alan perry is a highly skilled detective but he's never sank it. it's a new series

alan perry: virgin p.i. by coathangerabortion 1-29-09

no sign of the perp thanks i'll take it from here oh yeah? and just who might you be alan perry, private investigator. as of today this case is mine. now sergeant, if you'd kindly get your men out of my crime scene? let me guess youve never sank it

alan perry: virgin p.i. by coathangerabortion 1-29-09

before i let you leave im going to have to ask you some questions about the discovery of the body okay do girls pee out of the same hole you stick your dick in, or do they have a separate one for that? take your time, i'm sure this has been a traumatic experience for you

alan perry: virgin p.i. by coathangerabortion 1-30-09

okay ma'am tell me about your roommate. is there anything you can think of that would make someone want to kill her? any suspicious people? come to think of it, she had a big fight with her boyfriend last week. she told him she was pregnant and he wasn't too pleased. i see... and about your vagina. is it true that the clitoris is located on the outside of the body? my brother said it is but i think he's full of shit ma'am, witholding evidence from a federal investigation is a serious offense

alan perry: virgin p.i. by coathangerabortion 1-30-09

given the condition of the corpse, the cause of death is impossible to determine what about suspects? have you found anything that could give us a lead? the fire seems to have destroyed all the evidence. this guy knew what he was doing hmm interesting. and in your professional opinion does hot apple pie feel like pussy? i jerked off with a slice the other day and i thought i'd ask a medical expert um... probably not i don't take no for an answer, dammit! get someone on this, i want this sicko behind bars!

thanks for reading :)

it was funny as FUCK

the middle two were great

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I'm kind of feeling it. Continue.

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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

This is fun! I like things that are fun. Keep making these.

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

Pretty good mate, The Second Was the Best.

I liked a bare majority.  The others were kind of lame.  I think you'll eventually be more consistently funny, but this is a good first series.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

I liked 'em all.  And I'm more important than HCRoyall, so you're in good shape.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

The second and third are particularly funny.  Nice work--keep it up.

I found these frustrating because he raised some very good questions and you never revealed the answers.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

I'll join in this lovefest. Where do I stick my penis?

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Kill Whitey.

This is excellent, truly excellent.

Yeah these are rad.  The first couple were best.