The Queen visited my town today to promote her Golden Jubilee. I was going to go and lob petrol bombs at her, but I was too scared of getting caught. However, should she choose to enter this competition, she will find the tables turned.

In this contest, you may join the herd and obey my fascist rules, or be insubordinate and disobey them. That is, if you adhere to one, you have to adhere to them all, and if you violate one, you must violate them all. Here they are:
[list]
[*]Say something good about an institution, such as the monarchy, religion, Hollywood or whatever.
[*]Use no thought bubbles.
[*]Do not make fun of any regulars.
[*]Include the White House background at least once.
[/list]
As ever, multiple entries are welcome, and if you break the rules in one comic, you can comply with them in another. Judging is scheduled for late Sunday or early Monday, provided the site retains functionality.

I guess I\'m still in a Schrodinger mood. Here\'s a comic that both obeys and disobeys, depending on how you look at it.

CC 120 - "No Thought" Bubble by BigEvilDan 5-23-02

Howdy, Bear. President Bush! What made you stop by my freshly-painted house? Well, I went to visit Andy Dougan, but he's no fun at all. So I decided to come here. Did I ever thank your administration for boosting the editorial cartoon industry? ... Sorry, I forgot that Family Circus takes you all morning.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

The second I saw the name of the contest, I thought of this strip, which just happened to break all the rules.

CC 120: Bloody stupid in America by NeoVid 5-23-02

Hmm. I've been an anarchist for years, but I've never heard a slogan for anarchy. I could make one up... Hey, what do you think of my catchphrase for anarchy: "Non-conformists unite!" ...If your ideas were any worse, you could be President. Hey, watch it! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance!

I wonder if anyone will get the reference in the title.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

CC 120: Apocalypse Not by kaufman 5-23-02

Ok, "Mr. 666," you've done enough damage to Earth. I'm here to give you a good ass-whupping! Hey, don't tread on me, man. Death to all governments. Freedom, yeah! Huh? Aren't you responsible for all the human misery these past seven years? No way, dude-on-stick! I'm just doing my own thing with a little civil disobediance. Later: Sorry, son, I thought the book said I should send down an ANARCHIST, not an antichrist. Shit, Dad. Will you now PLEASE get some bifocals?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Good news, because I didn\'t properly parse all the rules, because I misspelled a word, and because I decided to get around the punctuation bug, you get to suffer through this tale again!

CC 120: Apocalypse Not by kaufman 5-23-02

Ok, Mr. 666, you have done enough damage to Earth. I am here to give you a good ass-whupping! Hey, no treading on me, man. Death to all governments. Freedom, yeah! Huh? Art thou not responsible for all the human misery these past seven years? No way, dude-on-stick! I am just doing my own thing with a little civil disobedience. Sorry, son. I thought the book said I should send down an ANARCHIST, not an antichrist. Shit! First you go to rent a monster movie and bring home BAZILLA, now this. Get the damn bifocals already!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Without contractions, we would all be like Comander Data.

Institutionless by crabby 5-23-02

This monarchy blows we should overthrow it! While were at it we should also destroy Religion and Hollywood as well! Don't forget Kajun he's a fucking cunt! I wonder if he knows I plan to kill him? I bet he doesn't know that I know of his plan to kill me. Yeah so that kajun's a real cunt huh? Oh yeah.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

CC 120: Close Call by BigEvilDan 5-23-02

...and the monkey was unharmed. In entertainment news, the sequel to Dude, Where's My Car? opens tonight in Washington DC. All of Hollywood's biggest stars will be there in celebration and self promotion. Let's go live to the White Hou-- Whew! Just missed obeying one of the rules. Say something good about the makers of Dude, Where's My Car?! Dan, what the hell were you thinking.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

CC 120: The Mall, the Merrier by kaufman 5-23-02

That was really boring. I wish I hadn't insisted on doing the White House tour. I know. Everyone who comes here has to do it, though I try to talk them out of it. Let\'s walk over to the Vietnam Memorial. That will move you. ...HARE ... DUANE K. HEISER ... JAMES P. CASEY ... ALFONSO R. CASTRO ... THEODORE... You're right, the Wall is moving, but it's way too depressing. Isn't there anything in Washington that's fun to see? Why didn't you ask sooner. Let's head over to the Smithsonian Institution. You'll be hard pressed to find a better set of museums! DOUGLAS F. MOORE ... WALTER R. STACY ... VAN J. JOYCE ... JAMES H. DUNN III ....

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

My humble entry... alas I could do more but I have to spend the whole weekend away from my computer. The horror!

CC 120: Lobbyists by Scyess 5-23-02

Yep, Mr. President. For all the good we've done for society, I think my group deserves a little more attention! We're very active in good causes such as free daycare centers and Boy Scouts. American values. I think you can slip our proposal into your next bill, don't you? I'm sorry, I just don't think the NAMBLA vote is big enough to justify granting every adult male in the US his own 12-year-old boy-slave. Well, maybe some of us can share one. Just think it over!

And yes, NAMBLA is an institution, according to the dictionary. If you don\\\'t think so, then think of the wonderful institution of pedophilia.

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"Old" is the old new.

cc120: Slow Reaction Speed Man by ObiJo 5-23-02

?   Fire, you say?

cc120: ADD Man by ObiJo 5-23-02

Fire! Lead the way, little girl! Tree.

cc120: Incontinence Man by ObiJo 5-23-02

Fire! Lead the ... I think you can handle this one.

cc120 Frack Man by ObiJo 5-23-02

Fire!   ?   fee-RACK.

cc120 Scared-of-Kittens Man by ObiJo 5-23-02

Fire!   ?   I am scared of your kitten.

[Click to view comic: 'cc120: Slow Reaction Speed Man Redux']

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

I just realized I forgot to make fun of a regular in each one of those. So, to compensate:

wirthling sucks
gabe smells like feet
Big Evil Dan`s real name is Herbert
bunner`s older than Lincoln
Spankling is a closet conservative
DexX has terrible grammar

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If you replace an apostrophe with that little thingy under the tilda you don`t get the backslash.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

cc120:Hey-wait-a-minute-what-are-we-doing-in-a-graveyard Man by ObiJo 5-23-02

Hey, wait a minute... What are we doing in a graveyard?

cc120 On-Second-Thought-I`ll-Have-the-Eggs Man by ObiJo 5-23-02

On second thought, I`ll have the eggs. I`m not a waitress. Does fooling people make you happy? I never said I was a waitress.

Are-You-One-a-them-Machine-Gun-Kangaroos-I-Heard-About Man by ObiJo 5-23-02

Yup.

That-Was-Delicious-Sue-No-It-Was-Great-Yes-Really-Great Man by ObiJo 5-23-02

That was delicious, Sue. I thought I might have gone a little heavy on the pepper. No, it was great. Really? Yes, really great.

I`m-Surrounded-This-Ax-May-Help-I`m-No-Longer-Surrounded Man by ObiJo 5-23-02

I`m surrounded. This ax may help. I`m no longer surrounded.

All this work and not one legal entry. I feel like a rapist.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

I do believe this one is fully compliant with none of the rules.

I'll-Have-Whatever-ObiJo-Was-Having-Last-Night-Man by kaufman 5-24-02

Whoa!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man at the Office by kaufman 5-24-02

All right. Let`s see what email I got overnight. Yeah, as if anyone wants to talk to you, loser. Well, actually, I do have some suggestions about how you can grow your penis to a decent size, and something about a cash deal in Nigeria. Now to check over to stripcreator and enter the new contest ... Oh right, as if your `highbrow` jokes will fail to go over the heads of this motley mob. Give it up and do some work! And now to work. Artificial intelligence, here we come! Machine intelligence? Yeah, right. What a hoot!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I whipped this up without thinking, just like I do with all my other comics, but this one especially.

Bomb (Not funny) by Isocish 5-24-02

Y'know what I love about russians? Nope. Ummmm.... Oh yeah!

cc120: Cough Kaufman Man by ObiJo 5-24-02

Cough, kaufman. Look, I don't want a free physical. I really called the police, you know. If I were you, I'd scoot. I wonder if peanut butter increases scoot?

Like an alcoholic off the wagon, I'm finding it harder to stop.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

CC120: It Could Be Worse by fuzzyman 5-24-02

The fucking Royals are a bunch of stupid inbred pantywaists. We couldn't have it any worse than those big-nosed idiots! Oh, I think it could be worse... King Bazilla! Would you like another warm cola and buttermilk enema? I live to serve you! *sigh* All I really want is for someone to tell me again how great the Welsh are! My God! Was that some horrible vision of the future? The future? Ha! That was just a flashback to the party last night. Man, you just cannot hold your liquor!

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Incontinence on all the Continents by TheElPaso 5-24-02

Africa We ko ki kee ga? Damn! I live two blocks from this guy, so I don't speak his language. Australia G'day, mate! Today, I'll be hunting some bloomin' crocs and... Blimey! I forgot that I'm not Steve Irwin, I'm Russell Crowe! Eurasia Ya mean it's illegal to masturbate in front of a mirror in public?

Incontinence on all the Continents by TheElPaso 5-24-02

South America Tectatirzatl, you wrote here "The Incans discovered the number zero." That's incorrect! Maya bad! North America President Bush would like to do something good on behalf of the Government by repaying Enron employees their money! That's right, each former employee gets four dollars and one cent! Say, what does that letter K mean? Antarctica For today's weather forecast, we're gonna take a wild guess and say cold.

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My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. -Weird Al Yankovic

Uh, I actually don't find this as offensive as Fuzzyman claiming that I can't handle my booze.

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Dad was flammable

Then I have successfuly not complied with Rule #3.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Yawn I'm bored.

CC120: Common Ground by fuzzyman 5-24-02

Hi, folks! I'm Jesus! I'm here to warn you people about the dangers of Scientology. ...and I'm L. Ron Hubbard. Wait a second! I'm here to warn them about Christianity! Forget it, guy. I'm gonna kick your ass to the seventh level of Hell! Wait... we must have SOMETHING in common. What is the one thing we always tell our followers? "Send me your money." I was thinking, "Wirthling sucks," but I can go with what he said.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

May or may not count, depending on whether or not silicone breasted girls are a good thing...

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Skeeter Valentine = hot.