I have no excuse for the foulness of these puns.

The Lowest Form Of Humor by deucepm 1-06-02

Wanna go see a movie tonight? Sure. What's playing? A film about a guy whose wife has Alzheimer's. He tries to revive her memory by cooking her favorite stir-fry dishes. What's it called? "A Wok To Remember." Hurts...so...much...

The Lowest Form Of Humor II by deucepm 1-06-02

You're right. That was an awful joke. Let's see something else. Okay. What else is showing? Actually, it's kind of in the same vein...it's about a stir-fry cook from Cairo who becomes a success. And this masterpiece is called... "Wok Like An Egyptian." I'm burning your Spider Robinson books.

The Lowest Form Of Humor III by deucepm 1-07-02

All right, no movie. Let's watch TV instead. Fine. Just no more puns. There's a show on tonight about a quirky single female lawyer who moonlights as a spy. Oh, sweet Lord no... It's called "Alias McBeal." Lord, grant me the strength to kill this man.

*must.....control......fist...of....death*

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

KKP: Why? :)

Deucepm: You're paying for my Chemotherapy.

Johnnycarsonigenic?

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Doh! I wanted so badly not to laugh at that.

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Needs LOTS more sodomy.

Jesus, you're the cleanest comicker I've seen so far... lemme read the rest of your stuff. Good so far...

-DH1

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Needs more sodomy.

You're not helping.

You're not helping.

I was just trying to beat kaufman to it. Sorry.

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

In Which Joss Takes "Wrecked" In Another Direction by deucepm 12-09-01

Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Willow, your magic use is getting out of control! Oh, shut up, Buffy. I can do anything now. In fact, I just killed all the vampires in the world. Presto. But you're messing with people's lives! You're not God! I also just changed your sexual orientation. Let's go home and do things to each other that would give Anne Heche an anyeurism. Man, being an evil sorceress RULES.

Is absoloute class. And i cant STAND Buffy.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

Did someone say "puns"?

Attack Of The Killer Puns - three times the pain! by DexX 1-15-01

So, I hear you're engaged... Yes, I got a beautiful ring... I can't get the baby to go to sleep! Just rock it. Great! A re-run of Kojack. I just love Telly!

Revenge of the Killer Puns - I'm terribly sorry by DexX 2-04-01

Is your significant other also an African-American? You are so P.C. Pleased to meet you, Michael. Oh please, just call me Mike. f you expect me to say something about "making a trunk call" then you have another thing coming... Awwww... please?

The Return of the Killer Puns! (My sincere apologies) by DexX 3-18-01

Life sucks... I suck... everything sucks... I wish I were dead... Hey! Why so blue? Hello. Did you know that I like to eat the hard-shelled edible seeds of some trees? ...but that's just nuts! Hey! Could you lend me ten bucks, huh? Come on, I'll be your friend if you do. i promise I'll pay you back. Hey, what are you doing today? Can I hang around with you? Wanna see my infected toe? Stop bugging me!

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Rage Against the Deus ex Machina by andydougan 10-08-01

What do you call it when an English explorer takes the number of his relatives to the nearest ten, whilst carrying al-Qaeda in a recaptacle in his clothing? I don't know, what *do* you call it when an English explorer takes the number of his relatives to the nearest ten, whilst carrying al-Qaeda in a recaptacle in his clothing? Raleigh rounds the family, with a pocketful of cells! Thankyuhverymuch. My kingdom for a "Jesus committing suicide" character...

I don't know what I was thinking when I made this.

Here's my lapse into punning:

CC79 - A Lara Lara Laffs by kramer_vs_kramer 11-13-01

Hey! Where am I? Last thing I remember is stealing stuff off of some broad's porch in Ohio, and now I'm in this weird place. Well, Simon, the thing is you died on that porch. Lara7 caught you stealing her lawn ornaments and had you killed. But where is this place? I've just spent the last hour being repeatedly run over by a car covered in 5 1/4 inch floppy disks. And all the while, Bootsy Collins and George Clinton have been poking me with sticks and laughing. What's going on? I'm sorry Simon, but you're in Art Car Funk Hell.

To continue the theme of musical puns, here's a comic I entered into Comic Cup 5ive. This should be sung to the tune of a certain Clapton song...

Comic Cup V - Pink donkey gets a knighthood by andydougan 9-29-01

Sung to the tune of "Wonderful Tonight" On my way to the palace/I pass outside wirthling's place. "Don't go this way," I cry/"Unless you want to be debased!" But I do not hear him... Ooh, that anus looks so tight! Who's next on the list? You have one deaf fool to knight.

You'll be aghast to hear it lost.

So DH-01 sez:

And Perm sez:

Dig me with the weaving.

The Lowest Form of Humor IV by deucepm 1-15-02

Okay, last one. This one's about a cartoon dog who fights the supernatural. Don't fucking do it. I'm warning you. It's called "Goofy the Vampire Slayer." RIGHT, YOU BASTARD! YOU ASKED FOR IT! RRRRARRRGH! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW! SEE?! TOBOR MAKE PUN! But...but that's not a puAAAAGGGH!

Thanks...

This one goes to show Kramer still has "The Touch" when it comes to puns.

There are trap doors, that you can't get out of. by kramer_vs_kramer 1-03-02

Some bastard tried to jam me into his cd player today. He thought I was a battery hen.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

And my own contribution.

Pun-Tastic by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 1-15-02

Howabout this one. Its a movie about a guy who owns an Army Surplus store , and has to sell almost all his stock in a sale. That sounds nice. Set against the background of the second world war. Nice , a war drama. Its called "Now is the winter of our discount tent" Thats its. Youre license plates.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line by kaufman 1-15-02

Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line, what is your emergency? It's the actress, Ms. Tomlin. She overdosed on tranquilizers. I fear she's now Lily of the Valium! Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line, what is your emergency? King Arthur just blew his brains out using an ancient Roman gun that fired 2.54 mm bullets. Ballistics confirm he used an X Caliber. Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line, what is your emergency? The great mathematician Pythagoras is dead! He jumped off a chair after putting his head through a hypote noose.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Kaufman , that one could become a running joke. Its superb!

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

So did I after reading that. I should probably have done this earlier in the thread, but that was the last straw...

A strip I'm going to post whenever a joke makes me groan by andydougan 10-12-01

Agh! The punsss!!! They burnss usss precioussss!!!

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Actually...

Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line, redux by DexX 1-15-02

Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line, what is your emergency? Courtney Love just covered herself in tomato sauce and jumped down Russell Crowe's throat! To make it worse, Russell's unrepentant - he said he's "glad he ate her". Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line, what is your emergency? Harrison Ford blew himself up. We've only found a single, solitary piece of him so far - his hand, solo. Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line, what is your emergency? Tom_Cruise_went_nuts! He was spray-painting "Show me the money!" repeatedly over and over in a railway tunnel when he was hit by a train. The doctor said it was MacGuire-imbued deliquency syndrome!

The Russell Crowe one came easily, but I really had to work hard for the other two.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Be very careful what you ask for.

Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line #3 by kaufman 1-15-02

Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line, what is your emergency? It's the Hapsburg heir. He jumped into a vat of bakery dough. Now I fear he's in bread! Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line, what is your emergency? Carly Simon slit her wrist, but I was able to suture it in time and tell that naughty blood vessel of hers, "You're sewn, vein!" Hello, this is Santa Claus. I've got such post-holiday depression, I think I'll take a poison suppository. Don't be ridiculous. Do you really want to be known as Arsenic Arse Nick?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Instant classics.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

This pun dates back to the Marx Brothers:

Pun Comic: this one is older than God's dad. by lemur68 1-15-02

Why is your tusk moving? 'Cause I'm from Alabama. And in Alabama, the Tuscaloosa.

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"America loves its kings, from George III to Larry." --HJS

One more...

Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line #4 by deucepm 1-16-02

Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line, what is your emergency? Gwyneth Paltrow just hanged herself from the Christmas tree at Buckingham Palace! You can find her on one of the royal tannenbaums. Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line, what is your emergency? Freddie Prinze Jr just jumped out the window! I can still see him, he's falling head over heels...oh, wait, Officer Summer caught him. Damn that summer catch! Celebrity Suicide Pun Hot Line, what is your emergency? Ewan McGregor's trying to stab himself! He keeps screaming about finding a knife less ordinary.