B.O.A.T.S. - It Isn't Fake, It's Scripted, BIG Difference by ZMannZilla 2-08-12

So you want to be a pro-wrestler, huh? Yeah, I heard you once trained to be a pro-wrestler, so I wanted to get your advice. Well, the training is unreasonably expensive, the pay is well below poverty level, the fanbase is full of insane people with boundary issues, and your co-workers would be drug-fueled egomaniacs. Meh, whatever, I can learn to deal with a few down-sides in the pursuit of glory and job satisfaction. Also, it hurts like hell. What?! Even the fake stuff?! DEAL-BREAKER.

B.O.A.T.S. - It's Mr. Noodle's Brother, The Dead Guy by ZMannZilla 3-21-12

So there I am, watching Sesame Street with my daughter, and Elmo's World comes on. They start doing the "Mr. Noodle" bit, and both my daughter and I start giggling. I thought the guy looked familiar, so I look it up, and sure enough, "Mr. Noodle's Brother Mr. Noodle" is played by Emmy Award winning actor Michael Jeter. I also learned that he passed away in 2003. Turns out he was HIV positive. This made me a little sad, because his talents contributed to The Green Mile and Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas. However, as sad as this made me, and as serious as the subject matter is, I will not apologize for the image that flashed through my head when I first heard the cause of death: THASS NOT HOW YOU WEAR A CONDOM MISTAH NOODLE!!!

B.O.A.T.S. - And I Will Always Love 'Daydream Believer' by ZMannZilla 2-29-12

Hey internet, Whitney Houston died. SO?!?!?! WHY SHOULD I CARE IF WHITNEY HOUSTON DIED? WHY SHOULD ANYONE CARE?! I MEAN SERIOUSLY WHY DO PEOPLE ACT THIS WAY WHEN CELEBRITIES DIE?! I BET YOU CAN'T NAME A SINGLE SOLDIER THAT DIED IN IRAQ, BUT HERE YOU ARE CRYING ABOUT WHITNEY!!! SCREW CELEBRITY DEATHS AND SCREW ANYONE WHO IS SAD BECAUSE SOME SINGER WHO HASN'T BEEN RELEVANT IN DECADES IS DEAD!!! One Week Later... Hey Internet, Davy Jones died. Oh how sad, he was my favorite Monkee :( RIP

B.O.A.T.S. - Mayan Calendar, Christian Bible, Etc. by ZMannZilla 1-03-12

Any Christian that believes in a Biblical Rapture is insane. Just because some ancient weirdo wrote down a bunch of stuff because the voices told him to, doesn't mean he predicted the End Of Days. Speaking of which, and don't freak out or nothing, but if I were you I'd get your bucket list wrapped up by about December 15th, "just in case" the Mayans weren't entirely full of shit, wink wink. Um, wow, even you must realize the glaring hypoc... ...irony yes, but dude, you gotta see this Netflix documentary. There's fucking PROOF.

B.O.A.T.S. - Reasons To Dislike The Bus #2 by ZMannZilla 12-15-11

Boy that was a long bus ride back from the gym, huh? No kidding! Good thing we skipped that shower, otherwise we might have had to wait 15 whole minutes for the next one! Aw yeah, finally home from another long hot day of stirring limburger at the curry and cheese recycling plant! YES! After six months of building houses in Kenya, I can finally change my underwear! Sorry Im late... the head shop was out of patchouli so I had to roll around in some cat piss on the way over. Whew! I think I got away with that fart back in Northgate.

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Why, these are surprisingly amusing!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

biped wrote:

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Why, these are surprisingly amusing!

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And, magically delicious!

B.O.A.T.S. - The Artist Is Important Except When He Isn't by ZMannZilla 10-28-15

The artist's use of bold colors in this piece represents his vivid experiences as a child in Austria. The scattered line work is a sign of his inner struggle. I especially enjoy how the artist interpreted his troubled emotional state through his brush work. You can tell the artist put a lot of himself into this fabulous painting. Wasn't the artist actively molesting toddlers during the time he painted this? Irrelevant. Art should be judged and appreciated on its own merits.

B.O.A.T.S. - Kids Are Great. Here, Take Mine. by ZMannZilla 11-07-10

Y'know Geoff, a lot of people ask me about what it's like being a new dad, and here's what I tell them: I've been barfed on and peed on. I handle liquid poop with my bare hands. I speak the nuanced language of baby cries, and have grown nearly immune to their shrieking. I have learned what a colorful place the world is on just 3 hours of sleep a night. I have discovered vast untapped wealth by never going out on weekends. Yup, being a dad has many rewards. I definitely recommend the experience to everyo Sir, I am a parking meter. You probably need medical attention.

B.O.A.T.S. - Snack Time At Birthing Class by ZMannZilla 6-23-10

~Every once in a great while, a cesarean section is required. This is where we cut a therapeutic hole into your wife's abdomen and safely tear the baby out.~ Oh, gross! Sure, make us watch a C-section on the night that it's our turn to bring the snacks... $40 spent on hummus that I will never get back. THANK YOU. ~But don't worry. This procedure is safe, painless, and we even hang a privacy curtain between you, her, and the procedure so you don't have to witness such a maddening horror.~ Oh, good, because I was afraid you were going to ~Now let's watch one~! (^_^)

 

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."