From Wikipedia:

The number 58 was commonly associated with misfortune in many civilizations native to either Central America or Southern America. Due to their beliefs in the original 58 sins, the number came to symbolize curses and ill-luck. Aztec oracles supposedly stumbled across the number an unnaturally high number of times before disaster fell.

And so we have our premise: create a ONE-PANEL COMIC that shows a character dealing with misfortune.  It could be a "from bad to worse" scenario, or a character making the most of a misfortune, whatever.  Basically, do one panel on the subject of one character's misfortune.

SPECIAL SECRET BONUS PRIZE:
I am thinking of a celebrity, a certain time period, and an item made of glass.  If your comic contains one or more of the exact hidden items I'm thinking of, you will be placed in the "automatically wins" pile.  In the event of multiple people in this pile, the tie will be broken based on funniest comic.

What follows is a modest example.  It contans none of the things I'm thinking of.

OPC58 - Oliver Twit, The Optimistic Clown Orphan

Well, entire family, as tragic as it was watching you all die horribly in front of me, at least I could fit you all in one grave.

by ZMannZilla, 9-16-11

Judging will happen whenever there's enough entries, or I really just don't feel like waiting anymore.

---
"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

OPC 58: Marilyn Monroe/Jurassic period/Glass dildo...

Excuse me Mr. Rex, but have you seen my glass dildo? I'll be done with it in just a minute?

by bigworm, 9-20-11

---
bigworm

OPC 58: Maybe 'chopsticks'?

You cut my arm off you fucking moron! Now I'll never be a concert pianist! I didn't mean to cut it off! Please accept this bag to carry it in as a token of my sorrow.

by bigworm, 9-20-11

---
bigworm

OPC 58: God Bless His Soul!

This way you won't have to get down on your knees anymore!

by bigworm, 9-30-11

---
bigworm

OPC 58: THE MISFORTUNE OF BEING A CONFUSED JEFF GOLDBLUM

WHAaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzup baby?!!! Huh?

by bigworm, 10-01-11

---
bigworm

残念私は私が英語を読むことができないのでそんなに悩みを有している

---
明彦はこちら

You down with OPC? Yeah you know me

Illegal Street Races

Race ya for pinks?

by attitudechicka, 10-05-11

I don't really know if I followed the rules, I just wanted an excuse to make this comic and use the line preceeding it. Appologies if it's been done before as it's really obvious (and I'm referring to both the comic and the line).

---
Mediocrity at its most average.

The Adventures of Bob the Islamic Anti-Terrorist

Fuck.

by Beeko180, 10-05-11

---
You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

Twofer!

Sonny and Chaz Go Skiing

January 5, 1998 I didn't mean I needed to get laid when I said I really wanted a penis.

by four_legged_tripod, 10-07-11

---
"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

OPC

I've been asleep for forty years? What's happened in that time? The bad news is the world is now ruled by Wal-Mart and Microsoft, but you have Alzheimers and won't remember anything long enough to feel bad.

by HCRoyall, 7-24-07

OPC

Poor bastard. Dodges the chainsaw-wielding maniac and falls on the bandsaw.

by HCRoyall, 9-02-10

So they're old.  You didn't say I couldn't use them!

---
It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Excellent entries all.  It is now my misfortune that I must bring this contest to an end.  First, I'll reveal the three things I was thinking of:

Celebrity: Vin Diesel
Time Period: The future
Glass object: a glass

So, basically, a comic about Vin Diesel getting hyper-cancer after drinking a glass of polluted water from the year 2099 would have been a cinch to win.

The winning comic was not about any of these things (although there is a bit of a Vin Diesel reference I guess), but still, its simplicity won me right over:

Illegal Street Races

Race ya for pinks?

by attitudechicka, 10-05-11

Attitudechicka, OPC 59 is yours!

---
"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Thanks. Sorry it took me so long, been doing a lot of overtime. New contest starts now, ends when I can find time to get  back.

---
Mediocrity at its most average.