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Stripcreator » Read My Damn Comics » A Reaper named Ervin?

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punkrockskaboy
Defender of the Liquor Cabinet

Member Rated:

Here are a couple...there may be more to come:

Ervin and Herb Have A Chat #1 by punkrockskaboy
9-26-02
We seem to have a problem here Ervin.
Jesus H. Christ, Herb. What is it now?
Well, you see the sword I am carrying now? Yeah, thats because God thinks you are being too nice to the dead.
Ok...well, what does he want me to do? kill them by gutting them like a fish instead of just touching them?
No..umm, actually he wants you to slice off their genitals, THEN kill them with your touch.
Well, he's the boss. The sick fuck.

Ervin and Herb Have a Chat #2 by punkrockskaboy
9-26-02
But wait a second...I have a sickle. Can't I just do the genital thing with that?
Thats what you ARE going to do...
So why the sword?
This goes up their ass first.
He doesn't get cable does He?

---
Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

9-26-02 2:44pm (new)
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dcomposed
C3H5N3O9

Member Rated:

It's shit.

no it's not. It's not shit.

---
Batman created by Bob Kane

9-26-02 8:56pm (new)
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punkrockskaboy
Defender of the Liquor Cabinet

Member Rated:

Why thank you Dcomp.

---
Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

9-27-02 8:55am (new)
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boinky33
I'm with stupid ^

Member Rated:

I liked them. They don't suck.

9-27-02 5:16pm (new)
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punkrockskaboy
Defender of the Liquor Cabinet

Member Rated:

Here's some new ones in the saga of Ervin:

Ervin the Reaper Talks To THE MAN HIMSELF by punkrockskaboy
9-28-02
Alright, we need to talk God. This whole "rip off their genitals while sticking a sword up their ass thing" is a little much for me.
So you are telling me I need to find a new Reaper, Ervin?
That isn't what I am saying. I am saying that I think you should reconsider.
Alright, alright. I won't make you do the sword enima/genital hacking thing, but only if you promise to give the sword back to Herb.
Ok, but why?
Because I am gonna make him become a blade swallower for my new circus: "cirque de Holei"

Ervin The Reaper Talks To THE MAN HIMSELF #2 by punkrockskaboy
9-28-02
What!?!?
Yeah, I figure that it's time I let the people know I'm real. What better way to do it than with contortionists and fire eaters?
You've been drinking again havent you?
No.
Then where are your pants and how do you explain the bottle in your hand?
ok, ok. Maybe I've had two or twelve.

Ervin The Reaper Talks To THE MAN HIMSELF #3 by punkrockskaboy
9-28-02
Besides, you can't let humans know you are real. You know that. It would be a breach of your Union contract.
Yeah, I guess you're right. Zues tried that once and they took away his lightening bolts. Damn Diety Union.
So this is all settled then?
Yeah, but I've REALLY gotta piss.
And now, on location in New York is John Beachman with the weather. John?
Thank you, Jim. The rain we are experiencing at the moment shows no sign of letting up for the next 24 hours...

---
Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

9-28-02 12:20pm (new)
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boinky33
I'm with stupid ^

Member Rated:

They still don't suck.

9-28-02 12:22pm (new)
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punkrockskaboy
Defender of the Liquor Cabinet

Member Rated:

Another installment. This is like a "beyond death" soap opera:

Ervin Gives Herb Back His Sword by punkrockskaboy
9-30-02
I guess God just has a little too much on his plate right now. Booze is his best friend lately.
Yeah I know. It seems like every other day I have to stop him from breaking his Union contract by doing something stupid.
Yeah, he needs to get things back in order. Or maybe he needs to get laid.
Well, it isnt that he doesn't get laid, he just doesn't wanna use condoms and now he has that little arrogant Jesus as an illigitimate son. Which reminds me...
Umm, Jesus...You're time has come. Your father wants you to come live with him. You have been hanging there for years now.
He hasn't been here for me my whole life and now he wants to be my "dad". Screw him.

Back in Heaven: by punkrockskaboy
9-30-02
Alright. I got him for you. But he is NOT happy.
I see. Well, send him in and we will talk
Five hours later.
FINE! Just for all this I am leaving you up there you ungrateful little bastard!
That's right. I AM a bastard thanks to you!
So, I guess now God is LEAVING Jesus on the cross because they got in this big fight.
I saw God storming around. He was mumbling and saying "that little son of a bitch. I make him the SON OF GOD and he whines. Then I had to stop him from destroying a small village.

Herb and God by punkrockskaboy
9-30-02
What happened immediately after God and Jesus' fight:
Just calm down God.
That little son of a bitch! I make him the SON OF GOD and all he does is whine. "Where were you when I was being beaten and tacked to a cross for everyone's sins?"
Dammit God. Everytime you get pissed we start to float. Bring us back down. You have to learn to control that!
Sorry. I think I will just go destroy a small town. No one will miss it if I take it out of Rhode Island.
That is a BAD idea. The Diety Union will shit a brick. Remember what happened when Ra tried to flex his muscles over the Egyptians? He had to go to an Anger Management Seminar
Yeah. They temporarily suspended his Diety License and everything

---
Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

9-30-02 1:24pm (new)
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boorite
crazy knife lady

Member Rated:

You weren't supposed to tell anyone that I'm God.

---
What others say about boorite!

9-30-02 2:05pm (new)
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punkrockskaboy
Defender of the Liquor Cabinet

Member Rated:

Eh, sorry about that. I really only used your forum character because he is constantly holding a beer and has no pants on. This is a great addition because I can make God a drunk.

---
Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

9-30-02 8:14pm (new)
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boorite
crazy knife lady

Member Rated:

I wish you'd known me when I was alive, I was a funny feller
The crowd would hoot and holler for more
I wore a drunk's red nose for applause
Oh yes I was a comical priest
"With a joke for the flock and a hand up your fleece"
Drooling the drink and the lipstick and greasepaint
Down the cardboard front of my dirty dog-collar

Chorus:
Now I'm dead, now I'm dead, now I'm dead,
now I'm dead, now I'm dead
And I'm going on to meet my reward
I was scared, I was scared, I was scared, I was scared
He might of never heard God's Comic

So there he was on a water-bed
Drinking a cola of a mystery brand
Reading an airport novelette, listening to Andrew Lloyd-Webber's "Requiem"
He said, before it had really begun, "I prefer the one about my son"
"I've been wading through all this unbelievable
junk and wondering if I should have given
the world to the monkeys"

Chorus

I'm going to take a little trip down Paradise's endless shores
They say that travel broadens the mind, 'til you can't get your head out of doors

I'm sitting here on the top of the world
I hang around in the longest night
Until each beast has gone bed and then I say
"God bless" and turn out the light
While you lie in the dark, afraid to breathe and you beg and you promise
And you bargain and you plead
Sometimes you confuse me with Santa Claus
It's the big white beard I suppose
I'm going up to the pole, where you folks die of cold
I might be gone for a while if you need me

Now I'm dead, now I'm dead, now I'm dead,
now I'm dead, now I'm dead and you're all
going on to meet your reward

Are you scared? Are you scared? Are you scared?
Are you scared?
You might have never heard, but God's comic.

---
What others say about boorite!

10-02-02 10:10am (new)
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punkrockskaboy
Defender of the Liquor Cabinet

Member Rated:

To satisfy your craving...

The Soap Opera Continues by punkrockskaboy
10-02-02
God and Jesus hash things out:
I wish you'd known me when I was alive, I was a funny feller. Oh_yes_I_was_a_comical_priest. "With a joke for the flock and a hand up your fleece" Drooling the drink and the lipstick and greasepaint
Down the cardboard front of my dirty dog-collar .
You mean you didn't live a devout Holy life?
Nah, that sorta came after I arrived at the gates of heaven. You'd be amazed at what kind of BS you can make up to get into heaven. Ya see, I didn't create heaven. It was already there.
and all this time I thought you were Heaven's founder.

The Saga Keeps Going and Going and Going... by punkrockskaboy
10-02-02
No, I created hell.
How did you become Supreme Deity then?
It was actually a drunken tyrannical rise to power. See, Lucifer was God. I came and decided it was a pretty sweet gig, so I kicked his ass and threw him in "Hell". My own brain child, thank you.
So, everything I read was a lie? You were actually just a drunk with a goal of taking over Heaven and Lucifer was GOOD?
Pretty much. Lucifer was a pussy. Little did I know, the Deity Union doesn't care about overthrowings. They accepted me as the new God of Heaven with open arms.
Interesting.

I Have Named the Soap Opera: One Death to Live by punkrockskaboy
10-02-02
Meanwhile, In Hell:
Yeah, so God gave me horns and a pitchfork and sent me to hell. He reigns now in Heaven as the new God.
You were a big pussy then werent you?
I wasn't very strong. I never had to worry about being overthrown before that asshole, Sherman, showed up. I ruled with kindness and was loved by all.
I'm confused. Then why do you rule hell with an iron fist?
Because I am bitter.
God's real name is Sherman? hahahaha

---
Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

10-02-02 11:49am (new)
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andydougan
Film critic subordinaire

Member Rated:

quote:
I wish you'd known me when I was alive, I was a funny feller
The crowd would hoot and holler for more
I wore a drunk's red nose for applause
Oh yes I was a comical priest
"With a joke for the flock and a hand up your fleece"
Drooling the drink and the lipstick and greasepaint
Down the cardboard front of my dirty dog-collar

Chorus:
Now I'm dead, now I'm dead, now I'm dead,
now I'm dead, now I'm dead
And I'm going on to meet my reward
I was scared, I was scared, I was scared, I was scared
He might of never heard God's Comic

So there he was on a water-bed
Drinking a cola of a mystery brand
Reading an airport novelette, listening to Andrew Lloyd-Webber's "Requiem"
He said, before it had really begun, "I prefer the one about my son"
"I've been wading through all this unbelievable
junk and wondering if I should have given
the world to the monkeys"

Chorus

I'm going to take a little trip down Paradise's endless shores
They say that travel broadens the mind, 'til you can't get your head out of doors

I'm sitting here on the top of the world
I hang around in the longest night
Until each beast has gone bed and then I say
"God bless" and turn out the light
While you lie in the dark, afraid to breathe and you beg and you promise
And you bargain and you plead
Sometimes you confuse me with Santa Claus
It's the big white beard I suppose
I'm going up to the pole, where you folks die of cold
I might be gone for a while if you need me

Now I'm dead, now I'm dead, now I'm dead,
now I'm dead, now I'm dead and you're all
going on to meet your reward

Are you scared? Are you scared? Are you scared?
Are you scared?
You might have never heard, but God's comic.


Shut up.

10-02-02 11:53am (new)
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punkrockskaboy
Defender of the Liquor Cabinet

Member Rated:

One Death To Live: God Explains It All by punkrockskaboy
10-02-02
So you see, it wasn't that I didn't WANT to be a part of your life. But the duties up here are difficult and many. Besides, you know about my drinking problem.
Yeah, I understand. Why Mary though? Why was SHE my mother?
I needed someone who wouldn't try to rip you out with a coathanger because she didn't want a baby.
Ohh, umm...too much information dad. Does this mean I can come down off the cross now?
No. Sorry. Look on the bright side. At least it doesnt hurt anymore.
Yeah, take what you can get I guess.

---
Welcome to Bohemia. Population: a lot Cash flow: a little

10-02-02 11:55am (new)
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