hello all, and thanks for your wondrous support. before i go any further, i suppose i should let you know that i'm not technically a newbie. well, actually i sorta am--and a power newbie at that. allow me to explain:

Explanation I by il_schmucko 8-28-02

Hey, Hab. I'm il_schmucko. Yeah, I know. You're me. What? I thought I was me. You are, but the point is that we're both the same person. So... when you jerked off ten times in one day, did that make us gay? Well... yes. I suppose it did.

Explanation II by il_schmucko 8-28-02

So you, Habnem, and I, il_schmucko, are in fact the same person? Yup. Huh. That's weird. It gets worse. As a matter of fact, we're also both a large, balding 23-year-old named Christopher. *THWUMP!* Schmucko? You okay?

Explanation III by il_schmucko 8-28-02

So let me get this straight. We two independent characters/SCers are both the same person. Pretty much. And despite the fact that we look like Brad Pitt, we're both the embodiments of a fat balding guy? You got it. Fat, balding... and, dare I say schizoid? Wait till I tell you about William.

there. that oughtta clear everything up. i think i'm gonna stick with the new nick, but i might jump back and forth, if only to confuse the hell out of the actual n00bs (regs can help by calling me MENBAH all the time).

anyway, here are the new rules:

Maura has won the grand prize in a contest of some sort. i don't know what the contest was--all i know is that the prize is something inappropriate, ironic, and/or just plain wrong (for instance, perhaps she won a pro-life essay contest and won a golden coat hanger).

that's it. entries will be judged on cleverness, naturally, and also inappropriacy (no, i'm not sure that's a word). tiebreaks awarded based on neatness and hygiene. judging will be before midnight saturday/sunday--beyond that, i can't be more precise at this time, so enter early and often!

in the meantime, feel free to fuck a cat and kill yourself. (:

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"I don't know who you are, schmucko, but you rule." - lara7 | christ@myself.com

Here is my first entry (drum roll)

CC 140 entry #1: Inappropriate You Say? by punkrockskaboy 8-28-02

I won! I won! Won what? The sedo-Masochists Anonymous beauty pageant. well...uh...great, what was your prize? A barb-covered vibrator. I bet Tobor can help you think of something to do with that.

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Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

Okay, I'll say it...

MENBAH!!!!

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Dad was flammable

#2

CC 140 entry #2: Would You Like Fries With That? by punkrockskaboy 8-28-02

Hey guess what, I won this morning. Really? What was the contest? I am officially the skinniest woman in town! What did you win? Well, besides the title. I don't know, it's in this envelope. I haven't opened it yet. You can if you want. "Congratulations, you have won 5 free super sized value meals at McDonald's. Now go eat a fuckin hamburger before you disintegrate."

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Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

Welcome back, habnem!

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

I liked your second entry, punkrockskaboy.

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Absorbed directly through the skin.

CCOHF: YAEE by kaufman 8-28-02

Maura! The radio just announced you won the best acronym contest. Eh? I don't remember entering. Names were automatically entered. "Mistrusts Antarctic Unflightworthy Roly-poly Avians" was judged #1. Boy, I may have to rethink my position on penguins. Anyway, I wonder what I won ... Hi, I'm your new EPA-OK-AI-VTOL-MIRV-ICBM

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC140: Lucky Guess by fuzzyman 8-28-02

Maura, my lovely daughter! The Church Elders have given you the Most Chaste Virgin Award! You've won a copy of the Kama Sutra and a case of Valvoline Personal Lubricant. I'm guessing the Elders would like me to thank them in person? Why... yes! How did you know? Just a hump... errr... hunch.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

CC 140: Heaven And Hell - Part 1 by BigEvilDan 8-28-02

Can I help you? I'm here to inform you that you've won the churce raffle. Ooh, what did I win? Me. I thought the big prize was a loaf of banana bread or something? I ate it on the way over. Sorry.

CC 140: Heaven And Hell - Part 2 by BigEvilDan 8-28-02

What do you mean I win you? I'll stick around, help you with the chores, save your soul, that sort of thing. That actually sounds pretty good. Come on in. What a dump.

CC 140: Heaven And Hell - Part 3 by BigEvilDan 8-28-02

Welcome home, Maura. How was work? Well, thanks to your little incident with the water heater, I went to work smelling like wine. Now everyone thinks I'm some drunken slut. Well, I'm sorry... Thanks. ...but it probably had more to do with the fact that you've slept with every Daddamned guy in the building!

CC 140: Heaven And Hell - Part 4 by BigEvilDan 8-28-02

Jesus, have you seen my keys? They've passed on to heaven, Maura. What? How can keys die? Well, they didn't die, exactly. Last night, I kind of borrowed the car... Hey, most people can't bring any material goods with them when they die. At least you'll have large chunks of your car.

CC 140: Heaven And Hell - Part 5 by BigEvilDan 8-28-02

Okay Jesus. They say that houseguests are like fish. After a while, they start to sti-- Why *DOES* this room smell like fish? I had a bunch of the guys over while you were out, and it's the only thing I know how to make for large groups!

[Click to view comic: 'CC 140: Heaven And Hell - Part 6']

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

OKCUMHCS_LI!

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

CC 140; Gimmie an M by bonwag 8-29-02

You win. There's no way I can write as legibly as that.

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exit, pursued by a bear

cc 140 14 1-4 141414141414!!!! Well, I'm off to check doors. by ObiJo 8-29-02

On behalf of the anti-censorship league, I'd like to present you an award for highest consciousness in a television series or long distance telephony commercial. Thank you! I am feeling most aware and proud of this fine achievement. I can't be taking all the credit for this award. I'd like to be thanking No speeches. What? Guards. MMPH!

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

cc140 by ObiJo 8-29-02

For being such an A-Number-One Animal Rights Activist and Anti-Gun Lobbyist, I'd like to present you with this award. A dead squirrel? Is it? Truth is, I haven't had money to eat since the Glock factory went out of business, so I ain't thinking straight. And GOD FORBID I shoot a deer to quiet my rumbling belly. You're going to hurt me aren't you? Plenty.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Maura has won! MAURA has won! MAURA has won!

I get it now. I blame my short attention span.

Though, to be completely honest and real, both of my above award-winning characters were named Maura.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

CC 140: Maura the same by bonwag 8-29-02

... and the award for 'Best Short Film' goes to 'Maura' - for her forthcoming release: 'Where's My Pants'? ...hang on - I don't remember any 'forthcoming' short film...

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exit, pursued by a bear

I did a summer internship with Raytheon's AMRAAM (Advanced Medium Range Air to Air Missile) program and am here to tell you, that's no joke. That's how those fuckers talk.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

I AM GOD'S BITCH! DOING GOD'S BITCHLY WORK! by ObiJo 8-29-02

I have won an award. What's yours is mine. You have won an award. What's mine is yours. We're still not Maura. No shit, dickless.

Sure, it's still non-compliant, but you gotta admit, that's one fine title.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Phew! My record is safe.

CC 140 : Same old, same old... by the_rew 8-29-02

And the award for "Best use of Rotor Turbines" goes to... Maura! For her outstanding work on generating Gravitons! Meanwhile, at the ranch... So I said "That bitch aint gonna generate Gravitons all by herself!" How wrong you were man...

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There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't

CC140 - Fiery Latin Temprement by kramer_vs_kramer 8-29-02

I'm confused, DEATH-BOT. I just won the singing competition at the bar, but the first prize was singing lessons. Congratulations! So why are you confused? Why was the prize singing lessons? Surely if I was the best singer there, I wouldn't need singing lessons. And if I needed singing lessons, I wouldn't have won. Maybe you won because you were the best singer there out of those who weren't good enough to not need singing lessons? But I was the best singer there! Yet the judges decided I was most in need of lessons despite being the best singer there and other singers being judged as worse than me. ---FATAL ERROR --- --CPU OVERLOAD-- ---LOGIC FAILURE--- ---REBOOT? Y/N ---

CC140: Community Chest by bonwag 8-29-02

"You have won second prize in a beauty contest" "First prize went to Katie Pupjuggler" "... who more fully represented the concept of 'Community Chest'"

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exit, pursued by a bear

CC 140 : Lo Rez is Be(z)t by the_rew 8-29-02

Hey Maura, how did the "Most Lo-Res Character" contest go? Pretty good. I only got second prize though. Only second? Who came first? Who else? The same guy that does every year! Bouncy Blue Bob, the Big Pixel! I am a God baby!

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There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't

I knew schmucko was too good to be a rookie.

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What others say about boorite!

The question is, which regular created the Bonwag account to pull off the same trick?

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Dad was flammable

quote:

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The question is, which regular created the Bonwag account to pull off the same trick?

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