I'm not really sure of the number. I think we're on eight, but I could be wrong. Anyhoo, due to popular (i.e. one person's) demand, here's another What Are The Rules of This Contest.

For those of you who have never played, here's the deal. Unlike a normal Comic Competition where you're given the rules which your comics must follow, here you start with diddly squat. I have a list of ten rules. I'll start by posting some comics which follow all, none and some of the rules.

Your job is to figure out what those rules are. You post comics, and I'll tell you which rules they follow, and which rules they break. The first person to submit a comic that follows all then rules wins a big fat coconut.

Any questions? No? Good. Gentlemen (and ladies) start your engines.

Follows all 10 Rules

The Fundraising Efforts by gabe_billings 7-15-02

I can't hear you. I have feet for ears. I said I'm looking for contributions to the 'Stamp Out Wirthling Fund'. No. But you can send your contribution in six easy payments of $49.95! My schedule is pretty full. I was planning on watching 'Heidi' while I jerk off. But wouldn't you rather help make the world a better place by getting rid of a menace to society? It's your civic duty!

Breaks all 10 Rules

The Force is Strong with This One by gabe_billings 7-15-02

C'mon. Just for a little while. I said no. You're such a spoilsport. I can live with that. I helped you wash your car last week. I don't care. I'm still not going to play 'Naked Lightsaber Duel' with you.

Follows Rules 1-5; Breaks Rules 6-10

Friends Don't Let Friends Drive Without One for the Road by gabe_billings 7-15-02

Are you sure you're ok to drive? Liz could drive you home. Of course I am! I'm still standing, right? Say, you remember what kind of car I was driving? So the fucker just jumped in front of my Miata. It was either hit him or spill my beer. He's ok, right officer? Oh, I'm sure he'll be just fine as soon as we can get that tire off his chest. You know, that beer really should have been in a plastic cup. Wow. Tough break. So what are you gonna do? I figured I'd go do a little haunting, maybe possess his cat, kill his family. I dunno. Something like that.

Breaks Rules 1-5; Follows Rules 6-10

Yeah, Right. For School. by gabe_billings 7-15-02

Are you sure this is gonna work? Yup. She's never gonna go for it. Just wait until I get my groove on. It's for a school project? Yeah, my photo class is doing nude portraiture. If you and your sister were covered in oil and wrestling, I'd probably get extra credit.

---
100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Does this one follow all the rules?

The Fundraising Efforts by Mr_Jass 7-15-02

I can't hear you. I have feet for ears. I said I'm looking for contributions to the 'Stamp Out Wirthling Fund'. No. But you can send your contribution in six easy payments of $49.95! My schedule is pretty full. I was planning on watching 'Heidi' while I jerk off. But wouldn't you rather help make the world a better place by getting rid of a menace to society? It's your civic duty!

---
"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown." -- mrjass@mindless.com

No. Rule #10 is 'Comic may not be created by a fuckwit'.

---
100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Fear Factor by itsclark 7-15-02

You and me after school, buddy! And bring your hammer and nails 'cause I sure will. Gee, this is a tough school. But at least the wood shop is always well stocked. Mr. Ryan, you won't see me in English class again. The school bully is planning to kill me. Yes! No sympathy there. But maybe I can defeat the bully after all. As your math teacher, I should inform you that odds have been set at 8 to 1 against.

---
"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Follows: 6,7,8
Breaks: 1,2,3,4,5,9,10

---
100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

God no.

Please Gabe , for the love of god , and the sake of the sanity of the posters here , dont do this.The last one drove half of us to back the "Get Wirthling Laid" campaign.

This is a bad idea. Its like asking for someone to post the links to the entire Bazilla back catalogue. And we saw what happened there.

---
"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

I'll give it a whirl anyway.

Paranoia, nice to know ya by andydougan 7-15-02

Sweet Mary. I think this guy's been walking right behind me for five minutes. And I can't look round or I'll appear timid. Perhaps he's just coincidentally walking the same route. I'll just keep my eyes straight ahead and walk imperceptibly more quickly. Okay, this may be stretching happenstance a bit far. This is great - this tit's wallet has been leaking for ten minutes now!

Gabe's Contest, entry #2. by itsclark 7-15-02

Hey Baby. You've got a beautiful mind, you know that? What's your sign? Taurus, like the bull. I like guys who are brawny and powerful. Really? Then perhaps I could take you home and demonstrate some of my other bull-like attributes. Yeah! I'm sorry Lt. Tuvok! The holodeck is scheduled for maintenance now. You'll have to return to reality. You didn't hear a thing! Understand?

---
"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

You are aware that you're under no contractual obligation to open every thread, right?
Maybe we need an item about that in the faq.

---
"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

quote:

---

God no.

Please Gabe , for the love of god , and the sake of the sanity of the posters here , dont do this.The last one drove half of us to back the "Get Wirthling Laid" campaign.

This is a bad idea. Its like asking for someone to post the links to the entire Bazilla back catalogue. And we saw what happened there.

---

Paranoia, nice to know ya by andydougan
Follows: 2,7
Breaks: 1,3,4,5,6,8,9,10

Gabe's Contest, entry #2. by itsclark
Follows: 4,5,6,8
Breaks: 1,2,3,7,9,10

I'm pretty sure Andy's got 2, likewise with 5 and 6 for clark. The other ones might be luck, but maybe not.

---
100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Rules Contest 8: Abduction by evil_d 7-15-02

The captain has turned the "Oh fuck" light on. Please return your tray tables and seat backs to the upright position, and prepare for a horrible, flaming death. If we're going to die, my last request is for some of the expensive shit you serve in first class! Greetings, human. We have saved you from an untimely demise in order to perform scientific experiments on you. We trust you will be grateful enough not to object. Never mind that! Where's my fucking drink? I had hoped it wouldn't come to this. That thing had better shoot space-whiskey.

---
The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Rules Contest 8: Abduction by evil_d
Follows: 1,3,8
Breaks: 2,4,5,6,7,9,10

I have no doubt that he knows #1. It's pretty tough to get by accident.

---
100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Gabe: Which rules did my presidents comic happen to comply with?

I really should have posted this one before evil_d did his by kaufman 7-15-02

Are you ready, Daniel? Ready as ever. Can't wait to dive two leagues under the sea. Watch out for the sharks and the hungry barracuda! No problem. I'm heading in. Tell Rocky to watch for me on the news. Are you ready to rise yet, Mr. Cement-head? I think so. Arm the surfacing mechanism, if you please.

... since this should also be #1-compliant

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Stay good, Butch! Stay good! by DexX 7-15-02

However, the only way to obtain this ten million dollar inheritance is to... not kill, torture, maim, or otherwise hurt anybody for one week. Oh, you lucky bastard. Shit, now what will I do with my afternoon? Hello there! I am a single white female, walking along on a deserted street at night. How are you, ominous mask-wearing man? Ten million dollars... _$10,000,000_ Visualise how many chainsaws you could buy with that... Stay good... ...and then I beat DexX in the comic cup, making me, like, God or something. I need some kind of victory song. What do you suggest? What would your song be? It's so hard to stay good in a corrupt world. Besides, would anybody notice if he was gone?

---
This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

If David Koresh had lived by andydougan 7-15-02

Nice cross. Thanks, I like it too. It's the nine-inch nails I'm not so keen on. Or at least your present locale vis-a-vis them and the cross. Yes. ...so then I let him touch my special place in exchange for eternal salvation. Dammit, Suzy, we nailed that pervert up there to *stop* him doing that!

You broke rule #1, you gimp.

---
"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

I think I know one of the rules x 43 by kaufman
Follows: 2,3,7
Breaks: 1,4,5,6,8,9,10

Incidentally, you had 2/3rds of #10.

********************

I really should have posted this one before evil_d did his by kaufman
Follows: 1,3,8
Breaks: 2,5,6,7,9,10

You could argue that you got 2. If you really knew what it was, there would be loads of better choices that would leave no room for argument.

4 is really weird. To be brutally honest, I can't tell if you got it or not. If you knew what it was, there are numerous other choices that are less ambiguous.

********************

Stay good, Butch! Stay good! by DexX
Follows: 3,7
Breaks: 1,2,4,5,6,8,9,10

Seems like most people have figured out #1. If you have, I would say that technically this comic doesn't pass scrutiny. Certainly you could argue that it does. Like with some of the others above, there are lots of better choices. I'm sure that you of all people would be aghast at the method I'm using to test the validity of rule #1.

********************

If David Koresh had lived by andydougan
Follows: 2,6,7
Breaks: 1,3,4,5,8,9,10

---
100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

quote:

---

Stay good, Butch! Stay good! by DexX
Follows: 3,7
Breaks: 1,2,4,5,6,8,9,10

Seems like most people have figured out #1. If you have, I would say that technically this comic doesn't pass scrutiny. Certainly you could argue that it does. Like with some of the others above, there are lots of better choices. I'm sure that you of all people would be aghast at the method I'm using to test the validity of rule #1.

---

Well, I would recognize the effort (despite it's being unintentional) but in laying out the rules I picked a completely unbiased judge, and unfortunately it said 'No'. Though I have to admit, that particular judge contains an awful lot of entries along the same lines as that of DexX's comic, so maybe I should have said ok.

---
100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Rules Contest 8: Magic by evil_d 7-16-02

Prepare to be amazed by my magic! I will now make this curtain disappear, leaving nothing but the brick wall behind it! Goodness! *ZZAP!* Yikes! Maybe a little too strong.... *ZZAP!* Close enough.

I think I have rule 6 now. Anything besides that and 1 is coincidence.

---
The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

It's not the heat, it's the stupidity by kaufman 7-16-02

It's hot, Kimosabe. Share some of that water with me? Hang in there. We're almost to El Dorado. Plus, it's not like you and the background are going to melt. Fool! The temperature is going up four degrees every minute. Give me the water. Why? So you can break it into hydrogen and oxygen atoms? Sing your song of pity to someone else, mister. Please? Just my luck to draw wimps and more wimps.

Hoping to score #4.

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

This Comic has been signed for the Rule-1-Impaired by wirthling 7-16-02

B     O     O

---
"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

More Fun with Rule 1 by kaufman 7-16-02

Friends of the corpse, or friends of the undertaker? Actually, we're friends of the maggots. Can I say "moh" yet? No way, look at my watch. It's only quarter past panel two. Hey Gabe, I hope you like my macabre selection of backgrounds. If this stretches to four panels, what do you think would fit well there? For a background? Explosion. Definitely explosion!

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Trials and Tribulations by wirthling 7-16-02

The tribunal will decide your fate. But I'm just sitting here minding my own business! The Attorney General says you're a terrorist. Isn't the Constitution supposed to protect me from this kind of abuse? Don't I have rights? No. Would it help if I were to recite the Pledge of Allegiance?

---
"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."