I think for this Kaufman deserves his own memorial thread. Since almost no one seems interested in this particular offshoot of the normal contest, I wanted to make sure everyone got a look at this piece of genius.

What we're doing is letting the moderator think up rules to a contest, then posting comics that comply with them (or not) then try to work out what the rules are. We're puzzle loving geeks, what can I say?

Anyhoo, I'm moderating right now, and this was Kaufman's answer to one of the rules. (Note that simply saying 'Rule #6 is such and such' would have sufficed. But he decided to show off.

If need be, go look up a list and compare. Because he actually got every one.

I think I know one of the rules x 44 by kaufman 6-17-01

Lickee my bush, $3.50, poke me with your johnson for twice as much, for $25 we use a Garfield doll, nix on the freebie, fill more of my pocket before we begin, or my ray gun will blow you to atoms. Can a D-student afford that? It was cheaper in Lincoln, Jefferson City, Cleveland and Washington, even doing it with Michael Jackson. Can I be subsidized by an NEA grant if I use a Hoover vacuum? Say, do any of you know the Madison? Oh bummer, is that van burning? With the sun rising, how're you going to put it out? I should have stayed in Africa, nothing but common rows of veldt there. The grout's melting in here, call a tiler, not a tailor, for harding it up! You in a haze or what? Will Sonny Bono and Arthur Harrison pierce through those flames? And is Clint in there? Be a true man and fill up you cannon of water and put it out! We'd have to melt Mt. McKinley to get a sufficiently cool edge to put it out. She must be daft. Cart her away!

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Well, now that we've got another "Colossal Geek" thread, it's time to post mounds of crap in it in yet another feeble attempt to get its message count up higher than Gabe's.

As long as we're talking about kaufman, though, I think I should say that I'm still giggling about the line "Nun of your bismuth!" At the strangest times, too. My officemate must think I'm unhinged.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

This obviously isn't working, so I might as well use it as a forum to post some geeky ideas ...

Let me preface this one with I don't know how to do this, so you won't see me performing such an abomination, but I think it could be a fun idea, and if any of you other Colossal Geeks (tm) want to put it into effect, go for it.

The idea is that when you are running a comic contest, come up with four or so completely different sets of rules. Put each one on a separate web page. When posting the contest here, direct folks to another URL to get the rules. When someone goes to the address, a hash function of the invoking machine's IP address (probably first two or three terms only) redirects them to one of the four (?) rule pages. Thus, each person will hopefully only see one set of rules, but there may be several sets in operation.

Anyway, no reason to put it into action. That's just my geeky idea for the day. We now return you to your regularly scheduled white noise.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Maybe you should just go back to sleep. :)

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Dr. K. - is this your work?

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Afraid not. Why do you think that has my fingerprint on it?

Anyway, I'd have been quite a child prodigy had I gotten that one patented when I did. And I'd have also needed some good night vision (that was the date of the great East Coast blackout).

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Afraid not. Why do you think that has my fingerprint on it?

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A whack in the dark. Only a twisted and brilliant brain could have come up with it.

So rumors of your age are slightly overstated?

What better time to invent something to speed up labor? What do you think all those East Coasters were doing in the dark?

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

What better time to invent something to speed up labor? What do you think all those East Coasters were doing in the dark?

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Wow! A conspiracy theory like that will probably earn you your own colossal geek thread!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Egg Jerky... mmm mmm good!

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

so what was rule #6?
it sounds really interesting, is the thread on file anywhere?
might be moot but i enjoy puzzles...

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"You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel..." - homer

quote:

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so what was rule #6?
it sounds really interesting, is the thread on file anywhere?
might be moot but i enjoy puzzles...

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Here is the thread if you care to relive history and play along.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Holee-- ! That looks like such a fun game! I'd suck at it, but it looks fun!

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This is not my empire.

Also check out the other four instances of "What are the rules"

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Ok let's make this as big as the other COLLOSOL GEEK

this may take a while...

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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!!.....OK aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Boy my hand hurts.

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I was shoplifting a store and said gimme some lager. I was later to find out it was a laundretes.

Wanky Man, you are the Jar Jar Binks of stricpcreator.

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What others say about boorite!

Ok-Day misster bohrite
;-)

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I was shoplifting a store and said gimme some lager. I was later to find out it was a laundretes.

If MankyDeisel was made into an action figure, I would derive great pleasure from buying several of them and destorying them all in horrible nasty ways. I would bash one into tiny mangled pieces with a hammer. I would melt another into a flat circle in the bottom of an old saucepan. I would put another onto a concrete path and repeatedly run over it with a lawnmower until there were no pieces big enough to get caught in the blades. The fourth... I think I might pour iodine or acetate on it, and watch it slowly liquefy.

Of course, since he will never have an action figure modelled after him, I would happily use parts of his actual body instead.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Of course, if he DID have a figure modelled after him and you did that, he'd misinterpret the sales figures and decide he's oh so incredibly popular, and THEN have a massive ego on TOP of being ungodly annoying.

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This is not my empire.

When I was in grade school I had some Star Wars action figures. I was playing with Han Solo in my backyard and decided to put him on this little teeter totter I'd made with a log and a piece of 2x4. I jumped on one side and Han went into orbit without the Millenium Falcon.

When he came down he didn't have a head.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Collector's Item by kaufman 10-22-01

Those of you who have been keeping track know this is my 378th stripcreator comic. If you toss out 13 near-duplicate comics remade for rules compliance, premature hitting of the return button, correction of spelling, etc... ...You wind up with 365. Thus, we are pleased to announce the sale of ... The Kaufman Comic A Day 2002 Calendar. Each tear-off page has a hilarious comic on it, and fascinating background facts on the back. So what are you cheapskates waiting for? Go out and buy it for crying out loud! Unless, of course, you already bought one and are reading it now. In that case, HAPPY ARBOR DAY!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

*sniff* That is SO sad! *sniffle* *whimper*

My Mr. Spock action figure got caught in something and then he only had half a foot and was all gimpy.

Speaking of which, I never understood why they made the phasers and tricorders for those action figures powder blue. Look everybody, Spock can't accessorize! Look at the silly Vulcan!

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

My sister used to chew on all our Barbie dolls' feet.

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

Me too!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

I snapped off Luke Skywalker's head in a similar manner. I was playing with him in the front yard, and was making him jump over the phone line connection cable that hung over the yard. He landed on the concrete path and his head snapped off. Luckily, Dad glued it back on, but poor old Luke was never quite the same after that. His head kept falling off, for one thing.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

quote:

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My Mr. Spock action figure got caught in something...

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Your rectum?

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.