I really didn't expect to win that last one at all, so forgive me for not having a better contest in mind.

The rules:
1) pick a prime number. If you do not know what a prime number is, go read all 63 pages of the "I am a colossal geek" thread. You still won't know after that, but at least you'll be adequately punished for daring to compete in this contest without the proper mad skillz.

2) Find the comic that corresponds to said prime number.

3) Rewrite said comic to make it funnier. You will post the original (along with its number, so I can check your prime-o-geniture) with your comic.

4)Someone in your new comic is a Star Trek character from THE ORIGINAL FIRST SERIES ONLY. ie, Kirk, Spock, Uhuru = good; Data, Wesley Crusher, 7 of 9 = fuck off.
You may use peripheral characters (ie tribbles, Romulans, Spock's mom) from the first series but if I don't get the reference, you will lose.

5)it's okay to remake a prime numbered comic that's already been remade (whether for this contest or not), BUT.....if you remake the comic that has a prime number that's pretty famous 'round these parts, expect extra special harsh judging criteria.

I will select a winner at 11pm Pacific Standard time on Monday 7/22.

---
When they invent BookFace, I'm -there-.

Dastardly.

---
"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

female + mathematics + star trek = me + love

---
I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Here we go

CC 132: A Bad Start by Ranma_X. 7-19-02

You were in that animated TV show, weren't you. You sucked! You and that gay assed chipmunk pal of yours! So says the 'anti-matierialist' Gap model

and here is the prime-numbered source

worst...comic...ever by mpower 6-01-01

you are not a beautiful and unique snow flake! you are not your fucking khakis! l33t

I used a web-based prime # generator as I am not a l33t mathematician or coder, so my sources are going to be less that 20000 in number...

Shame 1 isn't prime, though it's pretty funny on its own. 2 however, is a challenge.

---
-working towards a worse tomorrow.

The original...

Lucky 43 by Wilgo 1-20-01

And so, Goerge Dubaya Bush has been inaugurated as the 43 President of the United States of America. dammit. We're fucked. I can't wait that long, I wanna die now.

And the fixed version...

CC132: Unlucky 43 by fuzzyman 7-19-02

And so, George Dubya Bush has been inaugurated as the 43rd President of the United States of America. Kirk to Enterprise! Scott here, sir! Beam me up, Scotty. Sir? It's no use. We cannot repair the timeline.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

I saw her first.

---
What others say about boorite!

quote:

---

THE ORIGINAL FIRST SERIES ONLY. ie, Kirk, Spock, Uhuru = good; Data, Wesley Crusher, 7 of 9 = fuck off.

---

---
100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

I know it's hard to make perfection better, but someone had to give it a shot.

Orignial

Cowboy physics by max 1-06-01

One day at the ranch... So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!" Ha, ha! What the fuck are you talking about?

New

CC 132 - The Search for Suck by gabe_billings 7-19-02

One day down in engineering... So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!" Ha, ha! Then what? You fixed 'em with a paper clip or something, right Scotty?

---
100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

This May Be A Test by Johnny 1-06-01

Nonsense. It's already a Trek cliche.

CC 132: This May Be A Trek by BigEvilDan 7-19-02

I'm James T. Kirk. No I'M James T. Kirk. Damn transporter.

---
"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

I saw her first.

---

But I stared longer.

---
I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Set wang to vibrate! by mode80 1-07-01

The obligatory Penny Arcade crossover... So, Gabe. Do you have any regrets about being ported to a new strip with a new robotic body? None at all, Tycho. Sounds good. Any particular advantages, then? hmm... ...and you'd hardly notice. My wang now has three settings!

CC 132: Who? by BigEvilDan 7-19-02

Dammit Jim, we need to figure out how to get out of these android bodies and back to the Enterprise. Shouldn't we at least take a moment to mourn the loss of those poor ensigns that were killed when we beamed down? Ha ha ha! Good one, Jim. Thanks Bones. Now lets get the heck out of here.

It's a pretty heavy rewrite, but I had to do something with comic 47 and ensure my status as an obsessed trek geek.

---
"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Don't you wish someone would simply provide a list of prime numbers so people wouldn't use just any comic, say, for example, #2316? Me, too.

---
"Old" is the old new.

The original...

#00k 17 up !! by Toshiya 2-28-01

w455up 5uk4 ?! 1 #4v d4 p0n 3 #4r32 4nd 1 w1l k1l2 j00 !!! n0 j0n r0m3r03 pl2 d0 n072 k1l m3 !!!#!# k !!!!!!!!! LOoloLoooOooLOooL LOLOLLOLOLOLL UR #07

The entry...

CC132: 1337 17 up !! by fuzzyman 7-19-02

w455up 5uk4 ?! Greetings from the United Federation of Planets. n0 j0n r0m3r03 pl2 d0 n072 k1l m3 !!!#!# That is quite illogical. Spock is so dreamy, Uhura! He doesn't even need the Universal Translator! Will he ever love me? Give it up, Chapel. His Hailing Frequencies are closed.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

quote:

---

Don't you wish someone would simply provide a list of prime numbers so people wouldn't use just any comic, say, for example, #2316? Me, too.

---

The only thing better would be a list of direct links to the comics.

---
"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Wow, thanks Dan! That's great! How'd you link those all so quickly? I want to link all my comics on a page for reference but don't want to copy and paste 800+ urls.

---
I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Argh! Misunderstood the rule. I thought the comic had to mention a prime number.

Two good gags down the drain.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Comic 14591

The Bet by Nibor 5-08-01

I show movies. I play DVDs. I give news and weather. Got that. Got that. Got that. No one ever says "All your base are belong to us" on me. Oh shit. Burn, you bitch.

And mine...

M5 versus Nomad by fuzzyman 7-19-02

I am the M5 unit. I can control a massive starship all by myself. I am Nomad. I can float around by myself! I don't need a starship. With my multitronics, I can make the starship destroy other starships. Non Sequitur. I can destroy starships all by myself. I can activate your self-destruct sequence. AAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!! I AM DIEING!!!

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

The original, number 6703

Game of skittles part 2 by Kade 2-28-01

Kade is still singing Britney Spears... ...and now you're out of sight yeah show me how you want it to be tell me baby 'cause I got to know now all because... Must find a way to distract him from this abuse. Smell the gears burning in his head! ...my loneliness is killing me and I must confess I still believe (still believe) when I'm not with you I lose my mind... ...programming projects, cool toys, daft sites, emulators... Ah yes... *P-O-O-F*HELP! I'm a dancing dog! I o\\/nZ j00 l4m3 b33y4tch!

...and my entry:

CC132: Game of Skittles Part Flim-duhh by DMSO 7-19-02

*bszt*Captain James T Kirk You Have Been Intercepted By An Agent Of The League Of Beautiful Alien Women*bzt* What...do you want ... from me ... robot? *bzt*You Must Return With Me To Headquarters To Answer For Your Crimes of Sexual Exploitation, Abuse Of Authority, And Dangerous Rishathra*bzt* I ... don't think so... metal man... *bzt*Alert! Target Is Equipped With Experimental "Dogonball" Phaser Setting! Requesting Immediate back-Up And Chew Toy!*bzt*

---
Absorbed directly through the skin.

Geocities limited Dan's bandwidth, so here are the links to the prime numbered strips, again.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

hears the 1rst comic

Death is Everywhere. by OujiLizard 1-11-01

How the fuck did I end up here? I'm so alone. Wark! Wark! You're so dead, bitch. Oh fuck. You ever heard of an elephant graveyard?

+ hears my new verson[comic]78048[comic]

---
sex

ok i fucked up the forum code but dosnt mater be cause i forgot startrek any way. hears an entry that fit's the rule's

originial

Bongo's Experiment by dinoX 1-07-01

Bongo's Experiment I wonder if dad will notice my "experiment"... BONGO!!! Uh-oh! You think this is funny, don't you? Eep!

my verson

thats why they call her uHOARa by fuck 7-19-02

leutienant uhura is in hidding well ive locked the door's and window's and got into this buncker 700-feet undergrond. im totaly safe from that wierd allien helo ho!! oh no it cant be!! you left the catflap open. now i think its time the floor and youre knee's had a litel rendevos

---
sex

The magic prime number was 66239 ...

Mr. Stick Goes to War by Getupkid531 4-15-02

And so it begins... To whom this might possibly concern. We at Stick Drafting Services have decided to write to you to tell you that you have been drafted for the great Stick War. You will be leaving for training soon. HAHAHA! You? In a war? HAHAHA! Can I have your house not that your a dead piece of s***!? This all doesn't seem rational. A stick war? Why and how the hell did this happen? Oh well...might as well go. Who knows? Maybe I will be a hero! Don't count on it, you dumb loser! Ha Mr. Bug-stick-um...thing...you are right! You WERE in front of a door! WAH HAHAHAHAHA...and so his saga begins... Yea! I will do it!! Stick Stickerson: Hero of the Free Stick World! It has a nice ring to it! You really are a dumbass! HAHA...hey! Weren't we just in front of a door?

becomes:

CC 132: Another Brick in the Wall by kaufman 7-19-02

Greetings. We at Stick Mining Services are telling you that you have been drafted for the great Space Mine. You will leave for training soon. HAHAHA! You? In a mine? HAHAHA! Can I come live in your shaft, lay eggs, and perform exquisite symphonies for my children? This all doesn't seem rational. A space mine? Why the hell did this happen? Oh well...might as well go. Who knows? Maybe I'll be a hero! Never mind you, I will make great art. I will lead poetry readings among my kind. My silicon shell will smell ... beautiful thanks to you. Now let's beam away! I'll do it!! Stick Stickerson: Hero of the Federation mining colony! It has a nice ring to it! But can't you please have that noxious smell I love so much? No way, dumbass. Don't you know, you can lead a horta culture, but you can't make them stink.

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I saw her first.

---

thanks guys. If only it worked that way in real life. :-)

The irony is, I'm not that much of a trek geek. though I am a prime number geek.

"Prime, Prime, What is Prime?" - chick from "Spock's Prime" episode.

---
When they invent BookFace, I'm -there-.

I saw her first.

---

thanks guys. If only it worked that way in real life. :-)

---

You've obviously never dated an engineer. We hit on you with "Hey, baby, want to help me find out the coefficient of friction for skin?" and write you love poems like:

Integral [d(my love)/d(eternity)] = you

---
I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Q) What do engineers use for birth control?
A) Thier personalities. Ho ho ho!

---
"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"