Since it'll be your birthday in twenty minutes, I jumped the gun and made you a present. And for everyone reading this, I encourage you to do likewise and give Dan the gift of humor. Make him a comic and post it here.

Since we're all way to cheap to get you anything that'll cost more than a gumball.

Happy Birthday!

Gabe

Happy Birthday Big Evil Dan by gabe_billings 2-22-01

Dan, we wanted to do something nice for your birthday. So Maura here is going to fuck you. I sent those pictures of your little S&M session to your grandma, convinced the IRS to audit you and got the Navy to believe you were the cause of their little fender bender. Couldn't ask for a better fucking than that, could you? Happy birthday, you magnificent bastard.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Cheap bastard. I want a real gift. ;)

Okay, so I opened my gift early by BigEvilDan 2-22-01

Well Maura, I'd like to tell you how that fucking went earlier. Thankfully I'm Canadian and thus the IRS couldn't do anything to me... My grandmother really appreciated the pictures. She said that it was nice I was getting so much use out of that whip. And once I gave those Navy guys a few beers, we really got along well. So basically, you're a lousy fucker.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Hapy birhthday. Pisces? Is this what it sounds like when doves cry?

Birthdays. by Bottlerockett 2-22-01

Big Evil Dan (2/23?) Hey, it's my birthday, anything for the man here? You are absolved. And say hey to Laetitia Casta for me when you see her later! bottlerockett's (2/22 for reals) Hey, it was my birthday yesterday, can I have some absolution? Hmm... No. You ruined your chances with all that pr0n. And all that cancer. That's what you get for trying to horn in. Bitch. *sob*

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http://wally.pgbco.com

Sorry I didn't wrap it...

http://www.lowpass.net/stripcreator/view.php?ID=5252

Happy Birthday, Big Evil Dan... by wirthling 2-22-01

OK, here are some real gifts. From me, the Victoria's Secret Catalog... Pages 12 - 19 were missing when I borrowed it from you, I swear! This isn'y my Victoria's Secret Catalog! This is a Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes announcement addressed to bunnerabb... The Low Pass cast pitched in, too... I grant you the gift of eternal life with our heavenly father... Aw man, that's the same thing you give everybody! Can we hurry up and get to my gift from the "When I Grow Up" hooker? We all felt really bad for you when we found out you were Canadian, so we decided to give you a REAL military, too... All our base are belong to you! Oh boy! Now I can nuke the hell out of Cleveland! Whoopeeee!

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Happy Birthday, Bottlerockett and Big Evil Dan by evil_d 2-23-01

I was having enough trouble trying to think of a gift for Big Evil Dan. Maybe I could write a sensible ending to the "Remaking a Classic" series for him... or have Helmut interview him.... I keep dropping hints about the "When I Grow Up" hooker, but no one listens.... Then Bottlerockett comes along and announces it's his birthday too. Pr0n. You can't go wrong with pr0n. I don't have any pictures of people puking... he probably has the latest Wu-Tang album already... comic books then? Then it hit me: there's two of them... they're both male... what better way to say "happy birthday from all of us at Lowpass" than with the gift of gay sex? You know what? Suddenly I remembered it's not really my birthday after all. Funny, huh? Well, he doesn't have green hair, but....

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Sung to the tune of "Happy Birthday To You" :)

Happy Birthday Big Evil Dan! by descolada99 2-23-01

Happy birthday to you... ...happy birthday to you... ...you look like a donkey... ...and you smell like one too!! That's not funny!! I don't smell!! Yeah, sure...

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"Fascist Clay was my most favorite totalitarian boxer!" - Indie Rock Pete from Diesel Sweeties

Happy Birthday!!!!!!! A birthday just isn't a real birthday until you get that ONE gift that really sucks. Here it is. Hope you like.

Love
Manda

Birthdays Suck...just like this comic. Love ya, Big Evil Dan by Cute_Little_Manda 2-23-01

To be nice and get in with the Lowpass people who are actually funny, Cute Little Manda decided to throw Big Evil Dan a birthday party. Gee, I hope he likes it. It sure does take a lot of time to set up the perfect birthday party. Well, hours passed and not a single person showed. Manda wasn't really that surprised. And to think..I actually thought he would show up...What am I going to do with a years subscription to the Victoria's Secret catalog and an economy sized jar of Afro-Sheen? Needless to say, Manda cried herself to sleep that night and spent all of the next day waxing her floors. Oh well. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG EVIL DAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, it's now 12:25, so I guess that means my birthday is over. I hope you will all post your birthdays, so that you can get similar abus--er, tribute.

And if you don't, I'll just pick a date at random. ;)

I still have one more comic to contribute, though. (Bonus points to anyone who understands the mysterious poutine/Bush connection!)

Another day comes to an end by BigEvilDan 2-23-01

Rough day, Dan? Well, lets see. I got half the US Navy drunk, subscribed bunnerabb to $250 worth of magazines, fight my way through panicky crowds to get to Mandy's "Nuclear Apocolypse" party (I never made it)... ...I had to convince Dubya that my offer of some poutine was not a sicko come-on, and then tried to convince the WIGU hooker that the smell was the donkey, not me. Sounds tough... Are you kidding? This birthday kicked ass!

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

IMO, Poutine has been Canada's finest Prime Minister...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Happy birthday, Dan :)

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

You Canadian freaks. We have poutine down here in the states but we call it potine.

It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To by gabe_billings 2-24-01

What'd you get? It's a cease and desist. I'm not allowed to talk about my birthday anymore or I will be 'dealt with'. What's the worst they could do? Make you pound a nail into your head? Don't let those pussies push you around. Yeah. You're right. It's my birth.... Oops. Aiieeeee!!!!!!!

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.