Okay, so this is my first go... bear with me while I make a complete tit of myself. I'm going to keep it simple, because basically I don't want to give myself a headache and I want people to like me.

Okay, I don't really care if you like me...

After surfing around for a bit, I found muse in Scyess' signature, linking to a page full of quotes where I found this:

quote:

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"CAUTION!
Be very careful of false, meaningless, self-contradictory, and not even very funny warnings, like this one."

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Cc 135 - It Sucks to Be Dexx by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 8-02-02

DANGER WILL ROBINSON , DANGER! Nonsense Robbie. The sign just says "Beware of Psychopathic Australian Dismembered head" Ack! DIE MOTHERFUCKER. I CURSE YOU IN THE NAME OF CHAPPELL , WARNES AND THE THORPEDO. DIE SCREAMING IN AGONY YOU CUNT! Im guessing this new look is what happens when Becc finds out youre buying SC merchandise and donating to RockStarGame. Yeh. You dont even want to THINK about what shes doing to my dismembered corpse.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

Well, violate me with a green banana and call me Chad... a deadline would be helpful, wouldn't it?

Midnight Friday the 9th, GMT.

There... that's better :)

/benny/

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My metaphors are metafives...

I'll probably see the movie next week. Until then, this will have to do:

The film "Signs" as told in three panels by kaufman 8-02-02

Strange noises and crop circles. What could they mean? Look, daddy, there's a sign in the next panel. Maybe that will explain things a bit. WARNING: The next panel contains heavy spoilers regarding this movie. What's it mean? It means we're going home. I haven't seen "Signs" yet, and I don't want it ruined for me.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 135: Welcome To McDonald's, May I Take Your Lawsuit? by BigEvilDan 8-02-02

I'd like a Big Mac Combo please. Due to the recent lawsuit pertaining to the fattening nature of our products, you will have to sign this 135 page contract. "This product may cause weight gain, and is a potential choking hazard. This product is designed for eating only..." "Some cows may have been harmed in the--." Am I going to be able to finish reading this before my burger gets cold? It's already cold. Thanks to that coffee lady we aren't allowed to serve anything above or below room temperature.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

CC 135: Lack Of Creativity Can Be Hazardous To Your Health by BigEvilDan 8-02-02

BEWARE OF FALLING SIGN Hmm.. BEWARE OF FALLING SIGN Nah, that would be too obvious. BEWARE OF OBVIOUS PUNCHLINE *THUD*

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

The Bloody Hoofprint Incident by RonnieDobbs 8-02-02

One hundred thirty-four, one hundred thirty-five, one hundred thirty-six... What's this all about anyway? Just a precautionary measure. Donner got demoted again. Poor Ed and that "Bloody Hoofprint Incident" last year...

Gosh, these look vaguely familiar ...

The Floating Sign of Dire Consequences by Namgubed 3-28-02

Please Do Not Click the White Triangular Button. *CLICK* NOW You've Done It!!

Exit by Namgubed 3-29-02

..........................EXIT..........................

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

I would like to thank you for running this contest. For a second there, I feared I would have to run it.

That said:

Wham! by Mr_Jass 8-03-02

Warning: Punchline Ahead I'm first in line.

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"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown." -- mrjass@mindless.com

CC135: Hearing Aids? by KajunFirefly 8-03-02

WARNING: THIS SIGN MAY CAUSE DEAFNESS! Hey Andy, what does that sign say? What? WARNING: THIS SIGN MAY CAUSE DEAFNESS! What? Eh? WARNING: THIS SIGN MAY CAUSE DEAFNESS! PARDON? Huh?

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Dad was flammable

Behold!

CC135 - Warning! Entry 1: America's Biggest Blunder! by Shadow_Artist 8-03-02

USA: Washington D.C. The President considers his last pre-emptive strike... Gee Advisor Jim, I'm thinking it was wrong of us to nuke France. I mean, the French did have a certain 'je ne sais quoi'. Your talking crazy talk Mr President, sir. America can never admit it's wrong. Read the contract you signed at your inauguration. "Warning: America must never admit it was/is/will be wrong, ever, no matter what the circumstances..." Sod that Advisor Jim, inform the world's press America wishes to apologise! Sigh. Very well Mr President, sir. Arrrrgh! Advisor Jim! What in the name of radioactive France is going on? By admitting America was wrong you've caused reality to implode. Congratulations Mr President, sir...

CC135 - Warning! Entry 2: Look yea not upon the sign... by Shadow_Artist 8-03-02

WARNING: SON OF MAN AHEAD! SEEING HIS UNTAMED GLORY WILL DESTROY ALL MORTALS! PROCEED ONLY IF IMMORTAL! Excellent! Now to convince Jesus of our cause! Lord Christ, we of the Roman Catholic Church have a proposition for you concerning a clergyman's relationship with little boys... Are you crazy! Don't look at me! For the love of my Father don't... Arrrgh! The Holy Spirit! It burns! It burns! It would appear that literacy standards are just as bad as when I last visited...

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Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive. And don't ever apologize for anything. - Harry S Truman, 33rd president of US (1884 - 1972)

Behold!

CC135 - Warning! Entry 1: America's Biggest Blunder! by Shadow_Artist 8-03-02

USA: Washington D.C. The President considers his last pre-emptive strike... Gee Advisor Jim, I'm thinking it was wrong of us to nuke France. I mean, the French did have a certain 'je ne sais quoi'. Your talking crazy talk Mr President, sir. America can never admit it's wrong. Read the contract you signed at your inauguration. "Warning: America must never admit it was/is/will be wrong, ever, no matter what the circumstances..." Sod that Advisor Jim, inform the world's press America wishes to apologise! Sigh. Very well Mr President, sir. Arrrrgh! Advisor Jim! What in the name of radioactive France is going on? By admitting America was wrong you've caused reality to implode. Congratulations Mr President, sir...

CC135 - Warning! Entry 2: Look yea not upon the sign... by Shadow_Artist 8-03-02

WARNING: SON OF MAN AHEAD! SEEING HIS UNTAMED GLORY WILL DESTROY ALL MORTALS! PROCEED ONLY IF IMMORTAL! Excellent! Now to convince Jesus of our cause! Lord Christ, we of the Roman Catholic Church have a proposition for you concerning a clergyman's relationship with little boys... Are you crazy! Don't look at me! For the love of my Father don't... Arrrgh! The Holy Spirit! It burns! It burns! It would appear that literacy standards are just as bad as when I last visited...

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Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive. And don't ever apologize for anything. - Harry S Truman, 33rd president of US (1884 - 1972)

Eeek! Sorry for posting those twice, something must have gone wrong on the superhighway (it was in no way intentional, nor a devious scheme to get recognised).

My apologises again. Please, forgive my obvious foolishness...

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Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive. And don't ever apologize for anything. - Harry S Truman, 33rd president of US (1884 - 1972)

Don't judge me because I'm different!

CC135:WARNING! by boinky33 8-03-02

The sign says: WARNING!....Evil rapist goats beyond this point! UH-OH! I'm DexX!

Another comic for your viewing pleasure...

CC135 - Warning! Entry 3: The Advantages of Geekhood... by Shadow_Artist 8-03-02

Somewhere, far above planet Earth... Well, it cost me $135, but I've finally managed to construct a laser powerful enough to turn the Earth's oceans green! Man Dr Proton, I love the colour green! I need a closer look. I'll just pop in this store room and get my telescope. Store room? Yikes! Don't go through there Dr Freek! Read the sign...READ THE SIGN! What sign? There's just this metallic plaque with unintelligible words on it. Now, where's my telescope... In hindsight, writing the "WARNING: DIRECT ACCESS TO THE COLD VACUUM OF SPACE" sign in Klingon probably wasn't the smartest thing to do... My eyes! They're popping inside my head!

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Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive. And don't ever apologize for anything. - Harry S Truman, 33rd president of US (1884 - 1972)

I'm to lazy to be creative. Or funny.

Came up with this before seeing the last entry, really.

CC 135: All I could think of

_________FALLING ROCKS___________ No it doesn't! It sucks!

by NeoVid, 8-03-02

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

CC 135: Flyboy Physics by itsclark 8-03-02

We've reached our cruising altitude of 13,500 feet! I think our altimeter is faulty, Captain. I can see a warning sign flashing! Huh? The board looks clear to me. No, outside! "Road Construction Ahead".

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

CC 135: Fall for the Obvious by itsclark 8-03-02

"Beware of falling tools"... Huh. AAAAIIIIYYYYEEEE!!!!

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

CC 135: The Road To Hell Is Filled With Potholes by BigEvilDan 8-03-02

Hey, what are you doing here? There was a sign that said "Danger: Hole", and when I went to check it out I fell in. Well, I hope you like suffering for all eternity, because that's all we have to offer. No thanks. My dog should be back with help any minute now. Meanwhile, across town... Are you sure Lassie said that Timmy fell down the well? It sounded like well. What else could it be?

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

HAHA!

I liked that one.

Caution: Stop Ahead by ObiJo 8-03-02

Now I am one with the power of ruff by ObiJo 8-03-02

Ten minutes after dropping acid, the apocalypse came. I somehow managed to remain sane amidst the amalgamation of bombs and dancing end tables. But then I read this sign.

People Killer by ObiJo 8-03-02

There's a people killer at the end of this strip. WHAT! A people killer at the end of this strip! Get me out of here! There's a people killer at the end of this strip. What are you, some kind of sadist! There's a people killer at the end of this strip. Hookers aren't people.

Thespian Frisbee Prohibited (Perpetrators will be Violated) by ObiJo 8-03-02

Car 64, we got a 135 in progress.

Open Casket by ObiJo 8-03-02

I was asked to give the eulogy for our friend here. But I have to be honest - I never liked the guy. Stop, indeed, you bossy fuck.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

I just realized all my comics are compliant. I'm here to remedy that.

Never trust a housefire by ObiJo 8-03-02

House fire. Yep. Spare the photo albums? What the hell. You look like a nice guy.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

CC135 - Warning! Entry 4: Smoking's Bad For Your Wealth by Shadow_Artist 8-04-02

Warning: Smoking Causes Cancer Cancer! You never told me I'd get cancer, Mr Nicotine! Perhaps I should quit while I've still got my hair... Don't go soft on me now, Rich Asian Girl! My father smoked all his life and he lived to be a ripe old age! Well, I guess you've got a point, and I do love my newly discoloured teeth. Okay, bring on the smoking! That's my girl! Smoking never killed anyone! So by the end you'd convinced her to smoke 135 cigarettes an hour? Yep. I'd also convinced her to rewrite her will. I now own a collection of rare stamps worth $2.5 million!

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Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive. And don't ever apologize for anything. - Harry S Truman, 33rd president of US (1884 - 1972)

"There's a Monster at the End of this Book" was one of my favorite children's books. Right up until the part where you finish it and you realize they were talking about you. I cried for weeks.

CC135: Slow Down by itsclark 8-04-02

"Slow down. My mommy works here."... Huh. Oh.

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Red robot character selected solely for the available hand motions. I'm not sure if this joke will translate to other countries, but ...

CC 135: Give it Arrest by kaufman 8-04-02

Hmmmm, there's a tag on that matress. I wonder what it says ... Rrrrrippp! Ha, that's the silliest thing I've ever read. I'll show them ... Freeze, motherfucker! You're under arrest!