 64?

 

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.

Unintentionally Unfunny Comics #2 by biped 5-17-08

Hey Mom, if I stop recognizing my birthdays and just ignore them from now on, will I stay this age forever? Oh, of course not, Billy. You'll just keep on aging whether you acknowledge the passage of time or not, silly. Fifty years later... You were saying? Oh, shut up. Gimme a fifth of Old Crow, fuckhead. Hey, fuck you, asshole.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Willy Dinks by boloboffin 5-17-08

Willy dinks dat today is his birfday. Willy dinks dat a peesa nookie would be a mighty nice birfday present. Dat's what Willy dinks.

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

Stop Me If You've Heard This.. .Oh You Have? by Hatrix 5-17-08

On tonight's call in we're discussing bad birthdays. Got a bad birthday story? Call in and share! Hi Marty, my mother was killed by a drunk driver on my birthday. Hey Marty... I caught my husband cheating on me at my birthday party.... with my brother. Birthdays? Oh man on my last birthday I lost my job, got plastered and got mugged. Woke up in the hospital missing three fingers and a bunch of teeth! And we'll be right back after this... The leaders at the commune didn't allow the kids to have birthdays. Said it promoted 'individual identity' and that was bad. The cake is a lie. Sure glad I didn't lead with my story about getting a garbage can for my tenth birthday. Damn!

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“Life is intrinsically... boring and dangerous at the same time. At any given moment the floor may open up. Of course it almost never does; that's what makes it so boring.”--Ogdred Weary

CC 389: Taint-ed Love

I hope this isn't too forward Melvin...but I've been waiting 40 years to feel up your prostate. You had me at "prostate."

by deathtoradio, 5-18-08

Birthdays are awesome by twreks1989 5-19-08

Do you want to wish me anything Dad? oh um happy birthday i guess Oh that was heart felt, even my own father hates me. I could fall out of existence and you wouldn't give a shit would you? Why do I even exist? the condom broke

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if i was six years old i would hate girls..... in a completely hetero way of course.

CC389: Happy Birthday

Sung to the tune of Happy Birthday ♫ Getting closer to you, getting closer to you, O happy birthday, I'm getting closer to you. ♫

by fpd, 5-19-08

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Kigi and Kishi on presents by twreks1989 5-19-08

So how was your birthday? Great my Dad told me i have Aids oh wow, how did he tell you? after i opened an empty box he said "suprise you have aids!" Well at least that is better than what he got you last year True, eventual death is way better than a Hillary Clinton action figure

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if i was six years old i would hate girls..... in a completely hetero way of course.

CC389: Merry Christmas and a Happy Birthday by fpd 5-19-08

Happy Birthday, Jesus! It's not really my birthday. December 25th is just a pagan celebration of the winter solstice. Yeah, yeah, whatever. So what would you like for your birthday? As long as you're asking, Dark Side of the Moon. There you go! Merry Christmas! I meant the Pink Floyd album.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

RCL no. 1857 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 5-20-08

Damn, Holly! That's one fine cooch you got there... You wanna hit that, Leroy? Hell, yes! But, I don't want to go to jail... When do you turn eighteen? Today, as a matter of fact. ♫ Happy birthday to ME! Happy birthday to ME! ♫ Not so fast, negro! I've developed a MAJOR yeast infestion, combined with an outbreak of anal herpes... So, if you can deal with that, then have it, my brothah!

CC 389 - Still Birth by Shaneo39 5-20-08

Hey Thad, you know what today is? Sure do Chad, its My Birthday!!! Which means, as triplets, its MY BIRTHDAY TOO!!! Hurray, we should go see Brad, its HIS BRITHDAY TOO!!!!

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The Greatest Strip Ever Made

It mentions 'Birthdays'... by El_Phen 5-21-08

Say little girl, is it your birthday today? If you come with me I'll give you a BIG surprise! O. K. mister. Later that week You disgust me! Going after eight year olds, yeah sure, we've all been there, but MIDGETS!? She wasn't even really Vietnamese! It's scum like you that give the rest of us paedophiles a bad name.

These are my favorites.

CC389: Merry Christmas and a Happy Birthday by fpd 5-19-08

Happy Birthday, Jesus! It's not really my birthday. December 25th is just a pagan celebration of the winter solstice. Yeah, yeah, whatever. So what would you like for your birthday? As long as you're asking, Dark Side of the Moon. There you go! Merry Christmas! I meant the Pink Floyd album.

Willy Dinks by boloboffin 5-17-08

Willy dinks dat today is his birfday. Willy dinks dat a peesa nookie would be a mighty nice birfday present. Dat's what Willy dinks.

CC 389 - Still Birth by Shaneo39 5-20-08

Hey Thad, you know what today is? Sure do Chad, its My Birthday!!! Which means, as triplets, its MY BIRTHDAY TOO!!! Hurray, we should go see Brad, its HIS BRITHDAY TOO!!!!

But the winner is:

CC389: Happy Birthday

Sung to the tune of Happy Birthday ♫ Getting closer to you, getting closer to you, O happy birthday, I'm getting closer to you. ♫

by fpd, 5-19-08

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Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

Hell damn crap! Oh and congrats fpd :D

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“Life is intrinsically... boring and dangerous at the same time. At any given moment the floor may open up. Of course it almost never does; that's what makes it so boring.”--Ogdred Weary

I tried, man.  Way to go, fpd.

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.

Thanks for appreciating my strips. I'll start the next CC after I decide what it should be.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.