Self-indulgent crap, etc.  Director's commentaries are always (usually) fun, and this is a great excuse for me to post every single fucking one of my comics in here.  Enjoy.

mehfort by FactoryRejects 1-27-08

increase productivity increase productivity what's in that thing, anyway? box cutters. carrying it around makes me look busy.

The very first FR comic.  Cute as a button.  A sequel to a comic that appears much later.  TIME PARADOX.

this is the news by FactoryRejects 1-27-08

Maybe you shouldn't watch so much TV, Timmy! There's a big wide world out there! Follow meeeee! Get in the fucking car, Timmy!

The outside world is nothing but trouble, kids.

Slayne Turven: The Bloodroom Chronicles by FactoryRejects 1-27-08

meanwhile... Okay... now remember, Slayne; everyone here can see you, but no one can see me. Or maybe it's everyone can see me, no one can see you. Can you see me?

Slayne Turven has nothing interesting to say.  He drinks a lot of canned energy soda and has rotten breath and hyper teeth.  Slayne once told me that a space owl cut out his tongue and placed it inside a capsule that was fired into Earth's second sun.  I asked him not to stand so close.

we've all been there by FactoryRejects 1-27-08

purchased and adorned provocatve outerwear displayed images of self on internet website NILNAR DESIRES LOVEMAKING

Nilnar is a lackey for the villainous hipster, Zrogagks Tol.  He is best known for his caper of scaring the living shit out of Betty and Barney Hill back in 1961 with some dry ice and a kaleidoscope.  He has basically been riding the coattails of that minor success ever since.

raze your hand by FactoryRejects 1-27-08

Okay kids today we'll be learning about the civil war. We'll be omitting some facts and events. Quite a lot of them, actually. You know what, how about we just get out those Crayolas and spend today justifying the art budget. We can trace our hands and make turkeys for Thanksgiving.

 Most early GPAs are based primarily on how well the child's mind sponges up American myth bullshit, or "mythshit".

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Battlefield Mirth

ultimately disappointed by FactoryRejects 1-28-08

"...expect a certain amount of quality for a product of this price. Not only that, the persons you have working in your customer service department are unnaceptable..." "...am a well-educated man and capable of following instructions. Only after confirming literally FIVE times that the correct parts were in place was I connected to an operator concerning refunds..." "...in conclusion I must say that I am ultimately disappointed and you are easily THE WORST grandfather clock company I have ever had the misfortune of dealing with."

Did you sit through all that?  I'll bet you're disappointed, too.

Limited Time Only

ents at $99.99/month - Temple - Call no Now, I'll bet you're saying to yourself "Bob, I can't own a temple like that on my budget!" Ha ha. Well if you were, we have exciting news for you! Dont we, bob?

by FactoryRejects, 1-28-08

Pretty much just experimenting with that piss-perfect narration box.

where are you headed tonight by FactoryRejects 1-29-08

♫♫ Cop for Christmas, cop for Christmas. Oh what a cop for Christmas! ♫♫ ♫♫ He's got a badge and he's got a gun, he's got a cruiser for sleighride fun. Whatever you do, you'd better not run! ♫♫ ♫♫ Oh what a cop for Christmas! ♫♫

This track was unfortunately cut from Inner Circle's Christmas album.

coming up next: the onion diet- does it work, and is it safe by FactoryRejects 1-29-08

-go live now to Mike.... Mike? I'm here, John. We are LIVE at the scene of the ongoing ninja massacre... John, this... this is just unbelievable, John. Mike this is John... Have there been any recent developments? John, hard to say, John... There's been multiple stabbings as well as throwing star injuries- I saw about two or three of the ninjas You there, sir... How many ninjas did you see?

The news media is a solid comedic act that is very hard to keep up with.

i don't have any heat

don't let it get to ya

by FactoryRejects, 1-29-08

Once when I was making comics with Charlton Heston, I remember he told me "It's not important that you have heat, so much as that your characters have heat."  He died of exposure that night.

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Battlefield Mirth

Thank you for entertaining me. The comments alone are worth the read...

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Kill Whitey.

wikka wikka by FactoryRejects 1-29-08

WAKE UP! Take the pillow from your head and put a book in it! It's time for the massive BDP crew at the top of the pile.

Get back, if you can't understand a rap act.

best of both worlds by FactoryRejects 1-30-08

I'm gonna go see that Hannah Montana movie Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus Alright, that's enough. and I'm gonna sit in the back and touch myself

See what Disney does to people?  I think my VHS of Aladdin is older than that girl.  Who cares.

just walk away by FactoryRejects 1-30-08

I am an artist like no other; an artist with an amazing gift. My creations come alive and speak to me.

I want to say that this was a random layout.  I also want to say that fluoride is a conspiracy.

maninfest destiny by FactoryRejects 1-30-08

I tell ya, 'merica's the real garden of ee-den. We just had to kill enough of them redskins to show the good Lord to let us back in! can I get you an apple, honey what do i look like some kind of goddamn gay to you woman fire the grill up

While I do enjoy making fun of rednecks I will admit that I would enjoy not having rednecks to make fun of even more.  

Alan James Walters - 192.168.1.192 - 22:11:07 - bonjovi.mp3 by FactoryRejects 1-31-08

Well, here it is. Printouts of every person who illegally downloaded copyrighted material since 1995. They're all here? Just like you asked. Name, IP address, time, and file in question. Am I in there anywhere? This entire wing of the complex is you. This room is your soft rock downloads. How about that!

The beginning of a titular running joke.  Bon Jovi sued me over this.  Twice.

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Battlefield Mirth

text "truth" to 12345 for daily anti-smoking message! by FactoryRejects 1-31-08

Cigarettes will give you the death! Yeah I know. In 1979 Congress- I KNOW. ...but a recent study showed that- Why don't you talk about the recent study where two cell phones fully cooked an egg placed between them in like 30 minutes?

Nothing in this is true.  Rense.com is still pretty great, though.

Holiday Special

Santa's been kidnapped, Slayne!

by FactoryRejects, 2-02-08

I think my favorite part about this is the posting date.

A Haunting by FactoryRejects 2-02-08

oh WOW you look just like that one dude at the end of DEATHSWORD 6 like right before the boss only like not as realistic cause you know like nothins better than my PS3 dude oh man one time Tommy said he could kick my ass at Deathsword and I totally schooled him it was wicked

Is the game called Deaths Word or Death Sword?  Would this kid even be able to tell?  Probably not.

Tonight on Ecto Deco

that rug brought the room togettherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

by FactoryRejects, 2-02-08

Ghosts only haunt people that start fucking up the house.

True Heroes of the Time Paradox by FactoryRejects 2-04-08

Stop that. .taht potS

I came up with this story years ago in a small cafe on the west coast.  I had just bought a newspaper and a couple biscottis, and was about to put down my notes and enjoy them when boom, Orson Welles sits down across from me.  Before I could say anything, he reached out and took one of my biscottis.  Ate it right in front of me.  I couldn't believe it.  I looked him right in the eye, and reached for the remaining biscotti - and the fat bastard bit my hand. 

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Battlefield Mirth

Dan Blocker did the same thing to me, only with peanut butter cookies in front of a Photomat.

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Kill Whitey.

gigs of glory by FactoryRejects 2-06-08

to whom it may concern i have a new hard drive and i WILL download the internet twice

I'm a fan of Western Digital drives.

A music video annoyed me, I made a comic.  Pop culture jokes usually bite you in the ass later on.

Anweisungen by FactoryRejects 2-10-08

AUTHENTIC NARWHAL WHALE TAIL -instructions/istruzioni/instruções/指示- STEP 1: Authentic Narwhal Whale Tail Thank You For Your Partonage

The comic title used to be in Russian, but it wasn't supported so I changed it to German.  You're better off getting your whale tails from a reputable retailer.

the thin veil we call reality by FactoryRejects 2-10-08

frankenstein police probe inside the inner ear gangster computer god controlling the signal your dog shits in the house on purpose

VISIBLE FRANKENSTEIN CONTROLS

blunder the influence by FactoryRejects 2-11-08

Terry these pills are freakin awesome oh my god I know man I know I mean it's like... I mean I can't even... I know man I know when did we take them? sunday

Don't take pills, kids.

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Battlefield Mirth

everybody dies frustrated inside by FactoryRejects 2-12-08

I make a lot of jokes here at FactoryRejects; but I'd like to take these three panels to be serious for a change.

 Panel 3 was lost when my studio caught fire.  Never forget.

away with women by FactoryRejects 2-13-08

Hi, we're with Ten Years Younger! Tell us, how old do you think this woman is? hmm geez.... she's got bad crow's feet, and bags under the eyes. I mean, she looks tired. Also, she's got a big fat ass. ............I'd say probably like 56 or something but don't take it too hard lady, I'd still totally bang you

 I dated this woman for 10 and a half months after this strip.  In the end, I couldn't get past the crow's feet.

Black History Month by FactoryRejects 2-14-08

Hey Mister Gregory Hello, Reggie Mister Gregory, where are all the black people? Damned if I know, Reggie. I had heard there was some kid around named "Afro", but he ended up being a letdown. Was he mean? No, he was just a typical fishbelly mashed-potata jive-ass.

Some critics, including Morgan Freeman, contend that Black History Month is irrelevant because it has degenerated into a shallow ritual,[4] and says that it serves to undermine the contention that black history is American history.[5]

oh beautiful, for chemtrailed skies

the creator has the flu and updates will be infrequent util he feels better of course he blames the government for this, too

by FactoryRejects, 2-19-08

Not sure if it was bird or swine but I'm absolutely sure it was dumped on me by the government.

i like big butts by FactoryRejects 2-19-08

So yeah... Today I woke up next to Rachael Ray. No shit! Yeah, it was pretty awesome. What did she do when you woke up? Nothing; she was on a Ritz box. Ideal.

 Between the moutains of cheddar, beside the river of peanut butter suggestions, she was; naked as the day god made her, holding two perfect Ritz crackers over her exposed areolas.  It was a sight to see.

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Battlefield Mirth

viewers like you by FactoryRejects 2-21-08

A winter weather advisory is in full effect The abnormal cold front has been caused by Jack Frost kidnapping Santa! We gotta nuke the fuck outta Iran to get him back

We really do.

viewers like you, too

we are going to occupy vietnam because we believe they now have dinosaurs and are being bastards and not sharing them

by FactoryRejects, 2-21-08

They really do.

jesus hates the rolling stones by FactoryRejects 2-25-08

new music has been terrible lately tell me about it buncha losers failing at being the rolling stones haha hell, the stones failed at being the stones it's true, they suck

Still no moss on M. Jagger as of 3-19-09.

Slayne Turven and the Madlib of Consequence by FactoryRejects 2-27-08

well, Slayne? what does it say, Slayne? EVERYBODY SHUT UP HE'S TRYING TO READ IT