Okay, from the previous contests I've run, I've found that the best idea is present you with a basic story and let you all put your own spin on it.

So....

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Meet Martin and Colin:

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One time friends, now bitter enemies, torn apart by one incident in the past. I want a series about these two guys. Martin is your main character, he can be a super-hero, a cop, a florist, I don't give a fuck, as long as you cast Colin as his arch-nemesis. Can Martin defeat him? Will Colin foil his plans? Can they be reunited? Who knows? Who cares? Well, I do, and the best story will win, not the funniest punchline, the best STORY!

I'm quite busy these days so I'm going to let this one run until Saturday afternoon.

Go!

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Dad was flammable

*chirrup* *chirrup*

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Jesus saves, but everyone else in a 10 foot radius takes full damage from the fireball.

You're Going Down! by israphael 11-26-02

Hello Colin, what foul wind blew you in? Oh it's you, Martin. I knew there was some reason for the sudden onset of nausea I was experiencing. What's up with those two? Why are they always acting so cold to each other? Oh, it happens a long time ago... Really ugly business that... They came to blows. Yeah, what were they fighting about. No, not that kind of blows, if you catch my drift.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

Dammit, Janitor! by kaufman 11-26-02

Take a look, Martin, there's dust around my cloning machine. I want it swept up before the day is out. Now I'm going to lunch. Stay out of trouble! Okay, I'll go to lunch too. Cloning machine?

Three Martini Lunch by kaufman 11-26-02

Here we go. Push the button, and it should work ... Ha! Two new copies of moi. I'll call you Clon1 and you Clon2. On second thought, let's make it easier to pronounce. You're Colin and you're Coltoon. Hi, boss! Hi, boss!

A Pawn'll Pox Your House by kaufman 11-26-02

All swept up. Anything else you need? ... still causes degradation of the clones and ... not now, Martin, I'm busy! Rushing home to check on the clones, Martin comes face-to-face with the awful truth: Colin! Poor thing, what happened to you? You think this is bad, heed into the bedroom and take a gander at Coltoon. He turned into a chessboard? Come on in, Colin. We can play on him.

The Unkindest Cut by kaufman 11-26-02

I am so lucky! My clone transmogrified into a chessboard. Now I can play on him. Wait a minute, there are no queens. Coltoon, where are they? You should have thought about that little detail before you went and had me fixed. Uh, yeah. And I want my balls back too. Oops. Hello, Colin!

For a Few Tens of Thousands of Dollars More by kaufman 11-26-02

Chase: Manhattan I'll get you if I have to follow you all the way across New York! Chevy Chase I'll jump into that Impala and lose you. There's a Corvette. I'll use that to catch you. Salmon Pee Chase Eeew, a fish urinated on my leg. Mine too. I wonder where we can wash it off?

[Click to view comic: 'The Big Finish!']

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 156: Fish/Off by bonwag 11-27-02

You murdered my son. I hate you and have the law on my side. I feel no remorse. I shall put you into a coma and plant a bomb. Ah ha! I have stolen your face, now. Suffer in jail. You cunning master criminal. Nonetheless, I have broken out and have the bomb - and your face. Aw, nuts. I can't remember if I'm the good guy or not, now. Aren't I meant to be on the right hand side? I can't remember. Being a fish, I have a short attention span. I can't be bothered with being in a series, anyway. Let's be friends.

CC 156: Fish/Off II by bonwag 11-27-02

Hold on, you only have the *face* of a fish. That doesn't make any sense. Maybe I have the attention span of a fish, anyway. Where were we? What's your name?

CC 156: Fish/Off III by bonwag 11-27-02

I have recreated my old face using DNA from my own hairbrush What did you do with *my* face? I sold it to the local game fishing club for their trophy wall. I hate you, Colin. I'm Martin. You're Colin. I really should start writing stuff down

CC 156: Fish/Off IV by bonwag 11-27-02

You may think you have the have the upper hand, Martin. But I have an ace up my sleeve. Go on. I didn't kill your son like I said. I have instead harvested his face. And once I have recovered it as my own, I will be free to resume my criminal reign of terror. But surely my son's face looks like mine. ... Can I borrow a pen? You may not

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exit, pursued by a bear

CC156 - Martin vs Colin : To the victor belong the spoils by sg1138 11-27-02

Say girl whats crackin ? What you say we kick it at Red Lobster after the job? Boy, you must be out yo tree. You know Colin is my man. Say man , step off my lady foo, else ! Nahmsayin? Who me ? Hey, I let my game talk for me . For real though! Meanwhile near the Hall of Justice... Say girl you're kickin crazy flavor today. Let me take you to the Olive Garden tonight. Ooooh Kid Sensation you're mad finer Colin and Martin. You're straight hip hop!

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sometimes good things happen :o]

CC156: Syllables by maddog00 11-27-02

Da-doo-doo-doo..da-da-da-da.. oh, hey Marty Its Martin, you dumb fuck, stop calling me Marty. I've always loathed you because of that. Why? Marty's short for Martin, right? Nothing wrong with that. If Marty's so short, why is it the same amount of syllables? It doesn't shorten anything, Colon. Shit, I never thought about it that way. And its Colin. Whatever, Colon.

CC 156: When Pigs Masturbate the Dead by blad 11-27-02

Colin, you oaf, give me my Mountain Dew and Chicken McNuggets NOW, Goddamn you! I don't think so. Not unless you can answer me this: where the hell were you back there in Nam? Nam is over. Johnson is dead. Where were you when the snipers shot my legs off and now I can only find work in a fucking McDonald's?! Where, Martin?! I'm sorry, Colin. Can you ever forgive me? No.

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A little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit better hung than an elephant.

CC156: It's not the heat, its the infidelity by lara7 11-28-02

Hello, Colin, you old whorefucker. Martin! How nice to see you've finally discovered soap. So how's your girlfriend doing? What -was- her name..oh yes, Lisa, the love of my life, rings a bell. Oh Martin, that was years ago. Can't you move on? Well, considering you two persist in fucking on my porch, I'd say not. You know, she always said you were the judgmental type.

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When they invent BookFace, I'm -there-.

Here goes...

CC 156 : Hammer Time Part 1 by the_rew 11-28-02

If it isn't Colin, my favourite hammerhead shark! I haven't seen you in years! You finished with my power drill yet? Forget it Martin, I'm not speaking to you. I think you know why. You're still going on about that? It was just a joke! A joke, right. Let's see if I remember correctly.... Fancy dissolve FX to indicate a flashback... My hammer's broken and I only drove the nail in half way! What shall I do? I've got a friend that may be able to help...

CC 156 : Hammer Time, Part 2 by the_rew 11-28-02

For four hours, he pounded that nail with my head! He couldn't seem to figure out why the nail wasn't being driven in further... or why his hammer was bleeding Now wait a minute here Colin. I was willing to forgive you for what you did I did nothing! Oh wait... you're talking about the tail thing, right? Yet another dissolve... Wew! Would've thought that blade would go straight through your flesh AND bone Martin. Martin?

CC 156 : Hammer Time, Part 3 by the_rew 11-28-02

So I nearly bled to death. Big Deal! And consequently I've been rooted to the spot for 8 years. So what? I love you man! You love me?! You didn't lose any other parts in that accident, did you? The way I see it, is that you have to forgive each person you meet once, and once only. Ah, well here's the thing. I've done other things too. Remember those teeth of yours that went missing? Yeah, well that was me. I sold them as bottle openers... You're a life saver!

CC 156 : Hammer Time, Part 4 by the_rew 11-28-02

You bastard! Oh yeah, and when I leant one of your ties to that murderer... ...so he could blend into the crowd and kill that pirate friend of yours... ...and you remember that book you wrote that took years? Well I used that to line the bottom of my pet bird's cage tweet!

Hammer Time, Part 5 by the_rew 11-28-02

That's it! I take it all back, I'm gonna fuckin' kill you! Big words from a fish with no tail! Oh yeah? Well watch this! Here boy! **Whistle!**   ?   What the...? I'm Martin's tail, and you're in for it now pal!

[Click to view comic: 'Hammer Time, Part 6 - An End to the Tail']

Ah cripes, just spotted a major spelling mistake in the second strip.

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There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't

Game of Life - Part 1 by BigEvilDan 11-30-02

There are those who believe that the entire universe is part of a simple game between the forces of good and evil. Hey, what's that...? Of course, this is just a myth. Good and evil are merely concepts created by humans. The human mind is to simple to comprehend the truth.. ...the forces of Martin and Colin. You sunk my battleship!

Game of Life - Part 2 by BigEvilDan 11-30-02

Your move, Colin. I stage a revolution in Toboristan, installing a heartless military dictator. I create a puppy. Wuss.

Game of Life - Part 3 by BigEvilDan 11-30-02

Just because I'm using a subtle strategy, that doesn't mean I'm a wuss. Whatever, wuss. For my next move, I place a large oil reserve under Toboristan, attracting the attention of the Americans. You're not trying to get a Starbucks in Toboristan, are you? Maybe. What is your obsession with Starbucks? We've got enough of the damn things already. Fine, no Starbucks.

Game of Life - Part 4 by BigEvilDan 11-30-02

I cause an electrical fire in a Starbucks. Fine, you keep playing with your "whiny bitch" strategy. Yeah, what's your move? I disrupt the relations between Toboristan and America. Both militaries are gearing up for war. Did I mention that President Bush was in the Starbucks? Cheater.

Game of Life - Part 5 by BigEvilDan 11-30-02

What? You can't kill off one of the major players without announcing it. He's not dead, he's just in a burning building. Yeah, and what's going to save him? My puppy. Wuss!

[Click to view comic: 'Game of Life - Part 6'][Click to view comic: 'Game of Life - Part 7'][Click to view comic: 'Game of Life - Part 8']

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Like any other Kajun Firefly contest, this comes down to Kaufman and Big Evil Dan....

however...

Unlike any other Kajun Firefly contest, this one goes to the_rew.

Take it away Rewster!

Oh, and the Kajun Firefly Flaming Bag Of Crap Award goes to weedleweedle!

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Dad was flammable

He deserves it.

He deserves it.

IS THAT REALLY WHAT KAJUN FIREFAG WAS IMPLYING? SHIT, I THOUGHT HE WAS IMPLYING THAT HE LOVED MY COMICS TO NEPTUNE BY RGIVING ME THIS AWARD! THANKS FOR CLEARING THIS UP, CAPTAIN BALLS!

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BROUGHT TO YOU BY WEEDLEWEEDLE J. PWEENS

quote:

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Like any other Kajun Firefly contest, this comes down to Kaufman and Big Evil Dan....

however...

Unlike any other Kajun Firefly contest, this one goes to the_rew.

Take it away Rewster!

Oh, and the Kajun Firefly Flaming Bag Of Crap Award goes to weedleweedle!

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But he's not funny.

WTF!? I didn't win?

I guess maybe I should submit an entry next time.

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Likewise.

I had a funny post typed here, but my computer ate it. Really.

clark! Stick around this time.

KF: were the names Colin and Martin just plucked out of thin air?

The only two really gay guys I've ever met were called Colin and Martin, I didn't meet them both at the same time, but I wish I had, because I'd set them both up.

Martin really likes hideously deformed biscuit enthusiasts.

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Dad was flammable

tee-hee. you can't find me!