Comic Competitions entries I WOULD have submitted if I had been around

If I Had Been Around For : by Fiscalchaos 7-25-12

CC552ish: Cats (singing) "The gurls all get better lookin * urp * closin time"... Well hello there Sugar-drawers !!... Say, hows about we go back to my place and... * HIC * ( ? ) Next morn... Whoa... That song just took on a whole new meaning. I've got to start hanging around a better class of Alley

If I Had Been Around For: by Fiscalchaos 7-25-12

CC558: Horrible Family Secrets Private ! Where's your Combat Helmet ?!? Do I have to wear it Sarge?.. I mean... I know there's budget cuts and all... But it's too small and smells like sour milk and roadkill ! Nurse, who's been in this Morgue ? All the women have had their breasts removed ! Well... There WAS a guy from the Pentagon... He said something about ... " Budget Cuts and Supplementing Inventory."

If I Had Been Around For : by Fiscalchaos 7-25-12

CC557 : Finger Uncle Sam There are some back in the States, me included, who feel you guys are just a bunch of ignorant, snot-nosed fools, marching off to die like a bunch of lemmings. I joined the Military to serve the nation I love instead of hiding in mommy and daddy's basement whining like a little Commie Bitch !!... Now I suggest you step off before I curb-stomp your punk ass. Martz, get rid of that microphone... Burke, smear some shit on his face so he looks more like a Towel-head... Jones, use his T-shirt to make a turban... Good job men !! OK guys, help me toss him in that pile over there with the rest of the dead, Anti-American Muslim scum! NOTE : The American Anthem has been playing before sporting events since long before most of you Pablum puking little PUSSIES were born !!..... Signed, ...A PROUD U.S. Army Veteran

If I Had Been Around For : by Fiscalchaos 7-25-12

CC500 : IRS and the Audit Hello Ma'am. I'm from the I.R.S. and it seems we have detected some MAJOR errors on you last tax return. Oh dear ! But my Social Security check is only $800 each month ! Then how do explain your recent purchase of... A house in Malibu... A condo in Venice Beach... 2 Bentleys and a Lambo ? Dammit edoggydog, you freakin' r-tard... I TOLD you we had to claim the income from my Webcam Porn site !

---
It's all in your head!

And a few others...

Starvin' Marvin by Fiscalchaos 7-25-12

Brains.... I want Brains.... It's nice to meet a guy who's not like... all about sex .....and he's really sensitive... he says he likes me for my mind. Nikki... He's a Zombie... There's nothing he would love more than to EAT you ! Wow, what a dreamboat... Most Guys I meet, don't even consider Foreplay ! That's gonna be one disappointed Zombie .

Where no man has gone... by Fiscalchaos 7-25-12

Two to beam up Scotty ! And hurry you drunken Scottish moron !!!... I can't hold these Klingons off much longer ! Errr... I think he heard you Captain YA THINK !!! Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, Not a plumber... Shut-up or I'm Kicking your ass Bones.

Where no man has gone... by Fiscalchaos 7-25-12

Captain, Before I use this portable tractor-beam to extract you, the crew has a couple requests they wish for you to consider. Like WHAT !!! First, you promise not to jettison Scotty into a Black-hole... Second, you attend some anger management classes. SPOCK !!... Just get a lock on me and pull me out of here before I tie those pointy ears in a bow at the back of your head !!! Jim, you do realize, if I flush, you become space-debris, correct? * SIGH *

History lesson by Fiscalchaos 7-25-12

France, 1945 Okay, we've kicked the Nazi's asses and run them from your country. Merci brave American, Merci beaucoup ! Mon Dieu !!! The squirrels, they are attacking !!!... Flee fellow Frenchmen, FLEE!! How do they manage to stand erect without a spine? You should see what happens when the pigeons fly in formation !

---
It's all in your head!

I like your style. 

Thanks Crabby... Trying to stay away from the political type I started with... Looking for a series topic. My first ( Inanimate s.o.b. ) died fast.

---
It's all in your head!