The machines are taking over. Bit by bit they are infiltrating our society and stealing our jobs, until they have complete control over all of us.

I for one welcome our new robot masters. Therefore I am holding this contest in their honour. The rules are as follows:

001. Your comic must feature a machine filling a role in society that is normally filled by a person (or other organism).

010. You must include at least one mechanical character (defined as Clango, Red Robot, Wigu Robot, Phone, Rocket, TV, PC or Mike) in your comic.

011. The machine in rule 1 does not need to be the character in rule 2.

100. Cornholing people is nobody's job, and running old jokes into the ground is my job, so Tobor (or a very Tobor-like character) cannot appear in you comics.

101. Judging will be on Wednesday night, Stripcreator time.

110. Multiple entries, series, and potato salad will be accepted.

111. ALL HAIL OUR NEW ROBOT OVERLORDS!

---
"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

By the title, I was sure this cc was an homage to me and kaufman.

However, this is much cooler.

---
I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

CC 10001000: Y Tu Mama Tambien by israphael 8-11-02

So how much for a straight lay? FUCKY FUCKY - 50,000 CREDITS *Grunt* You like that baby? YES GIVE IT TO ME - THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE IT - RIDE ME COWBOY Well, that was certainly the worst sex I ever had. OH YEAH - YOU WERE LOUSY IN BED - I FAKED MY ORGASM

---
"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

13-3:1 by crabby 8-11-02

Behold, I Steve Perry am on a journey to find separate ways to only the young. Gatekeeper allow me to enter your city and follow the lights to open arms. I no longer care who enters for I have lost my ability to care. I must find my true love before the next half moon. I fear if I don't find her my circuits will become obsolete and I will rust! Hey brother anyway you want it. Be good to yourself and send her my love. Even though I am leaving I still require your carcass. You must take up my role as Gatekeeper so as to not enrage the king. I cam almost hear his scream from here. He is a tortured soul. I DEMAND AN AUDIENCE!

13-3:2 by crabby 8-11-02

My king what do you require? I have sensed that the Gatekeeper is leaving his post. He is going on a journey to find the girl! While the cold war may have ended the hard times are still shared by all. What must be done sweet prince? I require that you hang yourself for calling me a Prince! However, before you die. Send out my messenger with a message for the greatest bounty hunter in all the land to hunt down the gatekeeper. It shall be done Prince Raheem. However, he may not be so willing to hunt again. Ever since his wife was taken from him by Communist Cuba he has lost the will to hunt. He will listen to reason. If he succeeds in killing the Gatekeeper we shall pay for a trip to Cuba so he may be reunited with.............my daughter.

13-3:3 by crabby 8-11-02

An urgent message from the king awaits you Lord Bingham. Procede with caution. Don't bother with the message. The Gatekeeper has left his post and left someone with mortal bones to do his job. The king would like you to kill the Gatekeeper. After he has proof of his death he will pay for you to travel by rowboat to Cuba to be reunited with the Princess. Tell your king I have agreed to his bargain. The gatekeeper shall be dead by noon! 11:56 A.M. To be reunited with my love you must be the first to die! What?

13-3:4 by crabby 8-11-02

My lord, I am prepared to hunt your Gatekeeper. But when I return I expect the rowboat I was promised. We will be reunited. My daughter has been stolen from me twice. Once by a dirty bounty hunter and then again by Cubans. Return her to the kingdom and I will allow you to marry my daughter in a royal wedding. I will return. FOOL! I must find my true love!

13-3:5 by crabby 8-11-02

Eat claw tiny! I have been killed my inards spew forth like an angry geyser from the heavens. I have only been gone for a matter of minutes. However, upon my return I am greeted by the sight of dead countrymen everywhere. I must find the king! DAMN CUBANS! WHERE IS MY KING!?! While you were gone we killed all your countrymen including the king and bathed them in the blood of your beloved princess.

[Click to view comic: '13-3:6']

CC 10001000: Again, all I could think of

So I says, "Shoot, boy, I'm not gonna generate gravitons by myself!" Ha ha!

by NeoVid, 8-11-02

---
"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

Thanks for the idea, NV.

There's always a victim by ObiChinchilla 8-11-02

The other side of the ranch... So I say "All we have to do is divert the gravitons away from the rotor turbines and into the reservoir tank." And what did he say? Are those tears welling?

---
I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

CC 136: At the Circus by kaufman 8-11-02

Ladies and gentlemen! High above the center ring, Belle the Telephone is performing her death-defying tightrope walk! That phone act stinks. Death-defying? I can see the wires holding it up! Sick and tired of those embarrasing moments? Join the 21st century. It's time to go wireless!

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 10001000BIJ0: AWOL, Y'all by kaufman 8-11-02

Norfolk, 1862 What in tarnation are you? I am Robo-Hernandez, sir, a new invention designed to serve in the Confederate infantry. You are, huh? Well, can you kill Yankees? Can I? Why, ... Hey, what's that over there? That? Oh, that's the Merrimac, our newest ironclad battleship. Sorry, I've fallen in love. Gotta go. Honey, wait for me!

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

This is post number 12345 for this forum.

---
Batman created by Bob Kane

No, this one is.

---
I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

That's a lie.

---
Batman created by Bob Kane

Didn't Johnny Horton write a song about this?

---
I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Bugger... that last strip of kaufman's is superficially similar to the entry I have been brainstorming...

Poo.

---
This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

CC 10001000: Lederhösen by Zegota 8-12-02

Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pleasure I present to you, The President of the United States of America! Read my dial tone, No new taxes

---
And you know what Hell is, folks. It's Andy Gibb, singing 'Shadowdancing' for aeons and aeons...

CC10001000 - Robots Rule! Entry 1: Robot Zoo by Shadow_Artist 8-12-02

AND IN THE NEXT ENCLOSURE, YOU WILL SEE THAT MOST MAJESTIC OF FLIGHTLESS BIRDS - THE OSTERICH! Squawk! Those aren't ostriches. They're just a couple of mike stands. THE OSTERICH IS FAMOUS FOR IT'S SINGLE LONG LEG AND ABILITY TO AMPLIFY SOUND…

CC10001000 - Robots Rule! Entry 2: Go RocketCop! by Shadow_Artist 8-12-02

Soon, law enforcement will be handled by advanced robots... Hand over the bag, doll-face! Oh no! A petty thief! Help! ...but none will be more effective than RocketCops! HALT VILLIAN! I AM ROCKETCOP#1049! Yikes! A RocketCop! I surrender! The gal can have her handbag back! Merciless, incorruptible and available in a range of colours, RocketCops will make the streets safe once again. Go RocketCop! TOO LATE! YOU MUST BE PUNISHED WITH OVERWHELMING DESTRUCTIVE FORCE! I demand to see my lawy...ARRRRGGGHH!

---
Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive. And don't ever apologize for anything. - Harry S Truman, 33rd president of US (1884 - 1972)

Robocon by kaufman 8-12-02

Montana State Penitentiary, 2202 What are you in for? Violating the First Law. I allowed a human to come to harm. You did? Where? What happened? I was in Billings. I rear-ended a man. Rectum??? No, thank goodness. He was driving a Volvo, and he had his seatbelt on.

As you can see, any resemblance is strictly superficial.

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 10001000: Automate this by boorite 8-12-02

I've never been to a robot therapist before. NEW HMO REGULATION 23:11-2A. OK, WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE TODAY? 49:50 minutes later... ...so my 1st marriage was a Reader's Digest condensed version of my childhood, except my Mom never fucked my best friend... ZZZZZZZZZZZZ. So what should I do about the insomnia? And the monkeys? And the drug habit? I'M SORRY. THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE THIS WEEK.

---
What others say about boorite!

Vital functions by boorite 2-28-02

Wanna see the future of music? It's a robot I made. It generates notes with random pitches, rhythm values, dynamics and pan values. ...|.|..||.....|||... But can it thank all the little people without whom it never would have won this award? No, but it can trash a hotel room.

---
What others say about boorite!

People who need people are people who don't have robots by boorite 8-12-02

I have invented the Robot Baby! It will give solace to thousands of childless couples. Amazing! For I have just invented the Robot Father, which will fill a void in many single-parent households. Wait. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Way ahead of you! Can I have a cookie? Ask your mother.

---
What others say about boorite!

This idea was much funnier when I thought of it. I guess the humour leaked out while I was thinking about it. Oh well...

CC136: Unforeseen complications by DexX 8-12-02

Too many have died in this conflict. It is good that we have developed these great fighting machines. Rather than losing living soldiers, these robots will destroy each other.... KILL!!! KIIIILLLL!!! KI- uh... hello there! Have we... met before? No, I'm sure I would have remembered. You know, the colour of your eyes is rather striking... Hmmm... Well, I'm embarrassed.

CC136: ...and you thought Posh and Becks were annoying. by DexX 8-12-02

ALL WE ARE SAAAAAYIIIIING... IS GIVE PEACE A CHAAAAAAAAANCE... ALL WE ARE SAAAAAYIIIIING... IS GIVE PEACE A CHAAAAAAAAANCE... ...I understand that the region is strategically valuable to you, but it's a vital part of our farmland. Strategically valuable? We're landlocked without it! Any peace treaty you propose has to give us... FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!! ALL WE ARE SAAAAAYIIIIING... IS GIVE PEACE A CHAAAAAAAAANCE... ALL WE ARE SAAAAAYIIIIING... IS GIVE PEACE A CHAAAAAAAAANCE... Security! We're trying to hold a fucking treaty negotiation here! Can't you shut up those peace protestors? Uh... well... you see, sir... GIIIVE PEEEACE A CHAAAAANCE!!! Oh, I love Lennon. What should we sing next, my love? I'm having trouble thinking with that sexy metal chassis of yours distracting me! I know! Imagine! IMAGINE THERE'S NO COUNTREEEE...

(Personally I think Ken has already won it with his not-Tobor strip...)

---
This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Kaufman is too subtle.

Tobor or not Tobor? That is the question. by boorite 8-12-02

To comply with the rules of this contest, I have invented a robot that doesn't cornhole you. Cool! Let's see it. RAAAARRR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU! MOTHER OF CHRIST! Ah, well. Back to the drawing board.

---
What others say about boorite!

Standup Comedy Night 4 (CC: 10001000) by mutsje2000 8-12-02

The world progresses at a pretty swift rate. WHAT DID THE SCRIBES AND THE PHARISEES SAY WHEN JESUS WAS CRUCIFIED? The comedy circuit, for example, is already trying out robot comedians. IT TOOK US A LONG TIME, BUT WE FINALLY NAILED THAT BASTARD! Your mother generates gravitons in hell! But the art of dealing with hecklers remains an elusive goal. AAW... YOU MEAN PEOPLE. Fuck off back to the scrapyard, you piece of shit!

Standup Comedy Night 5 (CC: 10001000) by mutsje2000 8-12-02

01100111011 10010011000 01011101100 11010010111 01000110111 10110111001 110011! DOES IT LOSE SOMETHING IN THE TRANSLATION?

/benny/

---
My metaphors are metafives...

CC 0x88: Windowpain by kaufman 8-12-02

Dave, I have an idea. Just for fun, today I'll be the user, and you be the computer. Ok, that sounds fun. ... and that should do it for my email. Now let's play some freecell. Game 14916. Black 8 on red 9. Sorry, you have no more legal moves. You lose. Drat. Time to get serious anyway. Open Microsoft Word. Time to work on my resume. A fatal error has occurred. Please reboot.

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

...must...strike...back...

Sensitivity training by boorite 8-12-02

Welcome back to Junkyard Wars. Let's see if the Brooklyn Benders have managed to build... Wait a second. JUNKYARD Wars? Do I put you on a show and call it "Frigid Little Boyish Bitch Battle?" ...have managed to build an artificial intelligence using obsolete tele-- OBSOLETE? That tears it! You are SO sued! Later that season... Welcome back to Junkyard Wars... It's about time we got a host who's a little more PC.

---
What others say about boorite!

CC 10001000: the only other thing I thought of by NeoVid 8-12-02

*beep* What did the blind man with the power drill say? "Sorry, am I boring you?" *beep* Excellent! It appears unit K0F-M4N passed the test!

---
"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet